mhertz Posted May 3, 2011 Posted May 3, 2011 (edited) I've been dating this girl off an on for about a year and a half.. She cheated on me (let another guy touch and kiss her) and then broke up with me in late october last year because she felt guilty and didn't deserve me (although i did give her the opportunity for a second chance then). She wanted to be with me again in early january this year so i gave her another chance.. But she lost her virginity to a guy in a one night stand a few weeks after we broke up in October. We were always strong on abstinence and religious during our relationship.. I did try to feel her up a few times but she got mad and pushed me away. But other than that i have always respected her when it comes to that. So it was bit of a shocker to me for her to lose her virginity like that when she was so strong on her views.. She wasn't drunk or anything either when she lost it. Well I was pretty sure i could get over but i've had the toughest time. I can't look at her the same and i have to make excuses for her for myself. She's also been depressed about it because she regrets it so much. In fact, we had a disagreement one night and she went home and almost killed herself.. I try so hard every day to make her happy but it seems no matter what i do it's no use. But she says i make her as happy as she can be. I don't feel appreciated whatsoever. I put so much effort into her and she gives nothing in return. . I can't tell if she loves me without me getting her to tell me.. We both love music so i spent about a month or so writing a song for her . I poured my heart into it and tried to make the song reflect how i feel towards her and all i got was a mere "I like it." Her reaction to that really bugged me. Also, when i want to kiss her she barely kisses back.. I feel like she just waits for me to get done. She's had plenty of boyfriends and apparently she was very passionate with them. She's showered with another guy before ( which i confirmed back in october before she broke up with me). And recently i heard she told one guy she wanted to have sex and try anal. It's hard to imagine her saying or doing those things. It's disgusting. And the fact that she won't kiss me or let me do anything when she's done so much more with guys before AND after me! I feel like i'm not even sure who she is. I can't take this anymore.. I feel so bad all the time.. But going back to what i said earlier about her almost killing herself - Should i wait until she's over this depression to break up with her? We used to be so happy before but this has gone on for so long. When we got back together we were happy for a little bit but then things got like this. This all sounds pretty screwed up when i go back and read it.. I don't want this anymore. She's so crazy. What should i do? Edited August 22, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
slorefest Posted May 3, 2011 Posted May 3, 2011 (edited) I'M SO SORRY FOR YOUR PROBLEMS I LOVE YOU :love: Edited May 3, 2011 by slorefest confused
utterer of lies Posted May 3, 2011 Posted May 3, 2011 Dump her. Seriously, do you have no self-respect?
Nexus One Posted May 3, 2011 Posted May 3, 2011 (edited) Inform her parents and a psychologist at a hospital that she's suicidal. You can't fight this alone. That being said I think she really pulled some f*cked up sh*t on you. I would be angry at her I think. To demand abstinence from you and then get herself f*cked by some guy and wanting anal from some other random guy, that's pure hypocrisy. Personally I think abstinence before marriage is too extreme to demand from people. It warps and skews human behavior. Just look at the results in your relationship. Also look at the high child abuse rates amongst Catholic priests. It can mess a person up, because it's not natural. That's my standpoint on it. I like the song you made for her, I felt it. But I'm not sure that's she is worth your unconditional love, after she cheated on you twice (making out + sex) and now intends to do it again(anal). You my friend, have a very big heart for putting up with all this. Edited May 3, 2011 by Nexus One
Datura Posted May 3, 2011 Posted May 3, 2011 Unless she has marks, or was taken into custody/hospitalized, this could easily be a fabrication used to manipulate you. Either way, her emotional state and possible actions are not your responsibility.
teamtrek15 Posted May 3, 2011 Posted May 3, 2011 I agree with the poster above me. Probably just tring to manipulate u. What u need to do is either start having sex with her or find a new girl with your same religious beliefs. Its obvious she wants sex and you're not giving it to her and she's going to cheat on you again.
djhall Posted May 3, 2011 Posted May 3, 2011 Beautiful song! :love: Yeah! Until I saw your post I wasn't going to check it out, because, come on, how good could it be, right? I'm glad I did. I wish I had that kind of musical talent!
djhall Posted May 3, 2011 Posted May 3, 2011 I feel like i'm not even sure who she is. I can't take this anymore.. I feel so bad all the time.. But going back to what i said earlier about her almost killing herself - Should i wait until she's over this depression to break up with her? We used to be so happy before but this has gone on for so long. When we got back together we were happy for a little bit but then things got like this. This all sounds pretty screwed up when i go back and read it.. I don't want this anymore. She's so crazy. What should i do? Honestly, I think you need to get out while you can. I've been in similar situations, and in my experience they don't generally get better, they get worse, and you get pulled deeper and deeper in until you finally break down yourself. You seem like a decent guy, someone who cares and is giving and wants to help, to do the right thing, and doesn't want to abandon a girl in need. You probably think that you can either help her though this and then move past it all and be happy together, or you can help get her stable and on her feet again and then bow out gracefully without the guilt of abandoning her when she needed you most. Sorry, but that isn't going to happen. This self-destructive behavior is almost certainly going to get worse. The sexual behavior is likely to get worse, and anlong with it you can expect to see one of these partners get her started using drugs. STDs and pregnancies are a likely outcome, so be prepared to either assist her through aborting someone elses child... if she has the baby she certainly isn't stable enough to take care of it so you and/or her parents are going to get stuck taking care of it. No matter how hard you try to save her over the course of years, you'll probably have to go through the pain of her attempting suicide when she won't even accept the help you are so desperately trying to give. Eventually you simply won't have anything left to give, you'll be too badly crushed, and you'll quit to save yourself before you have a breakdown you can't recover from, and in the end, you still won't have saved her. I'm sorry it that is pessimistic, but I've taken this path more than once, and I know the need to do it, to try, in fact, I'm seriously tempted to get myself sucked right back in with one of these women, despite everything I went through before, because "this time it might be different, right?" You'll have to do what you have to do, but I had to at least warn you.
Professor X Posted May 3, 2011 Posted May 3, 2011 You should definitely break up with her; You are by no means, responsible for her actions. You are wasting way to much talent and energy on a loser like her. If she appears to be suicidal, then prior to breaking up with her, you should tell this to her parents or someone else who's close to her.
Dust Posted May 3, 2011 Posted May 3, 2011 You really must have no self respect. Stop blaming her for the way she is and start blaming yourself for taking her back and putting up with this. Why would you do this to yourself? You do realize this is you torturing yourself using her.
purplepanda Posted May 3, 2011 Posted May 3, 2011 The suicidal crap is just that: crap. She's manipulating you. She "attempted" because it's just a way out. Just be done with her. She doesn't care...she's only waiting around for physical reasons. I'm proud of you for not being that type of guy. Usually it's the other way around...
Author mhertz Posted May 3, 2011 Author Posted May 3, 2011 Thanks so much for all the replies! slorefest: Thanks josh utterer of lies: I definitely want to dump her. I didn't think things would turn out this way.. And i can't stand the way things are. Nexus One: You're right. I should probably tell her parents and roommates.. And i just recently heard about the anal thing from one of her old friends. It was something she wanted a few years ago when she was with one of her old boyfriends.. Not something recent. And I believed that she changed since then but then not too long ago she lost her virginity.. I thought we could get over it and start over but the past just won't go away. Especially in this situation.. Datura: Yeah im beginning to think she's manipulating me.. teamtrek15: I don't feel like she's worth losing my virginity to anymore anyways. BiscuitXOXO: Thanks djhall: Thanks for the comment about my piece i wrote. It's good to hear from someone else that has been in a similar situation. That looks like a road i don't need to go down.. I really don't want that. Thanks for the warning haha. I hope all goes well with your situation. Professor X: I agree. I hate having her problems be my problems.. Not that i don't want to help. In fact, I have cared more about her happiness than my own. But now i feel like it's time to really look at what i'm dealing with and how it affects me. I feel bad saying it, but i'm happier without her. Dust: Yeah.. I just thought things would be better this time around. But i thought wrong. purplepanda: The thing is that she's not physical with me. I mean i don't really want a lot of physical stuff but it still is an essential part of a relationship to an extent. Whenever i tried to feel her up (if you can even call it that), I just merely brushed up against her butt. It was weird to see her get so mad about that seeing how she has done so much more before.. For a while, i didn't feel that special because she wouldn't let me do anything with her. But then i came to the realization that i only wanted to do things with her for my own insecurities involving her past. If i was with someone who didn't have such a history, i would not have tried those things if she didn't want them. Well even if they did have that kind of history and they TRULY changed i still wouldn't. I mean there are still things to do before having sex.. But i'm not even sure if i want them myself anyway. I believe respect is very important. Not only respecting her but respecting myself as well. Waiting until marriage is something i truly want. Not just for religious reasons but for physical and mental reasons as well. Plus what could be better than sharing that special thing with the one person you spend the rest of your life with
purplepanda Posted May 4, 2011 Posted May 4, 2011 purplepanda: The thing is that she's not physical with me. I mean i don't really want a lot of physical stuff but it still is an essential part of a relationship to an extent. Whenever i tried to feel her up (if you can even call it that), I just merely brushed up against her butt. It was weird to see her get so mad about that seeing how she has done so much more before.. For a while, i didn't feel that special because she wouldn't let me do anything with her. But then i came to the realization that i only wanted to do things with her for my own insecurities involving her past. If i was with someone who didn't have such a history, i would not have tried those things if she didn't want them. Well even if they did have that kind of history and they TRULY changed i still wouldn't. I mean there are still things to do before having sex.. But i'm not even sure if i want them myself anyway. I believe respect is very important. Not only respecting her but respecting myself as well. Waiting until marriage is something i truly want. Not just for religious reasons but for physical and mental reasons as well. Plus what could be better than sharing that special thing with the one person you spend the rest of your life with Awww...You sound like a sweet guy. You will find the girl who will respect you, your morals and your body. And I understand the thing about trying stuff with her only because of her past. What she did to you was bad, but then to turn it around on guilting you...she deserve a single part of you.
stepka Posted May 5, 2011 Posted May 5, 2011 Wow, heard your song and your heart and I've got to say that you obviously have so much more going for you than this dipshyt of a girl. She's probably being manipulative, but you could save another guy grief by calling her bluff and calling the suicide hotline or talking to her pastor and parents--it would be embarrassing for her if she didn't mean it and save her life and get her help if she did mean it.
93TheHitStick Posted May 5, 2011 Posted May 5, 2011 Is she megan fox? No? Hallie Berry? Or is she a super model? If she is none of those things dump her. When you love someone you tend to want them to touch and kiss you. Sounds like she isn't attracted to you. I mean even girls i have gone out with who later said they weren't attracted to me let me touch them. So just tell her its over. Tell her you don't really care about her feelings (which you shouldn't) and to never contact you again. Then kick her in her behind on the way out the door. You giving her money or something bro? I mean its a known fact that females be crazy. Just don't talk to crazy females your life will be much easier.
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