GivenUp0083 Posted May 4, 2011 Posted May 4, 2011 (edited) My girlfriend of 5 months broke up with me. Things went very well for the most part, we have had very good communication, I saw a lot of great qualities in her, but everytime she'd go visit her friend in the Cayman Islands she would come back and tell me how incredible of a "love story" her friend had falling head over heels in love with her man and packing up all her stuff, selling her house, and moving to an island. When she isn't seeing her wonderful friend, our relationship is awesome and can tell she's nuts about me. Well, round two of this, she breaks up with me after a petty argument. I pry it out of her (she was going to think about this for a couple more months) and she told me "I love you but I want that perfect happy love story where I'm crazy mad in love". She also said "I usually know by now if the person I'm with is the person I could be married to". That's great, it's been 5 months, I haven't even thought about us past July yet. I told her the first time she pulled this (after only 3 months together) that if she had these doubts then it's best we part ways, but I'm ok with not knowing if we're getting married, it's too early to know this. But whatever, I was shocked last night when she told me. Got a little bit of sleep but not much. Shed a few tears this morning as she and I got along so well she was almost like my best friend and we literally were in contact with each other at least 3 times a day. Then she writes me a couple emails about how she's sorry she hurt me and I'm a really great guy and that I deserve someone who cares about me and all this patronizing garbage....now I'm just angry and annoyed. She wants to be friends, I dont ever want to see her again. The last words I said to her in person were "I think you're making a mistake, most people never get to experience what we have even once their entire lives and you're throwing it away, you think you can do better then I wish you luck". Unless it's her realizing she make a mistake then I don't want to have any contact with her. Now even at this point I'm not sure I would even take her back, that's how annoyed I am. Everyone makes mistakes, but jesus, who does this girl thing she is talking to me that way? "I'm sorry I hurt you, I want you to feel like you can talk to me about it and know I'm here for you". What is that bull****? You're not there for me, you ****ing dumped me. Get bent. Someone tell me I'm crazy, I went through these 3 phases in less than 24 hours. This can't be right. Edited May 4, 2011 by GivenUp0083
allie_lgh Posted May 4, 2011 Posted May 4, 2011 you're not crazy, you're in a breakup. This is what happens...and it's gonna be that way for a while. Write down what you told her and keep it in your wallet. Read it when you miss her, read it if she contacts you. There's going to be times she'll come back. There's going to be times you want her back. But it'll be out of lonliness, not love. Hold onto these feelings to push you through those times of temptations. Good rule I use is to wait to act or react on anything with my ex for at least a day. What's the rush? They should be able to wait if it's important, and if they don't wait until I've gone through the emotional part and can think clearly then it's not important enough in the first place.
Author GivenUp0083 Posted May 4, 2011 Author Posted May 4, 2011 After our breakup conversation she sent a long email saying all her patronizing BS. I responded the next morning (today): "Thanks I'll be fine" Then FIVE minutes later she emails me back "are you feeling okay today, hope you don't feel sick anymore (I've had the flu the last 3 days) and if you need to talk I'm here". We broke up on the phone after a "fight" last night so she never got to do this in person, which I'm ok with if I can withhold the satisfaction of giving her "closure" on this by never seeing her again. Then she messages me on gchat while at work around noon. "did you get my email? Are you feeling better?" Again, short, precise answers I say "yeah, I'm fine, thanks, ok". Then she says "sorry to beat a dead horse but I'm sorry for hurting you, I don't mean to hurt you I just had to do what I needed to do". Then I came out and just said "look, I won't talk to you about this over gchat or text...if you REALLY have something meaningful to say to be then you can try to meet me face to face if I can find time for you". She sayd "ok, gotta get back to work, bye" Thats when the annoyance and anger consumed me. I almost want to tell her off right now but biting my tongue. I just don't know what I'm gonna do at this point. I won't be the first one to initiate contact, that's for certain.
collegeguy_24 Posted May 4, 2011 Posted May 4, 2011 Go NC now, if she emails or texts or calls you, ignore her. Do not respond. This will heal you and get the message across that she screwed up.
Author GivenUp0083 Posted May 4, 2011 Author Posted May 4, 2011 Go NC now, if she emails or texts or calls you, ignore her. Do not respond. This will heal you and get the message across that she screwed up. I absolutely will. I didn't think this girl had a mean bone in her body, now it's clear she's just trying to be a sadistic bitch.
TaraMaiden Posted May 4, 2011 Posted May 4, 2011 Check my Caliguy guide in my signature - and go with it. She's throwing you breadcrumbs, and it's not what you should be tolerating, at all. go complete NC and blank her off totally. That means never checking her out on FBook, or any other community forums....
Chi townD Posted May 4, 2011 Posted May 4, 2011 She has a bad case of the G.I.G.S. She see's her friend living in the Islands and she thinks it's romantic. She's only seeing what she wants to see. Just remember, her loss not yours.
Author GivenUp0083 Posted May 5, 2011 Author Posted May 5, 2011 Check my Caliguy guide in my signature - and go with it. She's throwing you breadcrumbs, and it's not what you should be tolerating, at all. go complete NC and blank her off totally. That means never checking her out on FBook, or any other community forums.... She has a bad case of the G.I.G.S. She see's her friend living in the Islands and she thinks it's romantic. She's only seeing what she wants to see. Just remember, her loss not yours. Thank you for the helpful words. I spoke to many of my close friends over the phone about it and I found myself realizing so many things wrong with our relationship that I almost feel like I'm WAY more over it already. I don't even feel sad now, I'm more disgusted. I guess I try to consider myself as an open-minded person, and I realize she was not. She had an idea in her head that "this is what a relationship is supposed to be like" and she just acted certain ways that were nice and caring just to "fit the role". I know now that it wasn't because she loved me, it was because that's just what she thought she was supposed to do. When I didn't fit the role as perfectly as she did, it gave her doubt. I absolutely agree she made a mistake, and I told her so when we broke up. But I'm fairly certain that even now I would still not take her back, unless she recognized that she did things that were not ok and that you can't tell someone how to be in a relationship. As for her G.I.G.S. (don't know what that means), she is absolutely crazy to think that everything is perfect with her friend and that she's able to obtain that. She talked about how great their "story" was. Well I like our story, I thought WE had a good story. It is clear to me now that she did not appreciate what we had and that's grounds for dismissal in of itself.
Still Searching Posted May 5, 2011 Posted May 5, 2011 G.I.G.S. = Grass Is Greener Syndrome There are several threads on here pertaining to this. As others have said, it's her loss, not yours, and I'd put money on it that she'll realize that in time. My ex did, although there was much more at play than a simple case of G.I.G.S. (borderline personality disorder, for example). You seem to have a good mindset already, and as long as you don't forgot those things about the relationship that disgust you or would prevent it from working, you're on the right track. It's all too easy to build up a positive edifice of your ex, putting her on a pedestal. Try to avoid that! Hope this helps.
Author GivenUp0083 Posted May 5, 2011 Author Posted May 5, 2011 G.I.G.S. = Grass Is Greener Syndrome There are several threads on here pertaining to this. As others have said, it's her loss, not yours, and I'd put money on it that she'll realize that in time. My ex did, although there was much more at play than a simple case of G.I.G.S. (borderline personality disorder, for example). You seem to have a good mindset already, and as long as you don't forgot those things about the relationship that disgust you or would prevent it from working, you're on the right track. It's all too easy to build up a positive edifice of your ex, putting her on a pedestal. Try to avoid that! Hope this helps. I saw some threads about GIGS and it seems a lot of people had someone else already lined up that they thought would be better. My ex in particular has GIGS over an IDEA, not a person. She's never had to put herself out there and go on dates. We met online dating and I was the first guy she met off the internet. I struggled for 2 years dating crappy women before I met her. God help her, lol
Author GivenUp0083 Posted May 5, 2011 Author Posted May 5, 2011 Another thing I did was I wrote her a letter, but never sent it. I wrote all the things I wanted to say, all the ways I was hurt, all the things she did that I didn't like, all the things I've realized now that she ended it, and all about how ridiculous she is in wanting something that no one ever finds. It wasn't that long, only like two pages. But I kept it, I'm holding onto it, I will never send this to her, but I think in my mind that I did. I feel a lot better that I did that and got that poison out of me.
Chi townD Posted May 5, 2011 Posted May 5, 2011 The thing is is she stuck watching a fairy tale with her friend and wants a fairy tale as well. She's totally dislodged herself to the reality that relationships are hard work with equal parts on both sides. I think that once she snaps back into reality, she'll realize she aready had her Prince Charming and she threw him away over something that was intangible.
Author GivenUp0083 Posted May 5, 2011 Author Posted May 5, 2011 She had a boyfriend before me she was with for 2.5 years and she dumped him the EXACT same way. The thing about this girl, was she was constantly correcting me on "what people are supposed to do in relationships". Since I was single 4 years prior to meeting her, she felt she had to tell me how I'm supposed to act in this relationship and when I didn't do it she called me out on it. When she broke up with me, she said "My last boyfriend was a great guy and he KNEW what to do in our relationship, he treated me like a queen, and I walked away from it because I wasn't in love with him. I didn't give up something perfect so I could settle." She thinks our relationship wasn't that special, so I don't think she'll ever "come back to reality". If she does, in her eyes, the relationship before me was a better one and she'd probably go back to that guy. That's fine by me. She wasn't even that great in bed.
Author GivenUp0083 Posted May 5, 2011 Author Posted May 5, 2011 My buddy is dating her best friend, I originally told him everything last night about what was going on and how I felt and stuff. He told me his gf was going to want to know "my side of it" and was dreading talking to her about it. I initially told him I don't care what he tells her. Thinking back, I do care. I don't want the ex to be able to "get the scoop" on me and my thoughts without coming directly to me, so I texted him back and told him not to tell his gf anything if he can help it and he said he'll keep it in the vault. Could've made a huge mistake there.
Chi townD Posted May 6, 2011 Posted May 6, 2011 Well, chances are you're buddy went ahead and told his girlfriend anyways because his girl could have been hounding him to death about any details. Don't worry about it. what's done is done. She's out of your life and that's the last ego stroke she'll ever get from you.
justagirrl Posted May 6, 2011 Posted May 6, 2011 you're not crazy... i'm sitting here at work crying my eyes out over a guy that i'm sticking around for...and for what? so i can be hurt over and over every single day... I'm starting NC again today, it's been rough. I tried a few days, he contacted me. I thought about not answering but i did and things just get worse. You obviously deserve someone better...we both do. I just don't want to accept it because I;m so stuck on him i cant even stand it
justagirrl Posted May 6, 2011 Posted May 6, 2011 My friends probably get so fed up with me. It's really all I ever talk and think about. Whenever we all go out to a club or bar, they know I'm not myself. And whenever I text him and don't get an answer, I go to sleep, until I finally hear my phone go off hours later...there's definitely phases, and each of them SUCK in their own ways. I'm just really bad at dealing with these things.
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