tj08 Posted May 4, 2011 Posted May 4, 2011 ...inferior to your significant other/the person you are dating? I've only just recently started dating this guy, and I feel in every way absolutely inferior to him and it's absolutely eating me alive. This is incredibly unusual for me because I am normally a very confident person and have been confident and content in all my past relationships. I've never felt like this before, and I'm not sure how normal it is because it is definitely not normal for me. Every time I see this guy I learn something about him that makes me feel inferior. He doesn't do this on purpose, but it's basically eating away at my self confidence and I've now found so many ways he is superior to me that I've convinced myself that it's just a matter of time before he comes to his senses and dumps me or leaves me because he's realise he can do so much better. It's gotten to the point where a simple message from him will send me into a fit of tears because I've just found another way he's better than me which means he's one step closer to realising I'm not the girl for him and he could do better. Here are just a few examples: He is physically better looking than I am (this is not a biased viewpoint, it is pure fact, he is physically out of my league) He is emotionally more stable and stronger than me (much more logical and able to find solutions to problems, he must think I'm stupid when I can't find the solutions he comes to so easily) His family is far richer and more upper class than mine can ever hope to be (and I get the impression they don't like that he is dating somebody of such lower class, they actually discourage him from coming to my house or to see me) His ex girlfriends were all so different from me (they were all punks, and outrageous and I'm sure were more kinky than I'll ever be. They were the exact opposite of my personality and seemed a lot more interesting). Continuing from this these ex girlfriends were excellent lovers (as I've been told numerous times. Having only had one past sexual relationship in my 20 years of life I worry that I am never going to match up to the sexual standards these girls have set.. and things he has done in the past such as threesomes are not something I'm interested in, but obviously he is) He is better at things than I am (just generally, at everything. At anything. At everything we do together or try. He is just better) He is smarter than me (fullstop) He generally has less undesirable personality traits (I have about a billion, being paranoid, jealous, OCD, snappy, unhappy, easily irritated, lazy, etc.. bare in mind Im not always like this, only occasionally, however he doesn't have bad personality traits like I do) It has gotten to the point where I'm considering breaking off the relationship because it's killing me knowing he's so superior to me. Because I know that eventually he will realise that he is too good for me. So my questions are: Have you ever felt like this before? What was the result? Should I just break the relationship off before I get too attached and then he realises that he is too good for me and breaks up with me instead?
Datura Posted May 4, 2011 Posted May 4, 2011 If he is into threesomes, and you are not, that in itself spells incompatibility. He's the one being forthcoming with such information, right? Maybe you should get a handle on your OCD, jealousy, and paranoia before you date anyone.
sanskrit Posted May 4, 2011 Posted May 4, 2011 Used to get this same kind of thing all the time until I started picking my nose more openly. Nothing like a little public pickin to bust up an irrational pedestal someone has you on. Seriously though, he is with you for a reason, likely many. See if you can figure some out before throwing in the towel. Insecurity of the type you describe has killed many otherwise fine relationships, whatever you do don't verbalize it to him, something you have to conquer on your own.
vsmini Posted May 4, 2011 Posted May 4, 2011 I am especially interested in your post because I also felt inferior to my ex but not at the lengths you describe. I have to applaud your honesty though because you really do let loose in this post. Before you can have a successful relationship with anyone ("better than you" or not) you have some major work to do on your self esteem. You say you normally are a confident person but later you mention your OCD, paranoia and jealousy that comes into play. A confident person, a truly confident person does not have these traits peek through much at all. Everyone feels down or jealous or unreasonable at times but not often. Perhaps you've only felt confident when you feel that you're the one calling the shots and have a real ego boost but when tested or up against someone you think is "better" that so-called confidence goes out the window. You gotta work on you honey - otherwise this relationship will eat you alive as you said and end in disaster. The result of my insecurity was a breakup initiated by the guy because he couldn't freaking handle it anymore and also because we were just downright incompatible and I think he was a bit of a manipulator. I'm thankful for the breakup because when I was over the pain I learned so much about myself and the work I really needed to do on me to get real confidence.
vsmini Posted May 4, 2011 Posted May 4, 2011 Also I should say: If you guys were truly meant to be then you wouldn't feel this way and feel so inferior. But be warned that with self-esteem issues it makes it tough for you to feel confident and secure with anyone. Even someone who really does love you.
daphne Posted May 4, 2011 Posted May 4, 2011 So what's the worst thing that could happen? He could think you're not good enough for him and he dumps you. You could think you're not good enough for him and you sabotage it by being extremely insecure and paranoid. I think you need to work on yourself also. No one's perfect. Stop putting him on a pedestal and yourself on the ground.
Sabali Posted May 4, 2011 Posted May 4, 2011 I don't think this is so much an issue with this guy seeming so superior as it is a problem realizing your own worth. You describe this guy as basically superior to you in all aspect. How can this be unless you just don't think you measure up in general in these areas. In any event, in time, everyone flaws begin to surface. This is the main reason why you should just take things slow in a relationship and see how things pan over time. To react now to your feelings of "inferiority" would be premature and to react to it even in 20 years would be inferior behavior.
alethean Posted May 4, 2011 Posted May 4, 2011 In my brief lifetime, I've only come close to having one relationship and I ruined it. Why? Because I thought the guy was way too good for me. Basically most of the comparisons you make to your current boyfriend I have made with this guy. And I wondered what the heck a great guy could see in a neurotic headcase like me. Stupid me ignored the obvious signs that this guy wanted a relationship with me. I even rejected him when he asked! I thought I was doing him a favor, but now I realize that I must have been doing it for my own self-protection. He knew what he wanted. But I didn't, and I let the inferiority I felt dictate my decision rather than whatever my true feelings about him happened to be. I say that you should trust that he knows what he wants. In the meantime, work on yourself so that you can feel less inferior. I'm sure you're not nearly as bad as you think you are. And if it helps you, recognize that he is human too and will make mistakes...like someone said, don't keep him on a pedestal. I hope you find a bit more peace with yourself.
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