Believe In Love

May 14, 2011

Or of course it could simply be because its feels more relevant and as the forum tag line suggests; its a place where they can meet OW/OM who have had similar experiences.

Precisely....

I think a board like this can benefit from others posting. But I can understand others being confused having seen the various board titles and then reading the tagline for this one. I think they've every right to except that the majority of posters would be OWs who have perhaps had similar experiences.

May 14, 2011

There is more than one answer to your question.

You must be looking for a specific answer.

I asked with regards the tagline, you spoke of the threads thereby avoiding my Q. It doesn't matter.

May 14, 2011

I asked with regards the tagline, you spoke of the threads thereby avoiding my Q. It doesn't matter.

So did you only read the tagline and just post without knowing the kinds of threads you would encounter?

May 14, 2011

Precisely....

I think a board like this can benefit from others posting. But I can understand others being confused having seen the various board titles and then reading the tagline for this one. I think they've every right to except that the majority of posters would be OWs who have perhaps had similar experiences.

To the bolded: I don't. A little bit of reading of a thread or two would dispel that misconception immediately in this forum.

OWs are a minority to begin with. That's why so many look to the internet to find support.

May 14, 2011

To the bolded: I don't. A little bit of reading of a thread or two would dispel that misconception immediately in this forum.

OWs are a minority to begin with. That's why so many look to the internet to find support.

I didnt. When I first arrived, I looked at the top of the page. I read the thread title and I read the tagline and thought oh this is a forum for OM and OW.

I wouldnt know if OW are a minority or not, having not seen the research, but I guess they come here for exactly the same reason the BS etc go to the marriage and infidelity forums; to speak to others who know what they are going through.

May 14, 2011

I didnt. When I first arrived, I looked at the top of the page. I read the thread title and I read the tagline and thought oh this is a forum for OM and OW.

I wouldnt know if OW are a minority or not, having not seen the research, but I guess they come here for exactly the same reason the BS etc go to the marriage and infidelity forums; to speak to others who know what they are going through.

I would never just assume something just because of the title. There is a reason that people can read the threads before they join and start participating. A little research has never hurt anyone.

I've rarely seen the BS complain so much about who is posting in "their" forum though. But I see OW complain about it frequently.

May 14, 2011

I would never just assume something just because of the title. There is a reason that people can read the threads before they join and start participating. A little research has never hurt anyone.

I've rarely seen the BS complain so much about who is posting in "their" forum though. But I see OW complain about it frequently.

Well DUH! That's because the OW that came here to meet OW STAY IN OUR OWN FORUM!! I don't go and post on BW's threads. I'm not interested in them. Plus they would start complaining jus like I have. With good reason!! BS obsession with being over here is

To answer your Q. I read the tagline and the titles of the threads and thought this was a place for me. Bad move I guess!! This is giving me a stomach ache mixed with last night's vodka!! I'm going back to bed. I'm sure that if I come back later there will be all these posts about how wrong I was and if I don't like it I can leave. I'M not the one who should LEAVE.

May 14, 2011

Well DUH! That's because the OW that came here to meet OW STAY IN OUR OWN FORUM!! I don't go and post on BW's threads. I'm not interested in them. Plus they would start complaining jus like I have. With good reason!! BS obsession with being over here is

To answer your Q. I read the tagline and the titles of the threads and thought this was a place for me. Bad move I guess!! This is giving me a stomach ache mixed with last night's vodka!! I'm going back to bed. I'm sure that if I come back later there will be all these posts about how wrong I was and if I don't like it I can leave. I'M not the one who should LEAVE.

I have been here awhile. And OW do post in the infidelity forum. There are a few complaints(same as here)but for the most part...no one gives a damn. Post where you want what you want within the guidelines of the site. If anyone crosses the guidelines...move on, report, ignore or respond(lot's of options for people who aren't pleased with what they read. It is the same in any forum here.

I post in the religion section(always somebody doing those who have faith or no faith at all.) It is the same in the parenting section(either a parent is too lenient or too strict. One guy called those of us who knew what was in our kids rooms snoopers and helicopter parents. Same in the fitness and weight loss sections( if you aren't the size of a 2 year old with a eating disorder...you are too fat to breath.)

The concept of public forums seems to have a different connotation for some than others. But the term "public" should be the first clue to what may or may not happen. No restriction of who can post should be the other. And people with differing attitudes, backgrounds and experiences should be the biggest clue of all. Just like in the real world.

And no you shouldn't leave if you do not wish to. But you really should stop stamping your feet "I'm out of here" then come back and complain some more. It just looks really....you know.

Edited May 14, 2011 by bentnotbroken

May 14, 2011

You DO understand the difference between agreeing with someone and complaining don't you? I posted in support (HAHA what a novel idea) of Silly_Girl's and thissecretgirl's posts.

NoIDidn't was accusing us of being stupid for assuming the OW forum was for OW so I expressed my view. So SORRY it doesn't conform to your standards.

Ppl like you make me want to stay just so I can annoy the crap out of you.

May 14, 2011

You DO understand the difference between agreeing with someone and complaining don't you? I posted in support (HAHA what a novel idea) of Silly_Girl's and thissecretgirl's posts.

NoIDidn't was accusing us of being stupid for assuming the OW forum was for OW so I expressed my view. So SORRY it doesn't conform to your standards.

Ppl like you make me want to stay just so I can annoy the crap out of you.

I have kids, been a teacher and married to a narcissitist...you got to come better than the HS mentality. :lmao:

May 14, 2011

Ppl like you make me want to stay just so I can annoy the crap out of you.

and you whinge and whine about how people keep on having a go at you.

I wonder why

May 14, 2011

What a compost pile. I WAS there. My xMM is a friend on a lighter level. What is your R that is so worth defending?

You mean so much to him that he will____what?

He won't leave his M due virtues, but steps outside of M. where are his virtues?

If you told him today, right now to choose, do you think it would be you? You know it wouldn't be you. That's why you never ask. His risks are his stupidity, mostly. He chose you, cause what ever is making you feel so desparate in life, means you will see to his lie above your own dignity.

I see a couple of people here that are beyond what I could imagine. I did this, and I admit no one could have told me anything. I see bragging and RomperRoom posts. What are you bragging about? If you 'have your man', you do. Why try to convince anyone here? If you have him, why are you trying to convince us that you do?

May 14, 2011

I really will never understand why any woman would settle for being second best and wait in the wings of the stage for a starring role in someone elses play that will only come if the other leading lady bows out. Which never happens.

What does that say about yourself to make an active choice to constantly be someones second choice and most probably at the bottom of your priority list?

And what redeeming features can you see in a man that lies on a daily basis only so he can have his cake and eat it.

And above everything else, even if you did end up with that man, how can you ever believe you'd be the exception and he'd be faithful?

If he can jeopardise a marriage of how ever many years, just to spend even an hour with the OW, how long do you think it'd take him to be unfaithful?

Probably the longest he'd last is a week.

May 14, 2011

I really will never understand why any woman would settle for being second best and wait in the wings of the stage for a starring role in someone elses play that will only come if the other leading lady bows out. Which never happens.
What does that say about yourself to make an active choice to constantly be someones second choice and most probably at the bottom of your priority list?

That certainly is one perspective-one that many BSs want to believe desperately because it makes it a lot easier to forgive the WS, or save the marriage and at the same time feel good about oneself.

As a former BS, I always believed that when push comes to shove, I know without a shadow of a doubt my H (now ex) would have given up his OWs for me ( as a matter of fact, he did). Still, I also knew that the man the OW(s) knew was this fun-loving, exciting, attentive, great in bed, generous man. He was in his BEST when he was with the OWs. That is why, I could never go back to being his wife in the traditional sense...why? because I could not make him smile the way his OWs made him smile. I could not make him take chances/risks and do exciting things the way his OWs made him. I am not bitter about it, never was. It was just my reality.

The MM's only first choice is himself....everyone else comes second, depending on the situation.

May 14, 2011

That certainly is one perspective-one that many BSs want to believe desperately because it makes it a lot easier to forgive the WS, or save the marriage and at the same time feel good about oneself.

As a former BS, I always believed that when push comes to shove, I know without a shadow of a doubt my H (now ex) would have given up his OWs for me ( as a matter of fact, he did). Still, I also knew that the man the OW(s) knew was this fun-loving, exciting, attentive, great in bed, generous man. He was in his BEST when he was with the OWs. That is why, I could never go back to being his wife in the traditional sense...why? because I could not make him smile the way his OWs made him smile. I could not make him take chances/risks and do exciting things the way his OWs made him. I am not bitter about it, never was. It was just my reality.
The MM's only first choice is himself....everyone else comes second, depending on the situation.

I am not a BS and never have been, I'm an xOW and my perspective is based on my experience and the other experiences I have read here.

I totally agree that MMs first choice is himself and because OW only get tiny parts of MM they see the best, but love is about loving someone warts and all, and you can never truly know someone if you only have a fraction of them and the sad fact is that most MM would and do drop OW if it's getting too close for comfort and spending your life wondering when you're going to be dropped in the bin and ignoring realities that are banging loudly on your door is a miserable existence. I learnt that the hard way.

But I'm not sure why OW here advertise how happy they are with MM, I never came here when I was with MM because I stuck my head in the sand and was a selfish coward that didn't want to know the truth, and the sad truth of these situations is that it turns out to be a disaster for everyone involved.

May 14, 2011

I am not a BS and never have been, I'm an xOW and my perspective is based on my experience and the other experiences I have read here.
I totally agree that MMs first choice is himself and because OW only get tiny parts of MM they see the best, but love is about loving someone warts and all, and you can never truly know someone if you only have a fraction of them and the sad fact is that most MM would and do drop OW if it's getting too close for comfort and spending your life wondering when you're going to be dropped in the bin and ignoring realities that are banging loudly on your door is a miserable existence. I learnt that the hard way.
But I'm not sure why OW here advertise how happy they are with MM, I never came here when I was with MM because I stuck my head in the sand and was a selfish coward that didn't want to know the truth, and the sad truth of these situations is that it turns out to be a disaster for everyone involved.

In hindsight, I know why you feel foolish that you left your home, job and friends to move away for a MM that dumped you. That has to hurt!! I am sorry you are hurt. If he left BW like he promised, you'd probably be happier. I get that. I'm sorry your R didn't work out. It doesn't mean that mine won't and it doesn't mean that I can't be happy about my love.

I don't get it why this keeps coming up!! I already said before that I thought this was a place where OW could share their experiences. It's just mindboggling to me that an OW can't come to an OW forum and share happy things like getting a locket without being shat upon. I get BS being mad, but former OW?? Mind blowing!! OK. I expected something else my bad.

Alls I can say is that the arguements are past old and I'm thru with it.

May 14, 2011

In hindsight, I know why you feel foolish that you left your home, job and friends to move away for a MM that dumped you. That has to hurt!! I am sorry you are hurt. If he left BW like he promised, you'd probably be happier. I get that. I'm sorry your R didn't work out. It doesn't mean that mine won't and it doesn't mean that I can't be happy about my love.

I don't get it why this keeps coming up!! I already said before that I thought this was a place where OW could share their experiences. It's just mindboggling to me that an OW can't come to an OW forum and share happy things like getting a locket without being shat upon. I get BS being mad, but former OW?? Mind blowing!! OK. I expected something else my bad.

Alls I can say is that the arguements are past old and I'm thru with it.

Don't get me wrong, I can't tell you what's right or wrong for you, only you can know what's right or wrong for you, and I don't think that anyone here is trying to tell you that either, I think it's just that no one here wants to see you get hurt and someone has to get hurt right?

I can't speak for anyone else of course but speaking for myself, it'll hurt a hell of a let less if you let yourself out of the situation and walk away with dignity and safe in the knowledge that you were the one who realised you deserved better and that there's someone out there who will give you everything.

If you let it carry on and he drops you because you start making demands and you've hung on in quiet desperation and it never changes then it'll hurt a million times more.

I'm not bitter about my situation, he had plenty of opportunity to leave her and he didn't, and I had to go through many painful heartaches and do a lot of emotional growing up to realise that if he'd had any intention of leaving he would've done at the beginning and I think this is a universal rule, that if they don't leave in the first few weeks or months, they aren't ever leaving.

If you say to him that he can come and find you when he gets divorced and wait to see how long that takes then you'll know if your relationship has a chance, but if you let him have everything the way he wants it, then why would he want to change that? Who doesn't want to have their cake and eat it?

If you're totally happy being the OW then that's okay and all the best to you, but if you spend endless hours feeling hopeless and wondering when or if he's going to leave and wondering why you're second best to his BS or wishing that you were his spouse then it's maybe time to consider some options, because you do have options and you do have the power to demand what you deserve, however if you never feel those things and you're happy then that's fine.

But I think generally the idea here is that people want support for bad experiences and if you're completely happy then you don't know what it feels like to have your heart broken by someone you invested so much into, but an A can never be a two way street, because what you give, you never get returned.

But if you're happy then I'm happy for you.

May 14, 2011

OK Thanks. I'm going to assume you mean a general you in your statements. I don't feel second best and I don't feel desperate LOL! I think my love and I have the same problems as any couple in a happy LDR.

May 14, 2011

My statements are general yes.

Well if you have no rules about when you can speak/text/email or see each other and you can spend the night together whenever you want (LDR permitting and not BS) then that's fantastic, if they are those rules or you are expecting those rules then it may be good to brace yourself for being second best.

The night my Dad died, I called xMM because I'd seen him that night and he didn't answer because he was in bed with her, he called me the next day to end it, ignored me all weekend because he didn't want her to get suspicious then picked me up on the Monday because he was at work and she wasn't around.

This is what I'm talking about, perhaps becauses it's an LDR, it feels different, if you were closer then I'm sure these things may rear it's ugly head, it's quite an experience to have your life defined by someone else.

But regardless of that, if you're happy, as I said, then great.

But how do you honestly feel about him sleeping in the same bed as another woman night after night? Doesn't it make you die a little inside?

May 14, 2011

HA No. Sleeping with does not mean making

May 15, 2011

HA No. Sleeping with does not mean making

So you think they sleep in the same bed every night and never do that? That's impossible! It may not be often, but it does happen!

May 15, 2011

I am not a BS and never have been, I'm an xOW and my perspective is based on my experience and the other experiences I have read here.
I totally agree that MMs first choice is himself and because OW only get tiny parts of MM they see the best, but love is about loving someone warts and all, and you can never truly know someone if you only have a fraction of them and the sad fact is that most MM would and do drop OW if it's getting too close for comfort and spending your life wondering when you're going to be dropped in the bin and ignoring realities that are banging loudly on your door is a miserable existence. I learnt that the hard way.
But I'm not sure why OW here advertise how happy they are with MM, I never came here when I was with MM because I stuck my head in the sand and was a selfish coward that didn't want to know the truth, and the sad truth of these situations is that it turns out to be a disaster for everyone involved.

So perhaps you were second best in terms of 'quantity of time spent'...that is your reality and your experience. So instead of throwing in how you never could understand why anyone would choose to be second best on the net...you should ask yourself. Why did you accept that?

I was also an xOW, but I was first in my xMM's life. I was not a secret in his life and that is why we are together now-divorced from our spouses.

I do not think anybody is "advertising" as much as just sharing an experience. If a group is a minority and are working against acceptable customs and mores or even against conventional wisdom-the tendency is to band together. People are allowed that-it is a fundamental right. You have to respect that right, even though you have no respect for the group itself. Much like there many groups in our country that I do not respect, but I have to respect the fact they have every right to get together.

May 15, 2011

Well DUH! That's because the OW that came here to meet OW STAY IN OUR OWN FORUM!! I don't go and post on BW's threads. I'm not interested in them. Plus they would start complaining jus like I have. With good reason!! BS obsession with being over here is

To answer your Q. I read the tagline and the titles of the threads and thought this was a place for me. Bad move I guess!! This is giving me a stomach ache mixed with last night's vodka!! I'm going back to bed. I'm sure that if I come back later there will be all these posts about how wrong I was and if I don't like it I can leave. I'M not the one who should LEAVE.

I don't care where anybody post, Im opened minded. I love to hear a little of both advice and opinions. Keep them coming OW, BS, WS, OP, etc etc!

May 16, 2011

I don't care where anybody post, Im opened minded. I love to hear a little of both advice and opinions. Keep them coming OW, BS, WS, OP, etc etc!

You're open minded..Unfortunately some posters are too caught up on WHO gives advice, rather than to just sit and read it, let it sink it. Some posters are quick to dismiss a really good reply because it came from a BS. It's too bad because a 'wise' on one here gave great advice and it was ignored because he's a BS.

May 16, 2011

Ppl like you make me want to stay just so I can annoy the crap out of you.

Q.E.D.

Thank you.

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