Should I Hang In there, or bail?

[inglorious]

Apologies in advance for the length of this post.

 

I've recently started seing a girl that I have known for a few years as a work aquaintance. As a bit of background, I've always held a bit of a torch for her but kept that strictly to myself mainly because I never took the attraction seriously as I was in a relationship and would never cheat.

 

Anyway, sometime after I split with my ex, I asked this girl if she would be interested in us seeing each other to which she agreed.. and we took things from there. Things got hot and intimate very quickly.. we were all over each other from day2 and in a week sleeping together. However from my POV it wasn't really the kind of sex I am used to. It seemed very formal,

(strictly missionary.. no variations allowed), but it was very intense and seemed to be emotionally charged so whilst it didn't really push my buttons, the passion was really fresh and gave me something I didn't know I was missing. It has been 3 weeks like this and I interpreted this as her being quite into me and that all we need is time to really tune into each other.

 

I found out this weekend during some conversation that she's not really in the place I thought she was and she is not quite in the same place as I am with regard to her. Maybe because I have had a head start given that I have fancied her for some time unknown to her and she has only recently learned of my interest.

 

Although she is happy to keep seeing me and doing the same kind of thing, she says it has been 10 years since she has had any kind of relationship and she's not sure if she even wants to enter one having got used to her single life. Yet when we are together, sparks do seem to fly. She is very close, cuddly.. physical and there seems to be a lot of emotion in her body language, especially around her eyes and face.

 

I'm not really sure what to make of it. I've got nothing against a casual fling, but I dont want one with her for a number of reasons;

 

a) The sex just isn't good enough for that. I don't want to seem harsh but she's does not have the experience or talent in the bedroon to hold my interest for a casual fling. Whatever happens, there is going to need to be some time and investment in the bedroom to get things up to a mutually satisfactory state. I do have the desire and patience for this but only with some kind of longer term view in mind.

b) When we are together, the dynamics seem all wrong for casual. I may be misreading, but there seems to be all sorts of feelings stirring just beneath the surface with her and it's too "lovey dovey" for casual.

c) My feelings for her are too strong. So I cannot go there anyway. I'd rather bail out than get any deeper if it's gets casual

 

...but I also don't want us to go any faster than she can handle

 

In the conversation we had, she found it very difficult to articuate her position and intentions. she seemed very defensive about opening up enough to share her thinking. She was holding back tears at one point so I backed off. Maybe casual isn't the message she was giving me. She did also mention that she wants to go really slow and give her enough time to discover if getting involved with someone is the right kind of thing for her, but she's hardly been taking it slow so far.. unless she's simply been swept along faster than she intended.

 

If anyone has any thoughts, it would be great to hear as I am bit unsure. If it is genuine, but just needs to slow down.. I'll hang in there. If it's something that's trying to go down the casual fling route, I'll bail.

 

Thanks