Patricia09 Posted May 4, 2011 Posted May 4, 2011 Hi all I am lucky to have met a man who is both my best friend and the love of my life. Only problem is his ex is still around. Unfortunately she has a kid whom my boyfriend bonding with quite a lot during the year and a bit that they dated. I know that I can't stop him from seeing the kid nor would I want to but the ex has done sometihng lately (on facebook) to make me aware of the fact she is trying to mess with my head. Basically she wrote a rather inappropriate comment on his page - obv I cant ask him to delete her but he did delete her comment. I know I am sounding insecure but I just hate this woman (who by the way dumped him and broke his heart 2 years ago) is able to have this power. Any advice for me? Part 2 is my boyfriend and I chatted about this calmly and he also told me that when we go travelling for a month this year he will want us to spend some time with his ex who lives back in Australia whom he dated for 3 months but had a very firely relationship with. Apparently they are good friends since but when I checked her facebook I saw comments from him before we were dating saying how much he loved and missed her...Im assuming this was just as friends but it still makes me uncomfortable. My sane side of my head is telling me that I need to stop being so silly and that if we are both meeting her then it will be fine. I suppose I am just worried about there being a major attraction still there between them both. Oh so you know - my bf are togehter nearly a year. Thanks for listening guys!
primer Posted May 4, 2011 Posted May 4, 2011 All I can say is . . . I understand how you are feeling. People will tell you that you are insecure. I don't think your feelings mean you are an insecure woman. I think it is normal to be irritated by an ex. Your BF should take your feelings into consideration.
2sure Posted May 4, 2011 Posted May 4, 2011 You are grown ups. People whom you have dated for 3 months or even a year...are not people with whom you have life long bonds. They are people that you knew and then moved on from. If you and your BF are partners, or committed further than just dating...tell him NO, you do not feel his ex GFs are appropriate friends. If you are just dating, tell him visiting his ex GFs while on vacation is not something you would particularly enjoy. If he has an issue with any of this, tell him you would be happy to be another one of his "friends" but not his GF. Your feelings and points are valid.
milkmaterial Posted May 4, 2011 Posted May 4, 2011 well sad to say this reminds me of how i felt for a guy 4 years ago. i dont know what happened but he had to move for work and he wanted me to go w/ him but i was confused, and i felt like i was too young to take that step which is living in together and having kid/s. i really felt he loved me and i believe it, and he cared/cares for me. he sent me a msg on facebook saying he misses me and loves me and i say i miss him too. i really have nothing but good thoughts and good feelings about him - which is really great. i never hurt him and he never hurt me. i have a bf now though but i really still do care for him, so i would rather put him on 50 arms length than to risk hurting him or falling infatuated with him. i wouldnt really mix past bf's with my new relationship because past is past and it failed. there is really no way around it unless you share a kid or kids w/ them.
Knittress Posted May 4, 2011 Posted May 4, 2011 I think you two would be well-served by having a long talk about emotional boundaries within a relationship. It doesn't matter who's 'right' or 'wrong' but you definitely need to be on the same page.
AstroZombie138 Posted May 4, 2011 Posted May 4, 2011 Based on what you've said, the Australia thing sounds totally inappropriate and you wouldn't be remiss in making an issue of it. In my opinion, while it's nice that he bonded with the ex's kid, I'm not sure they should still be hanging out.
vsmini Posted May 4, 2011 Posted May 4, 2011 It's bad news when the ex is still in the picture. You really have to ask why. I agree with 2Sure. We are grown ups and a 3 month relationship does not make for a lifelong bond. This all just doesn't sound right to me. I know a lot of people think it's immature to not be friends with the ex but it rarely works out and I would NOT be comfortable with my guy being so involved in his Ex's lives. Deal breaker for me for sure.
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