Lilmisus Posted May 5, 2011 Posted May 5, 2011 I'm just curious, how many of y'all flirt with someone if you aren't interested in them and you know they're interested in you? I'm one of those flirtatious, friendly people, and I've recently been trying to cut back on it if I'm not interested in the person, as to not lead them on. If they are interested in me, and I'm not interested in them, I try to let it be known so that they aren't mislead in anyway by me. But, if y'all recall, I recently posted about how one of my crushes (guy #2, who I am still interested in, sadly), has been backing off for the past couple of weeks since people started bombarding him with "ask her out already!" all the time. Once I got the cue that he wasn't interested, I immediately started backing off. He went on a date last week, and I (hopefully accidentally) saw the picture of him kissing another chick, who he is apparently only "friends" with since nothing is going to come from her. He though is incredibly confusing. For the past couple of days he has started making comments about how he knows I like him. He'd say things like "Oh, I thought your heart was racing because I was here.." (while smiling of course), and things along those lines. He's been coming up to talk to me way more lately (more so than he has in the past couple of weeks combined), and makes it a point to ask questions and just talk about anything, really. He also has been trying to make eye contact with me and smiling at me more when we walk by one another. Also, the other night, he tried to encourage me to go out with him and a bunch of others, saying how people could easily buy me drinks if I went along, and since everyone was going, to which I said no thanks, and he dropped it. Like I said before though, I've been backing off. He knew I liked him, and he knew I wanted him to ask me out a few weeks ago (though I didn't want people to say anything), and since he didn't seem to want to, I took it as the sign to move on and stopped trying to talk to him. He's the one who's been initiating all the conversations since then. For what reason? I don't know, and wondering all the time about it is annoying..of course. So I'm just looking to see if anyone can give me some insight as to what is going on with this guy. Is he or is he not interested in me? I don't like playing games, and if that's what's going on here, then I'm done. I'll try to stay friends with him of course (not sure if that's what's going on here..him just trying to find a new best buddy?), but flirting and leading someone on who you know likes you, when you aren't interested, isn't cool..or appreciated.
TheFamilyMan Posted May 5, 2011 Posted May 5, 2011 me as a guy, do not flirt with a woman unless I have some kind of interest in her, or she's just the easy-going type. It's good to make it clear if you do not have interest, but you don't want to come off as rude unless the person is being a real pain. You're situation with this guy is that a lot of us have this completely backwards thought process, similar to women, where we want what we can't have or is a challenge. Now that you took it as a sign that he wasn't interested and changed the way you were, it has him thinking, well what happened, and he's wanting your attention again, which means you just put yourself in the perfect position if you do in fact want something with him. The only thing is that you have to question the genuineness of it since he only came around after you switched it up. If you are trying to avoid playing "the game" then this is one situation to walk away from unless you know how to handle it. Good luck though! Keep us posted!
93TheHitStick Posted May 5, 2011 Posted May 5, 2011 I flirt with all girls personally. Kinda like you its my personality. But if i know a girl likes me and i don't like her i don't flirt with her on purpose. Might seem like i am but i'm not. And even if it seems like i am flirting i try to make it obvious without saying it that i'm not interested. Idk about him because you guys are friends and he made a joke of it. So that could mean like you he is just trying to keep your friendship intact. Or it could mean he is trying to feel you out. If i was in your position i would just bring it up. Since you guys are already friends and he already knows and you are adults no chance of one of you being stupid immature just ask him about it. "(insert guys name here) you know i like you are you romantically interested in me?" Worst he can say is no to which you reply "okay lets not let that hurt our friendship" No reason for things to get awkward or anything. Goodluck.
somedude81 Posted May 5, 2011 Posted May 5, 2011 Nope. And I hate it when girls do it to me. Girl tricks me into thinking she's interested, I work up the courage to ask her out, "oh, I'm sorry, I have a boyfriend." Ugh
Author Lilmisus Posted May 5, 2011 Author Posted May 5, 2011 Thanks y'all! Here's some more back story. I would say look at my previous posts to get it..but they'd probably confuse you since I've been posting about a couple of guys..not just him. When we first started working together, we were both extremely friendly and flirty towards one another. He opened up to me before he really opened up to anyone else there, and quite a few people could tell that, and that's why they encouraged him to ask me out, since they figured "Oh, he likes her, he just needs to know that she likes him!" I'm still pretty positive that he would have asked me out a few weeks ago if I would have just let him, but I kept changing the subject since I wasn't sure at that point, and after that..things got awkward. Not sure if that confused him and what started him to back off and go for the other chick, but I guess we'll never know. Also, people have been encouraging me to just talk to him, to have people stop talking to him for me (which, they did on their own), and so I'm wondering if they're encouraging him the same way. I do think that if something did happen between the two of you, and you started 'dating' that this guy could not be trusted... he would be skirting issues that are important to you... he would be hard to read... not interested in how you are feeling or take your views seriously... possibly a cheater too. I also think that posting things, like what you said, on FB is immature... so imagine if you have a falling out what he would be posting on FB. I would take a serious look at what you may potentially be getting yourself into here. My ex was like that (though, I'm wondering what you're talking about with FB?). I'm keeping my eyes wide open for others like him..but trust me, this guy doesn't seem like that at all. He's not the player type, though I can't be sure if he's acting the way he is only for attention that I'm no longer giving him. What makes me so interested in him, is the fact that I can tell that he'd treat me the way I want to be treated, and that he has a great personality that meshes extremely well with mine. We've talked about dating here and there, and though neither of us has gone into too much detail about it, I can tell that he believes in treating women with respect and being the "man" in the relationship (soooo not like my ex). He also is very respectful to every woman he interacts with (doesn't flirt or talk to them like he does to me though..just polite), and that's what makes everyone think he's a great guy, and why people told me to go for him. But...it doesn't change the fact that he's really confusing me with his actions. Like I said, I'm not looking to play games here, and if that's what he's doing, I'm out. If though he's looking to just be friends, I'd be all for it, but the flirty comments and comments about dating kind of need to stop..pronto
fishtaco Posted May 5, 2011 Posted May 5, 2011 Of course I do, all the time. Women don't have the monopoly on flirting for other motives.
betterdeal Posted May 5, 2011 Posted May 5, 2011 (edited) Yep, I like to flirt. Giving a woman them feelings is great fun. I do moderate it a bit if I sense the woman is interested in getting more involved that I am, to avoid embarrassing anyone. Get it refined well enough and they can be disappearing off to the loo for 5 minutes during the working day. Edited May 5, 2011 by betterdeal
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