purplepanda Posted May 4, 2011 Posted May 4, 2011 I PRETTY MUCH always text my bf first. Sometimes I wait or when I'm actually doing something, he texts me first. I really hate it when we're talking, then he won't reply after talking for about 20 minutes. Later he'll say, "Oh I got busy". I feel annoying. The other day he told me something that really bothered me... I got upset, then ignored him all day till about 5 and he said Do you still hate me... I said no, I've never hated you. We talked for about 15 minutes, then he disappeared! I'd appreciate if he would TELL ME when he's busy, then it wouldn't bother me as much if he stopped texting or whatever. That's so irritating! So, guys: When you're in love with someone, does it annoy you if she is the one who pretty much starts the texting (or whatever)? Answers are appreciated!
Star Gazer Posted May 4, 2011 Posted May 4, 2011 Texting should not be a substitute for voice-to-voice conversation.
Author purplepanda Posted May 4, 2011 Author Posted May 4, 2011 Texting should not be a substitute for voice-to-voice conversation. We used to alway talk on the phone nonstop, I actually hate texting boyfriends. But he has limited calling minutes so we can't anymore. I hate that.
BiscuitXOXO Posted May 4, 2011 Posted May 4, 2011 I try not to hold convo's while texting. It's so slow. My texting is usually only a couple of messages. When I do get into a longer conversation, it lasts 2-3 days, which is often interrupted when I and the other person go to class/church/activities. I don't always text "I'm busy." It's pretty much assumed. If it was truly important, I'd expect him/her to call me. And I think both parties should understand that. It doesn't mean he's annoyed or doesn't love you. It's just a choppy form of communication.
Survivor12 Posted May 4, 2011 Posted May 4, 2011 So why not tell him how you feel? If he loves you, he'll appreciate you letting him know instead of playing games to get what you want.
Cee Posted May 4, 2011 Posted May 4, 2011 Try video chat via skype. It's free. I really like Skype with my BF. We can talk and IM funny links at the same time. But no sexy Skype, young lady.
HeartOnSleeve Posted May 4, 2011 Posted May 4, 2011 Texting should not be a substitute for voice-to-voice conversation. Agreed. I am in a mostly "text" relationship and I just understand and know that I can't get annoyed if he can't respond. I mean it is text. I miss his sometimes too and vice versa. I know that if something is important I can call him and he'll call me. I think if it bothers you...don't text so much, maybe just text silly stuff and call for the important things
alethean Posted May 4, 2011 Posted May 4, 2011 I try not to hold convo's while texting. It's so slow. My texting is usually only a couple of messages. When I do get into a longer conversation, it lasts 2-3 days, which is often interrupted when I and the other person go to class/church/activities. I don't always text "I'm busy." It's pretty much assumed. If it was truly important, I'd expect him/her to call me. And I think both parties should understand that. It doesn't mean he's annoyed or doesn't love you. It's just a choppy form of communication. I'm the same way. I wouldn't say that his not answering your texts right away is a big deal.
BiscuitXOXO Posted May 4, 2011 Posted May 4, 2011 Women WANT to believe men hate it when they text them or initiate contact. I've seen plenty of threads with similar questions about if it is "ok" for a woman to initiate contact in a relationship. And it's so obvious everytime what kind of replys you are fishing for. You WANT to hear men say "No! She should never ever ever call/text me first ever" and etc etc. If it bothers you so much to text/call your boyfriend first then... then don't do it. Problem solved. Ignore Waynebrady's first three paragraphs. But his last few statements actually make some sense. In your other thread, you stated that ignoring him for a bit made him text you more, which you loved. That's a bit manipulative. Just tell him your concerns, as Professor X stated above me.
Freshprince Posted May 4, 2011 Posted May 4, 2011 So, guys: When you're in love with someone, does it annoy you if she is the one who pretty much starts the texting (or whatever)? To answer that question, in general, no. If I'm love with a girl, I would love to hear from her. It would be a confirmation that she's interested and committed. I guess it would only bother me (maybe) if I was in a meeting or "in the zone" working on something and I didn't want to be interrupted. But it would only bother me if she kept on texting me even after I told her I was busy or if she knew that I was unavailable ahead of time but texted me anyway. Otherwise, bring on the texts!
Author purplepanda Posted May 5, 2011 Author Posted May 5, 2011 So, guys: When you're in love with someone, does it annoy you if she is the one who pretty much starts the texting (or whatever)? To answer that question, in general, no. If I'm love with a girl, I would love to hear from her. It would be a confirmation that she's interested and committed. I guess it would only bother me (maybe) if I was in a meeting or "in the zone" working on something and I didn't want to be interrupted. But it would only bother me if she kept on texting me even after I told her I was busy or if she knew that I was unavailable ahead of time but texted me anyway. Otherwise, bring on the texts! I DON'T know he's busy ahead of time. :/ Then I feel like a fool trying to figure out what happened.
Author purplepanda Posted May 5, 2011 Author Posted May 5, 2011 I try not to hold convo's while texting. It's so slow. My texting is usually only a couple of messages. When I do get into a longer conversation, it lasts 2-3 days, which is often interrupted when I and the other person go to class/church/activities. I don't always text "I'm busy." It's pretty much assumed. If it was truly important, I'd expect him/her to call me. And I think both parties should understand that. It doesn't mean he's annoyed or doesn't love you. It's just a choppy form of communication. He has limited minutes on calling, so we don't call much anymore.
Author purplepanda Posted May 5, 2011 Author Posted May 5, 2011 Have you... I don't know... told HIM how you feel? He just ignores it. Last night I tried to talk to him, but he didn't answer till 9, same as the night before (THAT night I gave up). I told him that I've been dealing with a lot of crap lately and I'd like to tell him what's going on. He said something that kind of made me on edge, that he's going to hang out with a girl named Kirsten, then said a minute later that she's his best friend's girlfriend, which I didn't know her name before that. I said, But...your exes are going to be there, and he flipped and said, "I SAID FRIENDS!" I told him he didn't need to yell and make me upset and he said, Yeah guilt tripping always works. I was upset about something else and he was compleely unsympathetic. :'( My point is: he won't listen. He only replies to things that are interesting enough to reply to, such as me going to see him this day possibly, or when I get angry and say something stupid when he won't reply (that one's always my fault). Sigh.
Author purplepanda Posted May 5, 2011 Author Posted May 5, 2011 So why not tell him how you feel? If he loves you, he'll appreciate you letting him know instead of playing games to get what you want. Like I said in my last post...he just ignores me. He hasn't noticed anything weird about me in the last few days. He's a guy, then again, too. But things didn't used to be this way. And I've asked him if there's something going on with him that's keeping him distracted..he said no.
seekandfind Posted May 5, 2011 Posted May 5, 2011 He doesn't sound very caring, or good at communication:(
djhall Posted May 5, 2011 Posted May 5, 2011 I've passed up posting in this thread a few times because something was nagging at me but I wasn't sure what it was. Now I know. It would be great IF the texting was intended for my benefit... a kind of, "Hey, when you see this know I was thinking of you and love you". Those are sweet and nice and make you feel good. And because they are for my benefit it doesn't matter if I don't see them until after I get out of a 3 hour meeting or have other pressing concerns. It would be a problem if there was regular texting for her benefit and I was expected to respond right away. Frequent non-essential texts along with an expectation that you are going to respond right away can start to feel like neediness or suspicion (Why don't you care enough to answer right away, what are you doing that is more important than me, where are you, who are you with?) Then it starts to feel like this isn't really to make me feel good but to reassure you that you can reach out anytime and jerk my leash and make me answer up. That doesn't feel good at all.
Author purplepanda Posted May 5, 2011 Author Posted May 5, 2011 I've passed up posting in this thread a few times because something was nagging at me but I wasn't sure what it was. Now I know. It would be great IF the texting was intended for my benefit... a kind of, "Hey, when you see this know I was thinking of you and love you". Those are sweet and nice and make you feel good. And because they are for my benefit it doesn't matter if I don't see them until after I get out of a 3 hour meeting or have other pressing concerns. It would be a problem if there was regular texting for her benefit and I was expected to respond right away. Frequent non-essential texts along with an expectation that you are going to respond right away can start to feel like neediness or suspicion (Why don't you care enough to answer right away, what are you doing that is more important than me, where are you, who are you with?) Then it starts to feel like this isn't really to make me feel good but to reassure you that you can reach out anytime and jerk my leash and make me answer up. That doesn't feel good at all. Sometimes it is, sometimes it isn't (for him to reply immediately.) One thing I never mentioned...he cheated on me a couple weeks ago. Not physically, but he asked a girl I know for pictures of her boobs. She said no, then told me. He promised not to talk to girls I don't know, etc. But that's a little bit of why I want to talk to him. And because we used to talk NONSTOP all the time, just a few weeks ago. It hasn't been that long, tho we did date for six months last year and he's completely different. Another is that whenever he'll text me, and I'm at work or actually busy, he'll call five minutes later and say, Why didn't you answer my text? Now don't you guys understand why I'm a little upset when he pulls this crap? *I do know he's been with his friends these last few days, I talk to them too, but I didn't know until he told me he was with them, so I didn't run to them to find out.*
djhall Posted May 5, 2011 Posted May 5, 2011 One thing I never mentioned...he cheated on me a couple weeks ago. Not physically, but he asked a girl I know for pictures of her boobs. She said no, then told me. He promised not to talk to girls I don't know, etc. But that's a little bit of why I want to talk to him. And because we used to talk NONSTOP all the time, just a few weeks ago. It hasn't been that long, tho we did date for six months last year and he's completely different. ... *I do know he's been with his friends these last few days, I talk to them too, but I didn't know until he told me he was with them, so I didn't run to them to find out.* Ah, okay, so here is where that insecurity I was referring to starts to show, but the problem is, it looks like he has been giving you good cause. The asking for pictures of other women's breasts and suddenly changing his communication patterns is going to raise concern and suspicion about exactly how much is going on you don't know about. Another is that whenever he'll text me, and I'm at work or actually busy, he'll call five minutes later and say, Why didn't you answer my text? Ahhh, so apparently he thinks it is okay for him to demand instant response, but doesn't seem to think it necessary to extend the same courtesy to you... a double standard. Well, it goes both ways. If he expects to be trusted then he needs to be trustworthy. If he doesn't see anything wrong with demanding your attention anytime he pleases, then he shouldn't have a problem with you expecting him to extend you the same consideration in return.
Mme. Chaucer Posted May 6, 2011 Posted May 6, 2011 Most people, and relationships, are not really cut out for "nonstop" phone talking, texting, or any other type of communication, long term. Oh, other elderly LS members ... remember the olden days? Those Halcyon times when the phone was in the kitchen, or the hallway ... affixed to the wall? Answering machines, voice mail, cell phones, texting, email ... did not exist. When one was not physically in the realm of the telephone, one would have no idea whether it had rung, or had not. Nobody could tell if you were ignoring their calls - and you could not tell who you were ignoring, if indeed you did not pick up the phone. I'm sure this all sounds very quaint and arcane to our youthful membership, but still ... there was a lot to be said for NOT being accountable for communicating, or not, 24 hours of of every single day of life. A lot.
BiscuitXOXO Posted May 6, 2011 Posted May 6, 2011 he asked a girl I know for pictures of her boobs Maybe you are the type to forgive and forget. But for me this would MAJORLY PISS ME OFF and as soon as I got confirmation from him I'd dump him. "Oh baby, it won't happen again..." Bullsh*t. ...this could also stem from my small boobness. WAHHH lmao :lmao: Just my 2cents.
Professor X Posted May 6, 2011 Posted May 6, 2011 ...this could also stem from my small boobness. WAHHH lmao :lmao: Probably I've only got to date size D and above (I swear it's a coincidence!!!) so far, and a few of them willingly gave me some revealing pictures (didn't even ask); They had nothing to be ashamed of; But than again, neither do size A. All comes down to self esteem IMO.
BiscuitXOXO Posted May 6, 2011 Posted May 6, 2011 Probably I've only got to date size D and above (I swear it's a coincidence!!!) so far, and a few of them willingly gave me some revealing pictures (didn't even ask); They had nothing to be ashamed of; But than again, neither do size A. All comes down to self esteem IMO. I wouldn't mind giving pics. Just...him requesting ANOTHER girl's boob shots. Grrrrr. Aren't mine enough for him? And since the answer ofc is no, whether he admits it or not, BAM, kick him out the door. NEXT!
Professor X Posted May 6, 2011 Posted May 6, 2011 I wouldn't mind giving pics. Just...him requesting ANOTHER girl's boob shots. Grrrrr. Aren't mine enough for him? And since the answer ofc is no, whether he admits it or not, BAM, kick him out the door. NEXT! Of course yours should be enough; Asking for another girl's pictures is the mother of all red flags
Author purplepanda Posted May 6, 2011 Author Posted May 6, 2011 Sigh. He had confessed it to me, and seemed like he felt bad, but I told him he can't talk to girls i don't know or exes/other girls that make me uncomfortable.
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