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Posted

So my girlfriend of 2.5 years tells me yesterday that she cheated on me.

 

We have a open relationship as long as we both are there and both approve of the other people. We were talking to a couple that works for me and that we were friends with about the 4 of us all hooking up one evening. There was a lot of flirting between the guy and my girlfriend & me & the other girl which I was fine with.

 

She tells me that 7+ months ago she meet this guy in a parking lot and watched him masturbate then let him finish in her mouth. She swears that that is all that happened and he says the same thing. She says they met to discuss plans for us to all hook up, they didn't meet to do what they did it just "happened" and he took it to far and she couldn't say no. She says she has low self esteem issues and just made a bad choice.

 

A month after this incident occurred we did hook up with this couple and had a great time. The next day the guys girlfriend finds out about their parking lot incident and conforts my girlfriend about it. The 3 of them decide to not tell me because they thought I'd fire them & break up with my girlfriend.

 

Fast forward 6 months to yesterday when during a heated argument she tells me about what happened between her and the guy in the parking lot. She says the guilt was killing her and she had to tell me no matter the consequences. I was pretty mad and shocked to say the least. I treat her like gold. I do anything for her and give her whatever she wants. I made her call the guy, my so called friend, and tell him that I know what happened. He and I talk and I fired him and told him we were thru being friends.

 

I love her and it was a minor indiscretion but an indiscretion non the less. I feel pretty betrayed. Especially since a month after the incident we all got together and they messed around right next to me.

 

I don't want to leave her but I need to hear what people think. How do I work past it? Why did they have to sneak off and do it when myself and his girlfriend obviously would let it happen a month later?

Posted

That is not cheating a little, that is cheating. It doesn't look like your girlfriend is terribly sorry for it either.

 

You're asking how to forgive her. Imo the question should be should you ever forgive her? I admit I have no experience with open relationships, but if the attitude towards cheating is the same as in a "normal" relationship I think you should have a talk with your girl, ask her why, don't take what she thinks you want to hear as an answer and take a break to look at it from a distance and decide if you want to pick up the relationship again.

Posted

Why do you care? he already ****ed the brains out of her right next to you; what's a bit of juice she swallowed?

 

Lol, what a ****ed up RS.

Posted

This is a little odd, but whatever floats your boat. Seriously though, I'm not sure if you're allowed to fire a guy in this situation. I don't know. That is so weird.

Posted
Why do you care? he already ****ed the brains out of her right next to you; what's a bit of juice she swallowed?

 

Lol, what a ****ed up RS.

 

Agreed. That is why "open relationships" don't work. Nothing but cheating right in front of that person, and as time goes by, it goes back to sneaking around.

Posted

My assumption of open relationships is that they require more trust and honesty than a normal relationship in order to make it work. She went against the trust and honesty big time. For her to keep things to herself when you guys try hard to keep your sex lives in the open makes it almost worse in a way. I dunno that I have advice, only you know if it's a deal breaker.

Posted (edited)
My assumption of open relationships is that they require more trust and honesty than a normal relationship in order to make it work.
Pretty much this. Open relationships can work but there is a reason why so many boundaries and rules need to be set up beforehand. It is because of situations like this.

 

This woman has cheated. She has broken the boundaries and rules of your relationship. It is no different from cheating in a monogamous relationship despite what you would like to think.

Edited by OldOnTheInside
Posted
Agreed. That is why "open relationships" don't work. Nothing but cheating right in front of that person, and as time goes by, it goes back to sneaking around.

 

^^^^^^

This

Posted

How can it be cheating if you let her screw another guy right in front of you? Sorry, but this isn't really a relationship, so no, I don't think it's cheating and I can't really feel sorry for you.

Posted
So my girlfriend of 2.5 years tells me yesterday that she cheated on me.

 

We have a open relationship

 

 

then she didn't cheat. I don't care what the lame excuse of swingers rules are

 

 

next

Posted
Why do you care? he already ****ed the brains out of her right next to you; what's a bit of juice she swallowed?

 

Lol, what a ****ed up RS.

 

no doubt. these open relationship posts crack me up.

Posted

This scene is being blown way out of proportion. She didn't have sex with the guy when you were not there. The only thing that happened was that he jerked off and finished in her mouth. He never penetrated her. This all just seems like some harmless fun.

Posted
This scene is being blown way out of proportion. She didn't have sex with the guy when you were not there. The only thing that happened was that he jerked off and finished in her mouth. He never penetrated her. This all just seems like some harmless fun.

 

even so, this is an open relationship. people look damn silly complaining about "cheating" in these relationships.

Posted

Have you talked to her about why she felt the need to sneak around behind your back?

 

I understand that things can happen in the heat of the moment, but if I were you, I'd want to know why she had to have a private moment without me in the first place.

 

To the people that don't like open relationships, why are you posting on this thread to begin with? You aren't giving any constructive advice by saying how you think open relationships aren't real relationships. Trust me, people in open relationships have already heard that message. They don't need to hear it again.

Posted
To the people that don't like open relationships, why are you posting on this thread to begin with?

 

Because we can.:)

 

You aren't giving any constructive advice by saying how you think open relationships aren't real relationships.

 

Neither are you giving any constructive advice by telling us how we should feel about cuckolds.:rolleyes:

 

Trust me, people in open relationships have already heard that message.

 

Okay and they will hear it as long as they keep doing what they're doing until they learn how to stop acting on every sexual feeling they have.

 

They don't need to hear it again.

 

Not for you to decide, buddy. If YOU don't like what is said, I kindly suggest you go somewhere else.:)

Posted
The 3 of them decide to not tell me because they thought I'd fire them & break up with my girlfriend.

 

Well... I guess they were right :)

Posted
Because we can.:)

 

If you want to be a broken record and not add anything to the thread, then I guess it's your time to waste.

 

Good luck with things Sparkey317.

Posted

If it's an open relationship as stated in your thread then there is no cheating. I think what happened here is you got hurt by your own rules and the feeling of jealousy is emerging.

 

Talk to her and you may want to change the rules or add boundaries if you're feeling betrayed.

Posted
If it's an open relationship as stated in your thread then there is no cheating.

 

samsungxoxo, I'm not sure how you can say there is no cheating. The OP mentioned the boundaries of the relationship in his first post.

 

We have a open relationship as long as we both are there and both approve of the other people.

 

If I set up rules or boundaries with someone and we are in an open relationship, any violation of those rules would be cheating.

Posted
samsungxoxo, I'm not sure how you can say there is no cheating. The OP mentioned the boundaries of the relationship in his first post.
Once it's open, it's bound to go out of control at times. This is the risk you take if you choose an open relationship. That's like saying ''You can get some cookies out of jar''. So you end up doing it and don't realize you might be overdoing it a bit. Once you're given permission to do something, it's hard to undo it.

If I set up rules or boundaries with someone and we are in an open relationship, any violation of those rules would be cheating.
When I said new boundaries, I meant for the OP to make it close this time. In other words no more dating others. I feel the boundaries within a closed relationship is a lot more specific than that of an open one. I guess that's why open relationships hardly ever work out.... it tends to get confusing....
Posted

Open relationships are a slippery slope for sure. But cheating can happen in an open relationship. I think it can, when they go outside what is agreed upon.

Posted
If you want to be a broken record and not add anything to the thread, then I guess it's your time to waste.

 

You're the one whining because those who posted on this thread don't agree with your view of screwing folks while married. I never asked for your approval.:rolleyes:

Posted

Hey sparky your not pis*ed off cuz she swallowed his juice---your pissed off cuz you basically were lied to and cheated on by ommission

 

Your problem is trust----so what boils down to now---is,--- can you ever trust her again

 

You don't really know, what she is gonna do whenever she goes out---you have to decide if you wanna live with her, while you continually have to look over your shoulder

Posted
Once it's open, it's bound to go out of control at times. This is the risk you take if you choose an open relationship. That's like saying ''You can get some cookies out of jar''. So you end up doing it and don't realize you might be overdoing it a bit. Once you're given permission to do something, it's hard to undo it.

 

Right, but if you know the boundaries, it's hard to argue that you didn't realize you were overdoing it a bit.

 

When I said new boundaries, I meant for the OP to make it close this time. In other words no more dating others. I feel the boundaries within a closed relationship is a lot more specific than that of an open one. I guess that's why open relationships hardly ever work out.... it tends to get confusing....

 

I think the boundaries are clearer in a closed relationship and that if you want to have an open relationship, you need to be very detailed and specific, but I do feel that the OP's girlfriend did violate the rules they set down in the first place.

 

You're the one whining because those who posted on this thread don't agree with your view of screwing folks while married. I never asked for your approval.:rolleyes:

 

What do you (and others) who disapprove of open relationships gain by voicing your disapproval on a thread about open relationships?

 

To me it sounds like a self-righteous and close-minded mental hi-five session.

Posted
What do you (and others) who disapprove of open relationships gain by voicing your disapproval on a thread about open relationships?

 

What do you and others who approve of screwing everything that moves, while claiming to have an exclusive relationship, have to gain on a thread like this?

 

To me it sounds like a self-righteous

 

So does laying in bed with random folks every other week because they want to see their "partner" get screwed by someone else.:rolleyes:

 

and close-minded mental hi-five session.

 

So someone is close-minded because they don't approve of cuckoldry.:rolleyes: The one problem with folks being "open-minded" is that they're so willing to blindly try out anything that interests their eyes, regardless of how health risking it is. But hey at the end of the day, we just have different views.:rolleyes:

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