Ex Fiance moved out 4 weeks ago and never came back. Meant to marry 3 weeks ago.

[mimi79]

Please welcome your advice. Feel pretty low and need advice if you can.

 

I know my guy over 5 years and although we were different people in ways, we loved each other. We broke up maybe three times in those 5 years due to arguments. The last time we broke up was 2 years ago and i moved abroad to the middle east. He did not contact me, but I emailed him twice just to see how he was. He responded eventually and came over to visit. It was apparent that we were still madly in love. I told him i would not give up my whole life without firm commitment i.e. engagement and we got engaged late spring. I agreed (but did not want to) , move back to the UK as he couldnt get a job where i was.

 

We planned our marriage in mid April 2011. Unfortunately I struggled to settle in the UK and missed my life, job and friends. I got a contract job but hated it and felt very resentful towards him. I asked him could we move away somewhere else, we both liked and he said I cant leave my job. He is a banker, well paid I guess. I felt like he didnt love me and that he wasnt really interested in the long term about what i wanted. So, I called off my marriage, scared of regretting it.

 

After that our relationship was a hot pot of anger, resentment and bitterness. He sort of switched off and for the first time, we grabbed each other screaming, which I believe was down to sheer frustration. He told me I should be grateful for everything I had and made me feel bad.

 

We went to therapy, but he wouldnt communicate very well, in between sessions, treating me like I was a 'bold child'. He said I never listened to him, and in the end, I stopped going as all he did was tell the counsellor what he felt but not me in the week we were not there. He just ignored me most of the time. One day, he moved out. I told him to and a week later he came back and packed his bags and left me in our flat we shared.

 

For 3 weeks, as he didnt give me a proper breakup after 5 years and being my fiance. He ignored my texts and didnt make contact. He then eventually responded saying he had no choice but to leave, but he still 'loved me' and told me to be around my friends and family. Last week, I asked him to move the rest of his belongings and he came around and got them. We had a talk for one hour and he was cold, bitter towards me saying 'Deep down he isn't my type of person' and he just got exhausted in the end and he couldnt meet me before as he wasnt 'strong' enough.

 

He is staying at his mothers and is currently abroad on holiday alone, I believe. He is paying his share of the rent until next month. I had been planning the wedding so my job finished last month and i cancelled my planned travel to stay at home to try and find work. So, not only am I going through this loss, but have no job and have no idea what is next. He has not once called me to say are you ok, or texted me. All his contact is bitter and cold. I am trying to cut down contact and have only sent a message a few days ago explaining that I cannot get a job yet, even though I am trying hard but he could take his furniture. He hasnt even responded.

 

I need some advice guys. Do I need to face up to it that he is just over me, or is angry with me still. I have apologised for the way I acted, but it is like he wont forgive me, which makes things worse. Any advice in dealing with this difficult time or insight to the way this person could be behaving would be useful to me. I know I probably should not care.

[nana841121]

Your love story is too dramatic

Don't know what to say

It's better living this kind of drama when you are young, right?

everything is an experience.

Just make sure you become wiser next time.

[MyHeartHurtsOuch]

You have received so many signs that this is NOT the man for you. Take these signs...let the pain sink in and move on. I know you don't want to hear that but I was in a similar situation and my ex and i even called ecahother "magnets" cause we kept coming back together...but that doesnt mean anything...it means we were too weak to end what was obviously not a good match.

 

Just move on...let go and put this relationship to rest.

[mimi79]

I am 31 now, not young unfortunately. I dont know what to think of his behaviour. It is like he hates me. I would of thought after all this time, he would of cared a little more. I thought maybe there was someone else as it was a abrupt end, but everyone that knows him, including myself does not think it is.

[MyHeartHurtsOuch]

I am 31 now, not young unfortunately. I dont know what to think of his behaviour. It is like he hates me. I would of thought after all this time, he would of cared a little more. I thought maybe there was someone else as it was a abrupt end, but everyone that knows him, including myself does not think it is.

 

 

 

Look simply put-there is a lack of respect in this relationship and nothing else can exist when there is no respect. just let this thing die already.

[nana841121]

Do everything in your power, leave others to the fate.

 

I have learned an experience from my past: If something is twisted and turned from the beginning, especially love life, usually it is not the best choice for you.

[mimi79]

I agree that maybe too much has happened. I just wish I had his strength and logical nature. It appears that he has moved on, by just ignoring me. He says he wants us 'both to be OK' but it doesnt look like he cares very much about if I am. I just wish I could feel the same.