nordic Posted May 6, 2011 Posted May 6, 2011 "Hey {whoever}, interested in going out/getting something to eat/seeing a movie/whatever this weekend? {affirmative response} Cool - here's my number. Give me a call and we'll set something up." Jeez Louise. If you have the game of a low-end Roomba you can pull this off. Pro Tip: Men are about 100x easier to approach successfully than women. The odds are on your side. TRUST ME. mmm, for sex yes. she wants a bf, that is about as tricky for her as it is for you. plus if she approach clumsy, a man wil go for sex in a heart beat. thats why women dont do that, it actually makes sense.
nordic Posted May 6, 2011 Posted May 6, 2011 She is 20 so 40 is definitely bad. A 40 year old guy who goes after a 20 year old is a creep. :-) that is the sound of an unhappy woman i hear. happy people are glad when people find love, and have sex. unhappy whine about it, and find faults.
PinkInTheLimo Posted May 6, 2011 Posted May 6, 2011 (edited) :-) that is the sound of an unhappy woman i hear. happy people are glad when people find love, and have sex. unhappy whine about it, and find faults. Between a 20 year old and a 40 year old, there is no question of normal, mature love. More of paedophilia and exploitation. That's not something to be happy about. I maintain my position that a 40 year old guy who goes after a 20 year girl is a creep because it is his power over her he is interested in, not a relationship between equals. Ask most fathers of 20 year old girls how happy they would be if their daughter comes home with a guy 20 years older. Their lack of enthousiasm will show that it is not a "normal" situation. Edited May 6, 2011 by PinkInTheLimo
nordic Posted May 6, 2011 Posted May 6, 2011 Between a 20 year old and a 40 year old, there is no question of normal, mature love. More of paedophilia... i am not a native english speaker, but am fairly familiar with the queens english. i would suggest you look up that word in a dictionary. men will be sexually interested in fertile women, and women will respond to that. i have done some leg work on that topic, and this is how it works in practice:-)
Ross MwcFan Posted May 6, 2011 Posted May 6, 2011 (edited) Between a 20 year old and a 40 year old, there is no question of normal, mature love. More of paedophilia... That's ridiculous. A 20 year old is an adult. And before you start going on about people not being fully mature at 20. I'm quite sure a 20 year old is going to be capable of making the decision of whether they want to have sex or not, unless they were mentally retarded. Heck an 18 year old is capable of making that decision. In America, you guys treat young adults as though they're still small children. It's weird. Edited May 6, 2011 by Ross MwcFan
nordic Posted May 6, 2011 Posted May 6, 2011 Between a 20 year old and a 40 year old, there is no question of normal, mature love. More of paedophilia and exploitation. That's not something to be happy about. I maintain my position that a 40 year old guy who goes after a 20 year girl is a creep because it is his power over her he is interested in, not a relationship between equals. Ask most fathers of 20 year old girls how happy they would be if their daughter comes home with a guy 20 years older. Their lack of enthousiasm will show that it is not a "normal" situation. there is no "normal" love. love is always special. i guess you need to experience it in real life, and not only read about to know baby:-) how about trying for that, and then might feel happier. yes, indeed. ask fathers who their daughters should have sex with, and there will never be a new generation on the planet. we know whta that leads to. you want that society?
nordic Posted May 6, 2011 Posted May 6, 2011 That's ridiculous. A 20 year old is an adult. And before you start going on about people not being fully mature at 20. I'm quite sure a 20 year old is going to be capable of making the decision of whether they want to have sex or not, unless they were mentally retarded. Heck an 18 year old is capable of making that decision. In America, you guys treat young adults as though they're still small children. It's weird. agree, she needs a dictionary. ....................long enough for posting:-)
Skump Posted May 6, 2011 Posted May 6, 2011 mmm, for sex yes. she wants a bf, that is about as tricky for her as it is for you. plus if she approach clumsy, a man wil go for sex in a heart beat. thats why women dont do that, it actually makes sense. Casual contact with a male is a prerequisite to any relationship, short-term or long-term. That first step must be taken. And the point is... men are much easier to approach successfully than women, period. The vast majority of men will accept an offer for a date so long as they have some marginal interest (of ANY sort) in a girl. Men don't have a "bitch shield." Only assh*les of the most epic proportions at the far end of the assh*losity bell curve will "let a girl down hard." If she's sincerely interested in trying to start something with one of these blokes, the opportunity is probably right in front of her. As for clumsy approach = sexual aggression... er... whatever. If she doesn't want sex, she doesn't have to accept any offers. I can guarantee you that her current state of social retardation is an infinitely greater threat to her LTR prospects than the horrifying, theoretical possibility that some hot dude might make a move on her during a date under the mistaken belief that she's a simple little doe-eyed dame ripe for the plucking (seriously, WTFROFL). "Man this girl asked me on a date but she didn't have the moves of Halle Berry so I figured she must be hungry for the sausage ya' know so I tried to get her to do the nasty in the Starbucks restroom and she was like 'NO WAY JOSE' and I was like 'WHERE DID THIS COME FROM YOU WERE CLUMSY WHEN YOU ASKED ME ON A DATE!?' but she just walked out on me right then and I still had to pay for the two Venti Lattes I tell you man life is NOT fair and women make no sense. :("
nordic Posted May 6, 2011 Posted May 6, 2011 Casual contact with a male is a prerequisite to any relationship, short-term or long-term. That first step must be taken. And the point is... men are much easier to approach successfully than women, period. The vast majority of men will accept an offer for a date so long as they have some marginal interest (of ANY sort) in a girl. Men don't have a "bitch shield." Only assh*les of the most epic proportions at the far end of the assh*losity bell curve will "let a girl down hard." If she's sincerely interested in trying to start something with one of these blokes, the opportunity is probably right in front of her. As for clumsy approach = sexual aggression... er... whatever. If she doesn't want sex, she doesn't have to accept any offers. I can guarantee you that her current state of social retardation is an infinitely greater threat to her LTR prospects than the horrifying, theoretical possibility that some hot dude might make a move on her during a date under the mistaken belief that she's a simple little doe-eyed dame ripe for the plucking (seriously, WTFROFL). "Man this girl asked me on a date but she didn't have the moves of Halle Berry so I figured she must be hungry for the sausage ya' know so I tried to get her to do the nasty in the Starbucks restroom and she was like 'NO WAY JOSE' and I was like 'WHERE DID THIS COME FROM YOU WERE CLUMSY WHEN YOU ASKED ME ON A DATE!?' but she just walked out on me right then and I still had to pay for the two Venti Lattes I tell you man life is NOT fair and women make no sense. :(" he he. maybe she should dress up in hotpaints and a bra, and put herself next to some hookers at the side of the road and ask the men passing by in cars if they want to marry her:-) given that sent messages have no impact. i get you though. but from mans perspective, everythong looks so simple for a woman, but the fact is. their biggest problem, is one that we dont even have. namely, how to avoid being screwed and left. that happens to women, and seriously dont like it. thats why they act liek they do. its not a plot to annoy you my friend:-) so her issue is not hooking up with anybody, like your. her issue is hooking up with somebody who likes her. that makes her game different.
orangelady Posted May 6, 2011 Posted May 6, 2011 That's ridiculous. A 20 year old is an adult. And before you start going on about people not being fully mature at 20. I'm quite sure a 20 year old is going to be capable of making the decision of whether they want to have sex or not, unless they were mentally retarded. Heck an 18 year old is capable of making that decision. In America, you guys treat young adults as though they're still small children. It's weird. I agree. I have observed age differences discussions in other forums as well and usually notice the Americans would disagree with major age gaps, some to only even 7 years difference. For me, any woman above 25 is fine being with a man up to the age of 50 and above. I really don't see anything wrong with it. Maybe the 25 year old girl is conservative, boring and wants a 'slow paced' life or maybe the 50 year old man is young at heart. Two people can be of the same age gap and still be miserably unhappy.
welikeincrowds Posted May 6, 2011 Posted May 6, 2011 Well, for one thing, shyness and introversion are two different things. Extroverts can be shy. Shyness is a fear. Introversion is just a preference for living "inside" rather than "outside". Everyone is capable of either thing. Sometimes it's more important to have a filter. Sometimes it's more important to let loose. Everyone needs to take risks and go against their patterns at times in order to live a fulfilled life. I know a girl just like you. Sweet as could be, girly even, in the principle of her character. She's also quiet and had a real bitch face going before I met her. My genuine first impression of her, by appearance, was that she was cold, but now I know better. (I also know better what to look for.) In fact, I might say that she is an example of an ideal girl for me (although not her specifically, just in case I die and this gets printed in the paper or something). What worked for her is getting to know people by expanding her existing social circle. She befriended people more outgoing than her. She worked on group projects. She put herself in places where it was possible to be introduced to new people directly, rather than having to worry about cold approaches. (You know, you're right. Most dudes are ****ing creeps.) In these environments she was able to joke around, and speak knowledgeably, and otherwise show off her rich and likable character that has been shaped by her introverted personality. And, in most cases, she has the support of friends to give her some familiar air. So think very hard before you say to no to an invitation! There is no meeting that doesn't happen by accident.
Curious-One Posted May 6, 2011 Posted May 6, 2011 (edited) Sarabina you have to get out of your shell. First you have to smile... most guys will not even approach you unless you make eye contact and smile. Second, being shy really hurts you. If you are shy and a guy starts up a conversation with you there is a VERY GOOD CHANCE he will assume you are not interested or even lose interest in you. I have a good example of this: I am 6'3 w/o shoes and around 6'5 w shoes so pretty tall. I had a pretty nice looking girl in my class this semester who was also tall probably 6'0-6'1 and she dressed very moderately..nothing too flashy or slutty like many other girls which was really hot to me. Anyway, before class i would always see her reading by her self and i never ever saw her say anything to anybody during the whole semester so she was clearly shy. I would also catch her glancing at me and looking away coupla times and playing w her hair to my side. So i decided to try and talk to her one day after the test. After the test we were instructed to leave the class and come back at a certain time for the lecture. I got out of the class and see her sitting in the hall looking at her phone and there was a random guy from our class talking on his phone next to her. I sit across from her and immedietly ask if they knew the answer to the last essay question to the exam clearly looking at her (it asked for 3 things but i only knew two of them). SO she is looking at me with a surprised/confused look almost like she cant believe i am talking to her. However she is not saying anything for like 15-20 seconds (awkward as **** ) and finally the guy next to her literally tells his gf on the phone hold on and answers with i only knew two answers. SO me and him start talking about the two things we knew and both of us couldnt come up w the third one. We are going back and forth what it could have been for like two minutes. Finally After like two minutes of me and him talking and debating what the third part of the question could be she finally responds in very low shy voice what the third thing was. I say OK THANKS and proceed to pullout my laptop and go on the internet. Even though i quickly realized that she was very shy there was no way in hell i was gonna risk another awkward moment with her. The guy continued to talk to his girlfriend on the phone and i was browsing forums. After sitting there for 5 minutes she got up (clearly kinda mad at her self) and left. She didnt even come back to class that day. After that i would catch her looking at me in class but i kinda lost all attraction to her. Anyway one day at the end of the class i was talking to professor w two of the friends i met in that class and we started talking about who had the highest grade. The professor said "tall shy girl sitting at the front". That sucks because i really like smart girls. She had all the qualities i dig in a girl (Tall, Very smart, not slutty, dressed very professional etc etc) Edited May 6, 2011 by Curious-One
welikeincrowds Posted May 6, 2011 Posted May 6, 2011 That's ridiculous. A 20 year old is an adult. And before you start going on about people not being fully mature at 20. I'm quite sure a 20 year old is going to be capable of making the decision of whether they want to have sex or not, unless they were mentally retarded. Heck an 18 year old is capable of making that decision. In America, you guys treat young adults as though they're still small children. It's weird. Your opinion may change when you reach 40, and/or you have kids of your own. 20 is still very young.
nordic Posted May 6, 2011 Posted May 6, 2011 Your opinion may change when you reach 40, and/or you have kids of your own. 20 is still very young. which would make that opinion more correct, or less?
Author Sarabina Posted May 6, 2011 Author Posted May 6, 2011 To all the people telling me to date a 40 year old man - most of the times these men are married and/or have kids. I had an older man hit on me while he was holding his small child. I'm sorry to all the older people out there, but as a 20 year old I can't or won't date someone twice as old as me. That relationship would never be equal. And I don't mind starting a conversation with a guy, but I find that most guys are only looking for sex. If I wanted sex all I have to do is wear some revealing clothes and go outside my house - I'm sure there will be many guys ready to have sex with me. But I want a boyfriend, I want someone who likes me, and that is much harder to do. PS. not having a boyfriend does not make me "socially retarded"
fortyninethousand322 Posted May 6, 2011 Posted May 6, 2011 To all the people telling me to date a 40 year old man - most of the times these men are married and/or have kids. I had an older man hit on me while he was holding his small child. I'm sorry to all the older people out there, but as a 20 year old I can't or won't date someone twice as old as me. That relationship would never be equal. And I don't mind starting a conversation with a guy, but I find that most guys are only looking for sex. If I wanted sex all I have to do is wear some revealing clothes and go outside my house - I'm sure there will be many guys ready to have sex with me. But I want a boyfriend, I want someone who likes me, and that is much harder to do. PS. not having a boyfriend does not make me "socially retarded" Well, if it makes you feel any better I'm 23 and I've never had a girlfriend, or even kissed a girl. I'd love to find someone I like and develop a relationship with them, but so far it's like looking for a needle in a stack of needles. And I'm not bad looking either. A lot of the guys in your situation are just shy so you're likely to have to start up a conversation with them because they're probably not going to approach you. We see a cute girl sitting by herself and think she doesn't want to be annoyed by us, so we don't approach.
welikeincrowds Posted May 6, 2011 Posted May 6, 2011 which would make that opinion more correct, or less? Neither, you missed the point.The solution to this girl's problem is not to tell her to look for older people. She has a familiar problem: "Having trouble meeting people." The answer is that she needs to put herself in more social situations. It's that simple, but it's easier said than done, because to do so she'll have to do some things that may not come naturally to her.
Nexus One Posted May 6, 2011 Posted May 6, 2011 (edited) And I don't mind starting a conversation with a guy, but I find that most guys are only looking for sex. Then ignore those guys until you meet one that is looking for a serious boyfriend & girlfriend relationship. You will have to keep having conversations with guys. I myself for example can't develop a crush on a girl without knowing her personality, no matter how physically attractive she might seem. I think many guys are similar regarding that when they're looking for a girlfriend, otherwise we would be crushing on the women we see on billboard ads by the road, we don't. Guys looking for girlfriends need to probe for compatibility too, they need data for that. You giving output during conversations provides that data. Edited May 6, 2011 by Nexus One
Professor X Posted May 6, 2011 Posted May 6, 2011 And I don't mind starting a conversation with a guy, but I find that most guys are only looking for sex. If I wanted sex all I have to do is wear some revealing clothes and go outside my house - I'm sure there will be many guys ready to have sex with me. But I want a boyfriend, I want someone who likes me, and that is much harder to do. PS. not having a boyfriend does not make me "socially retarded" Quite the assumption you've made there. A lot of guys want only sex, but a lot of guys are also looking for a RS - but that doesn't mean marriage. Keep an open mind, try and avoid those you know are to be 'players' (girls gossip, I trust you'll know who they are), and just. Also, have you tried dating sites? it should help you as introverted person since you won't have to deal with facing them at the start or even to hear their voice. Girls at dating sites get lots of applications.
Ross MwcFan Posted May 6, 2011 Posted May 6, 2011 Your opinion may change when you reach 40, and/or you have kids of your own. 20 is still very young. So a 20 year old woman isn't mentally old enough to be able to decide whether she wants to have sex or not? If that's the case, then people certainly shouldn't be expected to have their own place and be living independantly at 20 or 21.
fishtaco Posted May 6, 2011 Posted May 6, 2011 So a 20 year old woman isn't mentally old enough to be able to decide whether she wants to have sex or not? If that's the case, then people certainly shouldn't be expected to have their own place and be living independantly at 20 or 21. Yes, let's raise the age of consent to 30.
Lilmisus Posted May 6, 2011 Posted May 6, 2011 First: My best friend is 20 and engaged to a 46 year old. They feel fine with it, so I am fine with their relationship as well. Though at first I thought it was extremely creepy (he was her former teacher), I trust her judgment. It all has to do with the two people in question, and unless you know the two people in the relationship, it's kind of pointless to debate over what the age should be for two people to date at. It's also pointless to try to convince someone to date someone twice their age. I would never date (let alone marry) someone who was 26 years older than me, but doesn't mean I cast judgment on her or others who do. I also would never tell someone "Oh, it's okay, he's only twice your age, go for it! Stupid for you not to!" Some people need to respect other peoples stances on it. That being said, OP, I think that you shouldn't try to change your personality in order to find a date. Try to change your style though maybe. I know you said that you have a nice one that didn't scream whore or too uptight, but maybe try have some of your girl friends give you a little makeover. Change of your hair, makeup, or the clothes you wear, wont only give you a little confidence boost, it will also help attract some more guys to you. Change it up, and maybe go out for the night with the girls and see if more guys notice you. Also, work on smiling more. Smiles are contagious, and everyone loves a person who they feel they can have a good time with. If you give off that "I'm too cold" vibe, then why would a guy think "hey! She seems like someone I could have fun with! Let me go talk to her!"? You want guys to think that you're more of a catch than that other chick that's standing ten feet away. Even if you're prettier than she is, and if he thinks you're more attractive, if she's giving off a better vibe towards him, then he's going to go up to her..not up to you. Especially if you don't look like someone who he can get lucky with that night, and she does (don't shoot for that though!). Don't worry about those extra 10 pounds though. You are at a healthy weight, and if guys aren't coming up to you due to your weight, then it's their issue, not yours. Though, you might want to do what I'm currently doing, and tone it up a bit by going to the gym (more) and eating right. I'm doing it for myself, not for the dudes, but if you want to do it for them, then props to ya. But I say, go out more. Get a little part-time job this summer where you're sure guys will be at...say, at the beach, pool, restaurant, bar, store, on campus, etc. Join online dating. Go to some little coffee shop more where lots of university students go. Hang out more on campus. Next semester, talk to more guys more in your classes. There are lots of things you can do. But the first step is to show those pearly whites of yours that I'm sure you have
welikeincrowds Posted May 6, 2011 Posted May 6, 2011 So a 20 year old woman isn't mentally old enough to be able to decide whether she wants to have sex or not? If that's the case, then people certainly shouldn't be expected to have their own place and be living independantly at 20 or 21. Although that wasn't what I argued, I didn't mean to spark a debate about consent in this thread. That's not the topic and it would be unfair to change it, so I'm sorry to have provoked one.
Lilmisus Posted May 6, 2011 Posted May 6, 2011 Quite the assumption you've made there. A lot of guys want only sex, but a lot of guys are also looking for a RS - but that doesn't mean marriage. Keep an open mind, try and avoid those you know are to be 'players' (girls gossip, I trust you'll know who they are), and just. Also, have you tried dating sites? it should help you as introverted person since you won't have to deal with facing them at the start or even to hear their voice. Girls at dating sites get lots of applications. You're right when you speak about guys in general, but I think she's right when she's talking about other 20 some year old university students. Being another 20 year old college girl, it's very hard to find guys who go to college who aren't just looking to get laid for the night. Especially considering the fact that many seem to enjoy talking about it in class and whatnot "Oh man..last night, I got sooo wasted at that party and hooked up with some hot chick, I think her name was Ashley? Man, I don't remember anything, but it was awesome! Let's do it again tonight!" I can't tell you how many conversations I've overheard that sound at least similar to that one. Quite the turnoff and the letdown. I think that's the main reason that I go for somewhat older guys (2-5 years), who aren't currently in college. Got that party out of them for the most part.
Author Sarabina Posted May 6, 2011 Author Posted May 6, 2011 Once again thanks for the replies, and I'm sorry that I can't reply to each post individually. The problem with talking to guys in my Uni is that most young 20 something year old guys are only looking for one thing. Also I am in a liberal arts program and the program has many girls but not so many guys. So my main problem is that there aren't many guys in my program or in my classes. I joined a club I am interested in last year but the club only had 2 guys. Anyway, since there seems to be a shortage of guys in my area, should I try online dating?
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