Whipple Posted May 3, 2011 Posted May 3, 2011 I am so pissed off right now, but I don't know if I should be. Maybe I'm making a mountain out of a molehill, I don't know. I've been dating my bf for over 5 months now. I just found out on Facebook that he's going on a small weekend vacation with some of his friends in August. He didn't invite me to go along, which maybe I understand because I don't know how my work schedule is going to be like in August so I probably wouldn't be able to go in the first place. But I'm so pissed off that he didn't tell me. Part of my problem is that I'm moving out of town early in the summer for work so we're going to be in a LDR. I've been so paranoid recently and looking for signs that he's going to dump me beforehand. I feel like this is one. Am I being crazy and paranoid? Or does this sound like a problem?
zengirl Posted May 3, 2011 Posted May 3, 2011 I'd think it was weird it never came up if it was planned for awhile, but if it's just a weekend thing and he didn't actively hide it but rather it just came together, that could be okay. I don't think people always need to invite their SO's on getaways (especially so early in -- but even my step-father and mother take a few separate getaways a year along with their several vacations together; we've always been a vacation family). Sometimes it's nice just to go away with friends.
Author Whipple Posted May 3, 2011 Author Posted May 3, 2011 I'd think it was weird it never came up if it was planned for awhile, but if it's just a weekend thing and he didn't actively hide it but rather it just came together, that could be okay.To make a long story short, there's this convention in August and tickets just went on sale this afternoon. His roommate made a post a week ago on his Facebook saying that he "would buy the tickets when they went on sale." At that time I didn't know what these tickets were, but now I know. Does that change things?
zengirl Posted May 3, 2011 Posted May 3, 2011 To make a long story short, there's this convention in August and tickets just went on sale this afternoon. His roommate made a post a week ago on his Facebook saying that he "would buy the tickets when they went on sale." At that time I didn't know what these tickets were, but now I know. Does that change things? A week isn't all that long, and it's just a small getaway. Not totally odd, no. Though it's something I'd tell a SO about just generally, if I were excited about going. I certainly don't think he had to announce it or ask permission.
ZebraPants Posted May 3, 2011 Posted May 3, 2011 I am so pissed off right now, but I don't know if I should be. Maybe I'm making a mountain out of a molehill, I don't know. I've been dating my bf for over 5 months now. I just found out on Facebook that he's going on a small weekend vacation with some of his friends in August. He didn't invite me to go along, which maybe I understand because I don't know how my work schedule is going to be like in August so I probably wouldn't be able to go in the first place. But I'm so pissed off that he didn't tell me. Part of my problem is that I'm moving out of town early in the summer for work so we're going to be in a LDR. I've been so paranoid recently and looking for signs that he's going to dump me beforehand. I feel like this is one. Am I being crazy and paranoid? Or does this sound like a problem? I think he should have told you. I also think he should have invited you, whether you had to work or not. Red Flag to me.
Stung Posted May 3, 2011 Posted May 3, 2011 1. I wouldn't worry about him taking a little weekend trip with his friends and not inviting you. Don't you want to have the freedom to take a weekend with your girlfriends now and then? If he were talking about going away to another country for weeks without inviting you, then alarm bells would go off, IMO, but a weekend? Not a big deal. 2. Feel free to ask him why he didn't mention the trip to you, but don't back him into a corner. It's understandable that a girlfriend would expect to be kept in the loop on this stuff, but maybe it came up very spontaneously, or maybe he's just kind of absentminded. Let him explain it to you without jumping down his throat. 3. It's way early to be taking this as some kind of sign he's going to dump you. Yes, you're a little bit paranoid.
Author Whipple Posted May 3, 2011 Author Posted May 3, 2011 2. Feel free to ask him why he didn't mention the trip to you, but don't back him into a corner. It's understandable that a girlfriend would expect to be kept in the loop on this stuff, but maybe it came up very spontaneously, or maybe he's just kind of absentminded. Let him explain it to you without jumping down his throat.He really likes his space and setting time aside to spend with his friends. I usually don't have any problems with that because I like having my own space and independence. But what throws me for a loop is trying to determine when there's too much space. Now that I think about it, he's done something like this before. His close friends that live in a different city are getting married at the beginning of June. Again he and his roommate and another person who is also friends with those people are making a weekend vacation for the wedding. He didn't tell me initially about it and instead made an offhand comment sometime later about it like it was no big deal. I just don't know what to think anymore. I can't trust my mind.
Star Gazer Posted May 3, 2011 Posted May 3, 2011 At 5 months I was included on all of my ex's travel plans, whether that be through an invitation or simply telling me about his plans. So yeah, that he didn't tell you about it would bother and concern me too.
WillSingForFood Posted May 3, 2011 Posted May 3, 2011 I don't think it's that big of a deal. If you have a relationship that you give each other lots of space, then I'm willing to bet that you guys don't tell each other everything in your relationship. Plus, the wedding isn't a big deal. Typically you have to let them know way in advance if you're riding solo or bringing a plus one. Since he couldn't change whether or not he'd be taking you, what would be the point in asking you to go or bringing it up in a not so offhandly way? Now, if he kept his vacation plans from you for a few months, and just told you out of the blue he was going, then I'd be worried. But, it's only really been a week or so, so I don't see the issue here.
chuckles11 Posted May 3, 2011 Posted May 3, 2011 How often are you two going to be able to see each other once you move away? Given that your relationship is going to be long distance, I can see why he might not feel any urgency to tell you about the trip. However, it does strike me as somewhat rude. I don't think he was under any obligation to invite you if he's just going with his friends, though.
Recommended Posts