jaybacker Posted May 4, 2011 Posted May 4, 2011 So I'm jealous of my girlfriend. She is a sweet and open person, and I don't believe that she would ever cheat on me. She tries so hard to do the right thing, and she's honest and open with me. One time she checked out a dude at a restaurant, and then told me about it, because she felt terrible. I know she's amazing and I'm lucky to have her. Like so many guys, I'm struggling with jealousy. Of her exes and such. We've been dating seven months, and when we first started, I was super chill and cool, I didn't really have a problem with her even being friends with her exes or going out and doing stuff. Somehow over time, I got jealous, and it got so stupid that I was even jealous of her swing dancing without me! So ridiculous and yes I know its smothering. Well she fell into the "I need space" mode, and broke up with me (for half an hour before tearfully coming back. I love her, and I don't want to be like this. I've got a lot to work on, but I need to not be jealous. I know she's not cheating on me. I have no evidence for that, in fact she's pretty much assured me of the opposite so many times. My parents, who are super-conservative religious folks, are really judgmental, and have dropped me with little stress bombs implying that she's loose or a flirt or shallow, but I don't think its true, but it gave me stuff to worry about. I care a lot about her, but I need to let her live a little. How can I loosen up and be more trusting? Any ideas? I'm wanting to practice it right away. Like I said, I was pretty good, but between my parents hounding me with doubts, and then getting paranoid when she would talk about her exes and such, I'm just a jealous freak who can't let her breathe. I don't want to be like this; I know its wrong.
OldOnTheInside Posted May 5, 2011 Posted May 5, 2011 Google "retroactive jealousy." I would be more specific, but there is quite a bit of information to deal with and I think that this would be more helpful.
stace79 Posted May 5, 2011 Posted May 5, 2011 I think not wanting her to do an activity like swing dance on her own is a bit much. But I don't really think you're being that jealous. I think that once you commit to a serious relationship, your friends of the opposite sex MUST become "friends of the relationship". Meaning, if she has guy friends and you have female friends, there should be no issue with all of you getting together. If her friends are not cool with becoming your friend, too, there is a red flag there. If you really think YOU have a problem, then I'd suggest that you offer to hang out with her and some of these guys. See if they're willing to meet you; see if she's willing to introduce you. That can speak volumes about whether these "friendships" are truly friendships. I would have an issue if my bf were spending a lot of time individually with other girls without me around. I don't really think you're being that unreasonable, based on what you've written here.
Recommended Posts