Inamorato Posted May 5, 2011 Posted May 5, 2011 Ok first off I am male and I'm in love with my "best" friends girlfriend. I guess it's not really that simple though. See, I've had this best friend (male, I might add) for about five years now. He was the type of friend that would do anything for you at the drop of a hat. Then a couple years after I met him things were said by him that confessed his need to be "with" me. I told him as best I could that I didn't swing that way. Since that day I've never exactly felt the same about him, although we are still good friends and hang out frequently. This is supposedly why his relationships with his girlfriends haven't lasted in these few years. They usually complain that he is distant and he's always around me. Now, I met his girlfriend about four years ago. At that time though, she was still with her daughter's father. This girl, my friend and I all worked together long enough to become a close knit circle. Me and this girl could talk for hours about anything and had such a sexual tension you could cut it. I've never really been "in love" before, but I think I was. She eventually confessed to me that she wanted my other friend very badly, then proceeded to make it obvious to him. He wasn't interested at the time. She eventually left the job, and things settled down. In this last year though, they finally got together. I was "ok" with it for the most part because I knew how much she wanted it, and i was partially hoping that he would ruin this relationship like he did all of his others. So they both start hanging out with me, and we're all happy happy joy joy. I think I started to resent him even further at this point. Eventually, she starts talking to me while he's not there, over the phone or otherwise. She tells me how distant he's being and he won't even have sex with her, she practically has to get him drunk, and they're always arguing. One of these times led us to having sex, which was about a week ago. She said it can't happen again, which I thought I would have been fine with. I can't stop thinking about her and I know this whole situation is wrong. I'm not one to throw the "L" word around, and in fact have never told anyone outside of family that I do love them, but I love her so much I would do anything for her, and he DOESN'T EVEN WANT HER. They both came over yesterday. I thought I would have been totally cool, which is the way I acted. But as soon as they left I was raging in my head. I just wanted to throw him off of a cliff. I know I'm the ***hole here, but it felt like he was taking something from me, and it's only worse because I know she LOVES him and he doesn't care for her beyond being just a "another girl". Normally I'm not like this, I'm decent with the ladies, and have plenty of attention and friends. But I can't stop thinking about her and I don't have the slightest clue as to what i should do. I just want to move somewhere around the world and live in a cave. Sorry for the long post. I'm not sure if I was actually looking for a response or just wanted to get it off my chest, but thanks for reading anyway.
BB07 Posted May 5, 2011 Posted May 5, 2011 Since all of you were friends to start with, I have to wonder why you didn't tell her to start with that your guy friend was probably gay or bi?
Author Inamorato Posted May 5, 2011 Author Posted May 5, 2011 He in no way acts that way, and I did subtly hint before that he was either bi or gay to her before. She thinks he just has a hard time making friends, and that i'm his only real friend.
26pointblue Posted May 5, 2011 Posted May 5, 2011 Ok first off I am male and I'm in love with my "best" friends girlfriend. I guess it's not really that simple though. See, I've had this best friend (male, I might add) for about five years now. He was the type of friend that would do anything for you at the drop of a hat. Then a couple years after I met him things were said by him that confessed his need to be "with" me. I told him as best I could that I didn't swing that way. Since that day I've never exactly felt the same about him, although we are still good friends and hang out frequently. This is supposedly why his relationships with his girlfriends haven't lasted in these few years. They usually complain that he is distant and he's always around me. Now, I met his girlfriend about four years ago. At that time though, she was still with her daughter's father. This girl, my friend and I all worked together long enough to become a close knit circle. Me and this girl could talk for hours about anything and had such a sexual tension you could cut it. I've never really been "in love" before, but I think I was. She eventually confessed to me that she wanted my other friend very badly, then proceeded to make it obvious to him. He wasn't interested at the time. She eventually left the job, and things settled down. In this last year though, they finally got together. I was "ok" with it for the most part because I knew how much she wanted it, and i was partially hoping that he would ruin this relationship like he did all of his others. So they both start hanging out with me, and we're all happy happy joy joy. I think I started to resent him even further at this point. Eventually, she starts talking to me while he's not there, over the phone or otherwise. She tells me how distant he's being and he won't even have sex with her, she practically has to get him drunk, and they're always arguing. One of these times led us to having sex, which was about a week ago. She said it can't happen again, which I thought I would have been fine with. I can't stop thinking about her and I know this whole situation is wrong. I'm not one to throw the "L" word around, and in fact have never told anyone outside of family that I do love them, but I love her so much I would do anything for her, and he DOESN'T EVEN WANT HER. They both came over yesterday. I thought I would have been totally cool, which is the way I acted. But as soon as they left I was raging in my head. I just wanted to throw him off of a cliff. I know I'm the ***hole here, but it felt like he was taking something from me, and it's only worse because I know she LOVES him and he doesn't care for her beyond being just a "another girl". Normally I'm not like this, I'm decent with the ladies, and have plenty of attention and friends. But I can't stop thinking about her and I don't have the slightest clue as to what i should do. I just want to move somewhere around the world and live in a cave. Sorry for the long post. I'm not sure if I was actually looking for a response or just wanted to get it off my chest, but thanks for reading anyway. I can't resist asking if your name is Holden Caulfield because you sure sound a lot like him! In all seriousness, I understand your frustration but clearly the girl has chosen your friend & you have to respect that for everyone's sake. Did you ever tell her that he came onto you? I think it sounds like a confusing situation & maybe you need some time & space away from both of them for a bit? It's okay to be feeling whatever you're feeling, but I would hate to see you do something out of anger or jealousy that would destroy your friendship or bring you more pain. Good luck.
BB07 Posted May 5, 2011 Posted May 5, 2011 He in no way acts that way, and I did subtly hint before that he was either bi or gay to her before. She thinks he just has a hard time making friends, and that i'm his only real friend. Seems you could have saved yourself and probably everyone a lot of grief if you had told her your concerns. The best thing for you, is stay out of it and let it play out as there isn't any way you can be impartial. To involve yourself further at this stage will only hurt you and everyone else more. There is no happy solution in the immediate future, step away from the train wreck that is going to happen.
Author Inamorato Posted May 5, 2011 Author Posted May 5, 2011 I don't know how I can tell you this whole situation is so out of character for me. I never wanted to want her so bad. I guess I just didn't want anyone to know about his feelings for me. I've only ever told one person about it. Maybe I'm embarrassed or something I don't know. I was thinking I should stay away, but thought makes me depressed. Who is Holden Caulfield anyway?
BB07 Posted May 5, 2011 Posted May 5, 2011 I don't know how I can tell you this whole situation is so out of character for me. I never wanted to want her so bad. I guess I just didn't want anyone to know about his feelings for me. I've only ever told one person about it. Maybe I'm embarrassed or something I don't know. I was thinking I should stay away, but thought makes me depressed. Who is Holden Caulfield anyway? I'm sorry.........and I sympathize with you but since you said this is out of character for you, don't degrade your character by making this worse........OK.
Spark1111 Posted May 5, 2011 Posted May 5, 2011 I don't know how I can tell you this whole situation is so out of character for me. I never wanted to want her so bad. I guess I just didn't want anyone to know about his feelings for me. I've only ever told one person about it. Maybe I'm embarrassed or something I don't know. I was thinking I should stay away, but thought makes me depressed. Who is Holden Caulfield anyway? She's an adult and she has made her choice. Both the relationship and its consequences are her burden or joy alone. The bigger question is, despite the attraction, WHY do you feel the need to rescue her from this relationship? Do not rescue others. You cannot spare anyone the pain or joys, highs or lows, that they are hellbent to experience.
Author Inamorato Posted May 5, 2011 Author Posted May 5, 2011 I don't know if I can answer that with any logic, but I will make an attempt. My friend has known for years that I felt something for her, I don't think he knew to what extent, but neither did I. He's even told me he had no interest in her on multiple occasions, albeit years ago. I think that bothers me because it seems that he's flaunting his relationship to me. If he's gonna be with her that's fine, but I don't need to see him every day, and him pretend that it doesn't bother me. Then he keeps making excuses to be away from her and around me. I'm not sure if that answered your question, but I don't know if it's me wanting to "rescue" her. I think I would be fine with no contact with either of them, but how exactly would I explain that. "Sorry I can't talk to you anymore because I love your girlfriend, and the sight of you makes me wonder if I could literally break someone in half."
Owl Posted May 6, 2011 Posted May 6, 2011 How about you just say that you're no longer comfortable remaining in contact with them due to inappropriate feelings that exist. It sounds like a combination of all of the above...his for you, yours for her...and your jealousy of hers for him. Wow...talk about a complete triangle!!! LOL!
26pointblue Posted May 6, 2011 Posted May 6, 2011 Who is Holden Caulfield anyway? The main character/narrator in The Catcher in the Rye. Good stuff. Lots of teen angst. You sound more mature so I'm not trying to call you a teenager, but your writing style & thought process sound very similar to his. Definitely stay away. You will just bring yourself more pain & drama, hurt your friend & plus she already picked him so what would be the point? Maybe concentrate on activities outside of them- your hobbies or a project etc.- & hopefully make some new friends or connect with other friends in the meantime so you have your own space & distance from this. Good luck.
fooled once Posted May 7, 2011 Posted May 7, 2011 Ok first off I am male and I'm in love with my "best" friends girlfriend. I guess it's not really that simple though. See, I've had this best friend (male, I might add) for about five years now. He was the type of friend that would do anything for you at the drop of a hat. Then a couple years after I met him things were said by him that confessed his need to be "with" me. I told him as best I could that I didn't swing that way. Since that day I've never exactly felt the same about him, although we are still good friends and hang out frequently. This is supposedly why his relationships with his girlfriends haven't lasted in these few years. They usually complain that he is distant and he's always around me. Now, I met his girlfriend about four years ago. At that time though, she was still with her daughter's father. This girl, my friend and I all worked together long enough to become a close knit circle. Me and this girl could talk for hours about anything and had such a sexual tension you could cut it. I've never really been "in love" before, but I think I was. She eventually confessed to me that she wanted my other friend very badly, then proceeded to make it obvious to him. He wasn't interested at the time. She eventually left the job, and things settled down. In this last year though, they finally got together. I was "ok" with it for the most part because I knew how much she wanted it, and i was partially hoping that he would ruin this relationship like he did all of his others. So they both start hanging out with me, and we're all happy happy joy joy. I think I started to resent him even further at this point. Eventually, she starts talking to me while he's not there, over the phone or otherwise. She tells me how distant he's being and he won't even have sex with her, she practically has to get him drunk, and they're always arguing. One of these times led us to having sex, which was about a week ago. She said it can't happen again, which I thought I would have been fine with. I can't stop thinking about her and I know this whole situation is wrong. I'm not one to throw the "L" word around, and in fact have never told anyone outside of family that I do love them, but I love her so much I would do anything for her, and he DOESN'T EVEN WANT HER. They both came over yesterday. I thought I would have been totally cool, which is the way I acted. But as soon as they left I was raging in my head. I just wanted to throw him off of a cliff. I know I'm the ***hole here, but it felt like he was taking something from me, and it's only worse because I know she LOVES him and he doesn't care for her beyond being just a "another girl". Normally I'm not like this, I'm decent with the ladies, and have plenty of attention and friends. But I can't stop thinking about her and I don't have the slightest clue as to what i should do. I just want to move somewhere around the world and live in a cave. Sorry for the long post. I'm not sure if I was actually looking for a response or just wanted to get it off my chest, but thanks for reading anyway. Man, what a sticky situation. I think you need to put distance between you and them. I I understand your frustration but clearly the girl has chosen your friend & you have to respect that for everyone's sake. Did you ever tell her that he came onto you? I think it sounds like a confusing situation & maybe you need some time & space away from both of them for a bit? It's okay to be feeling whatever you're feeling, but I would hate to see you do something out of anger or jealousy that would destroy your friendship or bring you more pain. Good luck. Agree! I don't know if I can answer that with any logic, but I will make an attempt. My friend has known for years that I felt something for her, I don't think he knew to what extent, but neither did I. He's even told me he had no interest in her on multiple occasions, albeit years ago. I think that bothers me because it seems that he's flaunting his relationship to me. If he's gonna be with her that's fine, but I don't need to see him every day, and him pretend that it doesn't bother me. Then he keeps making excuses to be away from her and around me. I'm not sure if that answered your question, but I don't know if it's me wanting to "rescue" her. I think I would be fine with no contact with either of them, but how exactly would I explain that. "Sorry I can't talk to you anymore because I love your girlfriend, and the sight of you makes me wonder if I could literally break someone in half." I don't think he is rubbing her in your face; I think you are thinking that because you want her and he has a PAST history of not being too "in like" with girlfriends. Or maybe he is trying to see if he can make you jealous with her (as in "see, she wants me, why don't you?") But I think it is wrong for you to blame HIM. She clearly knows what she is doing. She is playing you BIG TIME. Girls can normally tell when a guy likes them, so she knows you like her. And she is using it to her advantage. Stop hanging out with THEM. Either hang with HIM or don't hang. Stop torturing yourself by being around her. Maybe HE is growing and changing and while in the PAST he didn't treat past girlfriends great; maybe he really does like this girl? As for the not having sex....baloney. I don't believe her. She is saying that to get YOU into bed. She wants you to be all "oh, you poor girl'. She is putting a wedge between the two of you. You all are way too young to let a girl come between a friendship. Good luck
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