NachosCoolio Posted May 3, 2011 Posted May 3, 2011 I have been reading a few posts on another dating website about this particular topic. It claims that once a man has lost a particular woman's romantic interest for him, that it can never ever return, basically saying that a woman cannot like that same man twice in a lifetime. Apparently once that initial spark has dissipated, then she can never hold interest in him again Just curious to see what peoples thoughts where on this particular topic? Im a little skeptical of this concept as people get back together all the time. Also wondered if it was the same for men and women?
Rinnix Posted May 3, 2011 Posted May 3, 2011 Many people lose the spark after years of being together. It is possible to get it back, you just need to focus on what made you fall inlove to begin with. If it were not possible, then why is there counselling?
mo mo Posted May 3, 2011 Posted May 3, 2011 I do think it is possible for men too. Once a man sees something significant that makes him lose interest in a woman, it's pretty much impossible to forget.
Author NachosCoolio Posted May 3, 2011 Author Posted May 3, 2011 Many people lose the spark after years of being together. It is possible to get it back, you just need to focus on what made you fall inlove to begin with. If it were not possible, then why is there counselling? Yes but this is specific to, couples that have been together for a long while, they probably feel they have more to lose. For new couples, when interest has been lost, is their much you can do to get the person back? I guess the simple question would be, can you like someone again once you've lost interest initially, if their really hasn't been love their yet?
waynesworld Posted May 3, 2011 Posted May 3, 2011 There are exceptions to every rule, but I think this one is almost always true if a guy gets friend-zoned.
Author NachosCoolio Posted May 3, 2011 Author Posted May 3, 2011 If a guy gets legitimately "friend zoned" then there was no initial interest. If she is just trying to hold on to a guy after a break up then that isn't true "friend zoning" That's just free milking a cow. So after the break-up has occurred, is it then possible to get the girl interested again, to the same levels as she once was? its true what always looking back says, guys that get genuinely friend-zoned are there from the very beginning, there was no initial attraction, at least thats what ladder theory says...
BiscuitXOXO Posted May 3, 2011 Posted May 3, 2011 For most guys, who I'm not initially interested in and are interested in me, yes they have one chance. But for my high school sweetheart, if we ever dated again, I think I would fall just as hard as I did several years ago. ...nostalgia.
Author NachosCoolio Posted May 3, 2011 Author Posted May 3, 2011 Why do you want to go back to the same problems which terminated the previous relationship? Sounds like you want to get your foot back in a closed door. Even if it were to swing wide open it isn't worth crossing the threshold. A dead car can always be revved up again but it broke for a reason. Time to move on. maybe i caused the breakup, by being an arsehole...
Author NachosCoolio Posted May 3, 2011 Author Posted May 3, 2011 maybe i caused the breakup, by being an arsehole... this is irrelevant though, as its purely hypothetical, Im currently writing my college thesis on the psychology of romantic interest, so Im just curious...
waynesworld Posted May 3, 2011 Posted May 3, 2011 If a guy gets legitimately "friend zoned" then there was no initial interest. Not necessarily. Say a girl agrees to go on a date with a guy. Presumably, there was initial interest, unless she was just using him. Then, after the date(s), she decides she isn't interested in anything more than friendship. This happens all the time. The point is that after this happens, the guy has about as much chance as a snowball in hell to win her over.
sanskrit Posted May 3, 2011 Posted May 3, 2011 That advice should be taken in context considering the target audience. Many guys who need help in dating have a problem moving on to other options in light of the confusing, contradictory signals women give them. Bombarded with BS Hollywood "boy gets girl" endings, they think that persistence in "fixing" and chasing will win the girl's affection back eventually, when in reality, once her interest level is low, it ain't coming back no matter what he does. If the advice were "90% of the time, you only have one chance in life with a particular person," guess who would be clinging to the hope that they would be the 10%... Stating things unequivocally without loopholes is often the best medicine for those who seek out dating advice IMO.
Author NachosCoolio Posted May 3, 2011 Author Posted May 3, 2011 That advice should be taken in context considering the target audience. Many guys who need help in dating have a problem moving on to other options in light of the confusing, contradictory signals women give them. Bombarded with BS Hollywood "boy gets girl" endings, they think that persistence in "fixing" and chasing will win the girl's affection back eventually, when in reality, once her interest level is low, it ain't coming back no matter what he does. If the advice were "90% of the time, you only have one chance in life with a particular person," guess who would be clinging to the hope that they would be the 10%... Stating things unequivocally without loopholes is often the best medicine for those who seek out dating advice IMO. I think that sanskrit has made a very good point here, about the target audience of these forums, and the clinging onto of hope. however i don't agree with the point suggesting that when a woman's interest has hit rock bottom then its all over. Having made my point i would go onto saying, that ironically, to get a woman's interest back, you have to have moved on yourself, its a catch 22 situation. When i was in high school, a girl initially had high interest in me, i then developed feelings for her back. Because my interest was so high, she lost all interest in me, even to the point of her saying the famous "lets just be friends" line, and that i should find someone better than her. Roll on the summer break and i didn't see her for a good 3 months, at which point i totally got over her and lost all my interest. Beginning of the school year, i noticed she started giving me those glances all over again, getting shy around me and asking my friends if i had a girlfriend at the time. cut a long story short she practically begged me to give her a chance, needless to say i had moved on unfortunately. I think the moral of the story is that you WILL NOT re-attract a woman, by plotting and ploying of ways to win her back, its just not gonna work, she has to see that change in you, the change being that you've moved on, which is when YOU SEE yourself that there are other fish in the sea, you need to have become that challenge again. i totally agree, that once there is initial attraction, that can come and go for a lifetime, but you move up and down the girls dating ladder, depending on how you act.
sumdude Posted May 3, 2011 Posted May 3, 2011 There are no absolutes in life. But as a general rule I tend to agree. In my experience (and this includes a divorce) once a woman is emotionally done with a man that's usually it.
Author NachosCoolio Posted May 3, 2011 Author Posted May 3, 2011 There are no absolutes in life. But as a general rule I tend to agree. In my experience (and this includes a divorce) once a woman is emotionally done with a man that's usually it. I agree, to some extent, however people reconcile all the time, i just think that people who post on here, generally don't have whats required in them at the time, to get a woman back, normally if you have high emotions invested, you cannot perform the required steps to win her back... its like performing in a play, thinking (believing) that its your one and only shot at stardom, your gonna fluff your lines no doubt haha.
OliveOyl Posted May 3, 2011 Posted May 3, 2011 There are no absolutes in life. But as a general rule I tend to agree. In my experience (and this includes a divorce) once a woman is emotionally done with a man that's usually it. I tend to agree with this. For example, in a marriage, once the woman gives the "ILBINILWY" speech, she's usually spent months or years coming to this conclusion and the marriage will probably never regain its initial spark. And I think women are far more likely to give the ILBINILWY speech than men. As a general rule I really think men are more likely to stick with a relationship long term, even if it's not that great, than a woman.
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