Author Eternal Sunshine Posted May 3, 2011 Author Posted May 3, 2011 I have done something crazy and e-mailed him. I know, I know I am impulsive. Here is the correspondence (he responded within minutes): ME: Good morning I woke up a bit earlier today and on my way to work... I have a quick question for you. You always say how you don't believe in love at first sight (and I do agree with you there). But then you also say how it's foolish and silly to wait for true love and that's the part that I find really confusing. So I want to know, do you think that you can have a long term relationship with a person that you get along with well and are compatible, without love and deeper feelings present? --------------------------------- HIM: No, of course not. Feelings and emotions must be there. I never said that I don't believe in true love, just not true love at first sight. Real love is something much deeper and more complex than physical attraction and superficial infatuation. But if there are tenderness and feelings there, they can be nurtured and built and deeper love is not far away. It's really the sum of all the little things. When you enjoy spending time with your partner. When you see that they care. When you watch them sleep and are filled with feeling. I do have feelings for you. Strong feelings, and for many reasons and not just because of the way you look. The longer we are together, the stronger my feelings get and the more I enjoy being with you. Kiss, bf p.s. Good morning to you too and hope you have a wonderful day. I found your message really adorable ---------------------------- I am not sure what to think.....
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted May 3, 2011 Author Posted May 3, 2011 So now I am in a bad place. I have revealed my cards and he knows he has me. Also, he said "tenderness" which is not exactly an exciting feeling. It just doesn't seem like he is passionate about me. Life is so absurd. My last 5-week long relationship was the exact opposite of this. There was intense passion since day 1, he spoke of love at first sight..... Only to dump me out of the blue later because he failed to develop an emotional connection to me. I don't know if I should break up....
ASG Posted May 3, 2011 Posted May 3, 2011 I am not sure what to think..... How are you not sure?? He basically told you what you wanted to hear! What is the problem now? That he didn't say he loves you yet?
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted May 3, 2011 Author Posted May 3, 2011 I think you've got a real problem with entailment here. johan, you are a smart guy. What is your serious, blunt take on this?
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted May 3, 2011 Author Posted May 3, 2011 How are you not sure?? He basically told you what you wanted to hear! What is the problem now? That he didn't say he loves you yet? I mean tenderness??? It's like he is talking about his pet
oaks Posted May 3, 2011 Posted May 3, 2011 So now I am in a bad place. I have revealed my cards and he knows he has me. Why is this bad? (Hint: it isn't) Also, he said "tenderness" which is not exactly an exciting feeling. It just doesn't seem like he is passionate about me. And he also says he has strong feelings for you that are getting stronger and he enjoys being with you more and more. I don't know if I should break up.... WTF? What on earth for?
ASG Posted May 3, 2011 Posted May 3, 2011 So now I am in a bad place. I have revealed my cards and he knows he has me. Also, he said "tenderness" which is not exactly an exciting feeling. It just doesn't seem like he is passionate about me. Life is so absurd. My last 5-week long relationship was the exact opposite of this. There was intense passion since day 1, he spoke of love at first sight..... Only to dump me out of the blue later because he failed to develop an emotional connection to me. I don't know if I should break up.... See what you said just there? It's what everyone has been saying in this thread, Passion does NOT equal true love! If that is what you are looking for though, this guy is not for you. But I don't think you even know what you are looking for. You can't seem to make up your mind! This guy sounds like a great catch and yet you keep making excuses to break up with him. As much as we'd like to help, you need to want to be helped. And I don't think you do. You want drama in your life. You want to live in a constant feeling of anxiety and stomach butterflies, which is not what this relationship is about.
ASG Posted May 3, 2011 Posted May 3, 2011 I mean tenderness??? It's like he is talking about his pet Tenderness AND strong feelings. You're just reading what you want to read!
snug.bunny Posted May 3, 2011 Posted May 3, 2011 You should break up with him.... It's obvious he doesn't have feelings for you, especially when he said "I do have feelings for you. Strong feelings".
Anxiety Posted May 3, 2011 Posted May 3, 2011 Wasn't it just 2 weeks ago where you "accidentally" said "I love you" to him...he said I love you back and you were complaining that it was too soon? Stop sabotaging your relationships by over analyzing every little word, look, or action. Don't throw away what you have, many of us here would love to have what you so easily throw away.
oaks Posted May 3, 2011 Posted May 3, 2011 You should break up with him.... It's obvious he doesn't have feelings for you, especially when he said "I do have feelings for you. Strong feelings". That's good.
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted May 3, 2011 Author Posted May 3, 2011 See ASG, I could accept that this guy is not like that. BUT what worries me is what if this guy is like that (super passionate) with CERTAIN girls and just not with me? What if he is in essence settling? That's not something I can live with.
oaks Posted May 3, 2011 Posted May 3, 2011 ES, I am mere key presses away from calling you a silly mare.
SmileFace Posted May 3, 2011 Posted May 3, 2011 See ASG, I could accept that this guy is not like that. BUT what worries me is what if this guy is like that (super passionate) with CERTAIN girls and just not with me? What if he is in essence settling? That's not something I can live with. But he is with you!! If you are not ready to be in relationship, why are you in one? He is technically ****ting hearts and hugs for you. How is he not super passionate?
Lorelei_Lane Posted May 3, 2011 Posted May 3, 2011 Please don't take this the wrong way, but do you try to sabotage your relationships often? You haven't been seeing him for too long, things are great, he told you he had feelings for you. You didn't want to rush a relationship... why are you second guessing yourself? Do yourself a favor and stop over analyzing everything and just enjoy it.
ASG Posted May 3, 2011 Posted May 3, 2011 See ASG, I could accept that this guy is not like that. BUT what worries me is what if this guy is like that (super passionate) with CERTAIN girls and just not with me? What if he is in essence settling? That's not something I can live with. I'm so frustrated with you right now, you have no idea. What you are doing is finding an excuse to create drama in an otherwise healthy and happy relationship. As Anxiety said, you are trying to sabotage it, for some reason. Either you can't fae the prospect of letting someone in or you just need that constant butterfly feeling of not knowing what's going to happen next. By what you say he says, I don't think he would be like that. Or he could, but wold know that it wasn't necessarily true love. Cause that is the main difference. Passion and jumping off couches is a VERY different thing from true love. Now... what do you want? A string of very passionate relationships that end within a couple of months because the passion dies down and you haven't been able to "make an emotional connection"; or a long term relationship that starts off in a quieter way, with no over the top fireworks, but develops to become a great (true) love, because you get to know each other more intimately and form a connection?
johan Posted May 3, 2011 Posted May 3, 2011 johan, you are a smart guy. What is your serious, blunt take on this? Don't worry about it. You're not living in a fairy tale world. And if he's doubting whether to make the search for true love a lifelong pursuit, that slight amount of doubt pales in comparison to your thinking his every hiccup might be a reason to breakup. He has shown a lot of dedication to you, and from what you describe, it sounds like a nice relationship. He might say some things that seem odd. Probably because he doesn't have everything all figured out like he wishes he did. But you need to show some flexibility. The biggest threat to this relationship is you and your constant willingness to jump ship. Be fair to him and yourself and let this kind of stuff slide.
oaks Posted May 3, 2011 Posted May 3, 2011 Either you can't fae the prospect of letting someone in I think it may be this, given the comment about having revealed her cards.
eerie_reverie Posted May 3, 2011 Posted May 3, 2011 ES, Are you sure you're not projecting a little bit here? How do you feel about him? Are you crazy in love, or are you with him because it's pragmatic? I don't think you can expect to get anything you're not prepared to give.
Star Gazer Posted May 4, 2011 Posted May 4, 2011 ES, Are you sure you're not projecting a little bit here? How do you feel about him? Are you crazy in love, or are you with him because it's pragmatic? I don't think you can expect to get anything you're not prepared to give. That's what a few of us have been saying...
eerie_reverie Posted May 4, 2011 Posted May 4, 2011 That's what a few of us have been saying... Sorry, didn't read whole thread!
eerie_reverie Posted May 4, 2011 Posted May 4, 2011 So now I am in a bad place. I have revealed my cards and he knows he has me. Also, he said "tenderness" which is not exactly an exciting feeling. It just doesn't seem like he is passionate about me. Life is so absurd. My last 5-week long relationship was the exact opposite of this. There was intense passion since day 1, he spoke of love at first sight..... Only to dump me out of the blue later because he failed to develop an emotional connection to me. I don't know if I should break up.... You are effing insane. If you want to break up with him then just do it, why do you need an excuse?
Star Gazer Posted May 4, 2011 Posted May 4, 2011 Sorry, didn't read whole thread! No worries, I was just agreeing with you!
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