MyHeartHurtsOuch Posted May 5, 2011 Posted May 5, 2011 We lived together year and a half..he left me, i begged for give to give us another chance and he said he couldn't. listed different reasons. i've cried almost every day since. we went NC ten days ago. When he officially moved out and gave me his key to our place. I've cried every day since then. Today he left a note on the door: "I'm sorry to leave you a note. I hope you are doing well. If you could please put my mail in a bag for me to pick up sometime, i would really appreciate it. I finally remembered to replace the lamp I broke. Sorry it took me so long." First of all, I hadn't cried all day but I cried a lot when I read the note. The only thing I saw was I'm sorry for leaving you...and I thought well you can imagine what I thought...and the note was definitely not what I thought. I feel stupid and sad. The lamp btw is outside and he fixed it already. What do I do about his mail?? It's a credit card, a credit card bill, and a magazine. Not sure what to do? He said leave it in a bag. So am I supposed to put it in a bag and text him that it's outside or not do anything or what? So hurt again. I feel so foolish....I got my hopes up and I felt so ****ing happy for that split second. I'm an idiot.
D-Lish Posted May 5, 2011 Posted May 5, 2011 It must have been really difficult to see the note. It sucks to have someone say to you "I feel bad for hurting you". My recent ex kept saying that to me when he broke up with me and after. It made me feel worse, because no one wants to think that an ex feels pity for us. If he wants his mail, he should be changing his mailing address. In the meantime- just text him that you've left his mail in a bag on the door knob and leave it at that. Just be all business, and don't let him know how much you are hurting inside. I keep having this urge to tell my ex I miss him and let him know how hurt I am still- but I resist the urge to tell him because I don't want to give him that kind of power over me anymore.
Sassygirl2 Posted May 5, 2011 Posted May 5, 2011 I'm so sorry that you have to go through this. I bet your heart just sank when you got the note. At least it was somewhat heartfelt. It sounds like he feels bad about the breakup. I agree with D-Lish to leave a bag with his mail outside the door and text him to pick it up when you are not there. Of course it sucks but you have to be strong. You don't want him to feel sorry for you - although a lot of us go back and forth on this one. My ex left my stuff in a bag on my porch a few days after we broke up and at the bottom of the bag was his key. It just crushed me. I thought I might have another chance but when I saw the key I couldn't handle it. I called him and asked "why he left the key?" (because I guess I hadn't accepted it was over) and he said, "I don't need it right now." Keep your chin up! You will be OK and you will make it through this. Keep posting on her and reading other posts. It has helped me tremendously and I hope it can help you too.
Author MyHeartHurtsOuch Posted May 5, 2011 Author Posted May 5, 2011 I emailed him and said I would leave his mail in a bag this morning. I'm just so hurt. The note is so business like and I know its for a reason. he knows he shouldn't contact me cause everything gives me hope. But it hurts cause that note just made it all so real and final. Like this is really just over. I feel like we went from this usper in love couple to now strangers again. He didn't even use my name or his name in the note. I thought 10 days NC would shed some light for him, but nope all he misses is his mail. I'm so sad. I guess I just have to realize its over and he's okay without me. As he told me "If I'm miserable without you I will find you" I'm so sad.
Author MyHeartHurtsOuch Posted May 5, 2011 Author Posted May 5, 2011 So I emailed him from my work email at 10pm last night and said "I will check mail tonight and put all in bag tomorrow morning" he didn't reply by 2pm today he hadn't gotten the bag yet I assume he will have gotten it by the time i get home in 20 min. what if he hasn't yet? then what? The email that i emailed him at is his work email and it goes to his phone so he should have received it.
Author MyHeartHurtsOuch Posted May 6, 2011 Author Posted May 6, 2011 nope the bag is still here on my door. there is a slight i mean very small chance his email doesnt work cause his company changed from outlook to lotus but i thought they forwarded his email...not sure. i do know his email address changed and i do not have the new one. i also CCed his aol address so i guess he either didnt get it yet and will when he checks that this week OR it went to his spam folder OR he got the email and didnt come get his mail how long do i wait until i try a different means of communication
D-Lish Posted May 6, 2011 Posted May 6, 2011 Does he have a cell phone that you can text him from? If he's really in need of his mail, he'll get in touch- no need for you to go out of your way to make sure he gets it. I'd just keep the bag on the door until he grabs it. You've done your part and e-mailed him- the rest is up to him. How are you doing today?
Author MyHeartHurtsOuch Posted May 6, 2011 Author Posted May 6, 2011 i'm doing okay i havent cried like i did last night. wow last night was bad. and yeah i'm worried that he didnt get the email but i did send it. thing is it could be that it didnt go through. i didnt want to text him. and it does make me more sad to think like hes so busy that he didnt get a chance to swing by...cause hes with someone or whatever but i dunno what he is and isnt doing.
D-Lish Posted May 6, 2011 Posted May 6, 2011 i'm doing okay i havent cried like i did last night. wow last night was bad. and yeah i'm worried that he didnt get the email but i did send it. thing is it could be that it didnt go through. i didnt want to text him. and it does make me more sad to think like hes so busy that he didnt get a chance to swing by...cause hes with someone or whatever but i dunno what he is and isnt doing. It's better not knowing- and there is no good to come from imagining what he might be doing. Maybe it didn't go through, maybe it did- but you did your part and got him his mail together for him, and alerted him. I'm sorry you are going through this babe- it's not easy- but it does get better. Hearing this now doesn't help when you're in so much pain- but I can tell you from experience that it does get better, and it does get easier. You have to look after yourself right now- make yourself the priority.
Author MyHeartHurtsOuch Posted May 6, 2011 Author Posted May 6, 2011 weekends suck...they kill me...thats when it hits me most
Exit Posted May 6, 2011 Posted May 6, 2011 If he's not that concerned about his mail, you shouldn't be! I wouldn't have even emailed him, he asked you to leave his mail in a bag for him, not to contact him when you had done it. Leave the bag there for a few more days. If he doesn't come get it, either text him that it's there or go leave it for him somewhere, you don't need to play this torturous game every day of coming home and seeing if the bag is still there.
Sassygirl2 Posted May 6, 2011 Posted May 6, 2011 Hearthurts - can you send the mail to his work address? That's what I would do. Do you still have a bunch of his stuff? You may want to pack it up (have a friend help you) and put it somewhere where you won't see it everyday. I had to put everything away that reminded me of my ex or I would cry everytime I saw a picture or his razor, etc..... Weekends are hard. I find myself thinking what he is doing too. It really doesn't matter what he is doing. It matters what you are doing to take care of yourself. Can you stay with a friend or family member? Go into work? Make some plans with a friend? I know staying home where you both lived is torture. I had to get out of the house the first weekend after the breakup but then I started cleaning and reorganizing things so that it was different when I walked in the door. I bought a new comforter set for my bed which helped. Hang in there. You are going to be fine. I was like you two weeks ago and I feel a lot better already. I miss him terribly still but I know I can do this. I don't have a choice. Plus I don't want to be with a man who just walks out on me.
Author MyHeartHurtsOuch Posted May 6, 2011 Author Posted May 6, 2011 Very true I don't want to be with a man who walked out on me either. SO...update last night I was up kinda late reading...and at about midnight I fell asleep and I woke up around 1am and I was very tired but I remember waking up and thinking "Okay he got his bag I can hear him at the door"...which is strange bc the bedroom is far from the front door and I had the ceiling fan on....but sure enough this morning I looked and the bag was gone. He has a kinda loud exhaust on his car so I dont know if thats what woke me...and it could have also been that he had people (girls) with him or music on...either way it upset me bc this means he was out. He's 31 yrs old and partying like a 21 yr old. All his friends (who he barely met within the 2 month break up) are young maybe around 21-24. And yesterday was cinco de mayo so I know a lot of people went out. It just bothers me cause that's just not who I thought he was. And the fact that he was loud enough makes me think that he knew there was a chance I could hear him...and I worry that he had a girl with him... I think too much I know but it does hurt me cause I see how over he is what we had..cause that's not the lifestyle he had with me. I'm sad
Popondetta Posted May 6, 2011 Posted May 6, 2011 Them going out partying with young people/girls does NOT mean that they are doing good or anything. Going out partying is just some peoples way of coping and trying to forget stuff they don't want to think about - the breakup-. They just don't want to think about it, but it will hit them someday, probably the day that me get over them and have started seeing someone new. It says alot about him that he thinks it's fun to go out with people that are that much younger than him. You'll be the winner in the long run!! At least that's what I'm telling myself at the moment
Sassygirl2 Posted May 6, 2011 Posted May 6, 2011 I'm sure he's just trying to get his mind off of you. I think we have all done the going out, partying thing to get over someone. Don't let it bother you too much. If he is any kind of decent guy then it won't last long. I know my ex is probably going out with friends a little younger than him too. He will do it for a few occasions but I don't think it will be ongoing. Plus there is nothing I can do about it anyway. I have no control over him or what he does. So what do you have planned for the weekend?
Author MyHeartHurtsOuch Posted May 6, 2011 Author Posted May 6, 2011 I'm sure he's just trying to get his mind off of you. I think we have all done the going out, partying thing to get over someone. Don't let it bother you too much. If he is any kind of decent guy then it won't last long. I know my ex is probably going out with friends a little younger than him too. He will do it for a few occasions but I don't think it will be ongoing. Plus there is nothing I can do about it anyway. I have no control over him or what he does. So what do you have planned for the weekend? I don't have anything planned...because I'm on call for work so I can't really go out out and I am going to work on my dissertation. So-I'm hoping that this wont make me feel worse b/c I will be at home doing nothing. I'm hoping that finishing up my edits on my work will help me feel better and even more so realize how he is not a match for me cause I cannot offer him the lifestyle that he wants I really do hop ethis partying stuff is a phase...but it could also be that he's just into that and wanting that. I mean i used to think that was fun when I was younger and he may feel like he didn't get to do that as much as he wanted. But I don't know if that's going to pass...maybe he will keep it up for a while. He's going to be 32 in July!! I mean get real already,
Sassygirl2 Posted May 6, 2011 Posted May 6, 2011 I have been trying to catch up on my homework as well. I am getting a 2nd Graduate Degree and have several reflection papers weekly. I let all of that go when I was with my bf. I really fell behind and now I'm finally catching up. It was hard to do the work at home though. I would get sidetracked and think of him. I went to my mom's to work a few times so that someone was there. I just needed a little distraction. When I am home alone I usually turn on the TV which helps me too. It really sucks that we let these men get to us like this. At this point I feel like it is not "worth" it again. I don't want to take the chance of possibly going through this again with someone else. Ughhhh!
Author MyHeartHurtsOuch Posted May 6, 2011 Author Posted May 6, 2011 I have been trying to catch up on my homework as well. I am getting a 2nd Graduate Degree and have several reflection papers weekly. I let all of that go when I was with my bf. I really fell behind and now I'm finally catching up. It was hard to do the work at home though. I would get sidetracked and think of him. I went to my mom's to work a few times so that someone was there. I just needed a little distraction. When I am home alone I usually turn on the TV which helps me too. It really sucks that we let these men get to us like this. At this point I feel like it is not "worth" it again. I don't want to take the chance of possibly going through this again with someone else. Ughhhh! That's exactly how I feel...I'm like why on earth would I ever put myself in a situation in which this intense amount of pain can happen again. It's sick. But then again I only started my relationship with my ex because i thought he was "different" and was "the one"....I don't know. Maybe we need to just make a better decision about how fast the relationship goes, who the guy is, and actually pay attention to any red flags rather than making exceptions because we are "in love". I'm so pissed off thinking that my ex is having a blast. I mean when I go out I dont even have a good time bc I am missing him. And I picture him going out and having fun or as he put it "being msyelf and not worrying about you getting mad at me for being inappropriate"....but then I think if he wants to act stupid then that's on him. I can't be in a relationship with a college kid.
Sassygirl2 Posted May 7, 2011 Posted May 7, 2011 That's exactly how I feel...I'm like why on earth would I ever put myself in a situation in which this intense amount of pain can happen again. It's sick. But then again I only started my relationship with my ex because i thought he was "different" and was "the one"....I don't know. Maybe we need to just make a better decision about how fast the relationship goes, who the guy is, and actually pay attention to any red flags rather than making exceptions because we are "in love". I'm so pissed off thinking that my ex is having a blast. I mean when I go out I dont even have a good time bc I am missing him. And I picture him going out and having fun or as he put it "being msyelf and not worrying about you getting mad at me for being inappropriate"....but then I think if he wants to act stupid then that's on him. I can't be in a relationship with a college kid. I don't think he's out acting stupid. He's probably just letting off some steam. My ex is out tonight too. I foolishly drove by his place and his car is gone. I was coming home from a movie with a girlfriend. I haven't done that before but for some reason I had a feeling he was out. I thought the same thing about him being out having fun with his friends. His best friend is a girl who is very attractive (she has a boyfriend, thank god). When he and I were together he hardly saw her because I was a little jealous. That is another reason I don't want him back. I think he has secretly had the hots for her for a long time. When we would all go out together he paid more attention to her than me. Anyway........Now he's probably out partying with her all the time. I know it will get old for him though. He's older than her and her friends. He has 3 kids. I thought my ex was "the one" as well. When I first started to date him I wasn't crazy about him because he had a lot of baggage. It took me almost 2 months to see what a great person he is and then I fell head over heels with the most unlikely fellow. We were really good together and like you, I never had any fun unless he was there. I think I got too attached to him. I tend to do that with men. Now I am having a hard time detaching myself. I think it's sick how much love can hurt as well. Who the hell wants to go through this again?!
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