LuckyCharm Posted May 5, 2011 Posted May 5, 2011 Only both my parents are still alive but seem like they don't want anything to do with me. I'm 26 y/o and have a great Husband and an amazing Daughter and they have helped me become the person I am today, I'm not perfect but growing up with only a mother who was emotionally abusive and did other bad things till this day I suffer from insomnia. I was estranged from my Dad and his family since that time I was 5 y/o till I was 22 and got back in contact with him and DH and I moved so I can be closer and finally have a relationship with him. He's can be a very difficult man and doesn't have much patience but I accepted him for who he is and last year he was really rude to my DH and I wanted to talk to him about it (nicely of course) but he always made excuses not to come see me, he stopped calling and visiting completely. I tried so hard for over 6 months to try and talk, I was even willing to go over to his house (even though in this case I should have put my foot down and talk in my term) but even then my Dad made excuses why he couldn't come see me. After trying to meet with my Dad for over 6 month I stopped cause this whole situation just made me too stressed since he made no effort to contact me. but last month I sent him a letter, I read it over and over and had my DH read it to make sure it came from the heart and not from anger. I never heard from my Dad. Didn't even call me on my B-day (I called both him and his gf on their b-day's regardless of his gf not being nice to me). It just breaks my heart because I grieved over him a long time ago when I was a child and thought I lost him forever and now I feel like I lost him all over again and this time it's for good. I am trying so hard to accept that he just doesn't want a relationship with me after all and to be honest I don't know if I even want a relationship with him now if he ever changes him mind, I'm not a yo-yo I don't want to get hurt again and I don't want him hurting my Daughter (his only grandchild) she was only a 1.5 y/o when he stopped calling/visiting and I don't want her to be crushed if he ever did this again. The reason I'm posting this is because I really need advice since I thought I was handling this well and keeping hope that he cares but now after I sent the letter and not getting a phone call or card on my b-day I'm really crushed that he doesn't seem to care and sad because I realized both my parents have never been there for me when I needed them. I know I'll pull through this but right now I feel so strange as if I'm grieving over loosing my Dad and I can really use some advice and kind words. Thanks for taking the time to read this!
TaraMaiden Posted May 5, 2011 Posted May 5, 2011 I clicked into this thread, because I lost my father last October. He died after a prolonged period of ill-health, which turned into a rapid decline while I was with him, and after two weeks of care and attention, he died in the early hours of a calm, bright, clear autumn morning. I'm very sorry you are so distanced from your parents, but there is nothing written anywhere that parents and children have to be close, loving and affectionate. There are many instances on this forum of people complaining, bemoaning and lamenting the attitude, character and temperament of their parents, but it seems they maintain some form of connection, albeit turbulent and dysfunctional. The only thing I can say is that - You tried. You tried really hard, and your efforts went unrewarded. your parents failed you, you didn't fail your parents. They seem to be two bitter, resentful, mean and emotionally-incapable people, and the fact they are not with one another still, is testimony to their inability to sustain their own relationship too.... It may be necessary for you to disassociate yourself from your parents for good, and to consider counselling and support while you come to terms with their permanent absence. Remember, this is their choice. But you may need help to reach a frame of mind where indifference is the main attitude you have to them. Any other emotion will simply eat away at you. You need to reach a place where their choices have no influence on you, your relationship with your husband, and above all the relationship you have with your child. Take a lesson from this: Be the parent to your daughter than she needs you to be. Love her, cherish her and be affectionate towards her, and bring her up to respect you, yet still have a mind of her own. Look up Kahil Gibran's poem on "Children". It teaches you about perfect Parenthood. Something you can develop and hold close yo your heart. Even if your own parents have absolutely no notion themselves, of what parenting means. I wish you well, and hope you can find a solution which brings peace to your mind, serenity to your heart, and contentment to your life.
Recommended Posts