26pointblue Posted May 11, 2011 Posted May 11, 2011 OKay..well let me clarify to those who wonder why I found the responses bitter and negative. If you read the fist actual post, Daisy was not asking for advise, she made a simple statement. She is happy, that is what it looked like to me and just wanted to share a little sunshine which this place definitely needs:rolleyes: IMO the same thing IRL as walking into a big room with a smile on your face and sharing some happy news with anyone who cares to listen. I did not read anywhere that she asked for advice and or judgment, and that was majority of the responses that I read. I felt compelled to say something just because if somebody comes too me in good spirits I'm not about to tell them how wrong they are and that they should not be happy in their situation. Yes we are have our own opinions however, I think there is a fine line between good natured discussion and out right judgement . Majority of these responses are just plain negative and very judgmental..and yes, bitter. No, CrazyLove, Daisy's original post was provocative because it included the accusation that so many here are 'jaded about love.' The natural response of other posters is to say, no, we are not jaded about love, & probably other things like, we know what real love is, etc. It's just a normal response. I know I for one am not jaded about love, & that most of the posters on this forum are not either. Their posts do not come across as jaded but as wise & helpful. So yeah when Daisy comes here picking on people in this forum, it doesn't receive a good welcome & it doesn't produce the result she wants, of cheerleading her on. What I find ironic is that Daisy is so convinced her MM is going to leave for her, when he hasn't even left or told her he is going to, & yet she comes here acting like all of us are 'jaded', mean, bitter, etc., for not acknowleding that he will leave. That's kind of putting the cart before the horse if you ask me! It is not taking a realistic look at the situation & it's instead attacking other people just because they refuse to see things in a deluded manner like she does. To me that's bad form!
whichwayisup Posted May 11, 2011 Posted May 11, 2011 Noone is holding a gun to her head, making her stay and continually post on LS. If one hates this place so much and feels they aren't getting the support they feel they want (or validation) then google and find another forum to post in that is better suited to one's needs. LS is not going to change it's ways to keep ONE member happy.
26pointblue Posted May 11, 2011 Posted May 11, 2011 To be honest, there's an awful lot about her and the way she posts and the complaints she makes that lead me to believe she may not be a "real" person, but rather she's a construct of someone's imagination designed to prove a point ( I have no idea what that would be) If she is real, then she seems to be very immature. She only posts to get one particular response, and if she doesn't get it, she gets upset. It's like a child who doesn't get her own way and throws a temper tantrum. As for "bitter people", yes, there are a few "bitter people", but they may very well have good reason to be so. Some of them have been hurt very badly and are only trying to help keep other people from being hurt. What is so wrong with that? I would think that it is actually very kind, that people would be willing to take the time to try and help another person. To me, that is something to be very grateful for and not something to complain about. Don't like what they have to say? Ignore it, but at least recognize that the person is trying to help and that they may very well end up helping someone, even if it's not you. ( and 22 pointblue is one of those people who tries to help others... that is certainly a very kind thing for her to do... to offer help and advice to a bunch of strangers) Yeah at first I thought she was a troll but she keeps insisting she isn't . . . I was hoping a real person couldn't be so divisive & headstrong in her delusions but maybe so. If she is real then I think [hope] she is very young & inexperienced, & just has some learning & growing to do like we all do. But if she is real then it breaks my heart because I feel her MM is taking advantage of her immaturity & naitivity & he is going to waste her good years & really hurt her. :-( So sad.
Mimolicious Posted May 11, 2011 Posted May 11, 2011 Besides, gets a bit annoying to see how many different handles tell the same story. There is a forum on another site that is only for OW and only OW get approved. I mean, it is the same message 13,000 times by 41 members. So not sure if you are looking for sound advice or just repetitive one track mind opinions... Just saying...
26pointblue Posted May 11, 2011 Posted May 11, 2011 I see your point. If she is real, and very young ( for example, 23) and she's been with this guy for five years, then there is so much wrong about that and the guy she is involved with certainly has quite a few issues that he is visiting on her head. Has she been with him for five years? Wow I missed that . . . poor Daisy! I was thinking based on her posts that she may be a teenager although I think I read about her going out to a bar, so then I was thinking 21. I still think, say, 23 is old enough to know after five years that things might not work out the way you want or believe they will, & not to get upset at people for at least suggesting there might be an alternative way to look at things . . . unless he has really been deluding her.
Silly_Girl Posted May 11, 2011 Posted May 11, 2011 or just repetitive one track mind opinions... Just saying... This thread, you mean?
NoIDidn't Posted May 12, 2011 Posted May 12, 2011 Why is it that anybody who is not oozing with joy over somebody's sex life with a person who is married to someone else automatically "bitter"? Yep. We're bitter and jealous that we aren't having sex with someone else's husband. You know what's really interesting? On another board, I've seen BWs go back and report that they've embarked on their own affairs and seen the OWs on that site tell them they were "destroying" someone's marriage and asking "how could they" do such a thing. Its really interesting to see the mental twisting that goes on in justifying things in these situations.
thissecretgirl Posted May 12, 2011 Posted May 12, 2011 What a pity. There truley is no room in this forum for positivity. It is a shame that OW can not post in their own forum without getting attacked from all sides. Very sad. I rarely post here for this reason. Who wants to post anything positive just to get bashed? It makes no sense to me and I find it completely ridiculous. For what its worth Crazy love, I agree with you.
Mimolicious Posted May 12, 2011 Posted May 12, 2011 This thread, you mean? Or this forum. After all, this is the OM/OW place to be.
Starphoenix Posted May 12, 2011 Posted May 12, 2011 Hi, Daisy! I'm brand new here, and I'm an OW. I, for one, am happy for you!
Mimolicious Posted May 12, 2011 Posted May 12, 2011 Wow! these people are nuts. Take ya meds! (They even talk to themselves....) Tsk, tsk, tsk...
bittersweet memories Posted May 12, 2011 Posted May 12, 2011 Wow! these people are nuts. Take ya meds! (They even talk to themselves....) Tsk, tsk, tsk... LOL! I was thinking the same thing..
BB07 Posted May 12, 2011 Posted May 12, 2011 Wow! these people are nuts. Take ya meds! (They even talk to themselves....) Tsk, tsk, tsk... LOL! I was thinking the same thing.. Ya gotta wonder about it, don't ya? I think we've got a couple of guys who are doing the same thing although their enjoyment seems to come from dishing out the nasty stuff.
SidLyon Posted May 12, 2011 Posted May 12, 2011 Ya gotta wonder about it, don't ya? I think we've got a couple of guys who are doing the same thing although their enjoyment seems to come from dishing out the nasty stuff. Too many odd socks about these days.
crazy love Posted May 13, 2011 Posted May 13, 2011 Hey point blue. Well ya know actually upon re reading the original post I do see what ur saying. I see a little baiting going on there. Point taken. I Also agree a nice cold dose of reality is a necessity for any OW. Gotta keep those feet planted in the ground as much as possible. I do see well intentioned advise and support going on. I guess what I meant is I happen to see more off the not so well intentioned comments and it is upsetting to me. But such is life. Over all I do enjoy reading other points of view and learning about other OW's their struggles and their story's.
26pointblue Posted May 13, 2011 Posted May 13, 2011 Hey point blue. Well ya know actually upon re reading the original post I do see what ur saying. I see a little baiting going on there. Point taken. I Also agree a nice cold dose of reality is a necessity for any OW. Gotta keep those feet planted in the ground as much as possible. I do see well intentioned advise and support going on. I guess what I meant is I happen to see more off the not so well intentioned comments and it is upsetting to me. But such is life. Over all I do enjoy reading other points of view and learning about other OW's their struggles and their story's. I feel the same way & am glad you came back to explain what you mean. When I first came here I was happy as an OW. I knew it would be short-lived, & it was. I did get some gigs at me but I took them in stride. Now I'm a happy non-OW although it is definitely hard & I think that is where the best support comes in here- when an OW decides she has had enough & wants out. But I also think MOST people are accepting of happy OWs, or OWs who are staying OWs even though they're not particularly happy with the situation or whatever- I think that when there is bragging or gloating or attempts to start fights, things get crazy around here. Lately there has been a LOT of drama & I feel that such negativity is unnecessary. I'm trying to stay positive myself. :-) Best wishes to you CrazyLove.
2sunny Posted May 13, 2011 Posted May 13, 2011 <sigh> IF you love your AP and believe in your love, please reply. If you came here to **** on my thread, please go **** on something else!! thank you!! anyone can post anything they wish... and IF a MP is IN LOVE with someone else outside the M - they can show it by divorcing in order to be with the one "they love"
fooled once Posted May 14, 2011 Posted May 14, 2011 What a pity. There truley is no room in this forum for positivity. It is a shame that OW can not post in their own forum without getting attacked from all sides. Very sad. I rarely post here for this reason. Who wants to post anything positive just to get bashed? It makes no sense to me and I find it completely ridiculous. Daisy I have a place that I go to. This place is overrun by negativity. I frequent another online forum, it is actually a positive community of people who do not get off on slamming anybody who might be the least bit happy in their situation. I'd be happy to share the info with you but I cannot PM in here and I would seriously not want to ruin that forum by having any of these bitter mean spirited posters show up there. If you can PM me I'll gladly give you the address, it has been a great source of support for me. Every A is not the same, just as in other relationships, no 2 relationships are xactly the same. Like OWoman stated, you don't ever know what will come of a R until you ride it out and get to a point where you grow or you move on. My relationship is a very happy one, I have found my soul mate and best friend I don't usually come here, seems to be breeding ground for UN happy bitter people. I am sorry that your original post was so rudely hi jacked, I was delighted to see a happy post for once. I hope the best for you in your Relationship sweety. Remember only you know what you've got. Another person coming along and slamming an entire group of people on a forum that is NOT specifically ONLY for OW/OM. You say you rarely post yet you had to post this? Why would you belong to a community for a couple years and never post? Why decide to post in a forum where you specifically state is full of negativity? Isn't posting your negative post continuing the very thing you said you didn't like??? Enjoy the other board where you are happy. I am glad you found another place to give you the support that you believe you want/need and since LS isn't the place for you - good luck. Why is it that anybody who is not oozing with joy over somebody's sex life with a person who is married to someone else automatically "bitter"? Gets old, doesn't it? Noone is holding a gun to her head, making her stay and continually post on LS. If one hates this place so much and feels they aren't getting the support they feel they want (or validation) then google and find another forum to post in that is better suited to one's needs. LS is not going to change it's ways to keep ONE member happy. Great post WWIU
Silly_Girl Posted May 14, 2011 Posted May 14, 2011 ..... a forum that is NOT specifically ONLY for OW/OM. This continues to confuse me. Those who've been here a while know the score, but (and this is not just aimed at FO).... why should a new poster, who reads the description of the board as provided by Loveshack, NOT think this is a place just for OW/OM???
NoIDidn't Posted May 14, 2011 Posted May 14, 2011 This continues to confuse me. Those who've been here a while know the score, but (and this is not just aimed at FO).... why should a new poster, who reads the description of the board as provided by Loveshack, NOT think this is a place just for OW/OM??? I dunno. Maybe because they can read the threads and find out before they just start posting? Maybe because they can see that LS isn't just one forum and that its not dedicated to the many issues facing the OW/OM. I honestly don't get the confusion over this. Just reading a few threads would be enough to let even the newest poster see that not only OW/OM post here. I would never just post in a forum because the title seems to be what I was looking for. I would read a couple of threads to determine if the kind of advice/support I was looking for was present or not. I've noticed that OW/OM that complain that this forum isn't only for them tend to limit themselves to this one forum, but that's there choice and seems to be either fear of judgment in other parts of the site or being consumed with the A-type conversations to the point of not being interested in other parts of the site.
thissecretgirl Posted May 14, 2011 Posted May 14, 2011 I've noticed that OW/OM that complain that this forum isn't only for them tend to limit themselves to this one forum, but that's there choice and seems to be either fear of judgment in other parts of the site or being consumed with the A-type conversations to the point of not being interested in other parts of the site. Or of course it could simply be because its feels more relevant and as the forum tag line suggests; its a place where they can meet OW/OM who have had similar experiences.
2sunny Posted May 14, 2011 Posted May 14, 2011 This continues to confuse me. Those who've been here a while know the score, but (and this is not just aimed at FO).... why should a new poster, who reads the description of the board as provided by Loveshack, NOT think this is a place just for OW/OM??? there are MANY reasons why someone wold read this area of the forum. support comes in many styles, one can never assume what KIND of support an OW/OM may be needing on any given post. some look for support to stay with MP some may be considering it and wonder what they may be getting into some look for reasons to consider leaving MM or a M some consider where they are in the complicated scenario and need clarity some are in emotional pain when the A ends some need guidance of what to expect if they stay or leave the A some just read or interact to gain information about what other people in life experience - even if they've never experienced this. some have many of the above through the years... relationships change as time moves along - people change too.
NoIDidn't Posted May 14, 2011 Posted May 14, 2011 That didn't answer my Q though. There is more than one answer to your question. You must be looking for a specific answer.
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