NicoleM Posted May 3, 2011 Posted May 3, 2011 I have been seeing this guy for a month now and I always bring up hey add me on FB and he laughs it off or changes the subject. What is the big deal?? I am not asking him to marry me. Why is he freaking out so much?? Do you think he is possibly hiding something:eek:
BiscuitXOXO Posted May 3, 2011 Posted May 3, 2011 Personally it's a bit strange to ask him to friend request you. Just friend request him yourself. BUT if the case is that you friend requested him and he just hasn't accepted...that is quite suspicious indeed. I wouldn't jump to conclusions that he is hiding something. But I just wouldn't think he is extremely serious about you. If he were VERY into you, he would be just as eager to FB creep on you as you are on him Finally, it really doesn't matter...it's just Facebook. If it really matters, then sit down with him and tell him how much being FB friends with him matters to you...how it integrates him into your social life...you don't really feel like friends/dating unless you are connected on FB...blah blah blah. If he doesn't come around, that means you two hold different values and views...and I'd begin seeing other prospects.
Datura Posted May 3, 2011 Posted May 3, 2011 How is he freaking out by laughing about it, or changing the subject? You're the one on a relationship forum, questioning his motives.
Author NicoleM Posted May 3, 2011 Author Posted May 3, 2011 I haven't asked to add him yet but since he changes the subject when I say can we be FB friends that is why I haven't done it yet. Maybe he trashes me on his wall or writes things about me that he wouldn't want me to see or maybe he doesn't want his friends to know he has a new girl.
green_tea Posted May 3, 2011 Posted May 3, 2011 It could be that he is still not be sure about you, after only a month. He might not want to add you until you two are officially together. Not a good thing if this is his reason though, as it could mean he may not see anything long term with you.
Datura Posted May 3, 2011 Posted May 3, 2011 Maybe he trashes me on his wall or writes things about me that he wouldn't want me to see or maybe he doesn't want his friends to know he has a new girl. If this is a valid suspicion rather than the result of paranoia, maybe you should rethink why you are dating him. Otherwise, see a shrink.
musemaj11 Posted May 3, 2011 Posted May 3, 2011 I dont add someone I have only known for a month to my Facebook. Unlike many people, I dont take pride in having 1,000 Facebook friends most of whom I barely know.
BiscuitXOXO Posted May 3, 2011 Posted May 3, 2011 I haven't asked to add him yet but since he changes the subject when I say can we be FB friends that is why I haven't done it yet. Maybe he trashes me on his wall or writes things about me that he wouldn't want me to see or maybe he doesn't want his friends to know he has a new girl. ...wow you are overreacting lol. Just friend request already. No need to ask to be FB friends. You won't know what he's thinking unless you ask him. And also what Datura said.
nothappyjan Posted May 3, 2011 Posted May 3, 2011 I refuse to ever again add someone i'm dating. My fb is for my friends and there's nothing worse than not being able to go on fb after a breakup because its filled with things from that person including his friends/family. I havent been on fb since my breakup as my fb got so immersed with his life i feel sick when I go on there. This was my first serious r/ship and before this the first thing i would do was add them on fb and ant to be fb official etc whereas being on the other side i've totally changed my viewpoint.
Eeyore79 Posted May 3, 2011 Posted May 3, 2011 Based on bitter experience I would advise you to be extremely wary if a guy won't add you on Facebook. I once dated a guy who used every excuse in the book not to add me - I didn't receive your friend request, I hardly ever use Facebook, I've lost my password, etc. He would change the subject or promise to accept my friend request next time he was online, but he never did. It turned out that he was already in a relationship with another girl on Facebook, and he was cheating on her with me. He didn't add me because he didn't want me to see his relationship status. We had been dating for 2-3 months by the time I found out what was going on, and I was heartbroken. I don't think the other girl ever found out; that was a couple of years ago and they're still together. I wouldn't expect him to list you as being in a relationship straight away, but at the very least you need to become his Facebook friend to prove that he's honest and you're the only girl he's seeing.
Eternal Sunshine Posted May 3, 2011 Posted May 3, 2011 I am sick of people saying "Facebook is not real life" and such. Actually, FB is very real. People on there are your friends and family. Pictures on there are real. It's not like it's some made up virtual world like "second life" or similar. I would be EXTREMELY suspicious of this. Remember: people who have nothing to hide, hide nothing.
Andy_K Posted May 3, 2011 Posted May 3, 2011 Maybe he trashes me on his wall or writes things about me that he wouldn't want me to see Don't worry, it's extremely unlikely he's trash talking you. He just doesn't want you to find out about his other girlfriend(s), is all.
EasyHeart Posted May 3, 2011 Posted May 3, 2011 Facebook is for friends, not dates. I have a policy that I don't add women that I'm dating to Facebook.
zengirl Posted May 3, 2011 Posted May 3, 2011 Facebook is for friends, not dates. I have a policy that I don't add women that I'm dating to Facebook. I wouldn't add someone right away (like within a few dates), but if they were serious, I would, and I would assume a guy had no intentions to ever be serious with me if he declined my friend request without addressing it extremely well.
Star Gazer Posted May 3, 2011 Posted May 3, 2011 I would be EXTREMELY suspicious of this. Remember: people who have nothing to hide, hide nothing. This. I wouldn't jump to the conclusion that he's trash talking you (that's weird), but I would be concerned that he doesn't want his "girlfriends" (yes, plural...do you see where I am going with this?) and his real world to meet.
Jynxx Posted May 3, 2011 Posted May 3, 2011 Don't have fb, and have never regretted not having one. Just saying
whichwayisup Posted May 3, 2011 Posted May 3, 2011 I have been seeing this guy for a month now and I always bring up hey add me on FB and he laughs it off or changes the subject. What is the big deal?? I am not asking him to marry me. Why is he freaking out so much?? Do you think he is possibly hiding something:eek: He just doesn't feel comfortable having you on his fb. Like it or not, he has that right...To add or decline. You two aren't serious, it's dating. Not boyfriend/girlfriend..yet. Let it go. Is it that important for him to add you?
whichwayisup Posted May 3, 2011 Posted May 3, 2011 Personally it's a bit strange to ask him to friend request you. Just friend request him yourself. He didn't ask her, she asked him to add her and he's avoiding by changing the subject and laughing it off. I have been seeing this guy for a month now and I always bring up hey add me on FB and he laughs it off or changes the subject. What is the big deal?? I am not asking him to marry me. Why is he freaking out so much?? Do you think he is possibly hiding something:eek:
2sunny Posted May 3, 2011 Posted May 3, 2011 are you having sex yet? i hope not... IF he's unwilling to even add you as a contact to fb - what would motivate you to add yourself as an attachment to his physical body? something is up - he may not be that into you. IF you've had sex already - i would eliminate that part until he gives evidence that you are his priority - with nothing to hide.
OliveOyl Posted May 3, 2011 Posted May 3, 2011 I decided I wanted to add the guy I'm dating to my Facebook friends list. But I was a bit nervous about it. I hemmed and hawed for a while, and finally asked him, adding, "if you don't feel comfortable yet, I'll understand, blah blah blah, but if you want to, we can add each other... " Only to find out he's not even ON FB. Problem solved. No drama.
HeartOnSleeve Posted May 3, 2011 Posted May 3, 2011 It could be that he is still not be sure about you, after only a month. He might not want to add you until you two are officially together. Not a good thing if this is his reason though, as it could mean he may not see anything long term with you. Agreed....I don't live or die by FB, but it's not a great sign that he won't even add you as a friend since it is "just" FB. I dated a guy for 2 months and I friend requested him and he straight up ignored it. Ultimatly it was becuase he was not really that interested. Stupid FB....lol. Whereas the guy I am dating now and have only been for two months added me like 2 weeks in and he brought it up
Author NicoleM Posted May 4, 2011 Author Posted May 4, 2011 He confuses me so much! I am a little bummed he clearly doesn't want to add me on FB based on him changing the subject,etc. One minute he can be the sweetest guy and the next he is an enigma.
chuckles11 Posted May 4, 2011 Posted May 4, 2011 He confuses me so much! I am a little bummed he clearly doesn't want to add me on FB based on him changing the subject,etc. One minute he can be the sweetest guy and the next he is an enigma. Why don't you send him a friend request? This is mind numbing.
Fondue Posted May 4, 2011 Posted May 4, 2011 Facebook is serious business . I wouldn't be too bothered by him not adding you. Maybe he simply isn't prioritizing a website for you. What's the big deal? Hell, I don't have many of my friends on FB. One of my best friends and I are not facebook friends. Why? Because it doesn't matter to us. Same goes for female friends as well. It simply isn't imperative for me. I'm not a friend collector, nor do I care about numbers. I never requested friendship with anyone either. Only ever got requests and chose who I wanted to add. That is a personal rule of mine. Maybe he is also the same way. Why not request him and see where it goes? But honestly, facebook should not matter that much in your life that you're questioning a relationship solely based on how someone conducts themselves on social networking website.
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