girlfriend says a break is what is best

[23go4]

A little background.

We meet at a friends house. I never knew her from before. The day I met her, I fell for her. Her eyes, her smile, her laughter, everything. We started dating on 7/8/9. It is a very special time in the past for me. May 1, 2011 she decided on a break. Everything has been great with her, I loved her, I did many things for her, I made her feel like a princess. It was literary magic when I was with her. I would do anything for her and she knew it. She also loved me, she made me feel great and she always told I was the best and there was nobody better. We loved each other very much.

 

So now to the recent stuff. In March stuff started going down. We would argue more, we would fight more and at times things were really difficult. I told her I was sorry many times, she told me she was sorry many time. I understand we are human and not perfect but it started getting too far. In mid April we were so close in ending things, she was causing me pain and I was causing her pain too. I got to the point where I said to myself, I love her a lot, she is the world to me, she makes me happy and I wouldn't know what to do without her. We made up and we promised to be good to each other. From April 17-28 things were so great! We were happy again! things were great! like the old times and it was just amazing! Then came April 29, I just blew up on her like never before. It was one side she has never seen of me it was me blowing up like a bomb on her. The reason being was because she was hanging out with a guy who she knows very well how I feel about that. I totally hated it when she got with him. She wasn't along though, she was with her sister. But still I was beyond pissed. I said things I wish I could take back (like you do when you're furious) and told her I was sorry from the bottom of my heart. 2 days later she asked for a break.

 

I am so confused on what she wants from this break. I am in so much pain. I don't eat, sleep or have any motivation to do anything. She was my everything for me. She gave me strength and she motivated me. She told me a break was best because she feels that is the best what we both could do. She told me she still loved me from the bottom of her heart and she means it. She told me her heart is tied to me and nobody else. I asked her If she would start seeing other people and she said "no, just because I am single doesn't mean I am interested in anybody else". She promised me her loyalty as well as I did. She told me right now she does not want to be with me and in the future she might want too. What does that mean? she said we are going to be everything we were before except "BF GF". I asked about talking and she said we will not talk as often as we did before, and she will not see me often either, only every once in a while. Also she told me she wanted to change herself, she believes she is way to stubborn and she want to change that about her before we get back together. I am so lost. She is the girl I fell hard for and she fell hard for me. I am willing to do anything to get her back.

 

We talk about 3 times a day. morning, mid-day and night. we talk for about 30 mins max. We just talk about how we are doing and how our day is. She tells me everything is good and nothing is wrong. I tell her things are not going good and it sucks. I know this is a lot but I need help, advice or anything. What should I do? How long should I wait. What should I ask her?

[placeholder]

What I've learned from a recent break-up is that taking time off is a great way to fix a relationship. Staying out of each other's business and evaluating yourselves is the best way to figure out and work on problems in a relationship. In the past few weeks since my actual break-up (not a break), I've changed greatly and have grown to realize the issues that were in my relationship.

 

While she is giving you a second chance (In my case, I don't know if I'll get one), take the time off to better yourself and work on the things that caused for your relationship to become strained. It'll all work out in the end.

[23go4]

slowly and slowly I have accepting the fact that we are not together and I feel like she is not so interested anymore. I have asked her twice to call me at night and she has stuck me up both times. she won't text back and if she does it is 30mins to and hour later

[Fufu]

I think the best you can do now is to give her space and also start NC for yourself.

 

Take a break as a break up.

 

When my ex-bf broke up with me 6 months ago, he told me it was break up. After that he said he needed a break, and then he said he truly wants the break up.

 

Start NC to heal yourself.

[loverboy1984]

Either we were dating the same girl or there is something intrinsically similar in both their minds.

 

I made her chose between being with me and not. she said the same things your gf did but then said its over when I made her chose. I felt bad later for doing that but now I dont.

 

Tell her that you would love to work on your issues and be better people for each other after all that you have invested over the years. If she insists on the break then...

 

 

Tell her:

 

"I want to be with you but if you dont have it in your heart to be with me then I cant convince you or force you to, so I will have to let you go and try to move on without you. I will give you your space and break. Infact I will be generous and give you alot of it. I wont be contacting you anymore and please only contact me if you are genuinely serious about being with me and have the right reasons for it. I will not be waiting for you if you change your mind, but if your love for me is genuine then maybe we can worth things out. Goodbye."

 

Buddy PLEASE GO NC IMMEDIATELY. I was just like you. I couldnt, eat, sleep and concentrate. NC does help. You will feel like crap for at least a month before you get better. Delete her from FB, and your phone.

 

She is not strong enough to be with you and work things out, if infact thats the real reason. When on side goes on a time out the otherside (this being you) can use this to their advantage and be a better person, even though they didnt need the time out. So do that. Get your confidence back, love yourself before she or anyone else can love you.

 

During this time you will love her alot, hate her alot, and go through alot of emotions. When your head begins to think clearly you will see all the flaws and faults in the relationship and why you argued alot. You will have some regrets but there no point to have that. Just know what you will do different. BE A BETTER PERSON. Use this opportunity.

 

Good Luck

Edited May 5, 2011 by loverboy1984

[TaraMaiden]

slowly and slowly I have accepting the fact that we are not together and I feel like she is not so interested anymore. I have asked her twice to call me at night and she has stuck me up both times. she won't text back and if she does it is 30mins to and hour later

 

This isn't 'a break'.

This is "broken up for good."

 

Please read the Caliguy No Contact guide in my signature.

You need to apply this to your life completely.

 

Providing you adhere to it, 100% as you should (and I honestly do recommend you do it, as written, and follow it rigidly), this will do one of two things for sure:

 

It will begin your healing process and help you move on to a healthier, wiser and more experienced frame of mind -

and -

 

it will in all probability prompt her to contact you.

 

now listen to me very carefully.

 

The only reason she will be contacting you, is that you've dropped off her radar, and she will be curious as to why you have stopped crawling after her.

 

Please, please PLEASE!!

 

Do NOT RESPOND.

 

The only approach you should ever, ever respond to is this:

 

"I'm so sorry for everything I have put you through.

I now appreciate how foolish I have been, and realise that I am so in love with you that I am begging you to give me another chance. I will do whatever it takes to repair the damage, mend this, and get you to trust me.

Please, can we try again?"

 

This is the only thing you should reply to.

 

Everything else - EVERYTHING ELSE - is just feeding you breadcrumbs, yanking your chain, and trying to evoke a response from you to make her feel better and comfortable, and less guilty.

It will be for her own benefit and peace of mind.

Not yours.

 

Go to it tiger.

 

Move on, man up and live your life.

 

It was there before she came along.

It's still there now she's gone.

[SlowBlues]

I wholeheartedly agree with everything that was posted above. She may have said "we need to take a break" but you cannot try and read more into it. You need to treat it as a full on break up. I think at this point contacting each other is only going to make things worse and confuse your feelings even more.

 

Send her a NC message saying that you respect the fact that she needs space and that you are going to give it to her and that you need to use this time to work on yourself as well, which is what you need to do. After that DO NOT contact her. No calls, no texts, no emails, facebook, etc.

 

By remaining in contact while you are on a supposed "break" you are not allowing yourself to heal from the rejection that she served you. NC is for you to heal yourself. If there is any chance of reconciliation in the future she will have to be the one to initiate it because she ended it. Staying friends is too hard at this point. You know that she is not leaving you for another guy and is not looking to jump into another relationship, she just needs to be there for herself and only she can do that for herself. Respect that, go NC, and try to move on with your life without her.

[23go4]

Thanks for the advice. It just seems easier said than done. When we first went on the break, she didn't mention what were the boundaries. She just said less texting and less seeing each other. Today she agreed to see each other. So far, I feel like it won't happen. If it doesn't I am going to make one last attempt to talk to her just so I can tell her what is going on with me and what I am going to do. NC is very hard for me to do, but I will have to man up and do it. I already told her I loved her and I wanted to work things out with her. I told her I was sorry for everything. I told her I really wanted to make things better from here on out. I even bought her a promise ring to prove it. But then there came a point where I couldn't convince her anymore. It was totally up to her. She asked for the break and as much as this hurts me as much as I don't want to do this to myself, I have too. Thanks again for the advice everybody.

[TaraMaiden]

Every time you feel like calling her - post here instead.

Every time you feel like texting her - post here instead.

Every time you feel like sending her an e-mail - post here instead.

 

Every time she calls you - don't reply, but post here instead.

Every time she texts you - don't reply, but post here instead.

Every time she sends you an e-mail - don't reply, but post here instead.

 

get the picture??

We're here to help.

we're poor substitutes for what you'd really like, but excellent replacements for what you shouldn't respond to!

 

Good luck, sport!

[Fufu]

Thanks for the advice. It just seems easier said than done. When we first went on the break, she didn't mention what were the boundaries. She just said less texting and less seeing each other. Today she agreed to see each other. So far, I feel like it won't happen. If it doesn't I am going to make one last attempt to talk to her just so I can tell her what is going on with me and what I am going to do. NC is very hard for me to do, but I will have to man up and do it. I already told her I loved her and I wanted to work things out with her. I told her I was sorry for everything. I told her I really wanted to make things better from here on out. I even bought her a promise ring to prove it. But then there came a point where I couldn't convince her anymore. It was totally up to her. She asked for the break and as much as this hurts me as much as I don't want to do this to myself, I have too. Thanks again for the advice everybody.

 

Look at actions more than words. Also, don't assume too much too.

 

You have done your best for her, so now focus on yourself.

[23go4]

That is the thing. Since I am not talking to her, I keep assuming things. My mind just builds off it.

[23go4]

"I would love to see you and the puppy today, but I was handed a stack of boxes last night and told I have until tonight to pack my stuff up.. So I kinda gotta do that" she sent me this. I forgot to mention we have a dog together. I am just getting mixed signal from her. And by packing her things means she has to move her things out of her room since she is getting new carpet. Ugh!!!

[TaraMaiden]

Forget the puppy.

 

Don't seek 'joint custody', and let her keep it.

 

This is just a poor reason to maintain contact.

The puppy is just a dog, and as such, absolutely no excuse, reason or justification for keeping in touch.

It's not going to suffer, pine, get anxious or miss you.

Trust me - they really don't.

 

(I'm a dog behaviourist, so I'm speaking with some 'authority' and experience.....)

 

The dog either stays with you, or stays with her.

But you can't share the dog.

[23go4]

The dog lives with me. Honestly, I don't think I could make it without my dog. But thanks for the advice. I am just having troubles letting this girl who I still love go, just like nothing. I am slowly believing she is not having any troubles forgetting about me. Which is fine a guess. We had nearly 22 amazing months together and they just vanished. Now I am stuck with agony, I am confused at time, I miss her, I am just suffering. This time off has made me realize that we were together a lot and maybe too much. But I don't know. She asked for the break she will have to get me back. Which right now, I think it won't happen. Thanks everybody.

[23go4]

made it official. going NC after tomorrow. unfortunately we have to take our dog in to the vet for his yearly check up, we are both paying half. That was the deal in the beginning. She told me things haven't been easy and her friends have been supporting her a lot. What bothers me is one of her guy friends bought her flowers to cheer her up. Which was one of the main reasons why we are in a "break". Right now she is not sure if she wants me back because she is afraid of me blowing up on her again. But I never disrespected her, never called her names, never physically hurt her, never threatened her so I hope she realizes that.

[loverboy1984]

Dude both taking care of the dog will make NC impossible. You will be so tempted to use it as an excuse to see and talk to her. You will be her crutch as she recovers and you bleed. Already your hurting knowing this guy is giving her attention while you just the guy taking care of the dog.

 

I was in the same situation as you, my GF of 6 yrs left me because some other guy kissed her and she got curious. Yes I still want her back but I needed to do NC and not know whats going on in her life.

 

Either keep the dog or give it up. You cant share it if your broken up. If you want it then pay for it all. If not then let her. Or have her send you her half and you take care of it and tell her when and if we are back together we can share it again. The dog is a part of a life you shared. You dont share that anymore.

 

Be a little selfish. shes selfish and using you. Keep the dog and tell her to get lost. and go NC.

 

Listen to the people here. after two months come back to this post and read what you have been saying and trust me you will be like what was I thinking then. Thats how I am now.

 

Good Luck buddy.

[23go4]

Thanks for the support. I know I shouldn't have but I did see her when we took out dog to the vet. Things were weird and we barely talked. But after that, I am committing to NC. usually I would tell her good night and stuff but I haven't even said that to her. I went from talking to her three times a day to complete NC. tomorrow I am determined to not speak to her. Will I think about her and miss her? Yes, of course but I won't talk to her. Thanks for the help everybody. It really has made me make the beat choice for both of us and most importantly me.

[loverboy1984]

When I decided to go NC I wrote out a contract and signed it, and said that If I breach it and call her I will be losing respect for myself and I gave my own word with that signature. My word is the only thing I have in this world, I give it to people I love and patients. If I cant stand by it than Im not worthy of anything.

 

If you want to be serious about NC. do it right. You will miss her. I miss my gf and its been 2months and I realized I do love her but I also was able to see where I went wrong and work on myself, even though she was the one who messed up. Use this time as an opportunity,an experience. Things can only get better.

[23go4]

thats a good idea. I am a man of my word, if I say it, it will happen. I just don't think I can commit to a contract like that. At least yet. I am thinking I will just write what I want to tell her on paper when I really want to talk to her. Instead of saying it to her, I'll just being getting it out a different way. Right now it is Saturday morning, I would usually get a text " Good morning honey :)" and that would make my morning. I miss her a lot, I can't listen to the radio without getting sad since a lot of songs remind me of her. I have been praying for strength everyday but at times I just feel really low and down and it gets the best of me. One Sunday it would have been 22 months together, also she is a mother. I just want to tell her "You're great of a mother, you son is blessed to have a mother like you. You go to school, you work, and you do your very best at those things with one thing in mind.. Your son, you want the best future for both of you. I know he is your motivation and drive and you're a great person and tremendous mother"

 

would it be ok to send her a card and flowers to her home when she is not home that why I won't have to see her? Or should I buy her a card and write it down and give it to her when we seek communication again?

[loverboy1984]

I was with my gf for 6yrs. we were in a LDR due to school but I would wake up every morning to a text from her. the few days before the break up I stopped getting it and now I dont get it at all (obviously). I learned to not get upset and let it get to me. There have been several occasions that I wanted to congradulate her or send her an innocent message but I stopped. I knew that if I did that and didnt get a response or a one word answer like "thanks" it would eat at me and I would be analyzing it for days. My suggestion is dont do it. Its the first step of moving on.

 

Its been 2 months today that I have been in NC. I almost sent her a message last night but I stopped. I told myself I lasted this long why make a move now. Also I dont want to come across friendly and be put in the friend zone. I want her back and I know not saying anything will guarantee i dont screw things up. I want her to come to me. if she doesnt then its not meant to be. she already knows how I feel about her. I cant and wont do anything else until I get something from her. You do that too.

 

Just like you expect a text from her Saturday morning and are now bummed out she can feel the same when you dont say anything. Be scarce, unavailable, and that will make you wanted. You want to be wanted right? dont be predictable.

 

Start thinking of a life without her in it, try to feel indifferent ( i know its hard) but when you do you will be in a better position to get her back and start a better relationship with her. And if not your on your way forward and healed. I thought this was stupid when people told me but its true.

 

say happy mothers day to your mom or grandmother instead.

[Chi townD]

Look, the first couple of days of NC will be UNBELIEVELY rough. Stick to it! Post here if you need to. The first time she texts you, you will be sooooo tempted to respond back, DON'T DO IT!

 

It sound like you may have some anger issues and jealousy issues. NC is the prefect time to fix that. Have you considered talking to someone about that?

[23go4]

If she talks to me, I'll be SO tempted to reply! It will be hard. But the way I know her, she won't ever text me. She believes in "if you want to talk to me, you talk to me first" Yes, I'll admit it, I do have jealousy issues. But how can you not! It is just hard for me to think about a guy is trying to replace me. And I don't think I have anger issues, I just couldn't take it anymore and I blew up. It happens to everybody. I told her I was extremely sorry. I said so many things to the point I just gave up because i knew whatever i said wouldn't matter since she already had her mind made up. It's just hard. Right now, she owns my mind, no matter what I do, she will stay in there. I know she is in pain too, I know this is not easy for her. I know it. I just do. And if I am wrong I told her to tell me ASAP. I don't want to be heart broken for a long time.

[Eddie Edirol]

If she talks to me, I'll be SO tempted to reply! It will be hard. But the way I know her, she won't ever text me. She believes in "if you want to talk to me, you talk to me first" Yes, I'll admit it, I do have jealousy issues. But how can you not! It is just hard for me to think about a guy is trying to replace me. And I don't think I have anger issues, I just couldn't take it anymore and I blew up. It happens to everybody. I told her I was extremely sorry. I said so many things to the point I just gave up because i knew whatever i said wouldn't matter since she already had her mind made up. It's just hard. Right now, she owns my mind, no matter what I do, she will stay in there. I know she is in pain too, I know this is not easy for her. I know it. I just do. And if I am wrong I told her to tell me ASAP. I don't want to be heart broken for a long time.

 

She is probably not in pain, she has a big weight off her shoulders because when she was with you, she couldnt do what she wanted. It sucks to be in a relationship where your SO doesnt trust you, after a while you just want to get out. Insecurity is a big turnoff. Since you guys fought so much, that chipps away at her attraction to you. When you get angry and jealous, that KILLS her attraction to you.

 

So every time you contact her, or talk to her, it reminds her of why she lost her attraction to you, and helps her get over you faster. Assume she found someone else, because you will be finding out about it in a month or so. Sorry means nothing, because you werent mature enough to have confidence in your relationship to begin with.

 

Thats why you dont send her flowers or anything. Youre still looking for reasons to contact her. Its too late, you already killed her attraction to you, and she wont go backwards now that youve killed that spark. So learn from this, learn to control your rages, and take the time to yourself to improve.

Edited May 8, 2011 by Eddie Edirol

[23go4]

She is that way too. She doesn't like when I hang out with girls who I have had a "thing" with. The guy friend I am referring about and her use to have a "thing" back when we first met it was between him and I. I got to her because the other guy was in the military. Last year I went to Mexico for three weeks and they hung out often. He even told her that he still loved while I was gone in Mexico. 7 months later, she told me what he said to her, after her friend and her got into a fight and they were never going to talk again. So it isn't just any guy, and my jealousy isn't just random. Now she told me

She misses him and just wants to be friends with him. I told her how I felt and she completely ignored me. They started to be friends again and started hanging out. Once that happen i couldn't take the anger so I let go. Although your point are very strong I think you are right, maybe she didn't like that feeling of me not trusting her. I don't know. She broke my trust once and I forgave her. Today is mothers day, she is a mom and as much as I want to, I am not going to say a word to her. I need to stay NC. Instead I bought a card wrote all the things I need to say to her and plan on giving it to her once she talks to me.

[23go4]

Ugh!!! I can't do it. I know I am in NC but I have to say happy mothers day at least.