MB89 Posted May 4, 2011 Posted May 4, 2011 After my ex of 3,5 years dumped me about 2 months ago we agreed to stay friends, I told her that I still love her and that I want to be with her, but she says she doesn't love me anymore. I had many personal problems during the last year or so and I was foolish enough to let it effect our relationship. In the end I also became less outgoing and isolated from my friends. This undoubtedly put a strain on our relationship and made me seem selfish at times, and I can imagine she must have felt pretty unappreciated when she tried to help me. Since I was pretty hurt over being dumped I became passive and I chose not to call her and text her right after the breakup, but she called me or texted me almost every single day just asking how I was doing or saying "have a nice day". And when we met(we did this 4 times in 2 months) we acted just like friends, but at the same time she would occaisonally stroke my hair or hug me and I even gave her a massage once. But nothing romantic happened. After going on like this for 2 months I had gotten my hopes up and felt like I still had a chance of getting her back. Then when I met her the last time, about 2 weeks ago, I told her how i feel and that I was sorry for taking her for granted, for being selfish and not appreciating her. But she said that nothing has changed and she still doesn't love me. She then started crying and said she felt horrible for hurting me. The next day she called me and I told her I need some time alone to work things out on my own, she agreed. But still she kept calling me almost every day. The first few days I didn't answer but after that we started talking a bit and about 1 week ago we talked on facebook. I told her i am doing fine at the moment but she apparently is sad and depressed and having problems being lonely. We have only talked twice after this about nothing important. It has now been 15 days since I initiated no-contact in a hope that I can start feeling better. But at the same time I am hoping that she might start missing me and maybe give a second chance. P.S She was apparently asked out on a date by some guy but she declined and told him she isn't interested in dating now. No-contact has helped and I am starting to feel better but some days are just horrible. I really miss her and I love her alot and I really want her back! Do you guys think there is anything I can do to get a second chance?
Fufu Posted May 4, 2011 Posted May 4, 2011 If she feels that she has make a mistake by breaking up to you, she has to be the one to realize that breaking up with you is not the path to choose. At the meantime, keep up to your NC. Reconciliation is only possible when both parties are serious, willing and enthusiastic to work things out together. You have to move on with your life and not put yourself in the past and live in limbo stage. This is not what you want your life to be. Also the meaning of NC is also not to have any information with regards to your ex, knowing your ex declined a guy from dating means you are not really in NC. Besides, she rejects the dates doesn't mean that she wants to be with you. These are 2 separate issues. You may wish to read these threads. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t276219/ http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t276314/
Author MB89 Posted May 4, 2011 Author Posted May 4, 2011 I am doing NC primarly for myself but I can't stop myself from hoping that she will change her mind. It is especially frustrating since the reason she broke up with me was my fault, even though she claims it wasn't. I used to be a very positive, social and outgoing person but certain things happend in my life that made me change to the opposite, and I know this bothered her. She would often say how much fun we used to have before and that it's not healthy for me to be depressed and isolate myself from other people. I should have understood that she missed the times we had in the past and I should not have let my negative feelings take charge of my life. She supported me when I had it tough but I did not appreciate her as much I should have. Now my life is better and I have a more positive outlook on life and I have started to become the more fun and outgoing person I used to be. But at the same time it kinda sucks because I just wish there was something I could do to show her that I am the same person she missed while I was depressed.
Fufu Posted May 4, 2011 Posted May 4, 2011 I am doing NC primarly for myself but I can't stop myself from hoping that she will change her mind. It is especially frustrating since the reason she broke up with me was my fault, even though she claims it wasn't. Taking initiative actions to help yourself is a good thing Transfer your thoughts on her to yourself. Think of how you are planning for tomorrow is better than thinking of whether or not she will change her mind. Don't self blame yourself. It takes 2 to make a relationship work, and takes 2 to make it break. Reflect on your mistakes, but don't continuing self-blaming yourself. Self-blaming is very damaging to your self-esteem. I used to be a very positive, social and outgoing person but certain things happend in my life that made me change to the opposite, and I know this bothered her. She would often say how much fun we used to have before and that it's not healthy for me to be depressed and isolate myself from other people. I should have understood that she missed the times we had in the past and I should not have let my negative feelings take charge of my life. She supported me when I had it tough but I did not appreciate her as much I should have. If you used to be positive, social and outgoing person. You are still this very person. I don't know what happened to you life, however I only hope you can start to bring yourself back first. We all made mistakes but don't over dwell them. Now my life is better and I have a more positive outlook on life and I have started to become the more fun and outgoing person I used to be. But at the same time it kinda sucks because I just wish there was something I could do to show her that I am the same person she missed while I was depressed. I'm happy to read that you have a more positive outlook on life. You don't have to show her. She has to be the one to realize that leaving you is not the only path to choose. In the meantime, continue to work on yourself. You are a strong person, and I believe you will be fine in no time. Lastly, don't self blame and over-dwell too much.
Author MB89 Posted May 7, 2011 Author Posted May 7, 2011 I don't understand why she keeps contacting me every 3-4 days? She says she doesn't love me and that she respects my wish to go NC for a while, but she continues to reach out to me every time i disapear from her radar for a few days. Usually i respond and we just chit chat for a while about boring everyday stuff. This is really confusing...
Fufu Posted May 7, 2011 Posted May 7, 2011 Don't confused yourself. If a person truly wants to be with you will not resist being with you. Keep up to your NC. Some exes do that kind of weird actions to their dumpees. They don't want to be committed to their partners but want them around as doormat and spare tyre.
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