Sugarkane Posted May 5, 2011 Posted May 5, 2011 In my experience, this excludes if they had to dump the person, coz the dumpee was cheating, abusive etc. Most dumpers though never seem to learn anything out of the breakup. They usually have someone else shortly after the breakup or left the dumpee for someone else. They usually don't waste any time. They blame EVERYTHING on the dumpee and act the victim. they even string the dumpee along and use them for sex. The dumpee goes through the grieving process and seems to actually at least try and learn something from it. They try and become a better person. E.g A friend of my mine, his ex wife cheated on him and left him for someone else. My friend has a child with her and was completely devasted. She is still with the guy she left my friend for. My friend found out that she has done this repeatidly through her life. This is also how he met her. She was in a relationship with someone and then she cheated on the guy before. And then left and began a relationship with this friend of mine. This ex wife isn't young, she's probably in her forties. She'll probably cheat on her current partner too. I'd be surprised if she didn't. I'm yet to find a dumper [in most cases] that has actually become a better person/ tried to learn anything.
turokturok5 Posted May 5, 2011 Posted May 5, 2011 mm idk, my ex told me when she was dumping me "i've learnt that i need to be there more often" by that i take it she meant - be there to support/spend time with her boyfriend more often. i have no idea why this was part of her break-up speech though, why did i need to know that she realised that she wasn't there for me enough, but she was definately going to put more effort into her next relationship.
Popondetta Posted May 5, 2011 Posted May 5, 2011 mm idk, my ex told me when she was dumping me "i've learnt that i need to be there more often" by that i take it she meant - be there to support/spend time with her boyfriend more often. i have no idea why this was part of her break-up speech though, why did i need to know that she realised that she wasn't there for me enough, but she was definately going to put more effort into her next relationship. Ugh! That sucks!!! It's very selfish of her to tell you that!!! I really hope they DONT change! I'd like my ex to ruin every single future relationship like he ruined ours with his smoking pot and commitment issues.
Flgirl44 Posted May 5, 2011 Posted May 5, 2011 People don't typically change unless it would be in their best interests or something forces them to. The dumpers behavior usually works out for them so unless they get burned by the same fire and can make the connections I don't see them "getting it" anytime soon.
vsmini Posted May 5, 2011 Posted May 5, 2011 People don't typically change unless it would be in their best interests or something forces them to. The dumpers behavior usually works out for them so unless they get burned by the same fire and can make the connections I don't see them "getting it" anytime soon. I agree. The lessons are usually learned the hard way and getting through the tough times. Someone who breaks up with someone or who dumps a person usually has it easier because A. they don't really care or B. they were thinking about the break up for awhile before they did it and had head start to heal and "get over it" I had a gut-wrenching heartbreak 9 months ago but I learned a lot about myself, the other guy, boundaries, my mistakes and how to look out for the bad stuff. I wouldn't trade the experience for anything. The pain sucked but the lesson learned was worth it.
Delilah5 Posted May 14, 2011 Posted May 14, 2011 People don't typically change unless it would be in their best interests or something forces them to. The dumpers behavior usually works out for them so unless they get burned by the same fire and can make the connections I don't see them "getting it" anytime soon. This is so true! They don't learn anything because they can't see their actions as being wrong. Their main concern is themselves, probably before, during, and after the relationship. Believe me, the dumpers at some point in time will find themselves being the dumpees. Maybe then they will be forced to learn how the other side must have felt. Great comment and right on the money.
Kilty Posted May 15, 2011 Posted May 15, 2011 Bit of a crass generalisation ladies Im sure there are many posts by "dumpers" on here that regret what they did. I walked away from a relationship. I didnt "dump" in the horrible sense that a lot of people have went through on here though. There wasnt anyone else, hasnt been anyone else and i have certainly learned a lot in the year of regret i have had and realised my part in the lead up to the split.
0hpenelope Posted May 15, 2011 Posted May 15, 2011 I get what this thread's about. These are the exes that don't know how to communicate what they're feeling, don't know how to observe and maintain boundaries of an ex, etc. The real sense of a jerk 'dumper.' I have a couple of friends who initiated the break up and at least for these ones, the reasons are legitimate. They tried and tried, but their ex didn't listen and they ran out of patience and willingness to work it out because their partner wasn't willing to. For their sanity (and I was there to help them out as well, it was really tough to see them in that mess), they really had to end the relationship. These "dumpers' " hearts were broken by the "dumpees" a long time ago, because the "dumpees" didn't get what their "dumper" was telling them and showing them while in the relationship. Not all dumpers are bad, but the ones that the thread's referring to? I totally get it.
ganbare Posted May 15, 2011 Posted May 15, 2011 I flew half way around the world to be with my ex but she was having an affair on arrival. She lied to me and betrayed me and didn't even tell me she was cheating until I flew back home and found out on facebook. So I wonder if she is a good dumper or bad dumper?
Author Sugarkane Posted May 15, 2011 Author Posted May 15, 2011 Bit of a crass generalisation ladies Im sure there are many posts by "dumpers" on here that regret what they did. I walked away from a relationship. I didnt "dump" in the horrible sense that a lot of people have went through on here though. There wasnt anyone else, hasnt been anyone else and i have certainly learned a lot in the year of regret i have had and realised my part in the lead up to the split. I know its a but of a generalisation, but just read most of the posts on here and you'll know what I'm getting at. Alot of people were dumped horribly, including myself. Obviously I'm not talking about all dumpers, there are some good people out there that wouldn't do that.
0hpenelope Posted May 15, 2011 Posted May 15, 2011 I flew half way around the world to be with my ex but she was having an affair on arrival. She lied to me and betrayed me and didn't even tell me she was cheating until I flew back home and found out on facebook. So I wonder if she is a good dumper or bad dumper? Oh, you know the answer to this one, buddy. I feel bad for whoever she's with now.
ganbare Posted May 16, 2011 Posted May 16, 2011 She is with her boss...and yeah I feel bad for him too. Before I was facebook stalking him (that was 8 months ago btw) he wrote "Don't you hate it when someone you trusts lies to you" and I knew instantly who he was talking about! I was like "It begins again..."
0hpenelope Posted May 17, 2011 Posted May 17, 2011 (edited) She is with her boss...and yeah I feel bad for him too. Before I was facebook stalking him (that was 8 months ago btw) he wrote "Don't you hate it when someone you trusts lies to you" and I knew instantly who he was talking about! I was like "It begins again..." :sigh: While I feel bad for him, he brought it to himself too. If he's still with her knowing that she lied about something big enough to get a rise out of him, then that's on him. Being "dramatic" on Facebook is a big no-no. If I were a friend of his, I would've called him out on that. Going back on topic, I found out a few days ago that a friend's cheating ex tried to add him as a friend on Facebook one year after they broke up. Her kind of dumper needs a reality check. Jerk dumper calling for attention from an ex they wronged? "X" marks the spot! I also don't understand the exes who plead that enough time's passed. Well, that's true but it doesn't mean that the person who still doesn't want anything to do with that ex is wrong for preferring to leave people from their past in the past. Edited May 17, 2011 by 0hpenelope
ganbare Posted May 18, 2011 Posted May 18, 2011 Yeah 0hpenelope, I agree that anyone who puts up with the emotional co-dependent behaviour of my ex will be in a world of hurt sooner or later. He also knows that we were in a serious relationship together because he read her blog. Doesn't really make him very moral but neither was my ex so maybe they will be a better fit for each other! Yeah, I don't ever want to be friended by my ex on facebook! What's done is done. BTW Ohpenelope I just realized you were a gamer! We so need to revive that old thread you started about games a long time ago! For the record, I play a lot of old school games as well and the Nintendo DS rules!
stephmichelle Posted May 18, 2011 Posted May 18, 2011 Most dumpers though never seem to learn anything out of the breakup. They usually have someone else shortly after the breakup or left the dumpee for someone else. They usually don't waste any time. They blame EVERYTHING on the dumpee and act the victim. they even string the dumpee along and use them for sex. The dumpee goes through the grieving process and seems to actually at least try and learn something from it. They try and become a better person. You described my ex PERFECTLY.
guccimane99 Posted May 18, 2011 Posted May 18, 2011 I would agree with this thread. MOST dumpers do not seem to change i dated a girl and we tried working things out. Me being the retarded did not see that there was another guy in the picture until it was to late. I did the whole not contact but she just broke up with me for some nasty scumbag. I saw what it was an im having the last laugh because he is not have off what i am or will be. The best thing you can do is laugh and smile and say that at least i tried. No dumpee should worry unless you cheated because they will one day realize they were the dumb ones for breaking up with you if u treated them well. Its not until they get their heartsbroken will they feel what a dumpee felt. Just remember if they do come back it is only to benefit them so honestly just don't respond. Its the best feeling in the world i know, but honestly there are good dumpers my last ex did not jump to another relationship. We both learned from the relationship would i go back definatly not. I am happy and that is all that matters. U don't know what you go untill its gone is a quote i believe is true. A life quote your ex will realize what she had when your gone making someone else happy or when shes sad and says, "dam i messed up i wonder what would've happend if i would've stayed with him."
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