GivenUp0083 Posted May 5, 2011 Posted May 5, 2011 It's only been two days, but I feel like I'm already much more "over it" than I thought I would be. The only thing is part of me wants to move on and wouldn't mind meeting and talking with other women, but I REALLY don't want to go back to online dating. I did online dating for 2 years before meeting my ex. It was hell, it sucked, it drove me to therapy. I live in downtown Chicago, so the summer is coming up and it's easy for one to think that there's an abundance of transplant women in this city in their mid to late 20's. The problem is I don't like those women. They're messed up, they drive me nuts, they'll be worse than my ex was. How can I meet some more quality women in this city? When is a healthy time to try and put myself back out there even if it's just a little bit? I feel a lot better from yesterday, but I'm not someone who can sit on their ass and hope things get better. I'm a do-er, I want to go out there and do things. Please advise.
ironmanpower Posted May 5, 2011 Posted May 5, 2011 Not trying to be the devil's advocate. Getting back into the dating scene when you're ready would help you get over it. But do not rush into a committed relationship too soon lest you hurt someone.
Cee Posted May 5, 2011 Posted May 5, 2011 I wouldn't rush the grieving process and jump back into dating. The post-breakup process is it's own thing with revelations along the way. Part of being newly single is focusing on yourself. What you "do" with that varies. For me, I did a lot with that time. I developed a new social circle, changed jobs, moved, got into running, traveled, etc. But mostly, I did a lot of thinking, writing, and reflecting. I know some people who are newly single like to "put themselves out there" and flirt, meet new people, have flings, etc. You could try that, but personally I needed time away from all that.
Author GivenUp0083 Posted May 5, 2011 Author Posted May 5, 2011 Not trying to be the devil's advocate. Getting back into the dating scene when you're ready would help you get over it. But do not rush into a committed relationship too soon lest you hurt someone. I agree. I kind of just want to be social, and I wouldn't mind spending time with someone that I have some interest in. The biggest fear of mine is succumbing to online dating again. I really hated it, I really don't want to go back to it. I had a hard time meeting women outside of the online dating community so I am almost afraid that I won't meet anyone naturally and that online dating is the eventual storm that I'll have to sail through again in order to find someone.
JasonRules Posted May 5, 2011 Posted May 5, 2011 It's only been two days, but I feel like I'm already much more "over it" than I thought I would be. The only thing is part of me wants to move on and wouldn't mind meeting and talking with other women, but I REALLY don't want to go back to online dating. I did online dating for 2 years before meeting my ex. It was hell, it sucked, it drove me to therapy. I live in downtown Chicago, so the summer is coming up and it's easy for one to think that there's an abundance of transplant women in this city in their mid to late 20's. The problem is I don't like those women. They're messed up, they drive me nuts, they'll be worse than my ex was. How can I meet some more quality women in this city? When is a healthy time to try and put myself back out there even if it's just a little bit? I feel a lot better from yesterday, but I'm not someone who can sit on their ass and hope things get better. I'm a do-er, I want to go out there and do things. Please advise. I am in Chicago as well and I started dating about 1 month after we ended things. It's not the easiest thing to do because you don't feel 100% yourself, but you have to force yourself to get out there and meet new people. Ultimately, life goes on. We can't remain stuck in the past. Even if you weren't hung up on your ex and were totally single in every regard, chances are you wouldn't be feeling a connection with most of your dates anyway. Keep dating though and eventually you'll meet someone special.
Author GivenUp0083 Posted May 5, 2011 Author Posted May 5, 2011 I am in Chicago as well and I started dating about 1 month after we ended things. It's not the easiest thing to do because you don't feel 100% yourself, but you have to force yourself to get out there and meet new people. Ultimately, life goes on. We can't remain stuck in the past. Even if you weren't hung up on your ex and were totally single in every regard, chances are you wouldn't be feeling a connection with most of your dates anyway. Keep dating though and eventually you'll meet someone special. What did you do for dating in this city? I felt the only women I met on a day to day basis is downtown in corporate america (snobby ego bitches) and at bars (slutty ho bags). I don't want that. I want to meet down to earth, nice, fun, smart girls. Where do you find these women? It's hard to approach strangers in this city because women are on their guard in public...
JasonRules Posted May 5, 2011 Posted May 5, 2011 What did you do for dating in this city? I felt the only women I met on a day to day basis is downtown in corporate america (snobby ego bitches) and at bars (slutty ho bags). I don't want that. I want to meet down to earth, nice, fun, smart girls. Where do you find these women? It's hard to approach strangers in this city because women are on their guard in public... It depends where you're hanging out. If you're in the Gold Coast, Financial District, Streeterville, River North, and River West areas than yes, women there tend to be kind of snobbish. I won't even bother commenting about clubs. To me they are a total waste of time in terms of finding someone normal. In my dating experience I've found women to be down to earth in Old Town, Wrigleyville, Lakeview, Roscoe Village, North Centre, Lincoln Park, Greektown, and Little Italy.
fetish Posted May 5, 2011 Posted May 5, 2011 Well not everybody heals as fast as Jason. He's right about making yourself move on though and not staying stuck in the past. Im starting to almost feel as if I might be ready to start dating again. I don't want to get too entagled in dating that i forget to work on myself. I'm not sure if i'm ready to sleep w/anyone and i'm definitely not ready to get in a relationship with anyone. I was in an 8 year relationship and its coming up on 3 months since our b/up. Learning to let go is the hardest part of a break up, especially after being with that person for so long. But i feel like i have my life back when i say, "Screw her! She messed up a good thing!" and make myself move on. It's a constant battle right now because i still miss her. But i think i'm missing the person i knew before our relationship crashed.
Author GivenUp0083 Posted May 5, 2011 Author Posted May 5, 2011 It depends where you're hanging out. If you're in the Gold Coast, Financial District, Streeterville, River North, and River West areas than yes, women there tend to be kind of snobbish. I won't even bother commenting about clubs. To me they are a total waste of time in terms of finding someone normal. In my dating experience I've found women to be down to earth in Old Town, Wrigleyville, Lakeview, Roscoe Village, North Centre, Lincoln Park, Greektown, and Little Italy. See I disagree. The women in those areas around LP are the snobby, young transplants who came to chicago from their small michigan town to "find themselves" and they get big egos and unrealistic expecations and are huge drama-queen lushes on the weekends. I don't want that. I've been living in like Lincoln Square, Roscoe Village area and I'm finding maybe like bucktown and wicker park are a LITTLE bit better, but it's all the same. Unfornately, women around my age (28) plague the online dating sites that are what I described above. They don't know what they want and they're lunatic alcoholics. I did it for 2 years. I'm generalizing a little, but I'm not far off. I don't want to go back to that.
Cee Posted May 5, 2011 Posted May 5, 2011 I'm having nostalgia for Chicago. If you like the women of Wicker Park and Bucktown, I'd say branch out into Ukrainian Village, Humboldt Park, and Logan Square. The rents are more reasonable out there and there are lots of music venues to meet women. I met my ex boyfriend in a dive bar on Chicago Avenue (Tuman's Alcohol Abuse Center in it's former divey glory). I was a grad student at the time and it was slim pickins in the psych department of UIC. I was in a woman dominated program. Sorry to threadjack, but I miss Chicago so much. Back on topic. I don't believe you need online dating to meet someone. It can become a crutch. If you shut down your computer and go outside, you'll meet women. And eventually you'll meet some good prospects.
JasonRules Posted May 5, 2011 Posted May 5, 2011 See I disagree. The women in those areas around LP are the snobby, young transplants who came to chicago from their small michigan town to "find themselves" and they get big egos and unrealistic expecations and are huge drama-queen lushes on the weekends. I don't want that. I've been living in like Lincoln Square, Roscoe Village area and I'm finding maybe like bucktown and wicker park are a LITTLE bit better, but it's all the same. Unfornately, women around my age (28) plague the online dating sites that are what I described above. They don't know what they want and they're lunatic alcoholics. I did it for 2 years. I'm generalizing a little, but I'm not far off. I don't want to go back to that. Haha...funny you say that. My ex was 27 and I was 39. Now I turned 40 and all the women I date are between 32-35 so I don't have to deal with the drama, fickleness, and the "I don't know what I want" bs. Women in their early to mid 30s are definitely more mature, confident, know what they want and what they don't want, aren't drama queens, and are secure with themselves. So I find it much more refreshing. I know what you mean about the Lincoln Park trixies though. The young 20 something women who drive the VW (cause that's all they can afford), who get hammered every weekend, sleep around like no tomorrow, but act like princesses and they talk with their high pitched whiny voice (which I can't STAND listening to). I don't date women like that. To me they are like cookie cutter women. They all talk and act the same. I like a woman to be herself.
JasonRules Posted May 5, 2011 Posted May 5, 2011 I'm having nostalgia for Chicago. If you like the women of Wicker Park and Bucktown, I'd say branch out into Ukrainian Village, Humboldt Park, and Logan Square. The rents are more reasonable out there and there are lots of music venues to meet women. I met my ex boyfriend in a dive bar on Chicago Avenue (Tuman's Alcohol Abuse Center in it's former divey glory). I was a grad student at the time and it was slim pickins in the psych department of UIC. I was in a woman dominated program. Sorry to threadjack, but I miss Chicago so much. Back on topic. I don't believe you need online dating to meet someone. It can become a crutch. If you shut down your computer and go outside, you'll meet women. And eventually you'll meet some good prospects. Ditto on the Wicker Park/Bucktown girls. My friend actually met his wife at a dive bar on Damen and Division.
Author GivenUp0083 Posted May 5, 2011 Author Posted May 5, 2011 Ditto on the Wicker Park/Bucktown girls. My friend actually met his wife at a dive bar on Damen and Division. I have a hard time meeting chicks at bars. I'm not an ugly dude, but I'm short and stocky (5'8", 200 lbs) but I'm very athletic. This is weird for me to say, because I'm in sales and I meet new friend easily as I'm very social, but something about approaching random women and getting numbers and asking out on dates has NEVER ever worked for me. Not a single phone number I've gotten ever lead to a date. I'm also at that age where all my friends are tied up in relationships/marriages and don't have other single friends so I don't get opportunities to be "set up" or anything like that. Oh well, I'm not desperate to find someone right now, I wouldn't mind trying to get back into it but I guess I'm just not sure how I can go about that. No biggy, I don't mind being single that much as I'm fairly used to it.
JasonRules Posted May 5, 2011 Posted May 5, 2011 I have a hard time meeting chicks at bars. I'm not an ugly dude, but I'm short and stocky (5'8", 200 lbs) but I'm very athletic. This is weird for me to say, because I'm in sales and I meet new friend easily as I'm very social, but something about approaching random women and getting numbers and asking out on dates has NEVER ever worked for me. Not a single phone number I've gotten ever lead to a date. I'm also at that age where all my friends are tied up in relationships/marriages and don't have other single friends so I don't get opportunities to be "set up" or anything like that. Oh well, I'm not desperate to find someone right now, I wouldn't mind trying to get back into it but I guess I'm just not sure how I can go about that. No biggy, I don't mind being single that much as I'm fairly used to it. My experience has been completely different as I'm from Europe (chicks dig accents), 6'4", 198lbs. The key to women is to be confident in your own skin, use situational humor, and be playful (make them laugh smile). Also, be non-chalant and unpredictable. Don't bombard them with text messages all the time either. For example, if you're in a bar look around you. If a woman makes eye contact with you for about 2 seconds she definitely finding you attractive. Make sure you hit the gym regularly. NEVER USE PICK UP LINES. Also, try and look stylish. A good start is the Chicago Social magazine (Men's edition) for ideas. Confidence is key though.
Author GivenUp0083 Posted May 5, 2011 Author Posted May 5, 2011 My experience has been completely different as I'm from Europe (chicks dig accents), 6'4", 198lbs. The key to women is to be confident in your own skin, use situational humor, and be playful (make them laugh smile). Also, be non-chalant and unpredictable. Don't bombard them with text messages all the time either. For example, if you're in a bar look around you. If a woman makes eye contact with you for about 2 seconds she definitely finding you attractive. Make sure you hit the gym regularly. NEVER USE PICK UP LINES. Also, try and look stylish. A good start is the Chicago Social magazine (Men's edition) for ideas. Confidence is key though. Oh I'm aware, I think you're tall so that probably helps. I've never been a pickup guy and I do hit the gym a lot. I don't have a hard time talking to them, and I get their numbers easily as well. They just never end up answering when I call (I usually try once then never try again) and they just never are open to hanging out or going on a date. I don't know what it is. I am a confident guy, just not sure why it never pans out with that approach.
JasonRules Posted May 5, 2011 Posted May 5, 2011 Oh I'm aware, I think you're tall so that probably helps. I've never been a pickup guy and I do hit the gym a lot. I don't have a hard time talking to them, and I get their numbers easily as well. They just never end up answering when I call (I usually try once then never try again) and they just never are open to hanging out or going on a date. I don't know what it is. I am a confident guy, just not sure why it never pans out with that approach. The height helps a bit, but I know a lot of tall guys who have problems dating. You have to remember, all the physical attributes do is help you get noticed, but after 15-20 minutes most girls look at your personality, intelligence etc. There is a saying "Men make love with their eyes, but women make love with their ears". For men, visual stimulation is what get's them going. For women it is all mental. I think instead of them giving you their number, next time just give them your business card and forget about them. Let them call you instead. Also, you can try out various dating websites: match.com, zoosk.com, plentyoffish.com and a host of others to mix it up a bit. I would take a two pronged approach trying to meet women both when I'm out and online as well. You can also try hitting Chicago Social Club. They have plenty of coed activities like flag football, volleyball etc where you can meet up with plenty of girls.
fetish Posted May 5, 2011 Posted May 5, 2011 HAHA! Are the women in the 32-35 age range are as hot as the 20 somethings?
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