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I think I need to break NC :( I'm just not strong enough for this

LoveHurts89

By LoveHurts89
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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LoveHurts89 Member

LoveHurts89

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It's killing me. I can't take it anymore. I should be almost ready to leave for work, but I'm lay in bed sobbing. Yesterday, my phone crashed and deleted every single text message, over 1000 from him. He goes on holiday tomorrow, and I desperately want to hear from him before he goes. I haven't heard from him since Sunday, and that wasn't pleasant. This week has been the hardest. It's like he's died. I can't see, hear, or talk to him. But it's like he's gone to a world that only I'm excluded from, because everybody else still has access to him. My mum still gets to see him as she works for him. I wanna text him, I wanna call him. I wanna hear his sweet sweet voice. I wanna tell him to think about us on holiday, I wanna tell him I'm here waiting, I wanna tell him I love him. This week will be torture whilst he's away. Knowing he'll have forgotten me. Having fun whilst I'm a wreck.

sonic3 Member

sonic3

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How long have you been in NC for?

 

Honestly, don't give in, you might think it will make you feel better but it won't.

 

It will get easier, and after a while you will be thanking yourself for sticking to it.

 

I wouldn't dwell on the fact that he has forgotten you, people do not forget about people, and if you have only broken up recently then of course he is going to be thinking about you.

 

It's easy to think that the other person doesn't care, but unless he was a complete heartless person, then theres no question weather or not he will be thinking about you while he's away.

Lola737 New Member

Lola737

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I feel exactly the same, stay strong and just think you will only feel worse if you do contact him. If it helps message me instead and vice versa.

These are hard times :(

nana841121 Established Member

nana841121

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Vent your feeling on the web as an anonymous.

Cool down, Think over a night before you take initiative

Do not beg. it doesn't work.

and you probably will despise yourself if you beg and cry and do any other stupid things on impulsion.

Popondetta Established Member

Popondetta

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Oh! I've had the same feelings so many days since everything happened with me. It does get better, but I still have relapses (broke up 2 months ago, but the break startet 5 months ago). I also feel like my ex died..and that he never thinks of me or hurts. I imgaine that he's out having fun, meeting new people and falling for new girls. It is soooo hard!

But hang in there. Stay NC at least until you are a bit stronger.

Nobody wants a needy, clingy person so the best thing you can do for yourself (and possibly the best way to get someone back but let's not get our hopes up) is to stay out of their lives, pretend to be strong and not cry or beg them to come back. You can cry and complain to your friends and here on LS. If they want us back they know where to find us :(

 

Let's stay strong together!!

justagirrl Established Member

justagirrl

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Don't break no contact. I did after he contacted me after I was NC for a few days and I felt terrible afterwards =( i still feel terrible. I hung out with him a few days ago at his dorm and he was showering me with compliments telling me how good i look....

 

He's just saying what I wanna hear and then when I'm at home and we're texting, it seems like he doesn't care about me.

 

Today is my first day NC again...stay strong, you'll feel powerful if you don't contact. You won't have to spend your whole day wondering what's going to happen next...

 

Whenever I text him and wait for a reply and it's late in the day, I just go to sleep until I hear my phone....it's sad

justagirrl Established Member

justagirrl

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I could be doing so many better things...and this is what i end up doing. I can't tell what he wants anymore =(

Chi townD Established Member

Chi townD

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Here's what you need to do. Everytime you feel like contacting him, texting him, phoning him or e-mailing him, post here. There are a ton of people that know what you're going through. You're NC for a reason, and that's to heal. This is part of the healing process. Just post here, people DO understand and they will help you as much as they can. Remember, you're not alone in this.

nana841121 Established Member

nana841121

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we are trapped by our own over-analysis.

that's why we are confused.

feelings , emotions get you. do nothing, stay calm and force yourself to move on.

when u realize, ex has already vanished from your mind long time ago.

geegirl Established Member

geegirl

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It's killing me. I can't take it anymore. I should be almost ready to leave for work, but I'm lay in bed sobbing. Yesterday, my phone crashed and deleted every single text message, over 1000 from him. He goes on holiday tomorrow, and I desperately want to hear from him before he goes. I haven't heard from him since Sunday, and that wasn't pleasant. This week has been the hardest. It's like he's died. I can't see, hear, or talk to him. But it's like he's gone to a world that only I'm excluded from, because everybody else still has access to him. My mum still gets to see him as she works for him. I wanna text him, I wanna call him. I wanna hear his sweet sweet voice. I wanna tell him to think about us on holiday, I wanna tell him I'm here waiting, I wanna tell him I love him. This week will be torture whilst he's away. Knowing he'll have forgotten me. Having fun whilst I'm a wreck.

 

Oh hun, I can feel your pain through your post. But listen. Contacting him will only hurt you more. If you can't go through this, imagine calling him and not getting the response you want and feeling that rejection all over again. While you are sobbing in bed, he is packing and happily going off on vacation. Do you think he wants to hear you grovelling? Dumpers don't have time to listen to your emotional words because they've decided to move on and get on with life. We think that if we only tell them a, b and c, they'll see how special we are or they'll wake up and realize what they're losing, etc. It doesn't work that way. If all that were in play, there wouldn't be a break up. Saying all those things to him will only push him further away and reinforce his decision to break up. Stop.

 

He remembers you. It's just that you/relationship is not what he wants for himself.

 

A break up is like death. You've lost someone dear to you. Everything you are going through is everything we've all gone through. Feel the pain, go through the motions and post here when you are struggling. You are looking to him to comfort you but he is your source of pain. You can't find comfort and solace in him. He will hurt you even more. You have to feel the pain. No other way around it. When in pain, don't react. Be still, feel it and it will pass. It will come in waves. Stay NC. It's hard but stay the course.

Edited by geegirl
Popondetta Established Member

Popondetta

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Yeah! Listen to geegirl, she knows what she's talking about :)

I also find it easier to stay in NC (I broke it once so I'm not perfect) when I tell myself this:

 

"P, you really want to contact T now. You want to tell him everything about how you feel and how much you love him, miss him and want him to come back. You cannot tell him this right now because he doesn't want to hear it. BUT in a couple of months when you feel better you are allowed to contact him if you still feel like it. Chances are the things you want to tell him in a few months are very different to whatever you want to tell him right now. Maybe you still want to tell him how you feel, but at least you wont come across as desperate"

 

I just feel like it's easier if you tell yourself something like this because that means that you CAN contact him WHEN you feel more like yourself again. Doesn't mean you should contact him in a few months either, but it just takes away that horrible thought that you can NEVER contact him again.

 

We have to REMEMBER: They are NOT forgetting us even if we're not hearing from them. But it's great if we can let them think that we have forgotten about them :)

 

Stay strong!!! I'm trying my best but the last couple of days I've felt like calling him...Haven't done it though...

Sassygirl2 Established Member

Sassygirl2

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Oh hun, I can feel your pain through your post. But listen. Contacting him will only hurt you more. If you can't go through this, imagine calling him and not getting the response you want and feeling that rejection all over again. While you are sobbing in bed, he is packing and happily going off on vacation. Do you think he wants to hear you grovelling? Dumpers don't have time to listen to your emotional words because they've decided to move on and get on with life. We think that if we only tell them a, b and c, they'll see how special we are or they'll wake up and realize what they're losing, etc. It doesn't work that way. If all that were in play, there wouldn't be a break up. Saying all those things to him will only push him further away and reinforce his decision to break up. Stop.

 

He remembers you. It's just that you/relationship is not what he wants for himself.

 

A break up is like death. You've lost someone dear to you. Everything you are going through is everything we've all gone through. Feel the pain, go through the motions and post here when you are struggling. You are looking to him to comfort you but he is your source of pain. You can't find comfort and solace in him. He will hurt you even more. You have to feel the pain. No other way around it. When in pain, don't react. Be still, feel it and it will pass. It will come in waves. Stay NC. It's hard but stay the course.

 

This is very true and well written. Thank you Geegirl.

Sweet_T Member

Sweet_T

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Vent your feeling on the web as an anonymous.

Cool down, Think over a night before you take initiative

Do not beg. it doesn't work.

and you probably will despise yourself if you beg and cry and do any other stupid things on impulsion.

 

So true! Do not act on impulse! Read my post...I totally understand

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LoveHurts89 Member

LoveHurts89

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Thank you all so much.

 

I did break NC. I know, I know. I'm weak. But I posted this thread yesterday and got no replies so my stupid head took it upon itself to text. I just wished him a good holiday and asked him to hug his parents for me and to be careful in the sun. He said I gave them a hug. Thank you. Take care.

 

I just keep wondering, hoping I guess, that this week he'll maybe be able to think about things, miss me.

 

Could this even be possible? I'm going to be so strict with NC this week. He ended it 9 weeks ago, but we went out a few times which went well. But as I bombarded him with texts, he got pushed further away. I just wonder if the NC this week whilst he's away will help? He's gone with a friend, but his friend is gay and will be spending his time on gay nudot beaches, bars etc and S won't be in to that. His friend planned to go away alone. S tagged along after we split, so I guess he'll be left to do his own thing too.

surfrider4284 Established Member

surfrider4284

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Your ex is going away with a gay "friend"...?

 

Even more....he planned to join his gay friend after you guys broke up?

 

Dont get me wrong, I am a straight guy and have a gay friend or two.....but...

 

Am I the only one that thinks something is up with the ex here?

Irishlove Established Member

Irishlove

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Straight guys don't go to gay beach get aways with gay guys...Your guy might be gay honey.....??? He may be on the down low and experiencing a few things....Is it possible?

surfrider4284 Established Member

surfrider4284

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Straight guys don't go to gay beach get aways with gay guys...Your guy might be gay honey.....??? He may be on the down low and experiencing a few things....Is it possible?

 

This.

 

Your ex is either gay, or gay curious...

 

In the short-term, this probably won't help your mental state..but in the long term, there was nothing you could do to save this relationship. Don't have any regrets. For the only thing that could have saved this relationship is if you were born a man.

Popondetta Established Member

Popondetta

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Seriously!!! Going on a holliday with a gay person does NOT mean that you are gay. I have gay friends and straight friends, and some of the straight friends hang out alot with the gay friends. They could go on a holiday as well and nobody would find that strange......I wouldn't mind going on a holiday with my lesbian friend either.

 

Well, over to the real issue: You don't go NC just for the weekend but for much LONGER! Please listen to us!! Especially since you see yourself that your contacting him only pushes him further away.

 

Please trust me: The only way you'll have a small chance of getting him back is if you leave him alone and stop showing him how needy you are. Nobody's attracted to a pathetic and clingy ex (sorry, I am pathetic myself at the moment, but my ex will never know). I don't mean that NC leads to getting back together but at least you'll leave him wondering what you are up to and why you stopped contacting him.

 

Stay strong!! :)

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LoveHurts89 Member

LoveHurts89

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Thank you Pop! I know I need to not be so needy.

 

Seriously, he's not gay. My best friend is a lesbian, I've been on holiday just us two. I've been to lesbian bars with her, just as she's been to straight bars with me, it doesn't make me gay.

 

S lives far away from home. He manages a restaurant and hotel, and the gay guy is one of his management team. They're friends. A mutual friend of all of us told me that Ian booked the holiday to go alone, months ago. S said he needed to get away from work so Ian said he could join him if he booked flights. Ian is a friend of both of ours. Just because a male has a gay friend does not make him gay. Like I said in my previous post, the beaches, the bars, theyre his friends plans, and so it's likely he'll be alone a lot.

Popondetta Established Member

Popondetta

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Yep!

You can still be needy for yourself or among friends, but stop initiating contact with him. Think of it as a horribly tasting medicine: You need to take it in order to get well, even if it makes you want to die when you take it cause you cannot see how something so awful can make you better. But it will!

 

And remember: He will not forget about you. It's not that easy for them either!

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LoveHurts89 Member

LoveHurts89

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Thank you. You're so right. I'll get there eventually I guess. One day at a time. Xx

Fufu Established Member

Fufu

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Be strong, encourage yourself, keep up to your NC.

 

If you want to break NC, it's your choice. However, if you feel very happy after breaking NC, let us know.

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