JadedAmore Posted May 3, 2011 Posted May 3, 2011 Remember two days ago I was posting about being 2 months NC? xMM wrote me an email this afternoon. I thought I had it filtered to go directly into the trash, but alas there it was. Anyway, there was nothing suggestive, and he insisted he is not playing games. The purpose was to ask something specific about a mutual friend of ours. It started off with "I hope you don't hate me so much to trash this message immediately..." I waited, but went against my better judgement and eventually responded. He thanked me for responding, then said it was nice to hear from me and hoped I was doing alright and he "would like to think we can be friends again someday" I wrote back, saying in so many words that I was at peace with how things ended and hoped he was well. In a way, I'm angry with myself for bothering to respond, but I understand why he couldn't approach the friend with the subject. On the other hand, I'm relieved because I feel I can say that I didn't trip all over myself and think "Oh wow, he is coming back!" because that is furthest from my mind, and not even what I desire as I've been given time and strength to move on. I think the biggest disappointment is flipping my dang NC counter back to zero. Gah!
whichwayisup Posted May 3, 2011 Posted May 3, 2011 He was fishing, the mutual friend thing was just a reason..The point of the email was, he misses you and wants to be 'friends.' Good that you aren't feeling hopefully or want to restart things. Just know that HE knows you will read his email(s). My guess is, he's gonna email you again.. I hope you told him no friendship was possible. Celebrate tomorrow, back to day one, but atleast you're not freaking out by him contacting you. Stay strong!
Author JadedAmore Posted May 3, 2011 Author Posted May 3, 2011 (edited) He was fishing, the mutual friend thing was just a reason..The point of the email was, he misses you and wants to be 'friends.' Good that you aren't feeling hopefully or want to restart things. Just know that HE knows you will read his email(s). My guess is, he's gonna email you again.. I hope you told him no friendship was possible. Celebrate tomorrow, back to day one, but atleast you're not freaking out by him contacting you. Stay strong! I wondered if he was fishing to be honest, so I left out details. My messages were fairly brief and I left them pretty closed for responses, so I'm hoping that's the end of it. I really don't know if we could be friends, and I'm not even sure I care. I'm happy with where I'm going, and I know there's no way in h*** I want to settle for someone that can't give me their all. There's just no way I'm going back to that. Oh -- thanks for the encouragement. I was kind of beating myself up there, but like you say.. just go back to day one. I've got this. Edited May 3, 2011 by JadedAmore To say thanks!
siuys Posted May 3, 2011 Posted May 3, 2011 Remember two days ago I was posting about being 2 months NC? xMM wrote me an email this afternoon. I thought I had it filtered to go directly into the trash, but alas there it was. Anyway, there was nothing suggestive, and he insisted he is not playing games. The purpose was to ask something specific about a mutual friend of ours. It started off with "I hope you don't hate me so much to trash this message immediately..." I waited, but went against my better judgement and eventually responded. He thanked me for responding, then said it was nice to hear from me and hoped I was doing alright and he "would like to think we can be friends again someday" I wrote back, saying in so many words that I was at peace with how things ended and hoped he was well. In a way, I'm angry with myself for bothering to respond, but I understand why he couldn't approach the friend with the subject. On the other hand, I'm relieved because I feel I can say that I didn't trip all over myself and think "Oh wow, he is coming back!" because that is furthest from my mind, and not even what I desire as I've been given time and strength to move on. I think the biggest disappointment is flipping my dang NC counter back to zero. Gah! I am glad you felt ok about your response although it did set you back on the NC wagon.... i gotta admit that's what i'm so afraid of, that xMM would contact me, and set me back. His emails are auto-deleted, and I hope I will continue to do well, so if he contacts me, I will have the strength not to respond. Friends... yeah, not sure either. It's a tricky one. Maybe in 5 years when I no longer care what he does, if he's married still, or if he's dead... so happy that you managed NC for so long. You have obviously progressed to the stage where it doesn't bother you THAT much. That's what I'm working towards... it's funny how one email sets people back to day one. how horrible is that. I really wonder if he will email again, or if he was fishing... but whatever, you are right, you do NOT want someone like this. Friends my ar$e...
Author JadedAmore Posted May 3, 2011 Author Posted May 3, 2011 I am glad you felt ok about your response although it did set you back on the NC wagon.... i gotta admit that's what i'm so afraid of, that xMM would contact me, and set me back. His emails are auto-deleted, and I hope I will continue to do well, so if he contacts me, I will have the strength not to respond. Friends... yeah, not sure either. It's a tricky one. Maybe in 5 years when I no longer care what he does, if he's married still, or if he's dead... so happy that you managed NC for so long. You have obviously progressed to the stage where it doesn't bother you THAT much. That's what I'm working towards... it's funny how one email sets people back to day one. how horrible is that. I really wonder if he will email again, or if he was fishing... but whatever, you are right, you do NOT want someone like this. Friends my ar$e... I have no clue if he'll email again, but if he does then that will confirm the whole "fishing" concept. The going back to day one with NC is my biggest frustration... even more so than the email! Can I get a do-over?!
whichwayisup Posted May 3, 2011 Posted May 3, 2011 If you really want it over, block his email. Or, change your email address completely and close that account..Make it impossible for him to contact you.
Author JadedAmore Posted May 3, 2011 Author Posted May 3, 2011 If you really want it over, block his email. Or, change your email address completely and close that account..Make it impossible for him to contact you. That is my main email for work, school, and personal... I had it 'filtered' but somehow it made it through, unless I'm doing it wrong. I'm definitely looking into it tonight to see where I went wrong.
siuys Posted May 3, 2011 Posted May 3, 2011 Just curious, Jaded. How long was your A? I read somewhere that it takes roughly 1/3 of your R to get over someone... I'm just curious if that is accurate. Sure every situation and person is different. Would you say you are over him?
Author JadedAmore Posted May 3, 2011 Author Posted May 3, 2011 Just curious, Jaded. How long was your A? I read somewhere that it takes roughly 1/3 of your R to get over someone... I'm just curious if that is accurate. Sure every situation and person is different. Would you say you are over him? 6 months, which I know is baby time compared to some of the A's in here but I am personally glad that I got out when I did. I don't know how some people can live with it so long, it's such an unnecessary burden to bear. I was 2 months NC, so I guess that is a third, huh? Funny!
siuys Posted May 3, 2011 Posted May 3, 2011 Glad you got out so early. Well done. Mine was 14 months so if the 1/3 'rule' is anything to go by, it will take me 4 months. Can't wait!!!
fascinated Posted May 4, 2011 Posted May 4, 2011 It doesn't seem fair that you have to restart the NC clock if you didn't respond. . . just sayin! But I'm a newbie, please don't bash. ETA: oops, I misread your original post. Nevermind. . . <Gilda Radner voice>
Author JadedAmore Posted May 4, 2011 Author Posted May 4, 2011 Glad you got out so early. Well done. Mine was 14 months so if the 1/3 'rule' is anything to go by, it will take me 4 months. Can't wait!!! I know you're struggling, but you will get there. Keep coming back to LS, I've found it to be great support.. even if I am quiet at times. I'm holding out hope for ya!! It doesn't seem fair that you have to restart the NC clock if you didn't respond. . . just sayin! But I'm a newbie, please don't bash. ETA: oops, I misread your original post. Nevermind. . . <Gilda Radner voice> No bashing here, but yes.. I did give in and respond. It's alright, I'll go back to day one.. but this time I'm feeling stronger about it.
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