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Any on NOT picturing ex with other women or worse one woman

MyHeartHurtsOuch

By MyHeartHurtsOuch
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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MyHeartHurtsOuch Established Member

MyHeartHurtsOuch

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I have been NC for about 8-9 days and I was feeling better yesterday as my sadness turned more into anger but for some reason I woke up today and nonstop I have been picturing my ex with women...He hooked up with a women 1 month after we broke up and now I can only imagine he's been with different women..or worse one woman who he's spending time with or developing feelings for...how can i get this out of my mind? it's making me feel horrible.

surfrider4284 Established Member

surfrider4284

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I have been NC for about 8-9 days and I was feeling better yesterday as my sadness turned more into anger but for some reason I woke up today and nonstop I have been picturing my ex with women...He hooked up with a women 1 month after we broke up and now I can only imagine he's been with different women..or worse one woman who he's spending time with or developing feelings for...how can i get this out of my mind? it's making me feel horrible.

 

I know how you feel. See my thread I posted just a little while ago "today is going to be the hardest day of my life"....

 

Part of the reason I am having such a hard time ending things is because I know how ****ty I will feel when I see/hear about her with another guy. This isn't my first love, nor is it my first real break up, but this was a serious relationship of 5 years. While it is painful to think about an ex with someone new, that is just a part of life. This things has happened to billions of people, billions of times...its just a fact of life. I know that probably doesnt ease your worry (nor does it ease mine), but after having been through it once a while ago, I know things do imporve and that "what is he/she doing" feeling will subside with time.

radiodarcy Established Member

radiodarcy

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i know just how you feel. my ex was actually a fwb. but i fell for him and begged him for a relationship the two and half years the situation lasted. he refused to give me the relationship i wanted saying he wasn't ready for one. eventually he cut off the benefits, saying he just wanted to be friends. and lo and behold two months later he casually mentions that he's ready for a relationship and that he would be opening up accounts on dating websites to find "the one"! needless to say this news did not go over well with me. it hurt - - A LOT.

 

we had a huge argument and i went NC a few weeks later; which lasted for about three months until i broke it after he started hitting me up again. at first i was under the impression that he has stopped dating. but overtime i found out that he hadnt. he started mentioning when he would have a date, how it went; etc. he even forwarded me a profile of a girl who had hit him up.

well -- enough was enough. i told him i couldn't handle him dating and i was going NC again.

 

it's been 8 weeks since i re-started NC and i havent heard a peep out of him. and while i'm pretty sure the reason why is because he has a gf - - there's really nothing i can do about that. because quite frankly - - i refuse to let this a******'s actions mess me up in the head anymore than they already have.

 

if he's with another girl he's with another girl. i'm not thrilled about it but i'm not going to let whatever this jerk may or may not be up to and with whom occupy my headspace anymore than he already has.

nana841121 Established Member

nana841121

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The pain is as individual as billions of other people.

Don't worry, you will survive.

Although now you might indulge yourself into so many negative feelings.

Just hang in there, don't make any decision concerned him.

i have been in your shoes four months ago.

I ended a 6-month relationship. He got into another relationship one month after our breakup, which upset me a lot.

His quick moving on with his life gives me a hint of infidelity.

Now i don't care anymore, time do heal most kinds of wounds.

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MyHeartHurtsOuch Established Member

MyHeartHurtsOuch

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What's FWB?

 

And I don't think my ex will contact me again...like in our relationship when we met we took things really quickly..hes one of those super affectionate guys that girls fall in love iwth right away caus eyou think wow this is my dream guy..super hot, smart, and loving...and so he's going to have someone fall in love right away..and thats what hurts me.

 

I wish i could be more rational and just be like "he wans't the guy for you so it doesn't matter who he is with" but it sucks to know you love someone so so so much and they can just move on like nothing.

 

He knows that contacting me would hurt me and thats why I was the one who told him not to contact me again..and he hasn't now for 8 days..but i can't help but think that instead of being sad he's just enjoying life and not feeling guilty baout dating girls cause I'm no longer in the picture

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MyHeartHurtsOuch Established Member

MyHeartHurtsOuch

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That's true..I mean if he were the one or the love he had for me would have been real theres no way he would have been able to move on so quickly...he wasnt ready to commit and i don't need that **** in my life

surfrider4284 Established Member

surfrider4284

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A lot of times, people will move on quickly to someone new because they think it will ease their pain. At least from a guys perspective, if I were to break up with my current gf, I'd probably be doing what my buddies do when they go out and thats looking for girls. I love my gf with all my heart, and my wanting to go out and live it up doesnt mean I dont love her or care about her..it just means, from a guys perspective, sometimes getting with a new girl, even if its for a night, helps you move on...or at least thast what we think it will do...

radiodarcy Established Member

radiodarcy

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What's FWB?

 

And I don't think my ex will contact me again...like in our relationship when we met we took things really quickly..hes one of those super affectionate guys that girls fall in love iwth right away caus eyou think wow this is my dream guy..super hot, smart, and loving...and so he's going to have someone fall in love right away..and thats what hurts me.

 

I wish i could be more rational and just be like "he wans't the guy for you so it doesn't matter who he is with" but it sucks to know you love someone so so so much and they can just move on like nothing.

 

He knows that contacting me would hurt me and thats why I was the one who told him not to contact me again..and he hasn't now for 8 days..but i can't help but think that instead of being sad he's just enjoying life and not feeling guilty baout dating girls cause I'm no longer in the picture

 

sorry -- FWB -- is friends w/ benefits.

nana841121 Established Member

nana841121

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It's your imagination who is directing all the drama here.

You really should take your mind off him.

Obviously he is an attractive guy to you which doesn't mean he has the same effects on others.

Don't contact him, that's the bottom line.

I know it feels like hell.

we have all been there.

If he doesn't contact you, you just lose someone who doesn't appreciate you. no lose at all indeed.

if he contacts you and begs you to come back, you have the power of choosing.

sorry, i don't know how to persuade people.

i just want to send my condolence to u.

my case is similar to yours.

we won't die of broken heart. ;)

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MyHeartHurtsOuch Established Member

MyHeartHurtsOuch

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A lot of times, people will move on quickly to someone new because they think it will ease their pain. At least from a guys perspective, if I were to break up with my current gf, I'd probably be doing what my buddies do when they go out and thats looking for girls. I love my gf with all my heart, and my wanting to go out and live it up doesnt mean I dont love her or care about her..it just means, from a guys perspective, sometimes getting with a new girl, even if its for a night, helps you move on...or at least thast what we think it will do...

 

 

Right but thats different than dating a new girl..as in romancing her, being affectionate, etc. I picture my ex making a girl dinner, cuddling with her, taking her to movies, dinner, etc that's a way to fall for someone not just distracting yourself.

 

he did tell me he wants to be single for at least a year but then again he told me a lot of things...i don't know if he meets someone what will happen.

 

the girl he hooked up with after we broke up..he doesn't talk to her anymore cause he didn't have the drive to have sex with her...maybe he contacted her again to make it up to her...

 

he's a recovering sex addict...and i'm guessing he went back to his old ways.

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MyHeartHurtsOuch Established Member

MyHeartHurtsOuch

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It's your imagination who is directing all the drama here.

You really should take your mind off him.

Obviously he is an attractive guy to you which doesn't mean he has the same effects on others.

Don't contact him, that's the bottom line.

I know it feels like hell.

we have all been there.

If he doesn't contact you, you just lose someone who doesn't appreciate you. no lose at all indeed.

if he contacts you and begs you to come back, you have the power of choosing.

sorry, i don't know how to persuade people.

i just want to send my condolence to u.

my case is similar to yours.

we won't die of broken heart. ;)

 

 

 

very well said...i like how you said if he doesn't contact me all i am doing is losing someone who doesn't appreciate me..and that's right he didnt want what i had to offer...

 

and if he does change his mind...which i doubt he will cause he's so stubborn but if he does then i can choose...

nana841121 Established Member

nana841121

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BTW, i think your ex is in a rebound relationship

it's not healthy and mature.

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MyHeartHurtsOuch Established Member

MyHeartHurtsOuch

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you know my ex did tell me...who knows what will happen 6 months or 3 months from now when we've figured out who we are and maybe we can start anew...

 

i just don't see that happening...

 

i mean i get it but like my ex...from before.

 

i had a fiance of 5 yrs (engaged for 2) and he got MARRIED 6 months after we broke up....now I assume my current ex will do the same..not get married but get back in a relationship...or get someone pregnant..i dunno something....

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MyHeartHurtsOuch Established Member

MyHeartHurtsOuch

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BTW, i think your ex is in a rebound relationship

it's not healthy and mature.

 

 

I don't even know if he is dating...he told me that he has "considered dating"....which i think is a real ******* move. cause we broke up cause he said he needs time and space and to discover who he really is....and i dunno how dating other women is going to help him figure that out..if anything that makes things worse.

 

does dating other people really help people figure things out??

 

it wouldn't for me..

 

and yeah rebounds are bad.

 

he has focused so much on distracting himself...playing volleyball every single evening..and i mean over doing it..and soon thats going to wear off and he will fill his evenings with women...

 

i can only imagine he already has a post on a dating website maybe

surfrider4284 Established Member

surfrider4284

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honestly, i think you are becoming too concerned with what he is doing. you need to take a deep breath, step back, and put that out of your mind. I KNOW, this is hard to do.

 

Look at it like this..the way you are feeling right now is horribly. its a terrible feeling, I've been there myself..its horrible. In the end, it is ourselves who allow our brains to get carreid away and give us this horrible feeling that makes its way down to the pit of our stomachs. Easier said than done, but make a concious effort to put him/whats hes doing out of your mind whenever it pops it. Sooner or later, it will stop popping in your mind as often, and/or become easier to push out of your conciousness.

nana841121 Established Member

nana841121

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I really don't know what's on their minds when someone ended up a long-time relationship and got married with someone new within a very short time. would that be true love?

i doubted it.

My personal opinion about them is that they are impulsive and immature.

But who really knows?

one of my colleague ended 5-year-long relationship with his GF and got married 40 days later with a girl he just met.

crazy!

Better break up with them than get divorce

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MyHeartHurtsOuch Established Member

MyHeartHurtsOuch

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honestly, i think you are becoming too concerned with what he is doing. you need to take a deep breath, step back, and put that out of your mind. I KNOW, this is hard to do.

 

Look at it like this..the way you are feeling right now is horribly. its a terrible feeling, I've been there myself..its horrible. In the end, it is ourselves who allow our brains to get carreid away and give us this horrible feeling that makes its way down to the pit of our stomachs. Easier said than done, but make a concious effort to put him/whats hes doing out of your mind whenever it pops it. Sooner or later, it will stop popping in your mind as often, and/or become easier to push out of your conciousness.

 

 

I agree i just wish i knew an easier way of doing htis..i mean in reality i have no clue what he's doing all i know and need to know is he doesnt want to be with me.

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MyHeartHurtsOuch Established Member

MyHeartHurtsOuch

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I really don't know what's on their minds when someone ended up a long-time relationship and got married with someone new within a very short time. would that be true love?

i doubted it.

My personal opinion about them is that they are impulsive and immature.

But who really knows?

one of my colleague ended 5-year-long relationship with his GF and got married 40 days later with a girl he just met.

crazy!

Better break up with them than get divorce

 

 

Yeah my ex fiance literally got married 6 months later and they are still together...it bothered me at first but then i realized how much he and i were NOT a match...and he's 30 and he married a 22 yr old...and they party all the time...thats when I knew that he is so much better off without me...and she is his perfect match.

 

and that's what I think may happen to this ex...he may find someone more compatible...he's 31 and hangs out with 21 yr olds....i dunno i keep involving myself with guys i think are mature and they end up being kids...i'm 30.

nana841121 Established Member

nana841121

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My ex is newly-appointed lecturer in an university, 26-year-old.

he hooked up with his student, a 18-year-old freshman in the university.

:sick:

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MyHeartHurtsOuch Established Member

MyHeartHurtsOuch

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My ex is newly-appointed lecturer in an university, 26-year-old.

he hooked up with his student, a 18-year-old freshman in the university.

:sick:

 

 

 

WOW...not a surprise..men are dirty and women are the same.

Kilty Established Member

Kilty

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Within 2-3 weeks of our fall out my ex G/F of 2 years went for an old guy who had made advances to her when we were together (which she had rebuffed)

 

He has an ex wife and 3 grown up kids and had just previously been engaged to a girl that he proposed to when she was pregnant by someone else.

 

He is old looking and bald - and as a keen cyclist you should see him in his lycra tour de france outfits !

 

Within 2-3 months he had mentioned getting married but she had decided to wait till after they went on holiday together.

He proposed on the first day and she accepted.

 

They are getting married in August after only being together a year.

 

Someone tell me what is going through her head never mind his

 

She is 46 - He is 50 - and i am 43

 

For as many folk there are with CI there are at least as many who are desperate to be with just about anyone.

 

Thankfully i would never ever settle for second best - id rather be on my own than be with someone for the sake of it.

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