purplepanda Posted May 4, 2011 Posted May 4, 2011 If I ignore a guy, say, for a few hours...stop texting, don't call the same time I usually do...will he really come running back? Last night I had a concert performance at my school, and we were both hoping he could go, but he couldn't. I was expecting him to wish me luck, and ask me how it was going. He didn't. D: At exactly 9:12, when I got home, he did text me and said, "How'd it go babe?" This morning he sent me about 10 text messages telling me about things about everyday life and I loved it! Should I ignore him more often? Does the rubberband theory really work?
BiscuitXOXO Posted May 4, 2011 Posted May 4, 2011 ...and this is how "playing games" and "testing each other" begins...
Stilicho Posted May 4, 2011 Posted May 4, 2011 personally, id say no way. im a guy, with a lot of dating experience, and i hate these kinda games. no, i dont find a woman showing interest to be a turn off, and girls who keep playing hard to get, never get got at all.
iJester Posted May 4, 2011 Posted May 4, 2011 It may work. He will realize it though, and at some point, he's going to use that extra space you're giving him against you. He'll start using other women to fill the void he is missing from you, and sooner or later one he's going to start liking one of these girls, more than you and then there will be no coming back to you.
Author purplepanda Posted May 4, 2011 Author Posted May 4, 2011 personally, id say no way. im a guy, with a lot of dating experience, and i hate these kinda games. no, i dont find a woman showing interest to be a turn off, and girls who keep playing hard to get, never get got at all. I'm just trying to find a way to not be the first one to always say something at a certain time of day. He randomly is "busy" while we're talking and I like like an idiot saying, "Where'd you go?" and two hours later he says he got busy. That's so rude.
NicoleM Posted May 4, 2011 Posted May 4, 2011 I hate games! I am currently in a situation where one minute he seems totally interested and then pulls away. I figured out it's not me it's him.
vsmini Posted May 4, 2011 Posted May 4, 2011 ...and this is how "playing games" and "testing each other" begins... HAHA. She's right. It's one thing to drive a guy wild when you naturally have a life and reserve time for yourself and don't fall all over your own plans in order to send a text message within 3 seconds of receiving it. Playing this game of hard to get is exhausting and dishonest. Not to mention - a guy isn't worth his weight in change if he only likes you when you turn the other cheek.
stepka Posted May 5, 2011 Posted May 5, 2011 I think it only works in a superficial way. If he's keeping you on the back burner and you start to go away then he'll come running back, but that's only to keep you from going away completely--not b/c he's actually truly interested in you. If you're always initiating the texts and the calls then you should just stop b/c it's not going anywhere.
Mrlonelyone Posted May 5, 2011 Posted May 5, 2011 The people for whom such things work have deep seated self esteem issues. They do not feel that they deserve to be treated decently by anyone who actually makes them horny.
93TheHitStick Posted May 5, 2011 Posted May 5, 2011 As someone else said its called playing with someones heart. You ignore them one day. Then you're all over them the next. And on the day you ignore them they come after you right? Well that only works on stupid guys. Normal guys who have healthy self esteem and the ones who are cocky will get irritated very quickly when girls do that. And they will either: A. Dump you B. Start doing the same thing to you C. Start trying to hit it and quit it So yea it works if you want to find a spineless nice guy. But if you want to find a man no that won't work. Don't poke the bear.
Author purplepanda Posted May 5, 2011 Author Posted May 5, 2011 I was only curious. Thanks everyone, for all your opinions, they're greatly appreciated. Now I'm not going to play a game necessarily, but I'm just going to focus on other parts of my life, then maybe things will fix themselves, and we won't drive each other so crazy.
Author purplepanda Posted May 5, 2011 Author Posted May 5, 2011 Sounds like you are already on the receiving end of the rubberband but realize rubberbands eventually lose elasticity and break. It is a bad way to pursue a relationship but a good way to get sex from a woman so it is not the best strategy especially for long term success. Yeahhh, I kinda am. :/ And good point.
Enchanted Girl Posted May 5, 2011 Posted May 5, 2011 I disagree with everyone. It's good when it's done right. Men (at least the ones I date) tend to panic and fear that you are trying to tie them down too much and need them too much, so they will pull away and ignore you and when you pull away as well and ignore them, then they realize you are your own person and come back to you. This is actually how I keep men with me, since, in my first relationship, my ex was always saying how I was always there waiting for him and while I never told him not to go out and do things if he wanted to, the fact that I was almost always available when he wanted to talk to me was pathetic to him. It's not playing games, since the rubberband effect has THEM pulling away first and you pulling away as well in response. It's a lot healthier than sitting around and crying because they won't spend time with you. You're actually being a doormat when you don't pull away when someone you are dating pulls away first and you are reminding them that that isn't okay if they want to keep you. This is why it's stupid when people label it as a girl "playing games." Because I've known girls who play real games. Like one of my best friends in person. She flirts with people just to get them to like her and then rejects them cruelly when they pursue her and calls them creeps. She just wants self-esteem boosts and it's entirely selfish. That's what "playing games" means to me, girls doing things for their own benefit only at the expense of others. The rubberband effect on the other hand is there to help the relationship as a whole and both people. It actually strengthens the relationship and very rarely does it actually hurt the guy (if done right.) All it does is remind him why he loves you and makes him miss you a bit. And I just can't see someone doing something for the benefit of the relationship as someone "playing games."
Author purplepanda Posted May 5, 2011 Author Posted May 5, 2011 I disagree with everyone. It's good when it's done right. Men (at least the ones I date) tend to panic and fear that you are trying to tie them down too much and need them too much, so they will pull away and ignore you and when you pull away as well and ignore them, then they realize you are your own person and come back to you. This is actually how I keep men with me, since, in my first relationship, my ex was always saying how I was always there waiting for him and while I never told him not to go out and do things if he wanted to, the fact that I was almost always available when he wanted to talk to me was pathetic to him. It's not playing games, since the rubberband effect has THEM pulling away first and you pulling away as well in response. It's a lot healthier than sitting around and crying because they won't spend time with you. You're actually being a doormat when you don't pull away when someone you are dating pulls away first and you are reminding them that that isn't okay if they want to keep you. This is why it's stupid when people label it as a girl "playing games." Because I've known girls who play real games. Like one of my best friends in person. She flirts with people just to get them to like her and then rejects them cruelly when they pursue her and calls them creeps. She just wants self-esteem boosts and it's entirely selfish. That's what "playing games" means to me, girls doing things for their own benefit only at the expense of others. The rubberband effect on the other hand is there to help the relationship as a whole and both people. It actually strengthens the relationship and very rarely does it actually hurt the guy (if done right.) All it does is remind him why he loves you and makes him miss you a bit. And I just can't see someone doing something for the benefit of the relationship as someone "playing games." I was beginning to wonder if I was the only one who thought this... but then everyone said "Playing games" and it made me think, wow I'm horrible lol. You said, 'if done correctly'. How do I do that exactly? I haven't spoken to him since 10 last night, and don't plan on it till he comes to me, but only because I made a fool of myself and I just need a break from thinking about him and how he hurts me.
Enchanted Girl Posted May 5, 2011 Posted May 5, 2011 I was beginning to wonder if I was the only one who thought this... but then everyone said "Playing games" and it made me think, wow I'm horrible lol. You said, 'if done correctly'. How do I do that exactly? I haven't spoken to him since 10 last night, and don't plan on it till he comes to me, but only because I made a fool of myself and I just need a break from thinking about him and how he hurts me. I can't say. Sometimes its good to wait until he contacts you and other times its good to wait until you aren't upset about it anymore. Just don't do it too much or what people are saying will happen to you, where he starts resenting you and stuff. Just enough that he misses you some. You're the one who knows him, so it's up to you to know exactly what that means.
blueskyday Posted May 6, 2011 Posted May 6, 2011 I look at it as creating balance in the relationship, and rewarding good behavior...If I am the one initiating contact more often, then that's okay if the guy is acting crazy about me otherwise...but, if he's distant and I'm always chasing after him, then it's time for a bit of pulling away and letting him come to me.... Plus, he learns that he must put effort in to keep my attention. I would never do it first, just in response, as another poster pointed out. I think two people should be coming towards each other, not one running away and the other chasing...but sometimes that needs to happen to rebalance things. Also, the whole rubberband idea also applies to the fact that we are both independent and interdependent in relationships. That means we are also balancing within ourselves the idea of being with someone and being alone, too...so sometimes after a lot of closeness and intimacy, we will naturally pull back and take a bit of time to ourselves.... That's helped me not freak out when a guy pulls away a little, and it's usually just for a little while anyway. It gives me a chance to rebalance, too...
Author purplepanda Posted May 6, 2011 Author Posted May 6, 2011 I look at it as creating balance in the relationship, and rewarding good behavior...If I am the one initiating contact more often, then that's okay if the guy is acting crazy about me otherwise...but, if he's distant and I'm always chasing after him, then it's time for a bit of pulling away and letting him come to me.... Plus, he learns that he must put effort in to keep my attention. I would never do it first, just in response, as another poster pointed out. I think two people should be coming towards each other, not one running away and the other chasing...but sometimes that needs to happen to rebalance things. Also, the whole rubberband idea also applies to the fact that we are both independent and interdependent in relationships. That means we are also balancing within ourselves the idea of being with someone and being alone, too...so sometimes after a lot of closeness and intimacy, we will naturally pull back and take a bit of time to ourselves.... That's helped me not freak out when a guy pulls away a little, and it's usually just for a little while anyway. It gives me a chance to rebalance, too... Perfect sense. Same goes for what Enchanted Girl said.
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