Miss M Posted May 5, 2011 Posted May 5, 2011 (edited) So, I have been with my new boyfriend for 3 months now and he likes to keep in contact with me all day long. He texts me in the morning, then b4 school and texts me during school and after I get out he wants me to call him and then he texts me inbetween that call and wants me to call him again to talk later that evening and then he texts me inbetween that call then he wants to talk on the phone again at nightime and then wants to also talk right before I get to bed. This is every single day lol. Is this unusual? He's a really sweet guy, but how I tell him politely to stop stalking me without hurting his feelings? Edited May 5, 2011 by Miss M
fgc123 Posted May 5, 2011 Posted May 5, 2011 OMG he just cares about you.... honestly if it bothers you that much just leave. No it's not unusual.
Author Miss M Posted May 5, 2011 Author Posted May 5, 2011 OMG he just cares about you.... honestly if it bothers you that much just leave. No it's not unusual. yes, he really does care about me and I don't want to take that for granted, but i'm just not used to this type of attention and I do feel that the phone contact is a little too frequent. I try messing around, jokingly calling him a stalker, but it kinda just became something funny between the 2 of us.
fgc123 Posted May 5, 2011 Posted May 5, 2011 If possible consider yourself blessed. You found someone that does not want to let go of you for even a second. I think thats cute. But if irritates you just talk to the man.
betterdeal Posted May 5, 2011 Posted May 5, 2011 but how I tell him politely to stop stalking me without hurting his feelings? I think you're a really sweet guy, and I'm afraid you might take what I am about to say the wrong way, but please hear me out. I'd like you to stop texting and calling me so often. Once or twice a day is fine, but I am uncomfortable with more than that. We have a good thing between us, and I hope that we can communicate difficult things like this, honestly, openly and positively.
thehead Posted May 5, 2011 Posted May 5, 2011 The guy likes you and is overeager. Don't call him a stalker to his face even as a joke if you want to spare his feelings. Say "I'm not a big phone or texting person. So if you text I might only answer one or two but we can still talk at night."
chucksagent Posted May 5, 2011 Posted May 5, 2011 I think "thehead" hit the nail right ON the head (pun intended?) Lol. This to me sounds more like a YOU issue...If you are uncomfortable with so much communication, by all means you should communicate it to him. Because, after all, as someone else said above, in a healthy relationship you SHOULD be able to communicate how you feel without offending. BUT, as another poster mentioned - really ALL technology is, is a means to an end...It really shouldn't be looked at as anything DIFFERENT than conversation. If he was in your class would you ignore him or would him talking bother you? If you saw eachother after school wouldn't you probably still call eachother at night? Could it be you REALLY just aren't that into him? Because I am ABSOLUTELY not a text or phone guy at all; BUT, my girlfriend now (especially when we first started dating) we would talk CONSTANTLY. I am a professional with a busy job and I found time during the day to chat with her often on FB chat (she has job where shes at computer during day too)...we would text if not at computer...what's more is that we would then TALK on the phone at the end of the night (i'd usually go to the gym from 8-10 and call her at 10). After the initial courtship we would usually wind up together at night after talking all day on chat or text. I think it's normal for people when they are REALLY into someone to want to talk to them a lot. Granted, may not be for everyone. But esepcially with the technology boom, most people I see who are REALLY into their significant other, they text VERY frequently. I'm OBVIOUSLY not saying this is NON stop or no work could get done lol but high frequency like you mentioned isnt unusual at all. Are you sure you REALLY like this guy? If the answer is yes, perhaps you're just REALLY not a phone person..lol
Author Miss M Posted May 5, 2011 Author Posted May 5, 2011 Are you sure you REALLY like this guy? If the answer is yes, perhaps you're just REALLY not a phone person..lol Yes, I do really like him, and I am a phone person, but not like that. When I say he texts me inbetween calls, I mean he's texting me almost the entire time til the next phone call. I feel like I have to have my phone right next to me all day long, because it hurts his feelings if I don't answer him back right away.
Author Miss M Posted May 5, 2011 Author Posted May 5, 2011 If possible consider yourself blessed. You found someone that does not want to let go of you for even a second. I think thats cute. But if irritates you just talk to the man. I do feel blessed, but i also need some room to breathe, and I don't want to make him feel bad.
Eve Posted May 5, 2011 Posted May 5, 2011 Yes, I do really like him, and I am a phone person, but not like that. When I say he texts me inbetween calls, I mean he's texting me almost the entire time til the next phone call. I feel like I have to have my phone right next to me all day long, because it hurts his feelings if I don't answer him back right away. Miss M, my daughter had a similar problem. The boy would text 60 times per day and in the end she could not take it and told him to cut down on the texts. He reduced it to about 20 texts and even that was too much for her. She said it was too much pressure, like really he was checking up on her. He also started commenting on all her FB status things. The last straw was his asking her to remove her male friends from FB. She ended things within three weeks of meeting him. He was a nice boy but far too clingy and insecure. Take care, Eve x
Author Miss M Posted May 5, 2011 Author Posted May 5, 2011 Miss M, my daughter had a similar problem. The boy would text 60 times per day and in the end she could not take it and told him to cut down on the texts. He reduced it to about 20 texts and even that was too much for her. She said it was too much pressure, like really he was checking up on her. He also started commenting on all her FB status things. The last straw was his asking her to remove her male friends from FB. She ended things within three weeks of meeting him. He was a nice boy but far too clingy and insecure. Take care, Eve x Yes, I do feel the pressure. I'm a very busy person and I always have to be worried about answering his texts and calling him when he wants to talk every day all day long. And yes he's the same way with facebook. He doesn't understand why i need to have so many friends on it, etc. etc. He has also shown other signs of having insecurity issues. I appreciate the way the he looks after me, but I also feel like he's just making sure he needs to know my every move to make sure I don't have a chance to do something I'm not suppose to do. We are both in our 30's and I really do like him because he is truly a great guy, but i'm not sure if it's a good Idea for me to stay or not.
Eve Posted May 5, 2011 Posted May 5, 2011 (edited) Yes, I do feel the pressure. I'm a very busy person and I always have to be worried about answering his texts and calling him when he wants to talk every day all day long. And yes he's the same way with facebook. He doesn't understand why i need to have so many friends on it, etc. etc. He has also shown other signs of having insecurity issues. I appreciate the way the he looks after me, but I also feel like he's just making sure he needs to know my every move to make sure I don't have a chance to do something I'm not suppose to do. We are both in our 30's and I really do like him because he is truly a great guy, but i'm not sure if it's a good Idea for me to stay or not. My girl is 16 but at the time she was 15. He was 17 at that time. She now uses this as a warning sign with boys. It may sound silly but she actually burst out into tears one night because she just wanted to be left alone to enjoy her life. The constant attention thing was too much. Turns out that if she said 'no' he took that to mean she was up to something. Which she was not in the slightest! Do you know what your bf was like with any ex partners? My daughter found out that this is just what he does. She found this out from an ex who dumped him for the exact same reasons. All in all, I think if your bf does not reduce down the texting/calling thing after asking him to, he has control issues. Take care, Eve x Edited May 5, 2011 by Eve
Author Miss M Posted May 5, 2011 Author Posted May 5, 2011 My girl is 16 but at the time she was 15. He was 17 at that time. She now uses this as a warning sign with boys. It may sound silly but she actually burst out into tears one night because she just wanted to be left alone to enjoy her life. The constant attention thing was too much. Turns out that if she said 'no' he took that to mean she was up to something. Which she was not in the slightest! Do you know what your bf was like with any ex partners? My daughter found out that this is just what he does. She found this out from an ex who dumped him for the exact same reasons. All in all, I think if your bf does not reduce down the texting/calling thing after asking him to, he has control issues. Take care, Eve x Yes, so many people may see that as "o he really cares about you", but I get the feeling there's something wrong with this. I'm over here focusing on not making him feel bad when I need to be concentrating on other things. I'ts too bad, because I like everything else about him, but i'm not sure if being with this type of person will be healthy for me.
vsmini Posted May 5, 2011 Posted May 5, 2011 "Yes, so many people may see that as "o he really cares about you", but I get the feeling there's something wrong with this" Never ignore your red flags. This is serious red flag behavior. It doesn't mean he's a psycho but I wouldn't argue if someone told me he was a co-dependent. How old is he? It sounds like very immature behavior and I would excuse it if this guy was new to relationships or a teenager since most people go thru that stage. Politely tell him that it's too much communication and you're feeling a lot of pressure.
Dust Posted May 5, 2011 Posted May 5, 2011 The word stalker doesn’t mean much any more. It can even be used to describe some one who looks at your facebook page once. I would just tell you’re bf you feel a little overwhelmed by all the calls and txts. I don’t enjoy getting constant calls and txts myself but have let people know that kindly and it works out.
Author Miss M Posted May 5, 2011 Author Posted May 5, 2011 "Yes, so many people may see that as "o he really cares about you", but I get the feeling there's something wrong with this" Never ignore your red flags. This is serious red flag behavior. It doesn't mean he's a psycho but I wouldn't argue if someone told me he was a co-dependent. How old is he? It sounds like very immature behavior and I would excuse it if this guy was new to relationships or a teenager since most people go thru that stage. Politely tell him that it's too much communication and you're feeling a lot of pressure. He's 34 and you might be right, I looked up co dependant and yes he seems to have some of those characteristics. He bends over backwards for me and I do feel like he fears losing me and it makes me a little uncomfortable to know that he feels that way. He told me yesterday that he feels happier when I'm around him, which I should feel good about, but i'm not sure what to think of that, because I'm just happy to have him, he doesn't have to be physically there for me to be happy.
Dust Posted May 5, 2011 Posted May 5, 2011 He's 34 and you might be right, I looked up co dependant and yes he seems to have some of those characteristics. He bends over backwards for me and I do feel like he fears losing me and it makes me a little uncomfortable to know that he feels that way. He told me yesterday that he feels happier when I'm around him, which I should feel good about, but i'm not sure what to think of that, because I'm just happy to have him, he doesn't have to be physically there for me to be happy. So you like the thought of being in a relationship with him, but physically speaking you don’t know how you feel? It made you uncomfortable to hear him say he enjoys being around you? Maybe you like him, but you are afraid of things moving to fast ether because you don’t want to get hurt or you feel its kind of fake? Maybe you just don’t like the way he is, and find yourself getting more and more annoyed with him?
chucksagent Posted May 5, 2011 Posted May 5, 2011 I think a lot of great points have been made. DUST...I have said the SAME thing before. The word stalker means NOTHING. Truthfully, if a guy is good looking, it's impossible to be a stalker...LOL...If a girl isn't attracted to a guy, anything he does is "stalker"... I.E. If guy A is ugly and guy B is hot...the SAME EXACT behavior by both guys could be construed totally different by the girl...Guy A stalker Guy B is hot..LOL...sad but true... Furthermore, I think you ABSOLUTELY need to tell him this before you break up if you truly do like EVERYTHING else about him. Even if it hurts his feelings, your relationship will be MUCH stronger in the long run for being honest...TRUST ME....but yes, sometimes the truth hurts or stings for a bit. Oh well, that's life. "Always looking" has an interesting theory...perhaps you're too busy? I, for one, as someone who IS VERY BUSY, enjoys getting texts and phone calls during the day from my girlfriend. I always say though, school is only school, and a job is just a means to an end (putting food on your table)..I always put people I love as my first priority. I think it's sheep behavior to put anything else above people you love.
Author Miss M Posted May 6, 2011 Author Posted May 6, 2011 So you like the thought of being in a relationship with him, but physically speaking you don’t know how you feel? It made you uncomfortable to hear him say he enjoys being around you? He didn't say he enjoys being around me, he said he feels happier when i'm around, like he needs me to be there physically for him to feel happiness, as in he has feelings of unhappiness when i'm not there.
Author Miss M Posted May 6, 2011 Author Posted May 6, 2011 I think a lot of great points have been made. "Always looking" has an interesting theory...perhaps you're too busy? I, for one, as someone who IS VERY BUSY, enjoys getting texts and phone calls during the day from my girlfriend. I always say though, school is only school, and a job is just a means to an end (putting food on your table)..I always put people I love as my first priority. I think it's sheep behavior to put anything else above people you love. I enjoy getting texts and messages throughout the day as well, but this type of frequent contact, I don't feel is healthy. For example He'll ask me to call him when I get home and before I even get a chance to get home, he would have already start texting me asking me if i'm home yet, and this is after we've already been in contact with each other all day and he'll get upset if I take too long, he'll say things like i'm here waiting for your call and you're taking all this time to call me etc. etc.
Eve Posted May 6, 2011 Posted May 6, 2011 I enjoy getting texts and messages throughout the day as well, but this type of frequent contact, I don't feel is healthy. For example He'll ask me to call him when I get home and before I even get a chance to get home, he would have already start texting me asking me if i'm home yet, and this is after we've already been in contact with each other all day and he'll get upset if I take too long, he'll say things like i'm here waiting for your call and you're taking all this time to call me etc. etc. In the beginnings of my relationship with my now Hubby we were constantly in touch and it did not feel weird or intrusive. With a former partner, who turned out to be an arse.. there was always something a bit off within his communications. I thought he was just being attentive at first but really it was not about me and my welfare. I found this out a bit later.. No, it was all about him and his insecurity. You have to go with your gut feelings, OP. Take care, Eve x
Author Miss M Posted May 6, 2011 Author Posted May 6, 2011 In the beginnings of my relationship with my now Hubby we were constantly in touch and it did not feel weird or intrusive. With a former partner, who turned out to be an arse.. there was always something a bit off within his communications. I thought he was just being attentive at first but really it was not about me and my welfare. I found this out a bit later.. No, it was all about him and his insecurity. You have to go with your gut feelings, OP. Take care, Eve x Yes, I feel that he is more like your former partner. It's too bad because he is really sweet, but I don't think he's going to be right for me if he does have these type of issues. I'm very independant and I have a feeling that being with this type of person is only going to drain me out. Thanks for sharing with me
Eve Posted May 7, 2011 Posted May 7, 2011 Yes, I feel that he is more like your former partner. It's too bad because he is really sweet, but I don't think he's going to be right for me if he does have these type of issues. I'm very independant and I have a feeling that being with this type of person is only going to drain me out. Thanks for sharing with me I read your other thead too. Yeah, seems like a very similar scenario to what I experienced with my ex. He had been dumped by some girl called 'Angela' and it basically hurt his ego. From then on he was always looking for the end of relationships rather than just chill out and enjoy time spent. Also his friends were idiots who played around on their girlfriends (all of which seemed to have nothing better to do than wait around on those losers) Due to him respecting these other men, he tried to have the same lifestyle with me. Of course I had far better things to do. It is a shame that your bf has to ruin what could be something lovely.. but it does sound like he is damaged goods. Some people think this is attractive methinks. Like you curing him of this by doing what he says will prove your love.. or some **** like that. Nah, I would just be a friend to him and keep your options open. Take care, Eve x
tyciol Posted May 8, 2011 Posted May 8, 2011 I wouldn't call relentless texting 'stalking'. What he's doing is harassment and pestering, yes, but it's not 'stalking' unless you're being followed or monitored or having your privacy invaded in some way. Receiving messages doesn't qualify, though it can be troublesome and sometimes be a precursor to worse things.
VicJay79 Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 Wow.. That is wonderfully stated. I will save this and read it to myself. I think you're a really sweet guy, and I'm afraid you might take what I am about to say the wrong way, but please hear me out. I'd like you to stop texting and calling me so often. Once or twice a day is fine, but I am uncomfortable with more than that. We have a good thing between us, and I hope that we can communicate difficult things like this, honestly, openly and positively.
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