WoundedAirman Posted May 4, 2011 Posted May 4, 2011 SO, ill try to keep this short..i was with her for almost 2 years. we had plans to get married and be together forever. then i joined the military and now im in texas and i never see her. she swore that she would stay loyal and would never leave..as you could have guessed, she left me about a week ago. It tore me apart. I cant stand life without her. And not only did she leave me but she likes another guy already. alot. and she's changed so much. she used to be so sweet and caring and would do anything for me. But now its like i mean nothing to her. She is an entire different girl that only cares about herself. She still wants to be friends and im trying my best but its killing me on the inside. She is all i think about every moment of every day. i cry over her, every single day. She is my everything...I need help..
celebration Posted May 4, 2011 Posted May 4, 2011 Distance is always a sure breaker... do your best to get to seeing her constantly(everyday)... at least to win her heart back. Women are such emotional beings and their feelings are sighted! p.s: "Seeing is believing"
au_chocolat Posted May 4, 2011 Posted May 4, 2011 Hi there, Sorry for all of the pain you are feeling now, especially since you are in the military. Thanks for serving our country. Just give the whole thing time... it is true about time healing all wounds. Eventually you will come to some new and better place around the breakup. She was not the right woman for you if she would up and leave while you were away. How would it be once you were married? Would she have an affair? Don't pay attention to her liking another guy. These situations usually backfire (for her) and if so you will be the guy she always remembers as awesome while she was a jerk. Mourn this, but know you'll meet someone more loving, devoted and ready for you in the future. I know it is an awful feeling to have something like this happen, but I really believe that breakups like this are meant to be brought to the surface so that we can see reality and not be led down some ficticious path about who we thing the other person is. Seriously, it is way better to learn this now. There are good women out there and you'll meet one who loves you just as much when the time is right. Best of luck. You're not alone!
Author WoundedAirman Posted May 4, 2011 Author Posted May 4, 2011 thanks.. and its an honor to be able to serve for my country. but anyways, i want to get over her so bad but i cant.. i love her so much. and i know that right now she is just making an irrational decision because she is hurt. and i know that if i leave her that she will regret it in the future and i dont want her to. i dont want her to have to go through the pain that i am now. even though she left me and its tearing me apart every single day, i still love her more then anything in the world and i dont want her to hurt. i just want her to find someone thats gonna make her happy. and i know that no matter who she is with that nobody will ever love her like i do, but she doesnt realize it...i dont know what the right thing to do is.
au_chocolat Posted May 4, 2011 Posted May 4, 2011 You could: A) tell her how much you love her B) send her (maybe without her seeing the site so she doesn't see your post) to some of the posts on this site. I wrote one a couple of weeks ago on asking dumpers if they ever regretted the decision which I think you can see if you look at threads I responded to. If she saw the responses from at least two women she might realize that your love doesn't often come around twice. C) find other sources maybe online about girls who regretted breaking up- I mean cite other people... maybe if she sees other peoples regrets she will reconsider breaking up. D) find some stuff online about surviving relationships while families/partners are away in the military. Here are a few I'm just cutting and pasting: http://survivingmilitaryseparation.com www.experienceproject.com/stories/Am-A-Military-Girlfriend/417629 http://www.wikihow.com/Cope-when-Your-Boyfriend-Joins-the-Military I HOPE THIS HELPS!
Fufu Posted May 4, 2011 Posted May 4, 2011 Distance is always a sure breaker... do your best to get to seeing her constantly(everyday)... at least to win her heart back. Women are such emotional beings and their feelings are sighted! p.s: "Seeing is believing" Not every women are like this My ex-bf dumped me over LDR....
dragonfly22 Posted May 4, 2011 Posted May 4, 2011 Not every women are like this My ex-bf dumped me over LDR.... My relationship was great, but once we went LDR he "fell out of love" and broke up our engagement. I used to think LDRs were totally doable if the relationship was strong. I NEVER though long distance would harm my relationship. I'm going to therapy and my therapist was telling me most LDRs actually don't make it. It just sucks when one partner is fully commited no matter the distance.
Fufu Posted May 4, 2011 Posted May 4, 2011 First and foremost, I want to say to you is DON'T BEAT YOURSELF TO IT. Secondly, look at a person by what he/she does in ACTION and not be words. Words are easy to say, easy to promise, easy to guarantee. However, when it comes to the action part, not everyone can do what they say. Look at the action, it speaks so much more than words. She said she will wait for you and yet she left you. If she truly takes her words seriously, she will not leave. I was with my ex-bf for 3 years. We bought engagement rings last year around July and planned to get engaged this year. Last year in February, he went overseas to study and the relationship becomes Long Distance Relationship. However, he broke up with me in October last year. It hurts however I do know that I wouldn't want to wait around for a man who says 1 thing to me but does another thing. This is not the kind of marriage I am looking forward to. You are a brave man, and you know that. Why let this break you when you can choose to be stronger. It's her life, it's her choice. if she wants to leave for sure, let her be. This is your life, your life, your choice. You can choose to move on and look forward to better things in life. What never breaks you always make you stronger. If you want to recover, you may wish to read the following. 1. Don't accept being her friend. Reason being: This is just going to hurt you badly. Can you be friends with her and don't feel any heartache. I'm pretty sure you can't at this moment. Also, agreeing to be her friend is just good as telling her, "I don't mind the break up." 2. Seek NC (I know there are people who don't agree with NC but I will still suggest NC) Reason being: When a relationship ends, especially when 1 partner ends it, the dumpee is hurting so much, NC helps you to be calm, steady and look at the situation in a logical manner and not being overly-emotional. 3. Start doing things to help yourself to get over the heartbreak and to move on. Reason being: Life goes on no matter what kind of sh*t you deal everyday. You are in military and I believe you know about this. 4. Talk to your family and close friends Reason being: Family are always the closest people to us. It's okay to let out of feeling, keeping to yourself will only make you feel worse and worse. Don't trap your feelings in your heart let it out. 5. Take time to reflect on yourself Reason Being: Even though me/you are the dumpees of our relationships. We also contributed to the relationship in some way or another. Reflect on your behavior and action in this relationship. Learned from your mistakes and tell yourself in future you won't do them again. 6. Don't self blame and over pity yourself Reason Being: Reflection is for one to become a better person. Self Blaming and self pitying is not reflection. It is damaging and destroying your self-esteem. What's NC. NC is no contact. NC is to help you to feel better, cool yourself down and to be less emotional. You cease all contacts with your ex-gf, don't call her, email her, text her and stuffs. Because by keeping contact with her, even if right now she is being overly confused of her decision she will not see that you are important in her life. Ultimately, whether she's coming back or not, it's her own choice and it has to be her to realize that breaking up with you is not the only path to choose. Next, while you cease your contact to her. You don't respond to any of her contacts. Dumpees tend to over analyze and over think that their exes contacting them = they want them back. You are not your ex, and your ex is not you. Both of you are separate entity. What you think about her is not what she thinks about herself. If she truly wants you back, let her be the one to initiate the sincere contact and actions to get you back based on your own judge-ment when you are thinking logically and has move on with your life (Meaning, you have accepted the break up and whether she is with you or not is not going to hinder your feelings and life at all.) If you can take sometime to read this thread, http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t276219/ I hope this post helps. Ultimately, it's your choice and decision to do what you think it's best for yourself.
Fufu Posted May 4, 2011 Posted May 4, 2011 My relationship was great, but once we went LDR he "fell out of love" and broke up our engagement. I used to think LDRs were totally doable if the relationship was strong. I NEVER though long distance would harm my relationship. I'm going to therapy and my therapist was telling me most LDRs actually don't make it. It just sucks when one partner is fully commited no matter the distance. I learned about this, if a partner gives you up because of DISTANCE. Better runaway from him/her. This just shows how "committed" he/she to you.
Author WoundedAirman Posted May 5, 2011 Author Posted May 5, 2011 thanks everyone. it helped alot. being here, i dont have alot of people to go to..so it means so much you guys took the time out of your day to help me with my problems. today i wrote her a long message and told her how i felt about her. i told her how much i love her and how much she means to me and that i will never stop loving her. I also gave her a choice..i told her we cant be like this anymore. that we either need to figure it out and be together or that i have to go because its to hard for me to just be her friend. i tried to explain to her that she is going to regret ending this relationship in the future and that i only hope she can realize that now. i also told her that if she chooses to move on that i wish her the best and i hope she finds someone that makes her happier then i ever did that way she doesnt have to go through the pain of regret. i havent gotten a response yet but when i do ill make sure i post it and let you guys know what she chose. but i know that no matter what she chooses i will still love her unconditionally and i will still hurt everyday that im not home with her. the only difference is this time i think ill have the strength to accept it and move on. and thats all thanks to you all. like i said earlier, it means the world to me that you guys dont even know me but you were still there when i needed someone. i wish you all the best. and one last time. THANKS.
hurley21 Posted May 5, 2011 Posted May 5, 2011 @WoundedAirman I have to say I chuckled at the coincidence of your post because I left a 4 year relationship and joined the Air Force. Anyhow, to the point. I saw this ALL the time in the military, people were getting dumped by their significant others, usually during tech school. Distance is really challenging. Since you've sent her your declaration of love, I hope you get the response you want, but I honestly worry if she was already falling for someone else so soon after you two split. She may have disconnected from you long before that event. I find that people can either handle the military and its challenges on a relationship, or they flake out. So, did she respond?
Fufu Posted May 5, 2011 Posted May 5, 2011 thanks everyone. it helped alot. being here, i dont have alot of people to go to..so it means so much you guys took the time out of your day to help me with my problems. today i wrote her a long message and told her how i felt about her. i told her how much i love her and how much she means to me and that i will never stop loving her. I also gave her a choice..i told her we cant be like this anymore. that we either need to figure it out and be together or that i have to go because its to hard for me to just be her friend. i tried to explain to her that she is going to regret ending this relationship in the future and that i only hope she can realize that now. i also told her that if she chooses to move on that i wish her the best and i hope she finds someone that makes her happier then i ever did that way she doesnt have to go through the pain of regret. i havent gotten a response yet but when i do ill make sure i post it and let you guys know what she chose. but i know that no matter what she chooses i will still love her unconditionally and i will still hurt everyday that im not home with her. the only difference is this time i think ill have the strength to accept it and move on. and thats all thanks to you all. like i said earlier, it means the world to me that you guys dont even know me but you were still there when i needed someone. i wish you all the best. and one last time. THANKS. Since you had sent her the letter, it's fine. Don't put yourself in the hurt for too long, it's not going to be good for you. Remember this is your own life, your own future. You wouldn't want to continue hurt yourself if someone choose to leave you. Never put your life in hold for anyone. You have the courage to be strong and move on, do it, you will be fine
Author WoundedAirman Posted May 6, 2011 Author Posted May 6, 2011 Sooooooo,,,,i never got a response from her.... But im okay with that. I mean dont get me wrong, im going to miss her like crazy! and i never stop loving her. But ive realized that im gonna make it just fine and that i will find someone thats really gonna appreciate me for who i am and what im doing. Till then im gonna do my best and enjoy whatever life throws at me! thanks again everyone!
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