quietGuy13 Posted May 4, 2011 Posted May 4, 2011 Should you not try to talk to attractive women(if you're single and want to have female friends or date)? I have found that most of the attractive women i've a approached AND just in general most of the attractive women in their 20s already have BFs. So you talk to her, then you want to keep in touch but she probably has a BF so it won't work. She will lie or something telling you that yes she wants to be friend. Then you exchange email etc, and she never contacts you again. Well this is what happened to me and has happened a few times( I've tried takling to attractive women in public places ). It just lead to sadness and anxiety( Why doesn't she ever contact me? ) recently, actually today i finally got a message from a girl i met, i thought she had lost my email so i thought that's why she didn't contact me..but it turned out she has a BF so she doesn't want to keep in touch. that sucks. i just suffered for 1 week plus and i felt like it was all my fault.. that i probably wrote the email wrong and that she wouldn't be able to contact me. NOPE!! She was just ignoring me cause she didn't want to keep in touch. ** Anyways, I'm over with this lady. I accept it. but i just got hurt. If all attractive women have a high probability of having BF's. Then is there a point in seeking attractive women?
Rinnix Posted May 4, 2011 Posted May 4, 2011 Women who are taken (good women) generally don't string guys along. Id consider it a good thing if they didn't keep in contact. Assuming the guy was wanting more then platonic and "waiting it out." I have no problems being friends with the male gender, I connect easier with them, less catty, etc. If a line is crossed and there is no platonic line anymore, then the friendship can't be maintained. At least not while I am a taken woman. There are many beautiful girls that are still single, keep looking!
oaks Posted May 4, 2011 Posted May 4, 2011 i just suffered for 1 week Why? It's not worth even worrying about. If she replies then that's a bonus. Next time just assume that she won't respond and get on with the rest of your life. Worrying about whether a woman will email or call back when you don't even know her is futile.
Knittress Posted May 4, 2011 Posted May 4, 2011 Yes, who lie about their relationship status and pretend they are taken. It's a time-honored way of communicating unavailability while skirting around the whole personal-assessment part of a rejection. What? You'd rather have a girl look you up and down and rip apart your self esteem? And if even if YOU'RE into that, most people don't feel good when they hurt others - but sometimes I wonder with guys if this this all about making that pretty woman feel like crap because they can't have her...
alethean Posted May 4, 2011 Posted May 4, 2011 Should you not try to talk to attractive women(if you're single and want to have female friends or date)? I have found that most of the attractive women i've a approached AND just in general most of the attractive women in their 20s already have BFs. So you talk to her, then you want to keep in touch but she probably has a BF so it won't work. She will lie or something telling you that yes she wants to be friend. Then you exchange email etc, and she never contacts you again. Well this is what happened to me and has happened a few times( I've tried takling to attractive women in public places ). It just lead to sadness and anxiety( Why doesn't she ever contact me? ) recently, actually today i finally got a message from a girl i met, i thought she had lost my email so i thought that's why she didn't contact me..but it turned out she has a BF so she doesn't want to keep in touch. that sucks. i just suffered for 1 week plus and i felt like it was all my fault.. that i probably wrote the email wrong and that she wouldn't be able to contact me. NOPE!! She was just ignoring me cause she didn't want to keep in touch. ** Anyways, I'm over with this lady. I accept it. but i just got hurt. If all attractive women have a high probability of having BF's. Then is there a point in seeking attractive women? I don't have any input on why these women behave the way they do. But here's one thing you can do. Don't place so much value on getting a girlfriend. Take things one step at a time and don't project so much into the future. When you are exchanging contact information with a girl, don't expect anything. That way, if you do get a reply, you can be pleased, but if you don't, then it's not a big deal. Don't try to figure out the motives of someone who does or does not contact it. The "why" does not matter. Now should you bother contacting women who are attractive to you? That depends on what you can take. If you can handle many rejections before a connection without over-analyzing things, then there's no harm in continuing. If the degree of hurt that these rejections cause you is too much, then you may want to at least retreat for a while. It's all up to you.
Knittress Posted May 4, 2011 Posted May 4, 2011 I would rather people be honest. The lies only truly protect the liar. It's called social skills, yo. And why shouldn't she be allowed to protect herself? I don't think guys understand that being an attractive women is a little like having a target on your back. Many men seem to feel entitled to an attractive woman's time and space when she's simply going about her day. She shouldn't HAVE to feel crappy just because she's pretty and happens to set your panties ablaze, and you're being a chauvinistic a-hole by thinking her presence in that room solely revolves around you and you approaching her. She's allowed her space like any other human being you don't happen to be interested in. This isn't a poor-pretty-girl comment, this is a the-world-doesn't-revolve-around you comment.
somedude81 Posted May 4, 2011 Posted May 4, 2011 My current theroy is that an attractive woman is only single because she doesn't want to date. And even if she is "single" that doesn't mean she isn't getting sex from one or more men. The available decent looking woman who doesn't want to be single, is very rare and more often than not she would have poor social skills or just be very shy; which causes men to think that she isn't interested.
rocketboy9 Posted May 4, 2011 Posted May 4, 2011 In my experience most attractive women jump from guy to guy with little to no gap between relationships. I am not saying all mind you but many. If they are not involved its because they choose to not be involved. Either they have issues, just came of a relationship or are just playing the field. The key attitude that you need to learn is indifference and detachment. Dont let your self esteem and value be tied up in what she thinks. This needs to come from within YOU, not her. You have to place a high value on yourself and if she cant see this value so be it. Here is what I am trying to say, if you ask her out and she give you an excuse - has a boyfriend, whatever - so what, you go next. If she says yes, thats great. Good for you. Either way its not the end of the world. You just keep living and dont give up. Its like that saying about falling off the horse, you pick yourself up and get back on. Same exact thing. At some point you will realize the rejection means NOTHING. Literally. At that point you will feel you have reached nirvana because you just wont care. Here is an example of what I am trying to say. The first time I got laid off I was terrified of going on interviews. I was nervous and didnt have my rap down. After having been on probably over 50 interviews over the years, interviews are not a big deal anymore. I just dont care, if they say no or bust my hump during the interview - SO WHAT. You realize during the interview that you may not like them, you get a bad vibe from them whatever. You just go NEXT. Its the exact same thing with women. You have to look at it the same way.
Cracker Jack Posted May 4, 2011 Posted May 4, 2011 I completely agree with rocketboy. All types of women are in relationships already. You (and I used to think like this,too) have to just see for yourself instead of assuming right off the bat.
fishtaco Posted May 4, 2011 Posted May 4, 2011 Newsflash, non-pretty women do the same thing. Women flake out and drop off for no apparent reason all the time. Also, some people (men too) jump from relationship to relationship. It has more to do with their personality than their looks. Some people are afraid of being alone. Some people can't get out of a relationship unless they start another one first, so they use the next bf/gf to get them out of the current relationship. It doesn't take an "attractive person" to be able to jump from relationship to relationship.
Dust Posted May 4, 2011 Posted May 4, 2011 Should you not try to talk to attractive women(if you're single and want to have female friends or date)? Being single and wanting female friends have nothing to do with each other. In fact the easiest time to make female friends is when you are in a relationship and therefore actually looking for friendship. (not something more) Being friends with a female requires boundaries. When you are single and ready to mingle friendship boundaries should be the least of your concern. Starting something romantic from the start should be your goal when single. I have found that most of the attractive women i've a approached AND just in general most of the attractive women in their 20s already have BFs. Another point at how confused you are. What should attraction matter if you are looking for friends? You also don’t strike me as a guy who approaches many women. I’d be surprised from the tone of this thread if you hit on as little as one girl a week. (internet doesn’t count unless you meet them in person) If every week that one woman said she was taken that still wouldn’t mean they are all taken. Not to mention women often just make up some guy as a way of rejecting people they are not into. You know how many single girls pop up on my news feed for facebook every day. (it certainly feels like more then entering a relationship)(although updating the relationship status out of single or n/a seems to happen quite some times after the relationship starts.)(but the point is still valid) So you talk to her' date=' then you want to keep in touch but she probably has a BF so it won't work. She will lie or something telling you that yes she wants to be friend. Then you exchange email etc, and she never contacts you again.[/quote'] You know drill, don’t act shocked to discovered lets just be friends can and does mean so long fair well. Yeah girls are generally afraid of being blunt. Really you should be glad they aren’t blunt because that would probably make a guy like you cry in public. They give you the old friend line and it’s at that point you should say “well if it works out great, but no big deal if it doesn’t.” Instead you come on here and beat yourself up, placing the power of your self worth in others perceived opinions. You need to create your own happiness. Well this is what happened to me and has happened a few times( I've tried takling to attractive women in public places ). It just lead to sadness and anxiety( Why doesn't she ever contact me? ) You only tried “a few times.” It’s all in the way you think of it. I actually enjoy the flirty conversations and all that other stuff like the first kiss etc, etc. I enjoy it regardless of whether she becomes my official going steady girlfriend. The pain of having some girl you just flirted with rejecting you should really be nothing. Having a relationship you spent years in fail is even a reality you should be prepared to deal with. You have to just be ok with yourself if you want to get maximum enjoyment. You taint and diminish the enjoyment you were looking for out of a relationship if you let there actions of whether they date you, or call you back define your life. recently' date=' actually today i finally got a message from a girl i met, i thought she had lost my email so i thought that's why she didn't contact me..but it turned out she has a BF so she doesn't want to keep in touch.[/quote'] A word of advice, you don’t start relationships through email! It’s very easy to ignore emails. It’s also lame and boring. You ask them out in person. I’m not even sure you asked this girl out that is. that sucks. i just suffered for 1 week plus and i felt like it was all my fault.. that i probably wrote the email wrong and that she wouldn't be able to contact me. NOPE!! She was just ignoring me cause she didn't want to keep in touch.. Please get a grip. Do not blame her for any suffering you experienced because you chose to write emails to a girl instead of asking her out in person. If you had asked her out in person it all would have been clear. In fact it might have changed the outcome. Seriously, put things in perspective for yourself. If you suffered you did it to yourself because you based your life on getting a response to an email. You know you’re doing it wrong so change your inner dialogue. Anyways' date=' I'm over with this lady. I accept it. but i just got hurt. If all attractive women have a high probability of having BF's. Then is there a point in seeking attractive women? [/quote'] You already know the point. Two words “attractive women.” Really any more explanation then that turns into the semantics of why do people like pretty things. Change your inner and outer dialogue to something that celebrates yourself and your interest instead of some one damned by the world.
sanskrit Posted May 4, 2011 Posted May 4, 2011 It's a time-honored way of communicating unavailability while skirting around the whole personal-assessment part of a rejection. What? You'd rather have a girl look you up and down and rip apart your self esteem? And if even if YOU'RE into that, most people don't feel good when they hurt others - but sometimes I wonder with guys if this this all about making that pretty woman feel like crap because they can't have her... Disagree, and lol @ "time-honored." It's all about women assuaging their own feelings, not the guy's, and for some it's about fishing for more easy attention supply. Else they would simply say, as I do when a woman I'm not interested in makes overtures, "I'm just not interested at this time" in a matter-of-fact way. Simple, easy, not insulting, not humiliating. All the "ripping apart" hyperbole is just rationalization of women's standard BS. OP, many women use a "fake BF" to divert random attention from strangers, I have dated at least two women in my life who wore fake engagement rings on planes and elsewhere. Have experienced several times over the last few years where women would (usually hamhandedly) drop the "BF bomb" into the conversation and after as little as ten minutes later, were giving me their number and confessing that the BF wasn't serious or exclusive (and I suspect actually imaginary). So once a woman drops the BF bomb, stick around a bit, be charming, and you will be amazed how many BFs evaporate into thin air once she thinks you are "OK" and not a creep. Finally, women today change BFs like clothes, just a given reality, so always let them know you are interested in normal M-F relations, not some emasculating attention supply pseudo-friendship, and over time you will be able to revisit the issue between BFs. Most all the women you will ever date will keep in touch with exes and prospective suitors rationalizing them as "friends" behind your back or maybe even openly. You have every right to adopt the same tactics including keeping in touch with women who claim to have a BF. Don't buy the "it's disrespectful to pursue a woman with a BF" line of utter tripe you may see here and elsewhere, if more of them were consistently honest in their dealings with men, we could take this advice, but they aren't so we needn't.
Knittress Posted May 4, 2011 Posted May 4, 2011 Are you guys purposely misunderstanding me? You feel that you're ENTITLED to a certain response from a woman, simply because she's a female in the room that you have interest in - that's bull****. When you approach a woman you are IMPOSING upon her - get that straight. She doesn't owe you a thing. According to her she's just in line to get some stuff taken care of at the bank, get some stuff sorted at school, etc - she is NOT there to be hit on. She is allowed to feel and act however she likes. If she doesn't feel like shooting down five men a day because it makes her depressed - THAT'S OK. You are imposing on her time. Get that. If you're charming and interesting, your imposition will be welcome. If you come off as chauvinistic and arrogant as you do here - it won't be.
samspade Posted May 4, 2011 Posted May 4, 2011 Should you not try to talk to attractive women(if you're single and want to have female friends or date)? I have found that most of the attractive women i've a approached AND just in general most of the attractive women in their 20s already have BFs. So you talk to her, then you want to keep in touch but she probably has a BF so it won't work. She will lie or something telling you that yes she wants to be friend. Then you exchange email etc, and she never contacts you again. Well this is what happened to me and has happened a few times( I've tried takling to attractive women in public places ). It just lead to sadness and anxiety( Why doesn't she ever contact me? ) recently, actually today i finally got a message from a girl i met, i thought she had lost my email so i thought that's why she didn't contact me..but it turned out she has a BF so she doesn't want to keep in touch. that sucks. i just suffered for 1 week plus and i felt like it was all my fault.. that i probably wrote the email wrong and that she wouldn't be able to contact me. NOPE!! She was just ignoring me cause she didn't want to keep in touch. ** Anyways, I'm over with this lady. I accept it. but i just got hurt. If all attractive women have a high probability of having BF's. Then is there a point in seeking attractive women? It's a numbers game, man. You have to approach, approach, approach. And not care. Deflect the boyfriend thing. You probably have some work to do on your game if you're not getting sufficient interest. When women find you attractive and want to be with you, neither hell nor high water will stop them.
Skump Posted May 4, 2011 Posted May 4, 2011 Should you not try to talk to attractive women(if you're single and want to have female friends or date)? I have found that most of the attractive women i've a approached AND just in general most of the attractive women in their 20s already have BFs. Pro Tip: Women are *always* in the market to trade up, "boyfriend" or no. Until that ring goes on, the game goes on...
CambridgeGirl Posted May 4, 2011 Posted May 4, 2011 Are you guys purposely misunderstanding me? You feel that you're ENTITLED to a certain response from a woman, simply because she's a female in the room that you have interest in - that's bull****. When you approach a woman you are IMPOSING upon her - get that straight. She doesn't owe you a thing. According to her she's just in line to get some stuff taken care of at the bank, get some stuff sorted at school, etc - she is NOT there to be hit on. She is allowed to feel and act however she likes. If she doesn't feel like shooting down five men a day because it makes her depressed - THAT'S OK. You are imposing on her time. Get that. If you're charming and interesting, your imposition will be welcome. If you come off as chauvinistic and arrogant as you do here - it won't be. I agree with the above, why on earth does anyone think they have the right to expect a total stranger they have interrupted in the street, to even take their email address!!! Let-alone reply, at all, never mind swiftly. To say that women who do not respond are mean is, beyond preposterous.
Dust Posted May 4, 2011 Posted May 4, 2011 Are you guys purposely misunderstanding me? You feel that you're ENTITLED to a certain response from a woman, simply because she's a female in the room that you have interest in - that's bull****. I think he should feel entitled to the things he wants in life just not expect things to work out right away. And when things don’t work out right away that is no time to quit but to take the next step in the right direction. When you approach a woman you are IMPOSING upon her - get that straight. She doesn't owe you a thing. According to her she's just in line to get some stuff taken care of at the bank' date=' get some stuff sorted at school, etc - she is NOT there to be hit on. She is allowed to feel and act however she likes. If she doesn't feel like shooting down five men a day because it makes her depressed - THAT'S OK.[/quote'] This advice doesn’t really help the OP. He shouldn’t worry about “imposing” on women as you call it. Whether she is there to be hit on or not he is not a mind reader and this is the way life goes. She should treat him and any one else for that matter the way she would want to be treated in that situation. If and when people are rude to the OP though he shouldn’t break down and let that effect him as it seems to. You are imposing on her time. Get that. If you're charming and interesting' date=' your imposition will be welcome. If you come off as chauvinistic and arrogant as you do here - it won't be. [/quote'] I think the problem is he is afraid and there for bores them. You talk about a man imposing on a woman in a bank line etc, and that sounds great and interesting. He on the other hand sent an email and then waited a week for a response. The contents of the email probably were little more then “some weather we’ve been having.” I think he should do the opposite of your advice and feel free to impose on women and strike up random flirty conversations with women in real life. He should put them on the spot in real life and who cares if they get depressed because they got hit on by 5 men this week and rejecting them was stressful. Yes, rejecting people is stressful, and so is attention from people you don’t want attention from. The thing is you will most likely have to fail more times then you succeed and this is the way of the world. If you want to invent some alternative to dating go at it, arranged marriages were falling out of favor the last time I checked.
fortyninethousand322 Posted May 4, 2011 Posted May 4, 2011 Are you guys purposely misunderstanding me? You feel that you're ENTITLED to a certain response from a woman, simply because she's a female in the room that you have interest in - that's bull****. When you approach a woman you are IMPOSING upon her - get that straight. She doesn't owe you a thing. According to her she's just in line to get some stuff taken care of at the bank, get some stuff sorted at school, etc - she is NOT there to be hit on. She is allowed to feel and act however she likes. If she doesn't feel like shooting down five men a day because it makes her depressed - THAT'S OK. You are imposing on her time. Get that. If you're charming and interesting, your imposition will be welcome. If you come off as chauvinistic and arrogant as you do here - it won't be. I completely agree that no one is entitled to anything (aside those rights guaranteed in the Constitution but that's another matter), but this line of argument has the potential to make people socially isolated. If you never "impose" on anyone, you're likely to never make any friends, or have any kind of social interaction. Or, is there another way to make friends and socialize that I'm not aware of? Or is your post just encouraging people to be loners?
Knittress Posted May 4, 2011 Posted May 4, 2011 He shouldn’t worry about “imposing” on women as you call it. Whether she is there to be hit on or not he is not a mind reader and this is the way life goes. She should treat him and any one else for that matter the way she would want to be treated in that situation. If and when people are rude to the OP though he shouldn’t break down and let that effect him as it seems to. I agree with you, I used a strong word like 'impose' because there were some posters who didn't seem to grasp that walking up to strangers and expecting them to engage with you is something that needs to be done in a respectful and appropriate manner. And that these social mores are not thrown out the window when you go from striking up a convo with a dude over the latest game to trying to do the equivalent with someone who is attractive and female. As a female, the utter misogyny of that attitude was pissing me off. As is the idea that an attractive woman is loathesome because she is attractive and that is somehow horribly damaging and detrimental... what? But I'm going to give up shortly because you can't 'win' the internet. Yes. Talk to people. My point was focus on the 'people' aspect and not the 'attractive female' aspect.
alethean Posted May 4, 2011 Posted May 4, 2011 The problem is not necessarily the imposition in and of itself; it's the expectation that the imposition should yield satisfactory results. I personally don't see anything wrong with imposing as long as the person who is imposing does not expect a positive outcome from the other person. At any rate, I feel it works better for the person doing the action too because then a positive outcome can be a pleasant surprise without the negative outcome becoming a huge disappointment.
Dust Posted May 4, 2011 Posted May 4, 2011 Yes. Talk to people. My point was focus on the 'people' aspect and not the 'attractive female' aspect. No, you just don’t get it. The problem is not necessarily the imposition in and of itself; it's the expectation that the imposition should yield satisfactory results. Yes, this thinking is on the right track. He needs to live for the day and not for some far off big picture that only stresses him out. The stress of interacting with a girl can be enjoyed as giddy/horny anticipation of what might come. Enough of this sore loser why can’t I always win attitude. His problem isn’t that he can’t get girls. His problem is that he hates the though of even trying. He also there for barely tries and then comes on here to confirm to himself how worthless he is, I consider it my job to knock away that negative thinking and motivate my fellow man to live the life they want.
LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted May 5, 2011 Posted May 5, 2011 If you're ugly, you should not try, because she wants the muscle bound jock.
Author quietGuy13 Posted May 5, 2011 Author Posted May 5, 2011 "It's a numbers game, man. You have to approach, approach, approach. And not care. Deflect the boyfriend thing. You probably have some work to do on your game if you're not getting sufficient interest. When women find you attractive and want to be with you, neither hell nor high water will stop them." yeah i know it's a numbers game. i should try more and more but if i do that, people will start noticing me as "the guy who tries to pickup women in the street". and then women would tell other women about me. "that creepy guy just trying to pickup girls" BTway, it's bus stops and bus terminal. not just randomly in the open street.
Dust Posted May 5, 2011 Posted May 5, 2011 If you're ugly, you should not try, because she wants the muscle bound jock. You're only ugly if that is the way you see yourself. Think about that. yeah i know it's a numbers game. i should try more and more but if i do that, people will start noticing me as "the guy who tries to pickup women in the street". and then women would tell other women about me. "that creepy guy just trying to pickup girls" The reality is a man bold enough to get “the creepy guy trying to pick up girls” reputation will get his pick of the ladies. Quagmire on family guy spoofs a true phenomenon. You won’t get that reputation though. Girls are also quick to call anything and everything creepy so good luck living your life if not appearing creepy is a concern. BTway, it's bus stops and bus terminal. not just randomly in the open street. When I was single plains, trains and everything else was open season. You talk to and pursue girls that interest you. Remember you’re not going to meet any one staying home watching reruns of MacGyver. Get involved in things that get you out of the house and enrich your life whether it be art class or playing a sport.
93TheHitStick Posted May 5, 2011 Posted May 5, 2011 Well i don't care if a girl has a boyfriend. I mean as long as he isn't my friend and they haven't been going out forever then it isn't my problem. I can let her know that i am interested and its up to her if she wants to be with me. If not no hard feelings. Shouldn't matter if she has a boyfriend or not. And how would you know unless you approach her? You wouldn't. Go into anything assuming she is single. If she is not just put it out there that you like her but don't press it. If she cheats on her boyfriend though she obviously isn't wifey material and you should smash n dash.
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