Lilmisus Posted May 3, 2011 Posted May 3, 2011 When you date someone new, or are "talking" to someone, how much information is okay to reveal about past relationships, and how much information is TMI? Like if they ask "So..why did you and so-and-so breakup?" Or "Have any crazy exes??" What do you say? I ask because my crush asked me last night why my ex and I broke up, though I thought he already knew the reason (everyone there does and doesn't talk to me about it anymore). I also know that he was told that it was because I was a virgin (untrue). So..when he asked, I was taken by surprise, but knew what he was expecting me to say. I told my crush the truth in a nutshell: he didn't care about me and left me for his current girlfriend. Before that when the topic arose, I also told him that I was the one who took my ex out on the dates, since I was a "good girlfriend" (we were joking around about the subject) which he couldn't believe since he feels that good guys take their girls out on dates when they can afford it. But here's the thing..I don't want to be taken advantage of ever again. I've heard that there's a line that needs to be drawn of what to tell future suitors, since if they think that this guy could treat you like sh*t, then hey..they can too. So here's my dirty list of things of how my ex treated me poorly, and I'm wondering...what (if any of it) would future guys need to know, and what is just pushing it wayyy too far?: - I paid for 80% of the dates (probably more than that). - I did all the driving, since his car was too "unsafe" and he had no car insurance, and gas was too expensive for him to afford it. He never paid for gas, refused to. - Three times I went for over two weeks without hearing from him. Each time I made plans to end things with him, but he'd pull an excuse out of his ass, say he was sorry, and swore to never do it again. Then..he'd do it again. - Forgot my birthday. Never made it up to me. - Promised a good Christmas since he failed at the birthday (knew I was buying him a $500 gift..a watch he still wears) bought me chocolate and fake flowers, then cried over feeling bad. - Promised a good Valentine's day..didn't happen. I ended up trying to break up with him instead. - I initiated most of the dates. - Never called when he said he would. - Bailed on dates countless times. - Left me crying more during the relationship than when it ended. I really could go on for quite some time, but those are the main points that I still remember, especially when I find myself missing him from time to time. Points..that many people who know me, my crush, and my ex, know about. So, even if I didn't bring it up to my crush (or a future suitor) I know someone else could, and probably would. Especially the birthday thing, since loads of people were pissed off over that, and still have yet to let it go. It also so happens to be a deal breaker for me now..forget my birthday..forget a chance of being with me But is what I said enough information to give to any other guy who I will date in the future? "He didn't care, left me for someone else"? Or is it not enough information?
WillSingForFood Posted May 4, 2011 Posted May 4, 2011 I say, don't offer information, but dont withhold it either. Its understandable to not want to be used again like he used you, but just dont set yourself up for it next time. Now you know to not believe little lies and promises, and unless your next boyfriend starts pulling the same moves that your ex did, then theres no real reason to bring it up to him if he doesn't ask. Just keep it short and sweet and to the point
threebyfate Posted May 4, 2011 Posted May 4, 2011 Another vote for keeping it as short and sweet as possible. You might even want to keep it as short as "he dumped me". The less you talk about the ex, the sooner "out of sight, out of mind" will take effect. As far as being taken advantage of, don't vocalize this to any future dates. Better to consider this a learning experience and ensure you assert reasonable personal boundaries in your next relationship.
sanskrit Posted May 4, 2011 Posted May 4, 2011 Don't go into any detail whatsoever about exes until you have been dating 6 months+ and after that... don't go into detail about exes. Every crazy I've ever dated has gone into ex territory way too early and have finally learned it's a very serious red flag (and boring to boot). If they don't have anything more interesting to talk about than exes... Silence is golden where exes are concerned.
Author Lilmisus Posted May 4, 2011 Author Posted May 4, 2011 Don't go into any detail whatsoever about exes until you have been dating 6 months+ and after that... don't go into detail about exes. Every crazy I've ever dated has gone into ex territory way too early and have finally learned it's a very serious red flag (and boring to boot). If they don't have anything more interesting to talk about than exes... Silence is golden where exes are concerned. Now that I think about it, you're very right. I remember on like our third date my ex started going off about his ex and said that she was his first love and "psycho" and asked me if I had any "psycho exes" as well. He brought her up like....10 times before we became a couple..and after that, he brought her up every few weeks. I seriously don't want to be like that. It really is a huge red flag. But the biggest issue I have is the fact that this guy knows my ex since we all work together, and all of our friends who knew the issues that we had in our relationship. In the few weeks that I've known this guy, I didn't talk to him once about my ex till last night, but apparently my ex talked to him about me in passing a few times. What he said..I don't know and don't want to know; but others have also talked to him about us, and told him issues we had. That fact kind of worries me, since I don't know what all he knows, and I'm wondering if we do get involved (right now, I guess you could say we're close to "talking" since he's been encouraging me to go out with him and others this weekend and keeps well..talking to me every chance he gets; still nothing officially going on though) if it'd be better for him to hear things from me..if he asks, or to just let him hear what he hears, and not worry about it? For others in the future though, I will definitely keep my mouth shut about my ex and not even worry about bringing him up.
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