ASG Posted May 4, 2011 Posted May 4, 2011 Probably need to take a step back and realize that I'm with a woman I just wanted some solid fun with. I guess she wants more emotional investment from me and is pushing for it through minor arguments. :/ My friends have been around for a while. They don't necessarily get priority over my SO but that doesn't mean they aren't as important. I think the root of my problem here is that I never intended on getting serious. So when she tries to command my attention and affection it just pushes me away, I feel as if someone is trying to dictate my personality my demeanor. In effect, I rebel so to speak. That's when I get up and walk out, ignore the phone calls, etc. You really do need to take a step back and think long and hard why you're with a person. Because what you do? I would have broken up with you the second time you did that. Because for a relationship to work, you need to at least UNDERSTAND what she cares about, even if you don't. She's not trying to make you care about the things she cares about... just wants to care that SHE cares about them. Like welikeincrowds said, the thread about the 25 and the 34 year old is EXACTLY this. He does exactly what you do, except he doesn't walk out. You are clearly not ready for a relationship. At least with this woman. DOn't try to force it. Break up with her (if she wants to be serious) and go find another fling. There is nothing wrong with that! I spent almost 8 years having meaningless flings because I couldn't find someone I connected to and wanted to stick around. Some of them even I even thought "hey, this might be it!" but after a couple of weeks I was just bored and making excuses as to why it wouldn't work. Then someone came along (it started as a fling) and we connected and I wanted to pay attention to what was important to him and didn't psh him away. Turned out we just weren't compatible in the larger scheme of things, but the thing is, sometimes you're just not ready for an actual relationship!
blueskyday Posted May 4, 2011 Posted May 4, 2011 Um, your dad "shrugs things off" when your mom complains? That sounds like what you do...so your parents didn't model two people caring about what the other feels and thinks...Hey, mine didn't either, but I knew I had to learn it. The thing is, people need to know you have their best interests at heart to even be with you. Being self-centered is a normal stage, but as we get more mature, we tend to understand we have to balance our needs with someone else's. If you want a light-hearted fun relationship, then be honest about it with a woman. Tell her you don't want anything serious...but then, think about what she might require -- like monogamy. If you want a one night stand or sex only, then state it up front and let her decide if that is right for her...it's a matter of respect. And it is NEVER respectful to walk out in the middle of a discussion, unless you are trying to hold your temper so you don't say or do something that would hurt the other...but even in that case, you would explain you need a time out and then come back later to finish talking to the person...again, you are thinking about them as well as yourself. Doesn't sound like you are ready to be in a relationship at this point, or at least with this woman. That's okay...Please understand, though, that you will need to consider others' feelings and wants as you get your own wants and needs met...
blueskyday Posted May 4, 2011 Posted May 4, 2011 It might help, too, to explain what you need, too...as in, "I need a bit of time to think about what you've said here. I'm feeling defensive, and I know you are upset, and I do want to understand why...." That kind of stuff helped me. I also tended to get overwhelmed and checked out when someone got upset...
Mme. Chaucer Posted May 4, 2011 Posted May 4, 2011 An actual "relationship" involves working through things; finding a way to care about what's important to your partner, even if it is foreign to you. If your girlfriend is just a drag, I agree that saying bye would be in order. On the other hand, you really come off as a person with the emotional maturity of an adolescent boy, and one who really has nothing to offer in a "relationship" at this stage of life.
purplepanda Posted May 4, 2011 Posted May 4, 2011 She's upset? I end up leaving in the middle of her sentence. I care so little for drama and unwanted forms of it that I just care not for what's she upset about. So I get up, walk out of the room, get in my car and drive. I call a friend or two up, we get together and hang out. It feels so good, to breathe. She's blowing my phone up, I just ignore the calls, but reply with text messages. I just don't even want to hear her voice, it's annoying when she trips over what's basically a small and non-important issue to me but apparently something big for her. She wants me to put all this effort into caring but I can't lol. I just can't. I'm so carefree I'm careless. I want a woman without the ridiculous and minute issues that always explode into arguments that I just walk away from. Give them the look: -_-, then I stand up and leave while she's talking. She gets so ****ing mad and hits me with the "You don't even care that I'm upset line." And it always makes me laugh. Why the **** should I care that she's upset? Why would I want to be upset over her own emotional issues? I got enough issues of my own. I don't need my woman contributing to it. Sigh, I want a lady on my arm but its like "screw her mind and emotions" when she starts clucking over **** that means nothing to me. Why do women bitch over what's basically nothing to me? To some men? Why the hell do I care so little about their emotions? Lmao it's starting to raise an eyebrow. :/ Then why are you with her at all?
Woggle Posted May 4, 2011 Posted May 4, 2011 While I don't condone walking away I understand why a man just does not want to deal with the drama. It is really a soul killer when you have had a great day and you are feeling a natural high only to face Miss Sourface and it is over some trivial crap. Luckily I am with a woman now who hates drama as much as most men but I very much understand where you are coming from.
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