hellon Posted May 3, 2011 Posted May 3, 2011 We cope with things differently at different stages in our life, and I think that the point that I’m at in my life is making what I’m going through all the more difficult. I’m wondering if anyone else has had a similar experience? I’m in my early 30’s. I’ve been in several long-term relationships, but when I started dating this guy, it was like “finally- here he is!” I’d never felt that way about anyone. Then things ended badly, and it’s been a long, drawn out, heartbreaking, and very disappointing experience. Practically every day now, yet another friend is announcing an engagement, a marriage, a pregnancy, etc… I’m happy for them, but each time it’s like another stab in the open breakup wound. I am ready to start a life with someone, I thought I would have that with him, and now I’m back to square one, depressed, and feeling like I’ve missed the boat. It took me so long to meet someone who I felt so strongly about that I wanted those things with- I’m afraid chances of finding that again are slim, let alone chances of finding it soon. I know I'm not that old, but I'm not that young either- and I feel like the clock is ticking. In my 20's, I would cry for a couple of days, then go out, drown myself in vodka, meet a cute boy, and start all over again. If I could console my 25 year-old self after the worst breakup I’d had at that point, I could say this- "Yes, it hurts like hell. But we will bounce back in no time, and then we will realize how limiting this relationship was to us. In the next few years, we will learn a lot about ourselves and grow, meet lots of interesting people, and have lots of amazing life experiences." But now, it seems so much harder. So... Can anyone who’s been there can offer some words of wisdom, to a 30-something self? Is there any hope?
Someguy1978 Posted May 3, 2011 Posted May 3, 2011 We cope with things differently at different stages in our life, and I think that the point that I’m at in my life is making what I’m going through all the more difficult. I’m wondering if anyone else has had a similar experience? I’m in my early 30’s. I’ve been in several long-term relationships, but when I started dating this guy, it was like “finally- here he is!” I’d never felt that way about anyone. Then things ended badly, and it’s been a long, drawn out, heartbreaking, and very disappointing experience. Practically every day now, yet another friend is announcing an engagement, a marriage, a pregnancy, etc… I’m happy for them, but each time it’s like another stab in the open breakup wound. I am ready to start a life with someone, I thought I would have that with him, and now I’m back to square one, depressed, and feeling like I’ve missed the boat. It took me so long to meet someone who I felt so strongly about that I wanted those things with- I’m afraid chances of finding that again are slim, let alone chances of finding it soon. I know I'm not that old, but I'm not that young either- and I feel like the clock is ticking. In my 20's, I would cry for a couple of days, then go out, drown myself in vodka, meet a cute boy, and start all over again. If I could console my 25 year-old self after the worst breakup I’d had at that point, I could say this- "Yes, it hurts like hell. But we will bounce back in no time, and then we will realize how limiting this relationship was to us. In the next few years, we will learn a lot about ourselves and grow, meet lots of interesting people, and have lots of amazing life experiences." But now, it seems so much harder. So... Can anyone who’s been there can offer some words of wisdom, to a 30-something self? Is there any hope? I'm kind of on the other end, having ended it with someone very recently. I thought at the beginning it would be perfect, and very quickly I had plans about moving in etc. really fell for her. Alas it was not to be and I called an end to it. I feel the same as you right now, I am in my early 30's and like you say although it's not old, it's also not young. Feel slightly blue about the whole thing, and am having the usual thoughts that I have made a horrible mistake. I guess the question is do you hold on for lightning bolts and butterflies, or do you make do with a nice guy who you get on with and like, but doesn't make your heart skip a beat. I know that this probably hasn't helped much since I don't have an answer, but at least you know you aren't the only person out there feeling like that.
fetish Posted May 3, 2011 Posted May 3, 2011 (edited) if you guys mean that early 30s is not "wet behind the ears" young, then you're right. But 30s age range is still considered young by most standards. Middle age starts right after 40. Early 30s, yes you're seeing 40 right in front of you. Hard to believe that you're getting closer to that age which seemed so far down the road just 10 or even 5 years ago. But just think of those people who stay married for 20 years plus and get divorced in their 40s and even 50s. They can't just die. They have to keep chucking along. I do see what you're saying though. I just got out of an 8 year relationship and just made into my 30s. I'm kind of worried if I'll find someone and have kids while i'm still young enough to chase after them. Edited May 3, 2011 by fetish
Rea333 Posted May 4, 2011 Posted May 4, 2011 At last - some who understands exactly how I feel! I too am early 30s and recently been dumped by my boyfriend of two years who I truly thought was the one. I too thought at last! He's here! I had a long term relationship (10 years from 17 - 27) and then another 3 year relationship 27-30. I finally met someone after a long griveing period (18 months, didn't even look at another man!) and thought we were happy. Thought my search was over and was so proud of him. But it ended suddenly and I'm still in shock. Now, two months later I wonder if I've missed my chance for marriage and kids. I try to be happy when I hear good news of friends getting engaged, pregnant or even just finding a decent date! I console myself with that fact I met someone before, I can do it again. I needed that 18 months on my own, to be alone and stand on my own two feet. Everyone tells me early 30s (or even mid to late 30s) is not too old. Especially these days. I find that it's scarier to be dumped in your 30s (for fear of being too old to find someone else) but you are less crazy and neurotic than in your 20s (I did EVERYTHING wrong after the break ups in my 20s - calling, pleading, you name it) With this breakup, of course I cried (do most days!!) but he doesn't see that. He doesn't know because I've maintained no contact. Something I could have never managed in my 20s!
Fufu Posted May 4, 2011 Posted May 4, 2011 (edited) Don't put yourself down. I think the most important is how you see and value yourself. If you think you are old and have 0 chance, then most likely you are going to fulfill the prophecy by your own thoughts and mindset. Look forward in life, there are always better things and better people that comes along. Of course, there are times we meet obstacles. This is life, ups and down. That's our life can be very interesting. In the end, it's how we perceive ourselves that matters. If you decide to get beaten because you felt your chance is getting slimmer, then you will not open up your heart and mind and even when a good guy comes along, you may end up slipping away the opportunity. Don't be too hard on yourself. Treasure yourself, cherish life. There are always better things, opportunities, people that we have not meet. Edited May 4, 2011 by Fufu
fetish Posted May 4, 2011 Posted May 4, 2011 (edited) good advice from the above post. I too was worried about leaving my 20s but i'm still alive. I actually look exactly the same as I did when i was 21. Shouldn't matter how old you are. If you take care of yourself, stay active, and healthy you'll be fine. Seems like this generation people are staying active and younger longer. Haven't you ever heard 30 the new 20, 40 the new 30? Edited May 4, 2011 by fetish
Author hellon Posted May 4, 2011 Author Posted May 4, 2011 Thanks for the posts- @Someguy- I had fireworks and butterflies and all that with this one. I think a lot of people really do settle though, which is scary. I think I'd rather be alone then settle, but then again, maybe not? @Rea- I wish I could have been dignified and mature this time! Instead, I think I've actually behaved worse with this breakup than ever. I guess I still have some lessons to learn. And everyone is right about 30 not being "old"- 30 really is the new 20, especially where I live (in a big, fast-paced city). I keep trying to remind myself that, but it's HARD when all of a sudden the last of your single friends are no longer single. Also, I think I'm just really tired of dating. At this point, I've literally been dating for half my life!
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