ilovedhim Posted May 5, 2011 Posted May 5, 2011 Ex broke nc after 3 weeks. I responded and glad I did. He says he deeply cares for me, always has, and misses me. We're supposed to meet tomorrow to discuss things. Any ideas on what signs to look out for or questions to ask him to know he's serious about a second chance? I don't want to be used for sex.
Kodo Posted May 5, 2011 Posted May 5, 2011 Ex broke nc after 3 weeks. I responded and glad I did. He says he deeply cares for me, always has, and misses me. We're supposed to meet tomorrow to discuss things. Any ideas on what signs to look out for or questions to ask him to know he's serious about a second chance? I don't want to be used for sex. Mind if i ask what the circumstances of your break up were? To get an idea of what happened to initiate the 3 weeks?
MyHeartHurtsOuch Posted May 5, 2011 Posted May 5, 2011 if he's ready to commit to you and only you again he is ready...anything else means he is not.
Author ilovedhim Posted May 5, 2011 Author Posted May 5, 2011 We've been dating for almost a year. Back in march an incident happened where we had a terrible fight. Things between us have been bad ever since. At the beginning of april he accused me of cheating after I told him that afriend treated me better than he did. I told him it wasn't true but after arguing he pressured me to telling him we need to breakit off in a phone call. He then sent me a series of nasty texts. We were nc for 3 weeks afterthat until 2 days ago. I just wonder if he's serious or just wants to be fwb. We haven't spoken yet except him telling me how much he misses me and cares for me. But how do I know its not just a ploy because things were deteriorating already.
Author ilovedhim Posted May 5, 2011 Author Posted May 5, 2011 if he's ready to commit to you and only you again he is ready...anything else means he is not. So if he mentions taking things slow or the like I should just forget it?
Kodo Posted May 5, 2011 Posted May 5, 2011 (edited) So if he mentions taking things slow or the like I should just forget it? That's up to you. It sounds like he wants to reconcile and try and recover what you may have had. Why not? It sounds like no wrong doing happened and both of you just vented at each other (and unfortunately it got out of hand). The small break may have helped. When you seem him, try not to take the opportunity for granted. That may help you realise what was lost. As for not being used for sex, then don't let yourself be. If he wants to be with you you can easily have the whole relationship back on track without the sex (initially). I can only really sayu that from my point of view. For me sex is sex. I didn't love my ex because of the sex. It has to be a part of it sure but if she was coming back to me the last thing I'd expect her to mention, or me to even offer, would be sex. Edited May 5, 2011 by Kodo
betterdeal Posted May 5, 2011 Posted May 5, 2011 All you can do is pay attention to you own feelings at the time (i.e. in the moment) and bear them in mind. You may want to discuss the incident or the way in which you both handled the subsequent exchange with each other. Maybe suggest to him that you both think of things you can do better in a similar situation (as in what you did, not what the other person did) before you meet and discuss them. Personally, my bell-weather is how physically affectionate we become when we meet. I'm a tactile person, so touch is important to me, and tends to be with the women I partner with. If when we meet we don't touch or if there's tension in such, that says to me one or both of us is not at ease with the other. It shows to me the innate level of trust, and can be as little as holding a hand.
Fufu Posted May 5, 2011 Posted May 5, 2011 If you want to meet him, meet him with no objective in mind. The problem with women is that we tend to be emotional and imagine too much things before anything can happen. Always protect yourself first. If you are meeting him, I hope everything goes well.
EricaH329 Posted May 5, 2011 Posted May 5, 2011 From personal experience, it's a massively huge mistake. I would not, under any circumstance, believe (or meet up with) an ex after 3 weeks. BUT, that's after i've experienced the worst (4 times). I suggest letting him know that you need a little bit more time to think about things. If he really loves you, he'll wait. Then again, I was too stubborn to listen to that advice myself and ended up in a much worse position.
geegirl Posted May 5, 2011 Posted May 5, 2011 You can meet him but have no expectations. And if he wants to try again, and you want to give it a chance, tread very carefully, set boundaries, and take it slow. I would let him do all the talking. And LISTEN. Anything sound odd or wishy washy, take heed. Most likely, what he says will determine whether he can deliver what you hope for in an R or if it's legit/has potential. No one can predict your future or his intentions. Listen to what he has to say, think with your head and not with your heart and give yourself all the time in the world to decide if you want to move forward. If you don't want to be used for sex, then don't. If he's there for all the right reasons, he will wait for that level of intimacy. That's where your boundaries come in. And listen to your instincts. Most times, it's right.
Author ilovedhim Posted May 5, 2011 Author Posted May 5, 2011 Thank you for all the responses!!! I really, really appreciate it. This morning I woke up with mixed feelings. Don't know if I want to give it another shot because it seems useless to me at this point, especially after all the hurt I've been going through the past 3 weeks. But I will go listen to what he has to say. We were actually supposed to meet a couple of days ago but I backed out. I'll report back what happens
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