deejay Posted May 3, 2011 Posted May 3, 2011 This is my first post - but I see lots of great ideas and advice and I could really use some. After mulling over this issue for a long time, I'm still not sure what to think. Here it is: I've been seeing a man in his mid-forties for 5 months; he's divorced & has 4 children. He cheated on his wife when their last child was just a new born, going out often to party while his wife was at home with the kids. I know, this is bad enough, however my real immediate concern is that he cheated on her and that he finds it justified because he wasnt happy in his relationship. He does not regret what he did, he never told her before or since he left her, says he never did it before the very end of the marriage (were married 16 yrs) and says he is glad that it happened, as it ended what was an unhappy life for him and led him down a better path. As a woman who is looking for something long term, this attitude towards cheating is a little daunting. I know that every situation is different, and I can honestly believe that someone who cheated can change and refrain from doing it again. But someone who justifies it and says there are situations were cheating is almost acceptable? Of course, we know that there are never any guarantees - even people with the best intentions and who say they never would, sometimes do. Maybe he is just more honest than most? Is this what most people feel/think, but just dont admit in our politically correct society? I'd appreciate your thoughts and advice.
OldOnTheInside Posted May 3, 2011 Posted May 3, 2011 Generally speaking, past behaviour is indicative of future behaviour. Your bf may very well change and become a more loyal person to you, but there is also a good possibility that he will cheat on you, as soon as your relationship hits a low point. I would really think about what this man has told you, and whether it worth staying with him. Your post suggests that you have already made your decision and that you simply want us to give you a little nudge.
Woman In Blue Posted May 3, 2011 Posted May 3, 2011 He cheated on his wife when their last child was just a new born, going out often to party while his wife was at home with the kids. I know, this is bad enough, however my real immediate concern is that he cheated on her and that he finds it justified because he wasnt happy in his relationship. He does not regret what he did, he never told her before or since he left her, says he never did it before the very end of the marriage (were married 16 yrs) and says he is glad that it happened, as it ended what was an unhappy life for him and led him down a better path. If the jerk was so unhappy, why did he continue breeding until he had a litter of FOUR kids? What kind of a moron does that? Oh yeah, the kind who can blithely walk away, leaving all the responsibility for all those kids to his wife so he can enjoy being "free" (except every other weekend). What a jerk. There's no honor or respect at ALL in what he did. He walks off scott-free basically while his wife is left to clean up the mess he left and raise all those kids alone for the next 20 years until the last one leaves for college. His attitude toward cheating SUCKS monkey butt, but his sh*itty attitude towards responsibility to the ones he supposedly loves sucks even MORE. I would highly suggest you look for a longterm relationship elsewhere. You're shopping in the Scratched and Dented Department.
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