My gf of one year cheated on me with someone that she met while working abroad

[orcunderabridge]

Hey guys,

 

So I've been a long time lurker of this forum and have noticed that mostly impartial advice is given here, exactly what I'm looking for...

 

Background:

 

My GF and I have officially been together for just over a year now. In the beginning stages of our relationship I was a real *******, I had two girlfriends at the time, messed around with girls that I met in bars and was just generally a vey faithful guy.

 

I was tiring of that lifestyle and decided to become serious with one of the girls, my current GF.

 

I've treated her like gold during our entire relationship, her family likes me, she likes me, we're both not stingy with spending money on each other and we get along with each other like a house on fire.

 

I live with her in her house FWIW. I'm 25 and shes 29. We both do project work. She earns way more than me.

 

We used to SMS each other constantly but in the last few months I've been terrible at replying to her messages and terrible at initiating it. I even told her on one occassion that constant back and forth texting wasn't working for me.

 

The Situation

 

She's been working this project abroad for a few months and we've both been away from home and each other alot.

 

A few weeks ago ( her words ) she started becoming intimate with one of the guys working on the same project as she was.

 

When she came back home for a few days we were both playing with her phone and an intimate text message popped up on her phone from this other guy and I just closed it and pretended to ignore it.

 

Coincedentally over those next few days she was dealing with some health problems and I was nursing her for the entire time. Whenever she left her phone around I would check her messages and things were becoming very intimate with her and this other guy.

 

A few days later she asked me if it would be okay if she went to go drive around the country side with her friend she hasnt seen for a while. I naturally agreed that it would be okay. That evening she called me and asked me if it would be alright if she could stay over in some lovely guest house they found. I naturally agreed and after that my heart sank. I knew something was up.

 

The next day she came home in the morning and and I was sure something had happened but I didnt say anything at that point. I brooded over this the entire day, that night we had sex and she went to the bathroom and I checked her phone and I saw more intimate messages between her and the other guy.

 

I decided to go out and have a few beers and think about the situation.

 

I came home and confronted her about all of this. She confessed that she had met a guy and that she has become emotionally involved with him but she assured me that nothing physical had happened. I asked her to please go NC with this guy. She agreed and she sent him the text stating that is what she wants.

 

Over the next few days with me sneakily checking her phone I noticed that she had been calling this guy, this guy had been calling her and the text messages still flowed. Now she was just careful to delete them and she tried to cover it all up.

 

A few days later I confronted her again, and she lied again about it. I just took it.

 

A few days after that I gave her an ultimatum. She finally broke down and told me the whole truth.

 

She had slept with him on two occasions, one of the occasions was when she was with her "friend" in the countryside.

 

Knowing that I couldnt trust her anymore I decided that the only way that we can continue having this relationship is if we make it an open relationship.

 

She agreed to it thinking that is what I want. Over the next two days the intimate phone calls and text messages continued between the two of them.

 

I couldnt take it.

 

I broke down. I cried and told her how much I loved her and that I cant bear to see her with anyone else. She agreed to actually go NC with this guy and is apparently glad that I fought for her.

 

Shes making the phonecall tonight to this guy in my presence.

 

Opinions, suggestions?

 

Thanks in advance.

orcunderabridge

[PegNosePete]

Knowing that I couldnt trust her anymore I decided that the only way that we can continue having this relationship is if we make it an open relationship.

No no no!!! If you're a long time lurker on this forum you will surely know this is a BAD BAD BAD thing to do. Open relationships only work when it's what both parties want, and when you have a LOT of trust in each other. If you do not trust her then making it an open relationship is the worst thing you can do. As you have found out.

 

She agreed to it thinking that is what I want.

No, she agreed to it thinking that now she can do what the hell she wants.

 

She agreed to actually go NC with this guy and is apparently glad that I fought for her.

Dude do you really believe a single word she says? After she has cheated, lied, lied and lied again? If so then I have a bridge to sell you. You need to RUN AWAY from this lying cheater.

[Chi townD]

If a cheaters mouth is moving it's lying. Dude, she's gonna make this phone call in front of you and the first opportunity she has to call this guy again, she will saying that she had to do that in front of you so you would stop prying.

 

As much as it hurts now, it's gonna hurt more the more you drag this out. Think of the level of disrespect. "drive out to the country" and had the gall to call you to ask to stay the night, in the mean time, OM is checking them into a hotel or B&B.

 

I would have to say, cut ties. She made the decision of what she wanted the moment the two of you became three. You need to dump her and go full NC on her. Don't answer texts, phone calls or e-mails. She needs to know what she lost because right now you're giving her a free ride.

[Bryanp]

She has played you and is playing you for a complete fool and clearly has no problem putting your health at risk for STD's. You are now living with a lying cheating girlfriend. Why would you settle for this? Her actions indicate that she has no respect for you whatsoever. If you do not respect yourself then who will?

[mark982]

buddy, you been handed a true blessing, you've discovered what your girlfriend is truely like. now imagine what a mess this would be, when you throw in a couple kids, house your mortaged out the azz on. time to chuck and run, don't let the tears fool you.

[Professor X]

You need to take whats left of your self respect and RUN.

 

She has been lying to you for so long yet you seem to stay around; Considering you've said you've been a long time lurker here, you should know that by staying with her, you just give her all the power to do it again in the future.

 

So leave her, and as you exit the door, do the Carlton dance.

[OldOnTheInside]

I agree with the above posts.

 

She has played you for a fool. You've completely caved into her wishes and desires. Run for the hills while you still can.

[vivrantflo]

I'm shocked you're actually asking for opinions. You've asked her many times to stop talking to this guy, and she continued to do so. You yourself admitted that you can't trust her, so why hang on?

 

Why would you want her after she let some dude rail her twice??

 

Dude, you offered up an "open relationship" and you think that she agreed cause it's what you wanted?!?! I'm trying not to be too hard on you, cause I know you're hurting and your judgment is clouded.. but please listen to everyone here.. you would be so much better off if you cut this woman out of your life permanently

[John Michael Kane]

I definitely agree with the above. And the worst move you made on top of that was opting for an open relationship, which is just cheating with you knowing about it. That's nothing but opening up another can of stinky worms, man. Please drop this woman and never stick around with a cheater again. Now you have firsthand experience of the destruction of infidelity. Find a real woman who'll never treat you this way.