Freshprince Posted May 3, 2011 Posted May 3, 2011 Hey everyone! I am in the process of writing my profile text for a PoF and/or Match profile. Any feedback would be appreciated. Thanks in advance! [i have three main goals in this life. First, I want to finish my Ph.D. and be a professor at a university. Teaching and learning are my passions! Second, I want to live a life of service. One way I want to serve is by providing free education to people who are currently unemployed due to the economic struggles in this country. Specifically, I want to provide free business and professional communication courses to help them rebuild their resumes, touch-up their interviewing skills, and be more competitive in the job market. Additionally, people have told me that I would make a good president, so maybe I will go into politics someday. Finally, I want to continue becoming a better person and eventually find a partner who I can walk with in this journey called, “life.” What makes me unique is I am very mature for my age. All of my closest friends are at least two years older than I am and I’ve mostly dated women who were a little bit older. If you asked my friends, they would say that I am a “great listener,” “laid-back,” and that I’m “good at telling stories.” I will also get along great with your parents. I can say this because every parent that I have met from past relationships has either liked me or LOVED me. Thus, I am “undefeated” in this category. Lol. I am looking for a woman who is trustworthy, mature, and will get along with my family. I would like to be with someone who shares my desire for living a healthy lifestyle, which includes a good diet and exercise. I’m also looking for someone who is outgoing and loves deep conversation. In general, I am looking for a long-term relationship. Thus, if you’re just looking for something casual or short-term, you’ll have to look elsewhere. Otherwise, I look forward to hearing from you!]
Datura Posted May 3, 2011 Posted May 3, 2011 What makes me unique is I am very mature for my age. All of my closest friends are at least two years older than I am and I’ve mostly dated women who were a little bit older. That doesn't cut it. If you want to prove your maturity, citing the ages of those you associate with isn't impressive. Express your views, how you see the world, what you have learned in order to back up your claim. What do you think about YOURSELF, irrespective of what other people are telling you? Include that. You don't list any hobbies. Your last paragraph included the word 'look' 6 times.
Author Freshprince Posted May 4, 2011 Author Posted May 4, 2011 That doesn't cut it. If you want to prove your maturity, citing the ages of those you associate with isn't impressive. Express your views, how you see the world, what you have learned in order to back up your claim. What do you think about YOURSELF, irrespective of what other people are telling you? Include that. Fair enough, let's try this revision: [if you ask my friends, they would say that I am a “great listener,” “laid-back,” and that I’m “good at telling stories.” I can agree with these assessments, I definitely consider myself to be outgoing and dynamic. As a result, I will probably get along great with your parents. I can say this because every parent that I have met from past relationships has either liked me or LOVED me. Thus, I am “undefeated” in this category. Lol. Overall, I am very mature for my age. I wake-up early everyday, I am always working on a project of some kind, I don’t play video games, and I keep a clean apartment. All of my closest friends are older than me and I have mostly dated older women in the past.] Your last paragraph included the word 'look' 6 times. Good catch! Here's a revision: [i would like to be with a woman who is trustworthy, mature, and will get along with my family. I would like to find someone who shares my desire for living a healthy lifestyle, which includes a good diet and exercise. I also want someone who is outgoing and loves deep conversation. In general, I am looking for a long-term relationship. Thus, if you’re just seeking something casual or short-term, you’ll have to search elsewhere. Otherwise, I hope to hear from you!] You don't list any hobbies.With Match and PoF, there are close-ended questions that allow you to list all of your hobbies and such, so I'll just do that there. Any other comments, anyone?
utterer of lies Posted May 4, 2011 Posted May 4, 2011 I'm not a woman so I'm not even in the target audience, but seriously...what a load of dribble. Start from scratch, do not collect 200$.
Author Freshprince Posted May 4, 2011 Author Posted May 4, 2011 I'm not a woman so I'm not even in the target audience, but seriously...what a load of dribble. That's really not that helpful. Can you be specific or at least give some reasons why you perceive this to be "dribble?" Thoughts, women?
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