TragicAlliance Posted May 4, 2011 Posted May 4, 2011 I figure since this is it, once and for all, I need to do one more thing before I let myself fall free. It wasn't always like this. But it had been for so long. We'd gone through not one, two, three... but four tries. And each time we wound up here, the pain multiplied. No matter what I did to try and get through to you, you simply slammed the door on me. How could I not be convinced you didn't care? How could I not be convinced, when there were so many days you abandoned me with no trace; so many nights I cried where you'd shut me down; so many times I wanted to break anything I could get my hands on because I couldn't strangle you? And yet, I tried. I believed. I believed that somewhere in that distant, cold-hearted spirit was the warm and loving heart that I fell in love with. But it was lost, and I could never find it again. Perhaps I dreamt it, that gentle heart and loving soul that felt so strongly tied to mine... And now here we are, having what was probably the very last communication we'll ever have with one another. And it was callous, bitter words from both sides. What a way to go out - it's as if tonight, one of us is going to die, and this will go down as the very last thing we ever said to one another. And we can't take it back... what's done is done. I turned to spite and sarcasm because I'd held my tongue for so long that it overwhelmed me. I put up this shield of cold-hearted cruelty because I can't let this happen. I can't let you hurt me again... or me hurt you. We've been through the ringer four times. I think enough was enough. You never understood my side; nor did I ever understand yours. But we never could really understand... you always shut me down. I know I wasn't always right... but you were always convincing me that I was wrong. You're not allowed to ever know just how far the depths of my feelings went for you... I offered it to you constantly, and you always snubbed me. You're not allowed to know just how broken I've become, nor will you know if I ever recover or not. It's no longer your business. You didn't want it to be. So ultimately, we both die tonight. Not literally, but figuratively. And this last confrontation is what we'll have to remember one another by. I named this account because of us, and what I thought we were. And now I see I couldn't have been more right. Five years of knowing you, and I walk away feeling like I loved a random person on the street... But I'm going to come out of this shell, and I'm going to relearn how to love. And that's all you need to know. Farewell forever, my tragic alliance. Farewell.
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