OldOnTheInside Posted May 5, 2011 Posted May 5, 2011 I created this thread because there has been quite a bit of damning of the WS and very little talk of forgiveness. So this is hopefully going to be one of the more positive threads here. Anyway, just some questions... If you are a BS: -Did you consider reconciling just after D-Day (on the day, or a few days after), or did you think about it much later (weeks, months, or years)? -How long did it take your WS to get out of the affair fog? -How long was it before they tried to return to you? -How willing was your partner to reconcile with you? -How difficult did you both find the entire process? -What were the "ground rules" that you set up? -Did your WS follow these rules to the letter? -How long was it before you were able to forgive them, if ever? -Did you regret taking your partner back? -How is your relationship in the present? If you are a WS: Same questions, just from your partner's POV. In my case, I had considered reconciliation about a month after D-Day. My xW completely got out of the affair fog in roughly two months. xW also desperately tried to make contact with me during that last month. She was entirely dedicated to working things out with me and told me that she willing to do whatever I said to regain my trust. I think the things were harder for her because I was able to detach myself emotionally from the situation and focus on my own well being, while she was incapable of doing so and was plagued with guilt and shame. In terms of ground rules, I had initially decided on separation, to see if we were both truely willing to work to save our marriage. I consider our separation to be a fundamental part of us working things out later. I essentially used a modified form of NC on xW. "Modified" because we still had to spend a lot of time together. I remember saying that I would require her complete dedication to regaining my trust. I told her that I had no intention of dating throughout the entire seperation. If she started dating or revisiting the OM, I would know that she has moved on from me. If I did start dating, then she would know that I had moved on as well. I required that she be completely open to me if I wished. That we both do IC and MC. That if she was truly sorry, she should earn my trust through actions and not words. We both stuck to these rules for roughly 2 and a half years. I remember "forgiving" her at around the same time, which wasn't easy. This is when we returned to the family dynamic that we had before the infidelity. I don't regret taking my xW back. We amicably divorced a few years later, for entirely different reasons. We are still close friends. So fire away everyone.
crazycatlady Posted May 5, 2011 Posted May 5, 2011 -Did you consider reconciling just after D-Day (on the day, or a few days after), or did you think about it much later (weeks, months, or years)? -How long did it take your WS to get out of the affair fog? -How long was it before they tried to return to you? -How willing was your partner to reconcile with you? -How difficult did you both find the entire process? -What were the "ground rules" that you set up? -Did your WS follow these rules to the letter? -How long was it before you were able to forgive them, if ever? -Did you regret taking your partner back? -How is your relationship in the present? My story is a different one - I know everyone says that but mine really is lol. I never considered leaving when I found out. Really the first few days I didn't think of anything but what I just found out I was shocked. The lie was the hardest thing to take because I had even asked him if he has slept with her. Came right out and asked and he lied. And oddly enough I told my friend that I thought he lied. But I chose to believe him. The affair fog....Well....I never called it a fog, but he started to really see her for who she was - all of her and not the sides he loved - when he confessed and she ran and wouldn't face me (and yes she did need to face me, she being my sister and all). I wasn't angry, I had 6 months to get use to the idea of what had happened (the physical wasn't ongoing too much distance). I just wanted to talk, still wouldn't mind it but she still hasn't faced me. And then the real killed was some crap that happened when I went back there to visit. The pain really came bubbling out of me when she hurt me again while I was there and my H discovered how badly, really really badly he had hurt me to the bone, to my very soul and that was the end of it. He knew I wasn't going to hurt her no matter how badly I was hurt, but he saw her deliberately hurt me to avoid having to face what she did and that's not a nice person. He never left me. He says he never wanted to leave and that he was sorry he hurt me like he did. And he always says that. And I did read when I was snooping that he loved me and didn't want to leave me but that he loved her too. No ground rules other then honesty. We are in an open marriage. It wasn't the sex, it was the lying and hiding and the changing personality that I hated. I do not regret taking him back. It was hard to trust his word at first. And the hurt kept coming out and boiling over me at the worst times. But its also nice. I'm not afraid to come out and tell him things I might have been before. I demand more from him for my needs now and its really helped us relationshipwise.
Baroness67 Posted May 5, 2011 Posted May 5, 2011 If you are a BS: -Did you consider reconciling just after D-Day (on the day, or a few days after), or did you think about it much later (weeks, months, or years)? I can't say that I considered 'reconciling' as I don't consider that my H and I ever split up. It was more like I knew I was committed to the marriage the entire time (never got to the point where I was presented with a dealbreaker) and was more or less waiting for my H to either cut bait and leave, or decide to stay. I felt it was going to be one or the other and I just waited it out. -How long did it take your WS to get out of the affair fog? He was fairly checked out of the marriage for at least two years, probably more since I imagine there was a period of time where I was not picking up the right signals. Not sure how much of this time was 'affair' time and how much was MLC time. -How long was it before they tried to return to you? I would phrase it more correctly as re-committing to the marriage as opposed to 'returning' since I don't feel H ever really left. I think he was in a lot of limbo for a long period of time until he decided what he wanted to do with his life. -How willing was your partner to reconcile with you? Again, in my situation, wouldn't say 'willing' but more like it just a matter of when he decided what he needed/wanted to do with the direction of his life, and once he decided, I guess that meant he was willing to pursue his own decision. The phrasing of the question somewhat implies that I was pressuring him to move in a certain direction. I don't think I was. I just let him know I would be staying where I was with our kids, and for him to let me know when he had reached his own conclusions. -How difficult did you both find the entire process? I'd say we're still in the process. Some parts have been far more difficult than others. Obviously the earlier parts, right after discovering there had been any affair at all, were horrendous. I shed tons of tears. I was very angry with him and wondered what I had done wrong. He said I had changed since we'd been married and that was a bad thing. Then he'd say of himself that he had changed - but it was fine for him. He got to change but I had to stay the same. It was a very hurtful, mixed up time. -What were the "ground rules" that you set up? I was going to say that I really didn't set up any ground rules, but actually that's not quite the truth. I did say that he could not conduct an active affair with the OW and remain under our roof. However, ultimately I was powerless over the fact that he does continue to see her at work. They don't work for the same business, just in the same building. They can and do socialize, but as I understand it the affair is not active (he claims it was more of an extended EA with a brief foray into the physical). The evidence I have today is consistent with what he has told me and I haven't made great efforts to perform major research to form a contrary conclusion. -Did your WS follow these rules to the letter? I can't say that I know for 100% sure, but who does? I don't want to live my life reading emails and searching cell phones. Personally I feel if he's living some kind of double life to the extent that he must keep them apart, if he is, then he's kind of in his own personal dark world. However, like I said, from what I see and hear, my experience is that he is being honest with me. -How long was it before you were able to forgive them, if ever? I wouldn't say it's a matter of forgiving. I just accept that he is not perfect, nor is anyone, and that it happened. I can either throw the baby out with the bathwater or move on. I have chosen to move on. I wouldn't use the word forgive, however, which to me implies to me some kind of absolution. So I wouldn't necessarily use that word. -Did you regret taking your partner back? Not so far. And I never took him back. I simply chose not to leave him or force him to leave over what happened. -How is your relationship in the present? A work in progress. We're friendlier than we have been in a long time. It's not the way it was pre-A, but then again the state of the marriage at that time led to the A, so that marriage can stay in the past. I hope the one we are rebuilding will better stand the same kinds of challenges.
Owl Posted May 5, 2011 Posted May 5, 2011 Anyway, just some questions... If you are a BS: -Did you consider reconciling just after D-Day (on the day, or a few days after), or did you think about it much later (weeks, months, or years)? I considered reconciliation possible from the beginning...if she ended the affair, and as long as she DIDN'T continue to escalate the affair after d-day. (He'd bought her plane tickets to come meet him...and I knew that it would escalate to PA if she did. I made it clear that if she left...there'd be no coming back. -How long did it take your WS to get out of the affair fog? Affair fog is a tricky thing...'getting out of it' isn't a switch on/off...it's a long, drawn out, gradual process in which the WS's perceptions SLOWLY transition from the affair perception back to closer to normal. With that said, I'd say it took several months before I'd consider most of her view to approximate normality. -How long was it before they tried to return to you? Even after her 'forced' decision not to get on that plane, she was still very undecided about what she wanted to do. It was a month before she truly made the choice to reconcile our marriage rather than keep OM as an option. -How willing was your partner to reconcile with you? Initially she wasn't sure what she wanted. She had this vision of everyone accepting her relationship with OM gracefully, and our family somehow including him AND me still in the picture in some fashion. Once she realized she was truly going to lose me completely and forever...her desire to reconcile came in. -How difficult did you both find the entire process? It was the most difficult and painful thing I've ever been through personally. Her affair was an emotional devestation on a scale I'd not anticipated. -What were the "ground rules" that you set up? No contact with OM. IC and MC for both of us. She had to make a choice...him or I...not both in any fashion. -Did your WS follow these rules to the letter? Not initially. Like virtually every story we see here...it took a few tries for NC to actually stick. -How long was it before you were able to forgive them, if ever? Truthfully, about a year. -Did you regret taking your partner back? No. -How is your relationship in the present? Excellent. We both learned a lot of harsh lessons from what happened. She's learned alot about boundaries, about how to maintain a marriage, etc... And I've been through a similar learning curve about compromise, listening to her needs, learning to ask about them, etc... Responses in bold above.
RobD70 Posted May 5, 2011 Posted May 5, 2011 -Did you consider reconciling just after D-Day (on the day, or a few days after), or did you think about it much later (weeks, months, or years)? I did immediately because I blamed myself for what happened. It wasn’t until I gave up and decided I wanted to be single did reconciliation became a real option. I was dating at the time. We split up 3 times total, she moved out all 3 times. -How long did it take your WS to get out of the affair fog? Completely? 18 months. -How long was it before they tried to return to you? 3 months the first time. 5 weeks the second time. Almost 5 months the last time. -How willing was your partner to reconcile with you? She seems very willing all three times, she just kept relapsing to the OM. The first time I’ll admit she didn’t try as hard as she should have but I was so hurt I gave her a pass and assumed she learned her leason. Nope. -How difficult did you both find the entire process? Probably harder for her than me. Everyone turned against her so she was shamed. -What were the "ground rules" that you set up? She tells me everywhere she goes and I have access to her email and phone anytime I want. I also track her phone. -Did your WS follow these rules to the letter? Yup -How long was it before you were able to forgive them, if ever? I forgave to quickly at first which was a mistake. I’d say maybe a year before I really let it go. -Did you regret taking your partner back? Maybe 10% of the time. I had gotten to the point where I was looking forward to being single and I know things would had been easier if I just let her go. Reconciliation is harder than divorce most of the time. -How is your relationship in the present? It good, better than before her A. I’ll admit she’s been taken down a level or two on the pedestal but I think that’s a good thing. If you treat them like a queen/king all the time, they’ll treat you as the servant you make yourself out to be.
silktricks Posted May 5, 2011 Posted May 5, 2011 (edited) -Did you consider reconciling just after D-Day (on the day, or a few days after), or did you think about it much later (weeks, months, or years)? When he told me of the affair we discussed what we each wanted. When it was obvious that we both actually wanted the same thing, which was being together, we began reconciliation. -How long did it take your WS to get out of the affair fog? by the time he told me of the affair, he was already out of it for the most part. The antics she engaged in afterwards removed any possibly lingering good opinion he may have had of her. -How long was it before they tried to return to you? he never left. We had been living somewhat separately for a time because of some personal issues. Which is part of why I didn't truly blame him for some of his less than stellar choices. -How willing was your partner to reconcile with you? he was anxious to reconcile. -How difficult did you both find the entire process? exceedingly painful, if that's what you mean as difficult. There was no difficulty in knowing we loved each other. The difficulty for me was in being willing to trust him again. I knew that if I couldn't regain complete trust, I couldn't stay in the marriage. In my effort to regain that trust I put both of us through the wringer. -What were the "ground rules" that you set up? complete honesty, no matter how difficult. (for both of us) If she made contact he would tell me immediately, and of course, the obvious, that he not contact her without my knowledge. That was it. -Did your WS follow these rules to the letter? aahhhh, to the letter.... Well, in regards to the contact, yes he did. In regards to the complete honesty, about his "current" actions, he had no trouble. It was honesty about the affair time where he had some measure of difficulty. Though he was completely open about "actions", he had a hard time telling me that he had truly cared about her. Until he did so, I wasn't able to believe him, and he thought telling me that would destroy us. (Though I'm sure that some of his difficulty also came from embarrassment, as his vision of himself took a severe beating in the aftermath of the affair.) It was a conundrum, as I wasn't willing to tell him what he needed to tell me... I needed him to come to that place on his own. It took awhile. -How long was it before you were able to forgive them, if ever? Forgiveness is a funny thing, and apparently it means different things to different people. I "forgave" him (if forgiveness means understanding what happened and why it happened) within probably a few months, but I couldn't completely let go of the pain of the affair, and totally trust him with my heart for about four or five years. -Did you regret taking your partner back? No. I'm exceedingly glad I made that choice -How is your relationship in the present? It's excellent. We're a much happier and closer couple than we were prior to the affair. Our communication is at a deeper more intimate level and we both have a much better understanding of the other. Edited May 5, 2011 by silktricks
Spark1111 Posted May 5, 2011 Posted May 5, 2011 I created this thread because there has been quite a bit of damning of the WS and very little talk of forgiveness. So this is hopefully going to be one of the more positive threads here. Anyway, just some questions... If you are a BS: -Did you consider reconciling just after D-Day (on the day, or a few days after), or did you think about it much later (weeks, months, or years)? I would not consider it for months. -How long did it take your WS to get out of the affair fog? About three months. -How long was it before they tried to return to you? Immediately, but for all the wrong reasons, so I wouldn't even consider it. -How willing was your partner to reconcile with you? Desperate to reconcile; immediately as a knee-jerk reaction to maintaining the status quo, but then more authentically for the right reasons. -How difficult did you both find the entire process? Hands down, probably the most painful and then rewarding experience for both of us. -What were the "ground rules" that you set up? Fix what is broken within you, whatever it takes; IC, MC, and complete transparency. I did not initiate NC, but did inform him that if there was accidental or intentional contact with AP, and I was not informed immediately, he was gone. It did happen a few times and I HAD to keep my word and make him leave. -Did your WS follow these rules to the letter? Not for the first three months. -How long was it before you were able to forgive them, if ever? I forgave the affair pretty quickly. It was the lying and deception that took much longer to forgive. The second year was tougher than the first because I discovered trickle-truths and omissions. It set me back to square one. Somewhere around year three, it just lifted and went away. It could have been sooner, but in an effort to preserve our progress and my feelings, he left out pertinent info I should have had. Big mistake! -Did you regret taking your partner back? No, because I saw how remorseful he was and how hard he was trying to change into the man I had always seen him as, with the exception of his abherrant behavior during the affair. -How is your relationship in the present? Amazing! Better than I could have ever expected. We are passionately in love and communicate so much better. We actively work to preserve what we have and take the relationship very seriously by spending so much time together. If you are a WS: Same questions, just from your partner's POV. In my case, I had considered reconciliation about a month after D-Day. My xW completely got out of the affair fog in roughly two months. xW also desperately tried to make contact with me during that last month. She was entirely dedicated to working things out with me and told me that she willing to do whatever I said to regain my trust. I think the things were harder for her because I was able to detach myself emotionally from the situation and focus on my own well being, while she was incapable of doing so and was plagued with guilt and shame. In terms of ground rules, I had initially decided on separation, to see if we were both truely willing to work to save our marriage. I consider our separation to be a fundamental part of us working things out later. I essentially used a modified form of NC on xW. "Modified" because we still had to spend a lot of time together. I remember saying that I would require her complete dedication to regaining my trust. I told her that I had no intention of dating throughout the entire seperation. If she started dating or revisiting the OM, I would know that she has moved on from me. If I did start dating, then she would know that I had moved on as well. I required that she be completely open to me if I wished. That we both do IC and MC. That if she was truly sorry, she should earn my trust through actions and not words. We both stuck to these rules for roughly 2 and a half years. I remember "forgiving" her at around the same time, which wasn't easy. This is when we returned to the family dynamic that we had before the infidelity. I don't regret taking my xW back. We amicably divorced a few years later, for entirely different reasons. We are still close friends. So fire away everyone. See above. If it is not too personal, why did you divorce? The thought that we went through all of this to come out so much stronger on the other side and then, have dissipate is somewhat disconcerting to me? Just curious....
UnsureinSeattle Posted May 5, 2011 Posted May 5, 2011 -Did you consider reconciling just after D-Day (on the day, or a few days after), or did you think about it much later (weeks, months, or years)? Multiple d-days for different situations- the final one, I wanted to split... and we were "seperated" for a few days- but then we did reconcile. -How long did it take your WS to get out of the affair fog? A while. Months after we had split, she admitted to her best friend that not talking to the other man was "tearing her apart". So even tho' she knew the consequences, she was trying to weigh if it was worth talking to the OM to get "closure" or not. -How long was it before they tried to return to you? She wanted to right away and tried very hard to tell me how innocent the whole thing was and that I was blowing things out of proportion. Which was, y'know, part of the problem, as I twigged to the whole thing pretty much right before something was going to happen, one way or another. I WASN'T blowing things out of proportion, and it was the straw that broke the camel's back. -How difficult did you both find the entire process? Well, I don't know how to answer this. In my opinion, it's still kind of an ongoing process. Hard, I suppose. -What were the "ground rules" that you set up? Transparancy. No talking to the OM for any reason. Being more open/communicative. Working on her boundries with friends. -Did your WS follow these rules to the letter? Mostly. She cut her best friend (who was egging her on to cheat) out of her life after I pointed out that the things her friend were saying or trying to get her to do were not indicative of "friendship." She cut her off on her own without me asking. She also got rid of her secret Facebook without me asking. She did talk to the OM a couple of times, but it was fairly innocent ("Why don't we hang out anymore?" stuff from him to her)... and she did NOT come clean about it. But she was working from a place where she honestly thought she was protecting my feelings by not telling me. I told her over andover again that her trying to spare or protect my feelings was making things worse. We're still working on the being more open/communicative. She didn't completely become transparent, and that led to it's own problems later. Nowadays, I'm not particularly concerned about it, and don't really have the need... but she would probably acquiesce if I demanded to see her email or something. I guess my trust is built up enough to where I don't need to do it. -How long was it before you were able to forgive them, if ever? A long time. The problem was that we never really sorted out our problems from the couple of other d-days we had... we kept sweeping everything under the rug... and it kept coming back to bite us. Even today, once in awhile something will crop up, and I can't help but being mad (briefly)... but I honestly don't believe she was ever out to hurt me and was simply naive about what was appropriate or inappropriate to do with male friends. The last time- I still don't know what the hell she was thinking, and I'd be a liar if I said that it didn't still get under my skin, if only a tiny little bit. -Did you regret taking your partner back? ... No. -How is your relationship in the present? Okay... but I do feel sometimes that she should try a little harder in the communication dep't... and sometimes she'll just turn cold... and I want so desperately to understand and she won't let me in. I guess that I'm a "fixer." Most of the time, we're fine... but we're kind of the old, cranky, "two against the world" couple, and I wonder sometimes if the inertia a relationship like that creates is what's carried us thru the last eleven years. One thing that helped me was indirectly figuring out the 180 and working on myself, regardless of her or her actions. It's still a work in progress, you know?
Audacia Posted May 5, 2011 Posted May 5, 2011 If you are a BS: -Did you consider reconciling just after D-Day (on the day, or a few days after), or did you think about it much later (weeks, months, or years)? D-day I knew I wanted my marriage to work. I was not prepared for the pain and anger though. I considered ending it. I didn't know if he or I would be capable of doing all the work that was required to fix our marriage. -How long did it take your WS to get out of the affair fog? My H disclosed the A to me. I was blindsided. And he had already ended the A before disclosing, although they were still in contact, and from his explanation it was to pacify her so she wouldn't tell me in anger before he worked up the nerve to tell me himself. D-day was when full NC was implemented. So I believe he was out of the fog before he told me. -How long was it before they tried to return to you? He never left and I never asked him to. -How willing was your partner to reconcile with you? My H was/is willing to do whatever it takes for our marriage to heal. On D-day he cried and begged me to forgive him and let him prove he loved me and would never hurt me again. He was also very depressed and sick to his stomach to the point of vomiting for two days prior to telling me. He would tell me he was fine and wouldn't let me take care of him. Later he told me it fully hit him that I might tell him to leave and he was so scared and the guilt was eating away at him. But he realized he had to tell me and risk the chance I might leave. (Mind you I always told him if he ever had an A I would kick him out and not think twice about it....) -How difficult did you both find the entire process? It's still difficult. I still get upset by it. The first month after D-day I couldn't leave the bed. I cried so hard I was gagging. I lost 35 lbs in the last 11 months and I think 25 was in the first month. And I was so depressed. After counseling it got a little easier to deal with. Then I experienced severe anxiety. My self esteem was gone. I didn't leave the house for one point for 2 weeks. Now it's the anger stage. Thought once I let it all out in a big screamfest I felt a little better. I still get angry but not to the point I wont to beat him senseless. Now when I ask him he says the guilt still eats him. And I'm sure it does. He didn't realize the impact it would have on me. But when I ask he says he will endure this forever if that's what it takes. It wont last forever but he understands it's not going away overnight. -What were the "ground rules" that you set up? NC. Truth about everything. Answer all questions I had. He gave me all passwords to work email, voicemail, facebook. And MC -Did your WS follow these rules to the letter? Somewhat. He followed all but the NC. She contacted him at work a month ago to ask why we all couldn't put it behind us and be civil (we had mutual friends). He said she sent an email but when he wouldn't respond she repeatedly called his desk phone and he had to answer because his coworkers work in the same office. He stated he told her it just wasn't going to happen and she did not need to contact him or me. Now he withheld this from me for a day but during the time I was having to take Xanax by the handfuls for anxiety attacks. So he said he didn't want to tell me because he didn't want me to have a attack. But he did tell me cause I had specifically stated he would inform me if she tried contacting him and he wouldn't respond. This was the moment my anger took over. -How long was it before you were able to forgive them, if ever? I forgave him within the first week. Forgetting is another matter. And I still get mad at him over it. -Did you regret taking your partner back? Nope. Sometimes I wonder if I have what it takes to get through this but I love him and we keep trying. -How is your relationship in the present? Pretty good. We are still in the first year. Things are getting better and the healing is happening. We are more open and communicate a lot more now. I have my days but they are getting further apart.
Lorelei_Lane Posted May 5, 2011 Posted May 5, 2011 If you are a BS: -Did you consider reconciling just after D-Day (on the day, or a few days after), or did you think about it much later (weeks, months, or years)? I wasn't sure at first, I was so confused and hurt, that I left and went to stay with my parents in another state for about two weeks. He spent that time talking to both of us via phone and online chatting. After two weeks, he told her he wanted to work on our marriage, and he joined me down at my parents place. We stayed through my brother's wedding and came back home. -How long did it take your WS to get out of the affair fog? Honestly, it was a gradual process. In the first couple of months, he saw a lot of who she really was and was more focused on fixing me and him. There was a small part of him, and I could see that part, that was hung up on her, the promise they "made" to each other to seek each other out if our marriage and her relationship failed. But, we both found out about the same time, that after she broke up with her b/f she was with at the time, she jumped right on to another guy. I think it finally hit him that he was just a toy for her, and like a good little puppy dog he had fallen for it. He was honest with me, told me that he wasn't faking our reconciliation, it was just something in the back of his mind that he had finally let go. I was understanding, and things have only gotten better since. -How long was it before they tried to return to you? I was gone from our home for two weeks. I called him to check in and he said he was going to come get me. I asked him how he came to that conclusion and he said he was talking to her and realized he really did not want to give up on our marriage. Apparently, he actually told her that on the phone when he realized it, and pissed her off. lol -How willing was your partner to reconcile with you? Very willing, like I said, he jumped right into NC with her, he was willing to do whatever he took to try to make our marriage work. -How difficult did you both find the entire process? I had a hard time letting go of all the crap I had read and seen between the two of them. Very emotional and such. For him, he had a hard time with feeling horrible for what he had done to me. He had seen how I never laughed anymore and things like that. I was generally depressed. He even commented on how glad he was when a couple of my friends from my home town were visiting, as they had a sick relative, and heard me laughing again. -What were the "ground rules" that you set up? Absolutely no contact with her. Neither one of us (she was a friend of mine). If I needed to talk about her, he was to listen, and not say anything unless I asked him to. I wanted full disclosure and no secrets between us. -Did your WS follow these rules to the letter? Yes. He had no problem at all with the full disclosure thing, as I was honest with him about a few things he had been told by the former friend. Things I had told her privately. They weren't damaging things, but things I felt he should know. -How long was it before you were able to forgive them, if ever? We started fixing things in August, by Christmas, I had realized I was slowly falling for him again. By the end of May, it was completely gone. No hard feelings or anything like that. -Did you regret taking your partner back? No, I don't. There are days I get frustrated with him for other reasons (he's not the easiest person to live with lol, just ask his mom!) but the affair part of it is just history for me. -How is your relationship in the present? It's good. It's not the best for other issues we're having, financial trouble and we just moved, but we do really well together. Like I said, he's not the easiest person to live with lol But the affair is far from my mind. His too. We just deal with the "normal" things couples deal with, finances, etc.
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