DSM2709 Posted May 3, 2011 Posted May 3, 2011 I have a next door neighbor who was just a "FWB" for the last 3 months, I met her back in July 2010 when I moved into a new apartment. Then just suddenly she switched on me and is now seeing another guy...the worst thing is, she is literally right next door to me, so I see his car in the parking lot every time he's here. So my thoughts are spinning just imagining her giving him those "benefits" that I just recently was getting. Even though we were and are still technically "Just Friends", I hate thinking about what's she doing with this other guy. It drives me absolutely crazy, we were never bf/gf but it doesn't matter to me. I enjoyed hanging out with her, we would drink, and have dinner together. She would come over to my place and vice versa, we would go out to places, eat, drink, watch movies, have casual sex...etc etc. Worst thing is, she is a TRAINWRECK, she was raped when she was young, she's been in many bad relationships with who knows how many other guys before her and I started hanging out together. She was heavy into drugs in her younger years, she drinks, she's bi-sexual (Doesn't bother me), she told me about her best friend who committed suicide a few years ago, so she's also been diagnosed as clinacally depressed and to top it all off, she currently has a serious kidney disease and if she keeps going in the path she's going, her health could get much worse. So, she's been warned by her doctors. She is amazingly beautiful and so freaking hot and she's only 27. I guess I got attached to her too quickly and she did warn me from the beginning not to or she would go away. I didn't think I was getting attached, but whatever. I guess I was just too nice to her and she picked up on that and started seeing this other guy. A couple of weeks ago, she told me after we had dinner together one night that she recently had sex with her ex-boyfriend who by the way was a heroin addict. Not sure if I believe her or not because why would she risk her health even more? and now she's banging this other "new" guy. I think she just said that to scare me away, but who knows, maybe she really did, IDK. I care about her and cares what happens to her, but don't know how to LET GO!! I want to give her a peice of my mind, but I also feel like If I did that, I would lose her friendship. I sometimes don't know how to deal with it, even though we were never in a relationship. We were just hanging out with benny's only for a few months. Now she's with this other guy, and it kills me when I walk past her apartment and I can hear them talking and laughing it up etc etc, knowing that, that use to be me in there with her doing the same things, just recently....I want to scream sometimes I'm so mad, my wheels won't stop spinning. My friends have told me to just ignore her and if she texts me, to NOT RESPOND and eventually it will bother her. I don't think that it will, because she could look at like "well, the hell with him" and keep doing what she's doing and move on, which in turn would mean she never cared about me in the first place. To sum this woman up, she is someone you can have fun with and have a good time, but you would NEVER want to bring her home to meet mom....LOL!!! Here is my dilemma, we both agreed that we would get out M'cycle permits together which we did already. She's a typical Harley chick too, tattoo's, rock n roll etc etc...Now, we are both going to take the basic riders course together this weekend, to which we also both agreed to do. I haven't spoken to her in a couple of days and I'm wondering if she does contact me, what do I do? Do I act like this whole thing with her and the new guy doesn't bother me and just play it cool about it even though it's killing me inside, or do I say she's on her own and to go to that course by herself? I want her as a friend, but it's hard for me to accept what she's doing and who's she's with and I know there is nothing I can do about it, it's who she is and will always be. Now, she may just dump this guy after a month or so, because she's done this same thing in the past and she might come back to the safety net (Me) because she knows how much I like her and she knows I'm right there for her (Next door) waiting. I want to be tough and ignore her and I know I am probably better off without getting mixed up with her rocky lifestyle, but I really care about her and I am just so freaking confused and upset. Thanks!!
ShatteredReality Posted May 3, 2011 Posted May 3, 2011 Right now you need your space from her. Don't do or not do anything to bother her or get her attention or any of that. Do what you need to do to get over her. If that means NC then that's what you have to do. If that means not going to the class then that's what you have to do. If you feel like you can go to that class and play it like nothing ever happened then so be it...honestly if you want to learn to ride then just go ahead and learn to ride...I mean are you sharing a bike? If that's the case I might beg out, but if not then I would just go for it. Also, if her health is as you say it is, then you should probably distance yourself now rather than wait. Ultimately by drinking with her you're encouraging the behavior and will later feel guilty about it - yet if you didn't she probably would anyway. So it's just best if you have space so you can really look at things with the right perspective.
Author DSM2709 Posted May 5, 2011 Author Posted May 5, 2011 Thanks SR, I am going to that bike course with her and we are NOT sharing a bike together. I haven't spoken to her in a couple of days, I bumped into her the other day in the hallways of hr apartment and she invited me in for a minute so we could catch up. I told her I missed her and she gave a big hug. I also told her that I have the night off in between class dates (Sun/Mon), so if she wanted to hang out to let me know. So when I left I gave her another big hug and said I would text her later and when I did, she gave very short responses. So, at least we are still friends, but it still kills me that she's with this other guy. I wish she could see what she's doing and change but I know that's never going to happen. I think that after this bike course we both take together, I probably will not hear from her in a while, and so I will not engage either and probably ignore her. We'll see.
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