duhduhduhdan Posted May 4, 2011 Share Posted May 4, 2011 I'm new to this site and i've made threads on some on my problems but there is still one thing I really want to ask people about. I hate everything about me, and every day someone makes me feel worse about myself. If you read my other threads I do try to get girls... but everytime i do, it fails. I've never had a GF or had my first kiss yet. My 3 best guys friends have all lost their virginity, they get so much girl attention. I do have friends and I get invited out places and to parties, but everytime i go to a party, everyone seems to be kissing someone or getting really close to someone, just not me. My best girl friend told me i need to get laid and she's lost her virginity too. It makes me feel **** when she tells me that, and i know she doesn't mean it in a harsh way. All of my friends are good looking and are skinny and some have 6 packs. I am fat and ugly. Everytime i see my friends it makes me feel worse. I have no more confidence in myself and have given up with girls, I have no self esteem anymore... i literally have nothing... a lot of the time i feel like i'm going to end up like that weird old man down the end of your road who no one likes and never gets married and all that.... how can i improve my confidence in myself and all of that? Link to post Share on other sites
ShatteredReality Posted May 4, 2011 Share Posted May 4, 2011 A few questions - how old are you? And by fat and ugly - are you REALLY??? Or do you just THINK you are? I have struggled with my weight my entire life, so I am honestly asking, not being harsh - please don't read into it or anything. Also...as they say - beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I have found that I have always gotten more attention from the opposite sex when I feel better about myself than when I do not. There is something that we put out there when we feel good that others pick up on...when we feel bad it's like a negative cloud following you everywhere. You have to find a way to get rid of that if you want to find someone to date or kiss or any of that. Don't be in a hurry to have sex. Once you start it's going to be something that you want when you can't have it. Plus...it's not always everything everyone says that it is. It's more important that you be in love with a person than that you "get off". Sex can always wait - a relationship will last longer if it is built on friendship and caring than if it's on physical things. Link to post Share on other sites
Author duhduhduhdan Posted May 4, 2011 Author Share Posted May 4, 2011 A few questions - how old are you? And by fat and ugly - are you REALLY??? Or do you just THINK you are? I have struggled with my weight my entire life, so I am honestly asking, not being harsh - please don't read into it or anything. Also...as they say - beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I have found that I have always gotten more attention from the opposite sex when I feel better about myself than when I do not. There is something that we put out there when we feel good that others pick up on...when we feel bad it's like a negative cloud following you everywhere. You have to find a way to get rid of that if you want to find someone to date or kiss or any of that. Don't be in a hurry to have sex. Once you start it's going to be something that you want when you can't have it. Plus...it's not always everything everyone says that it is. It's more important that you be in love with a person than that you "get off". Sex can always wait - a relationship will last longer if it is built on friendship and caring than if it's on physical things. I do admit I've lost quite a lot oof weight but I'm still "over weight"... And I honestly do think I'm ugly... And I've been turned down a lot because of the way I look and that's one of the reasons I've given up on girls.... And 16.. 17 soon Link to post Share on other sites
ShatteredReality Posted May 4, 2011 Share Posted May 4, 2011 I do admit I've lost quite a lot oof weight but I'm still "over weight"... And I honestly do think I'm ugly... And I've been turned down a lot because of the way I look and that's one of the reasons I've given up on girls.... And 16.. 17 soon I have gone down in weight and back up and then back down again...I am working on the down part right now again before I got all the way back up. I feel better when I lose the weight...it helps. So keep that up if you're able...it should make you feel a little better about yourself. Ok, so you're pretty much 17 - I cannot tell you how much of you can and most likely will change in the next 10 years. Most men really mature into the MEN they will be for the rest of their lives anywhere between 25-28 years of age. Right now - this is when you should be learning who you want to be. What you want to do with your life. That sort of thing. When I met my husband we were both 17 and he had never been kissed and was a virgin. He also had never had a girlfriend. We got married when we were 19 - which was very young and not to be recommended for all. So I am sure you can imagine how much just 2 yrs made a difference. He's 6 mo older than me so he was closer to 18 when we met and nearly 20 when we married... Right now the girls you are going for are most likely not mature enough to know the difference between a guy worth her time and a guy who just "looks good". I can tell you that your lack of self confidence is probably evident in the way that you carry yourself and the way that you approach people. You need to find a way to like yourself. You will never make someone else happy if you cannot make yourself happy. Find something positive and concentrate on that...do you have nice eyes? Lips? A good voice that people like to hear you talk or laugh?? Figure out what you have that is good...then work with that. A nice smile goes farther than Hollywood looks in the real world...and after high school. The people you hang around now are most likely not the same people you will spend your time with as an adult. Life will take you all in different directions...so the mistakes you make now may haunt you for a long time if they are serious enough, however the people who you get embarrassed in front of when you make a silly mistake or put yourself out there won't be the same people you know later - so that will not follow you unless you allow it to. Does any of this make sense? When you're older a woman will choose the guy who makes her laugh over the guy who looks good in dockers and a button down shirt....he may be good for a romp but the guy who makes you laugh is the guy you are friends with...he is the forever guy...personality will be key for you later, so work on it now. You have nothing but time - so use it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author duhduhduhdan Posted May 4, 2011 Author Share Posted May 4, 2011 I have gone down in weight and back up and then back down again...I am working on the down part right now again before I got all the way back up. I feel better when I lose the weight...it helps. So keep that up if you're able...it should make you feel a little better about yourself. Ok, so you're pretty much 17 - I cannot tell you how much of you can and most likely will change in the next 10 years. Most men really mature into the MEN they will be for the rest of their lives anywhere between 25-28 years of age. Right now - this is when you should be learning who you want to be. What you want to do with your life. That sort of thing. When I met my husband we were both 17 and he had never been kissed and was a virgin. He also had never had a girlfriend. We got married when we were 19 - which was very young and not to be recommended for all. So I am sure you can imagine how much just 2 yrs made a difference. He's 6 mo older than me so he was closer to 18 when we met and nearly 20 when we married... Right now the girls you are going for are most likely not mature enough to know the difference between a guy worth her time and a guy who just "looks good". I can tell you that your lack of self confidence is probably evident in the way that you carry yourself and the way that you approach people. You need to find a way to like yourself. You will never make someone else happy if you cannot make yourself happy. Find something positive and concentrate on that...do you have nice eyes? Lips? A good voice that people like to hear you talk or laugh?? Figure out what you have that is good...then work with that. A nice smile goes farther than Hollywood looks in the real world...and after high school. The people you hang around now are most likely not the same people you will spend your time with as an adult. Life will take you all in different directions...so the mistakes you make now may haunt you for a long time if they are serious enough, however the people who you get embarrassed in front of when you make a silly mistake or put yourself out there won't be the same people you know later - so that will not follow you unless you allow it to. Does any of this make sense? When you're older a woman will choose the guy who makes her laugh over the guy who looks good in dockers and a button down shirt....he may be good for a romp but the guy who makes you laugh is the guy you are friends with...he is the forever guy...personality will be key for you later, so work on it now. You have nothing but time - so use it. My school councillor all ready told me to find stuff that I like about myself... So we wrote down a pros and cons list, we started with the cons and I had a lot and 0 pros... So tbh, finding something I like about myself is hardly going to happen! She also tried some other stuff to try and build my self confidence and self esteem... Didn't work! Link to post Share on other sites
ShatteredReality Posted May 4, 2011 Share Posted May 4, 2011 Well she has a lot more qualifications on dealing with depressed teens than I do. I am all about taking Vitamin D and an exercise class to increase endorphins and whatnot...but the pros and cons list...Ummm, yeah I vaguely remember doing one of those when I was your age. Mostly I hated that and I preferred the "what I want in a man" list...lol...25 things I wanted in a man and 25 things I couldn't live with...there were only 10 I couldn't live with, though, and about 15 things I wanted from a man. Funny...looks wasn't on there. You're letting your looks ruin everything else about yourself. Now...I can do tough love if that's what you need Dan...but bottom line is...NO ONE can do this for you. This right here is part of becoming a man. This seperates the you now from the you 7 yrs ago...I cannot fix you...your mom cannot fix you...your friends cannot fix you...and no GIRL can fix you. But she can certainly BREAK you...so you better get yourself good and strong now because otherwise you will sail your vulnerable self into a relationship, breeze into it with your eyes closed while you think they're wide open, fall off a cliff and this low you have now will disappear and you will find a whole new low you don't think exists now...and even being told that...you have no idea how bad that low can be. A broken heart will do things to you that, if you already hate yourself, will make you downright suicidal. So Dan...and I mean this...FIX this - NOW. FIND something...FABRICATE it if you have to. Tell yourself you like your eyes. Say it out loud. "I have really nice eyes...some girl is going to love looking into them some day" and tell yourself that till you believe it...then pick something else. Learn to smile when someone looks at you. It needs to be an automatic reaction to someone looking in your direction...it makes you more approachable and likeable. If you don't believe there's hope - guess what! You know this already - you're not stupid. Concentrate on that...you are not stupid. Are you a genius? I have no clue...I wouldn't want to be a genius personally, they are quite often not sociable....but I am not stupid...I can make people laugh without trying...and when I do try I don't usually do a very good job...so the natural me is a pretty cool girl. I never landed a guy just on my looks Dan...I have some female assets...and in the right outfit they attract attention - but I have never used them to get a man. Know why? Cause I never wanted some fling with someone I couldn't have a decent conversation with. Do you want a brainless slut or do you want a girl who can think and speak to you, keep up with you? Figure this thing out man....cause like I said...now is when you're choosing who you'll be for the rest of your life. Link to post Share on other sites
LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted May 4, 2011 Share Posted May 4, 2011 My school councillor all ready told me to find stuff that I like about myself... So we wrote down a pros and cons list, we started with the cons and I had a lot and 0 pros... So tbh, finding something I like about myself is hardly going to happen! She also tried some other stuff to try and build my self confidence and self esteem... Didn't work! Surely there's something that you like about yourself! Oh, and all your 17 year old peers? They all hate themselves too. Yup. Every teenager has problems. Link to post Share on other sites
Datura Posted May 5, 2011 Share Posted May 5, 2011 duhduhduhdan, what happened to this mindset? So if that was not an example of ass kissing, and you see some truth there, why are you being so hard on yourself? Looks, being single, virginity (especially at the age of 16) are hardly worth losing sleep over. i feel like i'm going to end up like that weird old man down the end of your road who no one likes and never gets married and all that Such distorted thinking. You are 16 years old for christsake, and this is that kind of crap floating around in your mind? how can i improve my confidence in myself and all of that? Stop comparing yourself to others. Do things at your own pace. Live for you. Link to post Share on other sites
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