NC or LC?

[Soaring]

I posted my detailed story before with little replies, I'm still stuck and in a hurtful situation...

 

 

Recap:

 

So a month ago, me and my GF broke up. She came home crying wanting to be single, I packed up but then she asked me to stay. Three days later I moved out, ten mins after moving out I called back saying I couldnt do this... that I wanted fix things. She came over to talk only to say, I just need to be single right now. We had contact for the first week, I was in shock.. wasn't really saying the right things or doing anything right to save it. After that week, I started to beg and plead for her back. She then said she needed space, I went four days called her... she said she needs more time, I went five days and ended up calling her again, at which she said we still need time apart. We really had an amazing relationship, I was a very honest and loving guy to her and she admits it. She has just never been single before she says, that is why she wants to do it.

 

Rumors are going around that she is having so much fun, partying, possibly seeing other guys. (Can't tell I got mad and deleted her from facebook during the first week when I was in shock wanting to fix it)

 

I feel like I'm the one who needs to fix this, but how do I if I can't contact her? Her birthday is coming up on May 12th, I've been NC now for four days... and im getting the typical four day wanting to break NC (I know I cant)

 

PS: I said a few stupid things during the first week from trying to follow the online guides and stuff when I wasn't ready, and did a stupid mistake of deleting her from facebook. I just want to fix all of this.

Edited May 4, 2011 by Soaring

[JasonRules]

The truth is it doesn't matter what you did or didn't do. Your ex probably met another guy and ended things with you, thus the need for "space" and "time" and "she needs to be single right now".

 

I would just go NC entirely and erase her out of my life. You say she is going crazy and partying, so it doesn't sound like she's devastated by dumping you or remorseful. Don't worry though; the men she will meet will treat her exactly the way she wants to be treated (guess...)

 

In the meantime, I suggest you move on with your life and quit chasing after her. She isn't worth your time, energy, or emotions for that matter.

 

Trust me on this; when a woman says to you "I need space", "I need time", just dump her. It's almost certain there is another guy in the picture.

[Soaring]

I officially ended it with her though when I deleted her from facebook, becuase that was the only thing left saying we were still together.. So technically I ended it even though she was the one crying wanting to be single. Her quote "Your the one who left".

 

Thats why I feel like its my fault, that I need to fix it somehow...

[JasonRules]

I officially ended it with her though when I deleted her from facebook, becuase that was the only thing left saying we were still together.. So technically I ended it even though she was the one crying wanting to be single. Her quote "Your the one who left".

 

Thats why I feel like its my fault, that I need to fix it somehow...

 

 

Many women are fickle, especially in their 20s. They say one thing, but do something completely different. Don't pay attention to what she said/says. Look at her actions as the only measure of her character/intentions. You don't need to fix anything. You didn't do anything wrong. If she was hurting, she'd be on here posting, but she's busy slutting it up with the guys. Don't be naive. Just forget about her, go NC, and move on. It's tough, but you have no other options.

 

You will find someone else who is compatible with you.

[Billie The Puppet]

Spare yourself the headache/heartache go No Contact.

 

Listen to what she is saying she wants to be single. ( Let her be )

 

I'll briefly share my story.

 

My Ex was with someone for 8 years from age 14-22, Single from 22-24. Then with me from 24-26. (ages overlap due to when circumstances happened)

 

She broke up with me stating she never really got to be single.

 

Then a few months later in a relationship. She wanted to be single because she never really experienced it? Yet she had a bigger gap earlier in her life being single? She was also working with this new guy and also talking with him on fb/man for atleast a month before she split with me.

 

I came on here pleading she is not like that she really does want to be single.

 

Everyone here said to let her drop LC go NC I refused for awhile trying to rationalize any reason to stay in contact.

 

What is really meant by I want to be single is your relationship with her is over. She needs to appear single because some one else is interested in her or she has her eye on some one else her self.

 

Now even if you insist this is not the case Like I did until word finally came to me you still need to respect her wishes that she wants to be single. So in all terms of contacting her if you must remain LC can not show signs of reconciliation etc. Plus you'll now fight yourself on when and what and why you should contact her.

 

I did all the do not lists before I found LS

 

Went through the LC stage.

[JasonRules]

Listen to what us veterans are telling you; when a woman says "I don't know what I want", "I want to be single", "I need time...", its time to drop her like a hot potato because there is another guy in the picture even though she would never admit to it because it would make her look bad in the eyes of others.

 

Just drop her and end your misery. You'll be sad for a while, but eventually it goes away.

[Soaring]

Yeah, I have looked at her dating history and she really has never been single. Longest I think is a month or two. She is still currently single and its been a month so far, at least I think she is... can't tell because of FB. So not a single word on her birthday? Not even a simple "Happy Birthday", the only way to win her back to her to come to me?

 

Edit: Yeah.. I know the best thing to do is drop her move on, which I'm trying my best. Everything in me wants to somehow be with her again, and work hard to figure out how. On facebook, if click "photos" tab and see who all has me tagged... she apparently still has a full album of me playing with her dog and having fun with her family. Just nothing with me + her in it. My car and all the places we went are still there as well with me tagged, and a single picture of our shadows holding hands.

Edited May 4, 2011 by Soaring

[JasonRules]

Yeah, I have looked at her dating history and she really has never been single. Longest I think is a month or two. She is still currently single and its been a month so far, at least I think she is... can't tell because of FB. So not a single word on her birthday? Not even a simple "Happy Birthday", the only way to win her back to her to come to me?

 

Edit: Yeah.. I know the best thing to do is drop her move on, which I'm trying my best. Everything in me wants to somehow be with her again, and work hard to figure out how. On facebook, if click "photos" tab and see who all has me tagged... she apparently still has a full album of me playing with her dog and having fun with her family. Just nothing with me + her in it. My car and all the places we went are still there as well with me tagged, and a single picture of our shadows holding hands.

 

 

You should have seen my face 4 years ago when I decided to send my ex (at the time) an e-card for her birthday with this long message about how much I loved her, but she didn't even bother replying to me to say thank you. I was depressed for another month and felt like crap.

 

This time around with my latest ex, I didn't make the same mistake even though it had been only 2 weeks since we ended things. No birthday wishes, no flowers, no cards, no text messages, absolutely nothing. Whether or not she was ticked off I don't know nor do I care. If she was apathetic about it would hurt. If she just sent a "Thanks for being such a good friend" it would still hurt. It's a catch 22.

 

But hey, if you want to send her a bday message and learn the hard way, knock yourself out...

[2011]

Listen to what people are telling you because they have went through what you are going through right now, difference is you are in the emotional stage still wanting a part of them, and the sound advice comes from the people who have done it all before, it hurts like but realise that to retain your dignity, self-respect and sanity most of all you should not ever contact this girl again. I done the exact same thing for the first few weeks thinking oh yeah a bit of space and then contact back and she'll want me back but that couldn't have been further from the truth.

 

If they want to be single let them and move on and find yourself someone else, I have and am glad because my ex was toxic and dealing with her was frustrating, and when you move on a few months down the line you will look back and realise she was in a different place from you and it wasn't going to work.

 

You don't need to fix anything and shouldn't feel guilty about what happened, this is classic shifting of the blame on to you by her and that is selfish, my ex done the same thing, she drove me to break up with her so I did and now, well back then, acted like she had all the power and kept ignoring me when I spoke to her - hence I really had to move on as she probably found another dude by the looks of it (wanted to remain friends, take a break) and was probably hoping I would chase and chase her while she shacked up with pond life.

 

so pull up your socks, get rid of that FB link and any other ways you can catch up on her life, or she can catch up on yours and heal yourself. Be around the people that you trust and respect and do things for yourself to feel better. In time you will get better, it is a rocky road but you will come out much more mature and learned in the ways of the world - including relationships.

 

2011

[JasonRules]

Remember, when someone decides to give up on a relationship and leave the onus is on them to make things right and also make the first move. By constantly being accomodating (ie. doormat), all you're doing is validating them. You're telling them no matter how badly or poorly you treated me I will always chase after you like a puppy.

 

It's now time to show that you have some self-respect and some spine and stop this kind of patronizing behavior. They are not Gods or Godesses. They have faults and you need to take them down from the pedestal. Try and see things with your brain and not your emotions.

[loverboy1984]

I dont have much to add here. Jason and the guys here are telling you as it is. Theres just no other way around it.

 

I will tell you that we are in a similar situation.

 

I dated my gf for 6yrs. Shes only had 3 bf and not alot of space between each relationship. Shes in a new environment now and is partying with new friends. She kissed a guy one night after being drunk and said she regretted it and felt horrible. Thats guilt not regret. Because later she asked for a break. When I pulled away hard she said no I dont want a break I dont want to lose you but I said you need to figure yourself out. Then I got worried that I pushed her away and came crying saying I dont want to lose you. a couple days later she broke up.

 

Sounds very familiar. You will see that all our stories are familiar. Im in NC for 2 months now. getting better and figuring myself out. Let her be single. she made a gamble and she has to know theres a risk to it and thats losing you.

[LittleMike]

I also received the "i need some time alone" from a girl who has been with 4 cheating bf's and no single life. She even told me she wasn't going to hook up with anyone, stupid of me in believing her. 2 months later she's hooked up with a friend of mine and has been partying nonstop. You can't believe most of what the dumper is saying, the truth might hurt your feelings badly, that's why most of the time they just lie.

 

 

I officially ended it with her though when I deleted her from facebook, becuase that was the only thing left saying we were still together.. So technically I ended it even though she was the one crying wanting to be single. Her quote "Your the one who left".

 

Thats why I feel like its my fault, that I need to fix it somehow...

 

 

No! It's not your fault, don't blame yourself for the breakup. She's the one who asked to be single and no, you can't be friends if you still have feelings for her so it's better if you just let go. NEVER check her facebook, don't call her, don't text her, nada.

 

 

Just go NC and work on yourself, do some exercise, it does wonders for your mind/body. Try and go out with your friends and have a good time. Just live your life for a while.

[rayne05us]

You were right for breaking it off, she clearly said she doesn't want to be with you. Don't contact her and if/when she's ready to come back, whe will...and remember she would have to say exactly that, not "I miss you" or "I miss talking to you" etc.. Do your thing for now and try your best to move on.

[joshextreme]

i just tried( literally a few hours ago) to go LC with my ex. Its been 4 months since we broke up. i now feel like that was the worst decision ever. im trying to please her when really i dont need to. dont even give her warning you're going NC because that'll hurt you more. as nike says, JUST DO IT. hehe

[joshextreme]

you also have to get the idea of being together is what you want out of your head. trust me when you experience other girls and flirting its almost like a high.