Cowphin Posted May 4, 2011 Posted May 4, 2011 Hello, I posted another LONG thread here about my relationship but I didn't get any replies, and there was a recent change so I was just wondering if I could get any help! So we had a very nasty break up and I was completely at fault, and my ex said that he never wanted to date or see me again but that he still loves me. So I decided Saturday night to go NC. However, Sunday night he texted me "Hey." and we started talking. There was even a point where I didn't answer him for 20 minutes and he asked "Why aren't you texting me?". So we've been talking since then and for the most part the conversation has been light and fun. However, last night I said something pathetic and stupid (my sorority had an event for one of the girls and her boyfriend) and I said something to him like "I wish I were loved" and he said "Look, please be understanding and appreciate that I'm talking to you. I don't plan to date you anytime soon, but if you keep being negative it'll be never." I realize that I screwed up by sending the self-pitying text, but his reply confused me. He said before he would never ever date me again, but according to the text he sent I still have a small chance one day. Should I take that to mean something, or just see it as a way to make me stop being silly and self-pitying?
collegeguy_24 Posted May 4, 2011 Posted May 4, 2011 Don't take it as anything. I didn't read all of your other thread, just part of it, but from what I read, he is an angry, possibly controling guy. He seems to want you to change your life around for him. You shoudn't, you need to live your life based on your rules, no one elses.
Fufu Posted May 4, 2011 Posted May 4, 2011 I just want to say, you rush into replying your Ex because you are still overly emotional and greatly affected by the break up. He said before he would never ever date me again, but according to the text he sent I still have a small chance one day. This doesn't mean anything. However, it means right now he doesn't want to be with you. "Look, please be understanding and appreciate that I'm talking to you. This is so rude. You don't need his understanding and appreciative. What does he take relationship and love as? He broke up with you I believe and he has this cheek to say this to you. You need to get away from him. I don't plan to date you anytime soon, but if you keep being negative it'll be never." This sounds incredibly threatening to me. I feel that he wants to keep you around but doesn't want to be with you and committed to you. Do you want this kind of relationship? I won't even call it a relationship... A person who truly wants to be with you will not resist being with you. Continue your NC, don't self-pity yourself anymore. Move on with your life and look forward to better things.
0hpenelope Posted May 4, 2011 Posted May 4, 2011 It means that being down about yourself is a turn off. Not just to him, but to ALL guys. And then not just to ALL guys, but any person that could have been a friend! Personally if it had to take any ex of mine to show me that my self-esteem needs work, I'd be so ashamed. Also, value being scarce to him. If you're always going to be around, available when he sends a text or calls you, how can he appreciate the time he gets to hear from you? Or he could be, as cg24 suggested, want things done his way. I haven't read the other thread, so Just to be clear my answer's based on this topic and absent the other. Besides, Cowphin, do you really want to show your ex your insecurities??? That's like offering yourself up for his validation that breaking up with you, someone whose self-confidence is low & doesn't Love Herself, is the right choice and will always be the right choice!
WiselyNaive Posted May 4, 2011 Posted May 4, 2011 Hello, I posted another LONG thread here about my relationship but I didn't get any replies, and there was a recent change so I was just wondering if I could get any help! So we had a very nasty break up and I was completely at fault, and my ex said that he never wanted to date or see me again but that he still loves me. So I decided Saturday night to go NC. However, Sunday night he texted me "Hey." and we started talking. There was even a point where I didn't answer him for 20 minutes and he asked "Why aren't you texting me?". So we've been talking since then and for the most part the conversation has been light and fun. However, last night I said something pathetic and stupid (my sorority had an event for one of the girls and her boyfriend) and I said something to him like "I wish I were loved" and he said "Look, please be understanding and appreciate that I'm talking to you. I don't plan to date you anytime soon, but if you keep being negative it'll be never." I realize that I screwed up by sending the self-pitying text, but his reply confused me. He said before he would never ever date me again, but according to the text he sent I still have a small chance one day. Should I take that to mean something, or just see it as a way to make me stop being silly and self-pitying? your ex is confusing but that doesn't seem genuine...he misses u but still wants to be in control if u want him back go nc babe...he is having his cake n eating it too by breaking up with u n still talking to u plus he is demeaning u by saying he is doing a FAVOR by talking to u....don't u see it? and he is pumping u with false hope...because he is making u a back up...if u want him back nc is the only way n it may not even work but its the healthiest way to heel even if...trust me...cut him off....ignore him whenever he texts and even if he stops texting for a long period of time never initiate.
Author Cowphin Posted May 6, 2011 Author Posted May 6, 2011 It's gonna be so hard to do that because he does text me when I finally decide to leave him alone, but I realize how that I have to do it. It just confuses me, because I told him about my sorority's formal on Monday and when I asked him to go he ignored me. But then yesterday when I told him that I had a dress he said he was sad that I didn't want him to be my date and that he would come if he didn't have to work. I don't understand what he wants from me.
Eddie Edirol Posted May 6, 2011 Posted May 6, 2011 It's gonna be so hard to do that because he does text me when I finally decide to leave him alone, but I realize how that I have to do it. It just confuses me, because I told him about my sorority's formal on Monday and when I asked him to go he ignored me. But then yesterday when I told him that I had a dress he said he was sad that I didn't want him to be my date and that he would come if he didn't have to work. I don't understand what he wants from me. Ive been in this position of bieng a dumper. To answer the question, its not a good sign. Its a bad sign. He misses talking to you, but isnt attracted to you anymore, he doesnt want to date you. Thats why he ignores y6ou whenever you talk aboutgetting together. he doesnt want to encourage you to talk about arelationship. Something about you needs to change in his mind, but really, once you lose that flame for someone it doesnt come back until years later and youre almost a different person. He is just talking to you because he misses talking to you, but doesnt miss being in a relationship with you, and he isnt hinting that he might want to try again. Your best bet is to tell him straight up to leave you alone forever. otherwise you will drag your depression along forever. It makes no difference to him, just you.
rayne05us Posted May 11, 2011 Posted May 11, 2011 Don't contact him until you get over the "pity me" stage...if you want to get back together with him then take this time to work on whatever issue you broke up over. Since you and him still have strong feelings for each other, it's not a REAL friendship, it's comfort. Yes it is VERY hard, but it's also just a text. He's not at your doorstep begging you to come back. Take it for what it is. The more you contact him right now, the more damage you'll be doing to yourself and the possible chance of getting back together. It's worth it.
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