Timmeh Posted May 4, 2011 Posted May 4, 2011 My girlfriend and I have been together for 6 months(we've known each ofther for 8 months). I met her in a college class, and it turns out she was 22 and graduated from a prestigous university. While she graduated from a good university she was an art major so she worked a part time retail job, and was seeking another degree. Recently she just went from making 15k to 45k a year with tons of room for upward mobility in the company. Here is where the problem is. I'm only 20 years old, and I started college a year late. I'm unemployed, and as hard as I try I cannot get a job, not even at McDonalds. I manage to get a few dollars doing guitar teaching but I only have two clients. There is a huge disparity in our incomes, and we're in different places in our lives. I know if I don't improve my situation soon this is going to catch up with me. How long until this causes a rift? How long do I have to get my life in order? I'm happy for my girlfriends promotion but now I'm feeling like I'm under the gun.
BiscuitXOXO Posted May 4, 2011 Posted May 4, 2011 As soon as possible, since this is bothering you. If it wasn't bothering you as much as it seems to be, I'd say to find an paid/unpaid internship, finish school, then find a serious job. It's a bit tough when one partner has graduated and one is still in school. It really depends on the individual couple, and how they work through the differences in their phases of life.
Datura Posted May 4, 2011 Posted May 4, 2011 (edited) They will cause a rift if you two allow that to happen. What's with this internal competition you have with her? You say she is not materialistic, is down to earth, and you both live in your parents' house. Why don't you just enjoy the good times you are sharing instead of bracing yourself for what you view as the inevitable: money coming between you two. Having these money concerns and feelings of being inadequate are going to lead to a relationship collapse faster than your $7k income. Edited May 4, 2011 by Datura
carhill Posted May 4, 2011 Posted May 4, 2011 OP, if there was no woman in your life, how would you feel about your circumstances? Go with that.
Author Timmeh Posted May 4, 2011 Author Posted May 4, 2011 OP, if there was no woman in your life, how would you feel about your circumstances? Go with that. Not very good. I just want to start my life, I just want a job. Before I started dating her I was already feeling this pressure because of people my age progressing much faster than I was.
carhill Posted May 4, 2011 Posted May 4, 2011 If your career had taken off and your GF was struggling, what would you do? Take man and woman out of the equation. Remember, you're equals now. You're facing a life challenge to find gainful employment. How is your GF an asset in that search?
sanskrit Posted May 4, 2011 Posted May 4, 2011 This won't be an issue for her if she is quality for quite a long time from now. Have fun finishing up school and then worry about getting a job and economic parity between you two.
Author Timmeh Posted May 4, 2011 Author Posted May 4, 2011 (edited) If your career had taken off and your GF was struggling, what would you do? Take man and woman out of the equation. Remember, you're equals now. You're facing a life challenge to find gainful employment. How is your GF an asset in that search? I would support her and shoulder more of that financial load. It feels different having these roles reversed, though. Society puts more pressure on the man to be the main provider (i.e pay for dates, etc in my case). When she offers to pay my way I feel like I want to die inside. I want to carry my own load I hate being a burden on anybody. I do take some solace in knowing she passed on a 28 year old professional that was well established for me. Edited May 4, 2011 by Timmeh
carhill Posted May 4, 2011 Posted May 4, 2011 Examine why you feel that way. Also, examine how much of your perception is projecting your own feelings upon her. Tell me, does your GF enjoy your music?
Author Timmeh Posted May 4, 2011 Author Posted May 4, 2011 Examine why you feel that way. Also, examine how much of your perception is projecting your own feelings upon her. Tell me, does your GF enjoy your music? I don't really play much around her besides doodling around on a guitar if I see one sitting around. She loves it when she hears me play though.
carhill Posted May 4, 2011 Posted May 4, 2011 Currency exists in many forms. Life lesson. Follow *your* path. Right now, this lady apparently wishes to walk it with you. Enjoy that.
musemaj11 Posted May 4, 2011 Posted May 4, 2011 (edited) You are done for bro. You are like a fugly chick who is dating a guy who is getting ahead in his career. Sooner or later he will want an upgrade. Its inevitable. Just enjoy it while it lasts. You are only 20. Even if she eventually dumps you soon, you still have plenty of time to improve your social position and in the future you will find someone else. Edited May 4, 2011 by musemaj11
irc333 Posted May 4, 2011 Posted May 4, 2011 Recently she just went from making 15k to 45k a year with tons of room for upward mobility in the company. Wait a min...wait a min...all she majored in was ART!?!?! And she somehow landed a 45K a year job?! She is either related to someone that got her the job or was friends with someone who got her that job.
Nexus One Posted May 4, 2011 Posted May 4, 2011 If you have any free time you can start creating your own business. It doesn't have to cost much when you think creatively.
Author Timmeh Posted May 4, 2011 Author Posted May 4, 2011 Wait a min...wait a min...all she majored in was ART!?!?! And she somehow landed a 45K a year job?! She is either related to someone that got her the job or was friends with someone who got her that job. She is a talented writer so she got a job writing descriptions for products. They considered her degree semi-related.
carhill Posted May 4, 2011 Posted May 4, 2011 OP, your description of her path bodes well for you. Continue your education and enjoy your passion for music. Further, broaden your horizons as possible to experience more of the world. Your natural talents and passions can take you everywhere you want to go. If she's interested, that path will be meaningful to her. If not, not. It's outside of your control. Youth is an exciting time. Don't squander it.
Recommended Posts