SpiralOut Posted May 5, 2011 Posted May 5, 2011 We were fighting constantly. He packed up his things one day and left in order to "take a break" which I knew would end in us breaking up, which we did. He did nothing whatsoever to help with the transition. He didn't call unless he needed/wanted something. He didn't help me with rent for the next month like he said he would (he gave me a week's notice of leaving, basically) and we had a huge fight over it that caused me to lose whatever respect I still had for him. It's not even the money that bothered me, just his attitude of deciding it was okay for him to just do what he wants while I am stuck here being responsible for everything. Which is what our entire relationship was like: me being responsible while he acted immature and REFUSED to pull his own weight in the relationship. I keep finding out about all sorts of things he lied to my face about throughout the relationship. It feels like I wasted the past couple of years of my life with someone who just doesn't do ANYTHING to contribute to the relationship. He is such a liar. And he wasn't even good in bed because he didn't care about what I liked. It took him two years to figure out that I like to be kissed on the neck in spite of me telling him and asking him over and over. He is the most selfish lover I have ever had in my life. Two of his family members have defriended me on facebook. Which I know shouldn't bother me but it does. This is probably because his brother's ex-girlfriend (whom they haven't known as long as me) is still friends with his family and I am not sure why. It makes me wonder what sorts of things he has said about me to make me look horrible to other people. I am now deciding if I should defriend him on facebook. He is starting to post things that get on my nerves like "I'm at the barefax [stripclub] right now watching dancing chicks." It makes me feel so embarassed for him. It is also weird that I feel no desire whatsoever to talk to him. I have had serious relationships before where I wanted so badly to stay friends or even continue to date other ex-boyfriends. But with him I just don't want to talk to him. It makes me feel sad that we can't stay friends. If he hadn't acted like such a douchebag when we broke up, I could certainly stay friends with him. But he has just proven to me that the only person he cares about is himself and he breaks promises and lies. He is not the person I thought he was and it makes me feel sick. I don't know how to get over it because it hurts so much to even think about it that I shove it to the back of my mind everyday and try to pretend it never happened.
betterdeal Posted May 5, 2011 Posted May 5, 2011 Sweetheart, do cut all connections with him. Block him on Facebook, delete his phone number, change your phone number, throw everything of his away. Block all his relatives and friends too. The sooner you do this, and stop communicating with him (reading his stuff is communicating with him) the sooner you are going to feel better. If you have a legal claim to the rent money (as in you shared the tenancy or agreed to) then send him a letter detailing what he owes you and giving him a reasonable period to pay it in, e.g. 21 days. If he still owes you after that time, send another letter as a final demand, with another 14 days to respond. If after that you haven't received payment or made an arrangement to pay, go to court. Generally, you have about a year in which to make a complaint to court depending on which jurisdiction you are in, so you may be able to delay chasing up the money for a bit until you feel stronger and more able to deal with it. I say pursue the money because it will give you self-respect, as well as money. It will also piss him off, but it is a lesson he needs to learn i.e. that he has to pay what he owes. But first thing's first. Disconnect on Facebook, phone, IM, email. No more contact.
Fufu Posted May 5, 2011 Posted May 5, 2011 betterdeal had say it all How I got over my ex-bf of 3 years - I delete all the pictures of him.. - I delete and block him from facebook - I delete his number on my mobile phone - I delete/block him on my skype and msn - I delete all his texts/emails from my e-mail inbox
Author SpiralOut Posted May 6, 2011 Author Posted May 6, 2011 (edited) Thank you. I am unable to legally force him to pay me rent, for complicated reasons. Let's just say I trusted him too much and he took advantage of that. Even his mother agrees that I have a right to be angry with him (I called her at one point asking her to please try and reason with him). I did everything I could do to convince him to give me rent money, by asking him over and over and fighting. I don't even need it that badly, I just did it to piss him off and I knew that me calling his mother would make him even more angry. I knew he wouldn't pay me but it made me feel better to know I was making life difficult for him. I already gave him notice to pick up his things or it's going on the curb, and he came several days before the deadline to pick it up. So it's all gone. He tried to leave behind a dresser of his that he didn't want. He told me that I can "go ahead and throw it out." It made me so angry that I chased after him down the hallway with it, dragging it across the floor as fast as I could. I left him standing with it along with his other stuff in the lobby so he was FORCED to take it. That pretty much summarizes his attitude towards me, throughout the entire time we dated. Some of his mail has come in but I'm not calling or texting him to give it back. I'll just write "wrong address" on it all and have it sent back to where it came from. I am tired of him coming by for his mail. I am planning to delete him and his familiy off facebook by the end of next week. I feel like an idiot for even dating him for as long as I did. Edited May 6, 2011 by SpiralOut
TheLoneSock Posted May 6, 2011 Posted May 6, 2011 Is his name on the lease? If so, he owes you compensation. A small claims court can take care of that quite easily. If he's not on the lease, then I guess you learned an expensive lesson here.
Author SpiralOut Posted May 6, 2011 Author Posted May 6, 2011 Oh yeah plus we bought a couch together and were going to sell it and split the money between us. Since he is not paying rent, I am keeping all the money for myself after it sells. (I also gave him the option of letting me keep his half instad of giving me rent, and he said no!! what an ass!!)
Author SpiralOut Posted May 6, 2011 Author Posted May 6, 2011 Like I said, it is not legally possible for me to force him to pay rent. I have discussed it with a lawyer. His name WAS on the lease, but I signed something allowing him to take his name off in order to get his own apartment. We had a verbal agreement that he would still pay me for one more month of rent. As soon as I signed it, he decided he didn't have to pay me. Yes, an expensive lesson for me to learn to never trust ANYONE when it comes to money. ETA: Actually, I wonder if a verbal agreement counts for anything? Probably not.
TheLoneSock Posted May 6, 2011 Posted May 6, 2011 Yes, an expensive lesson for me to learn to never trust ANYONE when it comes to money. Wrong. The lesson is don't ever give someone the option of f*cking you over. Trust people, but don't lay yourself down at their mercy. There's a big difference.
Author SpiralOut Posted May 7, 2011 Author Posted May 7, 2011 Wrong. The lesson is don't ever give someone the option of f*cking you over. Trust people, but don't lay yourself down at their mercy. There's a big difference. Yeah. Some of us just need to learn this the hard way I guess. Oh well thankfully I am fine. I made sure to not sink to his level so I can still walk away feeling like the bigger person. I will just have to leave the rest to karma.
Author SpiralOut Posted May 7, 2011 Author Posted May 7, 2011 Actually, you know what's funny? I think he's afraid of me now. The last few times we spoke, he was very timid. He was also polite to me for the first time in a long time. It's pretty obvious that he has been trying to not piss me off. It feel so damn good.
neverendingdrama Posted May 7, 2011 Posted May 7, 2011 and coming from the same crapola... yes , you can get your money back from him. You talk to your landlord/ leasing comp and take the idiot to court. It will cost you next to nothing. Worst comes to worst after a set time , you are considered common law " married". While he is out at the strip clubs , sell his **** and pay your bills. Been there done it . Good luck.. thank him , next time he calls.
Author SpiralOut Posted August 4, 2011 Author Posted August 4, 2011 (edited) and coming from the same crapola... yes , you can get your money back from him. You talk to your landlord/ leasing comp and take the idiot to court. It will cost you next to nothing. Worst comes to worst after a set time , you are considered common law " married". While he is out at the strip clubs , sell his **** and pay your bills. Been there done it . Good luck.. thank him , next time he calls. No. It is not an option. As I have explained already. I am not sure how it works where you are, perhaps you are in the US where it works that way. However, I have spoken to a legal professional in my province who has explained to me all of my legal options. There are complications to my situation I have no explained as I do not feel comfortable divulging something so private here. Anyway I seem to be mostly just **** on by people here saying "I told you so" as if they are so perfect themselves they have never made stupid mistakes? I am not mentally challenged. I am fully aware of the poor personal judgements that I made in this situation. Edited August 4, 2011 by SpiralOut
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