one goal Posted May 3, 2011 Posted May 3, 2011 So I talked to the dept head today. the teacher was supposed to be there today, but decided not to come because she was getting ready for class she told her on the phone. Anyways didn't go real well. She talked to me about sending the email to ask her out back in March, and some of my other comments I've made. She said she seen the emails from me, and said they borderline could have been considered harassment. She recommended I not email her about anything even class related because since I have all my work basically done, just forget email even exist. She said if not then the teacher could possibly consider it harassing then Vice Presidents, dean, harassment board could get involved and it would be out of her control and that it could damage my future! However the main concern why I met with the dept heard is because of the teachers attitude not towards just me, but other students as well. I also told her my concerns about the teacher possibly being harsher on my grade because of my actions. She got defensive saying how all the teachers at the school are very professional and that I was assuming. It is true though she has been moody and not very professional sometimes towards other students, and when I ask her questions about class she was mean at times too. The dept head is friends with the teacher. Anyways in class today I didn't even say a single word to her, nor did I even make direct eye contact. After class when I left I just blew past her. being in class today was agony. I was not happy, upset and trying not to cry, show my emotions. I figured if the teacher feels that way towards me, then she is not worth my time.
whichwayisup Posted May 3, 2011 Posted May 3, 2011 OG, you've learned a painful lesson and sadly, you have noone to blame but yourself. EVERYBODY advised you NOT to ask the teacher out. You did anyways. Everbody told you to leave things alone and not email her, ask her out again. You did anyway. Everybody kept telling you to keep your head down and go to class, do the work and then leave class. You didn't do that. You ignored all advice and went ahead to do what you wanted to do. Consquences? Yes, the teacher now, as well as the Dean, feel that you are borderline stalker/harrasser. You didn't listen and now are suffering because of it. Own this and move on. How to handle it? CONTINUE to do your school work and have no communication with the teacher.
Nexus One Posted May 3, 2011 Posted May 3, 2011 You were one tough cookie to crack One Goal. Dude you need to realise two things in the future: 1. Don't push so hard beyond all appropriateness. There are limits you simply should not push beyond, you pushed it waaaay beyond those limits. You should have cut it off waaaay earlier before it even came close to looking like harassment. 2. Relationships between teachers and students are not appropriate, because teachers are in an authority position. They can not, due to their own ethics and their field's code of ethics, get involved with a student. They can even go to jail for that, what were you thinking? Just scrap that as a possibility in the future, it's a type of relationship that cannot be in current society.
Author one goal Posted May 3, 2011 Author Posted May 3, 2011 You were one tough cookie to crack One Goal. Dude you need to realise two things in the future: 1. Don't push so hard beyond all appropriateness. There are limits you simply should not push beyond, you pushed it waaaay beyond those limits. You should have cut it off waaaay earlier before it even came close to looking like harassment. 2. Relationships between teachers and students are not appropriate, because teachers are in an authority position. They can not, due to their own ethics and their field's code of ethics, get involved with a student. They can even go to jail for that, what were you thinking? Just scrap that as a possibility in the future, it's a type of relationship that cannot be in current society. This is college, not high school btw. To the OP yes Im glad I'm going to a different college in the fall. I'm tired of this school! The dept head told me the teacher was trying to ignore me hence why she wouldn't reply to emails. WHy wasn't the teacher direct more and say "leave me alone" "I don't like you, go away?"
Professor X Posted May 3, 2011 Posted May 3, 2011 This is college, not high school btw. To the OP yes Im glad I'm going to a different college in the fall. I'm tired of this school! The dept head told me the teacher was trying to ignore me hence why she wouldn't reply to emails. WHy wasn't the teacher direct more and say "leave me alone" "I don't like you, go away?" The OP is you you dumb ass. And that's no college either, its dreamworld. Azeroth maybe?
BiscuitXOXO Posted May 3, 2011 Posted May 3, 2011 OG, you've learned a painful lesson and sadly, you have noone to blame but yourself. EVERYBODY advised you NOT to ask the teacher out. You did anyways. Everbody told you to leave things alone and not email her, ask her out again. You did anyway. Everybody kept telling you to keep your head down and go to class, do the work and then leave class. You didn't do that. You ignored all advice and went ahead to do what you wanted to do. Consquences? Yes, the teacher now, as well as the Dean, feel that you are borderline stalker/harrasser. You didn't listen and now are suffering because of it. Own this and move on. Reposted to drill into onegoal's thick skull. As to her not being direct, she was VERY OBVIOUS she DIDN't LIKE YOU. Even strangers on an online forum sensed that. Re-read my post about your apparent obliviousness to directly communicated body language.
Author one goal Posted May 3, 2011 Author Posted May 3, 2011 I'm done with girls period at school. Even in the fall with my new college. I'm sure if I tried to get to know a girl better, they too will try and get me in trouble!
Pfiend101 Posted May 3, 2011 Posted May 3, 2011 onegoal is like the sweetest guy. What a dreamboat :love::love::love::love::love::love::love::love::love:
Lucky_One Posted May 3, 2011 Posted May 3, 2011 It sounds like a school you shouldn't want to go to if those up top can't separate their personal feelings toward colleagues from their professional duties. Your fling with little miss thing is over so move on. If you stay at the school hopefully she doesn't teacher any other classes you will require. If she does then you'll need to talk to somebody to make other arrangements. This semester can't end soon enough. Really? I mean, REALLY?? You are calling his teacher "little miss thing"? And you are calling this obsession a "fling"? Do you know ANYTHING about this story, or maybe you think it is ok for a student with a crush to harass a teacher and talk to the Dept Head TWICE about his own inappropriate behavior when this woman didn't want to go out with her student and didn't want to be his friend on Facebook? One goal, I hope you learned something from this. Doubtful though. What did you REALLY expect to hear from the Dept Head? That the teacher was being just plain old mean to poor little you because she wouldn't go on a date with you and refused your friend request, and that she was going to insist to the teacher that she date you?
Author one goal Posted May 3, 2011 Author Posted May 3, 2011 Really? I mean, REALLY?? You are calling his teacher "little miss thing"? And you are calling this obsession a "fling"? Do you know ANYTHING about this story, or maybe you think it is ok for a student with a crush to harass a teacher and talk to the Dept Head TWICE about his own inappropriate behavior when this woman didn't want to go out with her student and didn't want to be his friend on Facebook? One goal, I hope you learned something from this. Doubtful though. What did you REALLY expect to hear from the Dept Head? That the teacher was being just plain old mean to poor little you because she wouldn't go on a date with you and refused your friend request, and that she was going to insist to the teacher that she date you? Main reason was because how the teacher has been talking to me lately. Like when I ask about an assignment or something she gets pissy and moody. She's like that with other students she doesn't like also I've noticed. Today was teacher reviews so we had to evaluate the teacher on a form. I didn't give her good remarks like I usually give teachers. My feelings were really hurt in class today. I didn't say a single word to the teacher nor did I even look at her. Just walked out after class.
djhall Posted May 3, 2011 Posted May 3, 2011 OneGoal, I've followed a few of your threads and wondered if you were actually sincere and if so, is there anything helpful to contribute that you would understand. If you are sincere, it is obvious you do not really understand interpersonal norms, the boundaries of what is considered acceptable behavior in various circumstances, and the reasons why most other people place great value on other people recognizing and conforming to those standards of behavior. Because you don't understand them and their value to others, you feel unfairly judged and you end up making things worse by trying to make other people understand how they unfairly judged you. This just reinforces to other people that their initial judgment of you was correct... you really don't understand the behavior they expected from you and why your actions were alarming to them. The more you fight it the more you demonstrate that you "don't get it" and the more concerned people will be at the prospect of being near you or having any contact with you. Regardless of whether or not you understand them, acknowledge them, or agree with them, social norms DO exist, they ARE important to almost everyone else, and you WILL be judged based upon how well you do or don't understand them and how well you modify your behavior to conform to them. In brief, conforming to social norms allow other people to be comfortable around you beause they can predict how you will act and how you will respond. When you don't behave as expected, people become alarmed because they are no longer comfortable in their ability to predict your behavior and they don't have any way of knowing how far that non-conforming behavior is going to go. You may know that you are willing to continue trying to establish a non-academic relationship with your teacher after she has gently rebuffed that attempt once, but you aren't willing to follow her home from school and peek through her windows to try to get personal and private information about her anyway. However, no one else knows that for sure... all they see is that you don't understand that the first is inappropriate, so you might not understand the second is also inappropriate, and therefore they consider you potentially dangerous and should be avoided as much as possible. I strongly suggest that you stop trying to make everyone else understand you and instead focus on trying to understand everyone else. The more you understand and conform to social norms and expected behaviors, the less alarming your actions will appear to others and the more you will be able to interact with, understand, and be understood by others. In the end, you will get what you want much easier this way than by trying to fight it. Best of luck.
Author one goal Posted May 3, 2011 Author Posted May 3, 2011 That's not professional behavior. Well keep it up. You are almost out. Yes, I agree. It is not professional how she talks to some of her students sometimes.
Dust Posted May 3, 2011 Posted May 3, 2011 You should never have asked her out in an email. Evidence.
Red Arremer Posted May 3, 2011 Posted May 3, 2011 Instead of making 50 threads maybe you should consider http://www.livejournal.com, just a thought
Author one goal Posted May 3, 2011 Author Posted May 3, 2011 You should never have asked her out in an email. Evidence. The dept head told me she showed her some of my emails. She said it wasn't a good idea because it would have been evidence if she went to the higher ups.
collegeguy_24 Posted May 3, 2011 Posted May 3, 2011 Main reason was because how the teacher has been talking to me lately. Like when I ask about an assignment or something she gets pissy and moody. She's like that with other students she doesn't like also I've noticed. Today was teacher reviews so we had to evaluate the teacher on a form. I didn't give her good remarks like I usually give teachers. You gave her bad marks because she wouldn't go out with you?! What kind of person are you? I mean really, you are blaming her and everyone else for your mistakes. Those reviews can affect her career, and you are possibly putting it in jeopardy because you she wouldn't date you? That is immature behavior. You are the one to blame here, everyone told you not to ask her out and harass her, you did anyway! You need to seek counseling because frankly, your obsessed, and that is not healthy at all.
ZebraPants Posted May 3, 2011 Posted May 3, 2011 So I talked to the dept head today. the teacher was supposed to be there today, but decided not to come because she was getting ready for class she told her on the phone. Anyways didn't go real well. She talked to me about sending the email to ask her out back in March, and some of my other comments I've made. She said she seen the emails from me, and said they borderline could have been considered harassment. She recommended I not email her about anything even class related because since I have all my work basically done, just forget email even exist. She said if not then the teacher could possibly consider it harassing then Vice Presidents, dean, harassment board could get involved and it would be out of her control and that it could damage my future! However the main concern why I met with the dept heard is because of the teachers attitude not towards just me, but other students as well. I also told her my concerns about the teacher possibly being harsher on my grade because of my actions. She got defensive saying how all the teachers at the school are very professional and that I was assuming. It is true though she has been moody and not very professional sometimes towards other students, and when I ask her questions about class she was mean at times too. The dept head is friends with the teacher. Anyways in class today I didn't even say a single word to her, nor did I even make direct eye contact. After class when I left I just blew past her. being in class today was agony. I was not happy, upset and trying not to cry, show my emotions. I figured if the teacher feels that way towards me, then she is not worth my time. Why can't you get over this. I'm new to posting here but not new to reading. You have been carrying on too long.
Author one goal Posted May 3, 2011 Author Posted May 3, 2011 You gave her bad marks because she wouldn't go out with you?! What kind of person are you? I mean really, you are blaming her and everyone else for your mistakes. Those reviews can affect her career, and you are possibly putting it in jeopardy because you she wouldn't date you? That is immature behavior. You are the one to blame here, everyone told you not to ask her out and harass her, you did anyway! You need to seek counseling because frankly, your obsessed, and that is not healthy at all. I didn't sexually harass her. I know better than to do that to a girl. Again the meeting today was mainly about how the teachers attitude has been towards me lately. The date thing was not the main reason for it.
Professor X Posted May 3, 2011 Posted May 3, 2011 one goal, why are you telling us this? Because people keep responding to him seriously.
dreamingoftigers Posted May 3, 2011 Posted May 3, 2011 No one said that you SEXUALLY HARASSED her, it was said that you HARASSED her.
Lilmisus Posted May 3, 2011 Posted May 3, 2011 That's not professional behavior. Well keep it up. You are almost out. Every time she tried to keep things professional with him, he thought that he had a chance with her, because she was being "nice" to him, or she actually responded to an e-mail from him. What was she supposed to do? Continue acting professional and friendly to him, and gotten more harassed than she already was? That would have been absolutely foolish on her part, and he probably would have accused her of leading him on. Tell me, what do you do when a guy doesn't get the hint that you're just being friendly and that you're not actually interested in him? Continue acting friendly even after you decline his offer of a date and continues to pester you? Or do you start giving him the cold shoulder as more of a way to say "no! Leave me alone!" I give the cold shoulder. She did too. Props to her for doing what a majority of people would have done. She handled the situation very maturely and professionally.
collegeguy_24 Posted May 3, 2011 Posted May 3, 2011 I didn't sexually harass her. I know better than to do that to a girl. Again the meeting today was mainly about how the teachers attitude has been towards me lately. The date thing was not the main reason for it. Dude, just because you didn't sexually harass still doesn't mean you didn't harass her. Harassment doesn't have to be sexual in nature, harassment is continuing to bother her even after she made her wishes known to you. The reason she is probably acting out with other students is possibly because of you. You put so much stress on her acting out was probably her way of letting off some steam with out punching you in the face. If you accepted her saying no in the first place and went on with your life, you both wouldn't be where you are now. Instead you obsessed over her, continued to try to contact her, etc. In todays world, she could easily get a restraining order against you if she went to court. And she has all the emails you sent as evidence. Just leave it alone, she is not interested in you, never will be. Instead go to the new college, find a beautifully woman, ask her out, get accepted or rejected, and move on from there. And if all else fails, you can always love beer.
NoMagicBullet Posted May 3, 2011 Posted May 3, 2011 I'm done with girls period at school. Even in the fall with my new college. I'm sure if I tried to get to know a girl better, they too will try and get me in trouble! YOU got yourself into trouble! What's with you, that you don't take responsibility for your actions? Assuming this whole story is true and not just a troll saga. What's more is that everyone here told you it would turn out like this or worse. Always Looking Back, you should read this thread: Is there a chance... because there is a whole lot of backstory to this. The teacher is not at fault here, and one goal's views on her are not at all reliable. Or even consistent, if you read more than one of his threads/posts.
oaks Posted May 3, 2011 Posted May 3, 2011 Today was teacher reviews so we had to evaluate the teacher on a form. I didn't give her good remarks like I usually give teachers. Well that was a mean and vindictive thing to do to your favourite teacher.
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