When do guys just give up and settle for a below average girl?And should they?

May 4, 2011

I doubt it unless you have 2 heads or something.
A girls idea of 'approaching' a guy is very different to how we are expected to do it. My gf still insists that she is very assertive in chasing guys she likes and made the first moves in our relationship... She added me on face book.

Other examples of girls approaching you might be..
saying hi to you in class
sitting next to you at a social gathering
agreeing with you
teasing you
erm pretty much any stupid social interaction.
that's why it's so difficult for us guys to even notice these things. You just need to be astute and try and figure it out for yourself.

Agreeing with me is a girl approaching me? So girls disagree with guys on purpose to avoid coming on to him?

I've had girls who were not my friend, come up to me, give me a big hug, ask how my weekend went and tell me all the places she went with her boyfriend

Hell I had a girl actually invite me to go to lunch with her; which seemed to go well even-though I was pressed for time, and then completely ignore me for another guy the next time I saw her in class

It seems that girls really don't approach guys they are interested in any differently than guys they are friends with. So anything less than a girl telling me she thinks I'm cute, doesn't count for me. The two girls I talked about made it plainly clear that they were interested.

"erm pretty much any stupid social interaction."

Is this sarcasm?

May 4, 2011

Unless a guy is himself hot and sexy I really don't see the point in obessing about women who are out of one's league.

The real issue here is men who themselves are either average or below average feeling entitled and believing that they deserve beautiful women simply because they have a penis. I see this all around me with family members, friends and acquaintances.

This is not about settling it's about having unrealistic expectations - and displaying a complete lack of self-awareness.

May 4, 2011

Unless a guy is himself hot and sexy I really don't see the point in obessing about women who are out of one's league.

The real issue here is men who themselves are either average or below average feeling entitled and believing that they deserve beautiful women simply because they have a penis. I see this all around me with family members, friends and acquaintances.

This is not about settling it's about having unrealistic expectations - and displaying a complete lack of self-awareness.

I think entitled is a wrong word to use..i dont think the op feels entitled to a hot women he would prefer a hotter women just like all things being equal women would prefer a great guy whos also hot not average or below average but eventually people settle for whatever they can get or choose to be alone..

May 4, 2011

I think entitled is a wrong word to use..i dont think the op feels entitled to a hot women he would prefer a hotter women just like all things being equal women would prefer a great guy whos also hot not average or below average but evnetually people settle for whatever they can get or choose to be alone..

I respectfully disagree, I've read many of the OP's other posts and I think entitled is the appropriate word to describe his attitude and that of other men who post here complaining they can't attract beautiful women.

Since the vast majority of the human population is either average or below average in terms of looks most people who are in committed relationships or married are not in fact settling they have simply decided not to live in a fantasy world.

May 4, 2011

I respectfully disagree, I've read many of the OP's other posts and I think entitled is the appropriate word to describe his attitude and that of other men who post here complaining they can't attract beautiful women.

Since the vast majority of the human population is either average or below average in terms of looks most people who are in committed relationships or married are not in fact settling they have simply decided not to live in a fantasy world.

I dont see it as entitlement i see it as human nature to want a hot partner but eventually most of us realize where we stand and what we can realistically get..

May 4, 2011

I respectfully disagree, I've read many of the OP's other posts and I think entitled is the appropriate word to describe his attitude and that of other men who post here complaining they can't attract beautiful women.

Since the vast majority of the human population is either average or below average in terms of looks most people who are in committed relationships or married are not in fact settling they have simply decided not to live in a fantasy world.

I don't see many other men complaing that they can't get beautiful women.

I would be more than happy to get an average girl. And no, average does not equal overweight.

May 4, 2011

I would be more than happy to get an average girl. And no, average does not equal overweight.

In this country it does

May 4, 2011

I don't see many other men complaing that they can't get beautiful women.

I would be more than happy to get an average girl. And no, average does not equal overweight.

I agree with this. My biggest complaint is that I can't seem to get women with whom I have common interests. This is regardless of looks. Is this something I should give up on and just "settle" with someone who doesn't have common interests?

May 4, 2011

I don't see many other men complaing that they can't get beautiful women.

I would be more than happy to get an average girl. And no, average does not equal overweight.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Your 'average' can be someone's supermodel.

Some people look at me and say I'm average, my boyfriend on the other hand think's I'm above it.

With this being said, it's why I say not to settle. Go for someone who you are very much attracted to. (Doesn't matter if others find her average, long as you don't.)

May 4, 2011

I dont see it as entitlement i see it as human nature to want a hot partner but eventually most of us realize where we stand and what we can realistically get..

I wouldn't swap my partner for someone who is "hotter", and I hope he wouldn't swap me either. I don't doubt that there are people out there who are better looking than both of us, but neither of us would trade the other person in even if we had the option to do so, because we are compatible and happy together. I wouldn't trade all of my partner's positive attributes for someone with a slightly prettier face or body, especally because positive attributes last longer than prettiness does.

May 4, 2011

I was in the inverse situation a while back, dating this cool guy that I liked a lot, but with whom I had incompatibilities too significant for something long term. I was totally open about my feelings. He tried pretty hard to convince me to just be with him to the extent I wanted to, then move on if I found someone more suitable, but I just couldn't do it. It seemed so heartless to use him for my benefit, then dump him when someone I liked more came along. I don't understand how people can do this and live with themselves.

May 4, 2011

With this being said, it's why I say not to settle. Go for someone who you are very much attracted to. (Doesn't matter if others find her average, long as you don't.)

I agree entirely. Also, I prefer someone who thinks she is (at least) of above average attractiveness, regardless of what a poll of 1000 people might say. If I think she's attractive and she thinks she's attractive (and if she likes me) then I'm not settling.

May 4, 2011

A man cant truly love a woman who is less attractive than himself and a woman cant truly love a man who is less successful than herself.

This is the reality of life.

If you are an unattractive woman, know that any man who is with you is with you because he is not wealthy enough to afford the more attractive woman that he actually wants and if you are not a wealthy man, know that any woman who is with you is with you because she is not attractive enough to attract the more successful man that she actually wants.

This is BS. I would have no problem being with an average looking woman and I'm an above average looking guy.

May 4, 2011

I dont see it as entitlement i see it as human nature to want a hot partner but eventually most of us realize where we stand and what we can realistically get..

I think there is a huge difference between being attracted to beautiful people and being obsessed with the fact that you can't get one of these beautiful people and are therefore doomed to settle. The implication being that by settling you're destined to live an unfulfilled life which reeks of emotional immaturity as well as a lack of self-awareness.

Edited May 4, 2011 by lizwashere

May 4, 2011

I think there is a huge difference between being attracted to beautiful people and being obsessed with the fact that you can't get one of these beautiful people and are therefore doomed to settle. The implication being that by settling you're destined to live an unfulfilled life which reeks of emotional immaturity as well as a lack of self-awareness.

You know, I have been thinking about this topic a lot since my original response. The way I see this is similar to the way many of us find our careers. When we are children, we are told that the world is our oyster. That we can be anything we want to be. As we get older, we learn this isn't true. We all have strengths and weaknesses. Some of us manage to achieve our dreams, others take a realistic look at ourselves and find a career that works for us and that we can be happy with in the long term, others simply settle for whatever comes along and are content with their misery or lack of interest in their job, still others continue year in and year out to shoot for the dream and fail (I have a friend you has been waiting to gain entrance into graduate school in the career of his choice for over 5 years). The opportunities life hand us along with the choices we make regarding those opportunities shape our outlooks and ultimately lead us to where we will be in life. If you want to complain that life does not create enough opportunities for you to be happy go ahead. It still won't change anything.

May 4, 2011

People don't walk around with their gorgeous quotient taped on their forehead. I think Dust puts it best:

I would never settle in the sense that I would have an inner dialogue “I’m settling for this girl.” I would date a girl I think is beautiful regardless of what other people might think.

If you don't think the person is the Bee's Knees, if they don't make your heart pitter-pat, if you don't want to tear their clothes off fairly often. . . then that's not terribly healthy, but worrying about whether or not the rest of the world finds your girl or guy sexy is pretty silly.

May 4, 2011

I have a feeling that most people settle any average or below average when they think that their time is running out and they think they won't find the girl of their dreams.

my cousin, like many guys, used to salivate over hot sexy girls...He ended up with a super below average girl cause she came to him(in school)and he just gave in (even though there were hot girls all the time in his class).

I also have a dream of a hot sexy beauty but it's not happening and i'mgetting older, and i have a friend who is average but veeery nice and nice hearted. So it makes me want her as a GF even though i've always dreamed of a sexy babe.

It will only never happen if you don't take the steps toward making it happen.

If you "settle" you are doomed for an unhappy relationship and life.

Getting older has nothing to do with it. Let the women you pursue tell you that you're too old for them.

No woman is out of your league. You need to work on your self-image before you can truly be happy with another woman - no matter how physically attractive she is.

May 4, 2011

You know, I have been thinking about this topic a lot since my original response. The way I see this is similar to the way many of us find our careers. When we are children, we are told that the world is our oyster. That we can be anything we want to be. As we get older, we learn this isn't true. We all have strengths and weaknesses. Some of us manage to achieve our dreams, others take a realistic look at ourselves and find a career that works for us and that we can be happy with in the long term, others simply settle for whatever comes along and are content with their misery or lack of interest in their job, still others continue year in and year out to shoot for the dream and fail (I have a friend you has been waiting to gain entrance into graduate school in the career of his choice for over 5 years). The opportunities life hand us along with the choices we make regarding those opportunities shape our outlooks and ultimately lead us to where we will be in life. If you want to complain that life does not create enough opportunities for you to be happy go ahead. It still won't change anything.

There is a lot of truth to your response.

IME, men who struggle to find a girl friend will settle at least once in life in hopes of a long term relationship developing. The end result works positively for some and negatively for others. Being a guy who has gone 3 years single so far and who struggles greatly with forming romantic relationships I can potentially foresee some type of settling in my future. If it keeps me happy, life will be good, and if not I'll simply be back to where I started.

May 4, 2011

Wow. These kind of posts makes me want to puke all over society. I love how we rate people based on appearance. You go after the nice girl, you are settling and if the girl is hot then you've hit the jackpot.

To me, settling, is when people marry some ******* who beats them or the girl that just wants to be with them for their money, who they have no compatibility with, just so they don't have to be alone. It's not because they are dating someone who is average looking. OH THE HUMANITY. HOW CAN ANYONE STAND BEING WITH SOMEONE WHO DOESN'T FIT INTO THE TOP 1% OF SOCIETY LOOKSWISE, EVEN THOUGH IN A FEW YEARS, THEY'LL START GROWING OLD AND LOSING ALL OF THAT.

I've won the jackpot when it comes to my relationship. My boyfriend is hot as hell to me, but that's not even why I won the jackpot. Hot men are all over the place. I won the jackpot because my boyfriend is kindhearted, attentive, and loyal to me and that is something I do not run into every day. The world is full of selfish and shallow people.

Yes, most of us are shallow. It's human nature. We have to dig in further down to fight off that natural inhibition. It's most difficult to the average person.

Enchanted Girl, I know I wasn't always nice with some of my comments, but I admit that due to feeling jaded and sad at times. But I do applaud you for at least giving your current boyfriend a chance to prove his worth to you.

If only I had been given that opportunity to a girl I'm interested in I think I could've conserved most of this negative energy and channeled it into a more positive light. I had and still do have so much to give....

With that said, I'm trying to pick up the pieces, dust myself off, and start over again with a cleaner, more optimistic, however realistic slate.

May 4, 2011

You mentioned school so you sound really young. Even if you are in college. As you get older you'll mature (not just you personally, but everyone) and you start to pay attention to what is important in a relationship : shared core values, interests, fun, humor and an overall great companion. Looks don't really weigh that heavily. So while some guys will think their buddy is settling with that girl that only looks "average" he probably knows something about her that you never will and might actually be enjoying his relationship.

May 4, 2011

Agreeing with me is a girl approaching me? So girls disagree with guys on purpose to avoid coming on to him?

I've had girls who were not my friend, come up to me, give me a big hug, ask how my weekend went and tell me all the places she went with her boyfriend

Hell I had a girl actually invite me to go to lunch with her; which seemed to go well even-though I was pressed for time, and then completely ignore me for another guy the next time I saw her in class

It seems that girls really don't approach guys they are interested in any differently than guys they are friends with. So anything less than a girl telling me she thinks I'm cute, doesn't count for me. The two girls I talked about made it plainly clear that they were interested.

"erm pretty much any stupid social interaction."

Is this sarcasm?

My point is that women are generally VERY subtle. Usually too much so for us neanderthals . Them seem to be able to read between the lines and expect men to do the same, but most of us can't.

Another example of this. Back in my HS/early college days I used to have a lot of female friends. to me they were all the same. When I had a gf however, she would always get jealous about a few of them. she'd tell me 'are you blind? That girl obviously likes you, just look at the way she treats you. I'm not happy about that could you keep your contact with them to a minimum.' I thought she was crazy, in my eyes these girls treated me just the way all my other friends did but my gf didn't get upset about those friends.

But she was right. Like 95% of the time any girl she got jealous of turned out to like me, I had just never read the 'signals'.

This is why having a wingwoman is great. Not only can she talk you up to her friends, she also speaks 'womanese' and can point out to you the girls that you actually have a chance with.

May 5, 2011

My point is that women are generally VERY subtle. Usually too much so for us neanderthals . Them seem to be able to read between the lines and expect men to do the same, but most of us can't.

Another example of this. Back in my HS/early college days I used to have a lot of female friends. to me they were all the same. When I had a gf however, she would always get jealous about a few of them. she'd tell me 'are you blind? That girl obviously likes you, just look at the way she treats you. I'm not happy about that could you keep your contact with them to a minimum.' I thought she was crazy, in my eyes these girls treated me just the way all my other friends did but my gf didn't get upset about those friends.
But she was right. Like 95% of the time any girl she got jealous of turned out to like me, I had just never read the 'signals'.

This is why having a wingwoman is great. Not only can she talk you up to her friends, she also speaks 'womanese' and can point out to you the girls that you actually have a chance with.

They're only hurting themselves by being subtle. I don't respond to subtle and many guys are the same.

May 5, 2011

They're only hurting themselves by being subtle. I don't respond to subtle and many guys are the same.

Well, I think what they are doing is trying to indicate interest without risking rejection. Sort of like the nice guy types that befriend women they have crushes on, but are afraid to ask them out.

May 5, 2011

They're only hurting themselves by being subtle. I don't respond to subtle and many guys are the same.

Don't respond to subtle? Responding isn't the problem... most of us guys never even SEE subtle. If they make it glaringly obvious and blatant some guys might actually pick up on it and start to wonder.

May 5, 2011

Well, I think what they are doing is trying to indicate interest without risking rejection. Sort of like the nice guy types that befriend women they have crushes on, but are afraid to ask them out.

And like those nice guys, they're only hurting themselves.

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When do guys just give up and settle for a below average girl?And should they?

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