Kamille Posted May 8, 2011 Posted May 8, 2011 I just want to leaving a positive, lasting impression on her. Then respect your promise to stick to a normal student-professor relationship. Don't buy her a gift. Why do you believe you can manipulate people into liking you? Don't you see how twisted and destructive that is?
anne1707 Posted May 8, 2011 Posted May 8, 2011 I just want to leaving a positive, lasting impression on her. You have already left an impression and it is far from positive. There is absolutely nothing you can do to change her opinion of you. LEAVE HER ALONE.
Author one goal Posted May 8, 2011 Author Posted May 8, 2011 Then respect your promise to stick to a normal student-professor relationship. Don't buy her a gift. Why do you believe you can manipulate people into liking you? Don't you see how twisted and destructive that is? I'm not trying to manipulate her. I just want to show my kindness to her. So if I get her something do you think she would get mad and refuse to accept it, or like it and say thanks?
Kamille Posted May 8, 2011 Posted May 8, 2011 I'm not trying to manipulate her. I just want to show my kindness to her. So if I get her something do you think she would get mad and refuse to accept it, or like it and say thanks? You've tried in the past to show your kindness to her by asking about her family, telling her she was a lovely lady, and I don't know what else. Did it work? You say yourself you want to give her a gift in the hopes to change her impression of you. That is manipulative. You cannot control other people's perception of you, nor should you try to do so. You best bet is to accept how others perceive you, not waste your time on the people who don't appreciate you and focus on the people who do appreciate you.
somedude81 Posted May 8, 2011 Posted May 8, 2011 But maybe I can make furious comeback the last class. How would she know if I'm trying to win her over or just being nice? If she doesn't accept it then she really does have some personality issues. Wow, this post almost makes me want to cry. One Goal, you are delusional. A false belief based on incorrect inference about external reality that is firmly sustained despite what almost everybody else believes and despite what constitutes incontrovertible and obvious proof or evidence to the contrary. Please get help.
Author one goal Posted May 8, 2011 Author Posted May 8, 2011 You've tried in the past to show your kindness to her by asking about her family, telling her she was a lovely lady, and I don't know what else. Did it work? You say yourself you want to give her a gift in the hopes to change her impression of you. That is manipulative. You cannot control other people's perception of you, nor should you try to do so. You best bet is to accept how others perceive you, not waste your time on the people who don't appreciate you and focus on the people who do appreciate you. So if I do buy it would she likely get angry with me and get mad like she did last thur saying anymore inappropriate emails she was going to pursue the matter?
Kamille Posted May 8, 2011 Posted May 8, 2011 So if I do buy it would she likely get angry with me and get mad like she did last thur saying anymore inappropriate emails she was going to pursue the matter? Is that what you're looking for? A reaction from her? Any reaction, good or bad?
LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted May 8, 2011 Posted May 8, 2011 You best bet is to accept how others perceive you, not waste your time on the people who don't appreciate you and focus on the people who do appreciate you. Bolded and quoted for emphasis. In fact, this is a siggy worthy quote. Not everyone will appreciate you, but the ones that do are the ones you should be focusing on. Once again, Kamille has shown her wiseness in this thread.
Author one goal Posted May 8, 2011 Author Posted May 8, 2011 Is that what you're looking for? A reaction from her? Any reaction, good or bad? I want a good reaction. I want her to think that I'm not a creepy, stalker, bad person, but a nice person. Really the gift thing is a fine line. Either she will like it or be totally mad. Do you really think she would file a harassment complaint if I bought her something?
LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted May 8, 2011 Posted May 8, 2011 I want a good reaction. I want her to think that I'm not a creepy, stalker, bad person, but a nice person. Really the gift thing is a fine line. Either she will like it or be totally mad. Do you really think she would file a harassment complaint if I bought her something? There is no possibility that she will like it. She will get angry, no matter how you phrase the gift. But of course you don't want our advice. Your mind is made up, you'll either do it or not. All we're doing is reinforcing your self destructive streak.
onegoal's conscience Posted May 8, 2011 Posted May 8, 2011 I want a good reaction. I want her to think that I'm not a creepy, stalker, bad person, but a nice person. Really the gift thing is a fine line. Either she will like it or be totally mad. Do you really think she would file a harassment complaint if I bought her something? Clearly I'm useless to you. Listen to me: don't do it. This whole thing has gone on far too long.
Author one goal Posted May 8, 2011 Author Posted May 8, 2011 There is no possibility that she will like it. She will get angry, no matter how you phrase the gift. But of course you don't want our advice. Your mind is made up, you'll either do it or not. All we're doing is reinforcing your self destructive streak. I mean she shouldn't get angry over a gift. Why? It's something she's getting for free. Why should she be upset?
Kamille Posted May 8, 2011 Posted May 8, 2011 Your professor has shown a great deal of professionalism when it comes to your case, whether you're aware of it or not. What you qualify as her "going off" on you is actually rather mild. As such, I don't think "angry" is the reaction she'll get, so much as "fed up". If you buy her a gift, you will only show, yet again, your inability to respect her as a professional, this, after you AGREED and PROMISED to respect your professional relationship. Will she feel pleased if you give her a gift? No. Angry? No. Your professor probably doesn't spend so much emotional energy on you. Annoyed? yes. If you don't want her to think you're "creepy, stalker," or a "bad person", go to class, participate in class related activities and leave. Ps: Thanks LIM for the compliment!
Author one goal Posted May 8, 2011 Author Posted May 8, 2011 Your professor has shown a great deal of professionalism when it comes to your case, whether you're aware of it or not. What you qualify as her "going off" on you is actually rather mild. As such, I don't think "angry" is the reaction she'll get, so much as "fed up". If you buy her a gift, you will only show, yet again, your inability to respect her as a professional, this, after you AGREED and PROMISED to respect your professional relationship. Will she feel pleased if you give her a gift? No. Angry? No. Your professor probably doesn't spend so much emotional energy on you. Annoyed? yes. If you don't want her to think you're "creepy, stalker," or a "bad person", go to class, participate in class related activities and leave. Ps: Thanks LIM for the compliment! Would she report me claiming harassment if I bought her something?
Kamille Posted May 8, 2011 Posted May 8, 2011 I mean she shouldn't get angry over a gift. Why? It's something she's getting for free. Why should she be upset? There's a huge amount of literature in anthropology about the meaning of gift-giving. A gift is always more than getting something for free. A gift is usually something done to honor a social relationship. In this case, she's been trying really hard to get you to understand that your relationship is professional. In professional relationships, gift-giving is rare, especially between professors and students. In fact, it can even be frowned upon, since by giving gifts, students can be trying to suck up to teachers. Now do you understand why a gift is more than getting something for free?
Kamille Posted May 8, 2011 Posted May 8, 2011 Would she report me claiming harassment if I bought her something? I cannot read into the future. She has told you she would escalate things if you failed to respect your professor-student relationship. So my best answer is: maybe. Now before you wail that it's unfair, consider this: You promised her you would stop you would stick to attending classes and no more.
Author one goal Posted May 8, 2011 Author Posted May 8, 2011 I cannot read into the future. She has told you she would escalate things if you failed to respect your professor-student relationship. So my best answer is: maybe. Now before you wail that it's unfair, consider this: You promised her you would stop you would stick to attending classes and no more. Well that is regarding emails she said no more inappropriate emails. I really like this girl though and I'm going to miss her.
LexiB Posted May 8, 2011 Posted May 8, 2011 Well what's she into? Since you're probably going to go through with this insanity anyway, let's brainstorm.
somedude81 Posted May 8, 2011 Posted May 8, 2011 I recommend lingerie. Women love crotchless panties.
Kamille Posted May 8, 2011 Posted May 8, 2011 Well that is regarding emails she said no more inappropriate emails. I really like this girl though and I'm going to miss her. Right... Which has more impact: an email or a gift? If she doesn't want emails, she doesn't want a gift.
Mrlonelyone Posted May 8, 2011 Posted May 8, 2011 I would say don't buy her anything. Pretend she's invisible. If you do buy something that no one reasonable would get angry about. Like a card that says I'm sorry. That way when she does get angry she'll look like a |3itch.
Author one goal Posted May 8, 2011 Author Posted May 8, 2011 Well what's she into? Since you're probably going to go through with this insanity anyway, let's brainstorm. Well she's artsy, liberalish and teaches drama, acting.
anne1707 Posted May 8, 2011 Posted May 8, 2011 I recommend a taser gun. I am sure she can find a use....
Professor X Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 I recommend a taser gun. I am sure she can find a use.... hahaha, good one! So, I say buy her a gift, she will like it, I suggest something small like roses and chocolate or perhaps a big teddy bear that says "I love you" (because you do, right? you're not lying). Maybe an expensive CD perfume? Women love this.
Author one goal Posted May 9, 2011 Author Posted May 9, 2011 Should I ask the dept head if it's ok to or not? The dept head is like friends with her. Would she tip her off to it?
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