Mimolicious Posted May 6, 2011 Posted May 6, 2011 Why would I lie to the man I love? Why do you help the man you love lie? I don't get it. It's a two way street, yet people seem to taylor principles to what suits them. You seem to be ok with your love lying to others in his life. His participation in lying doesn't bother you, since you don't indulge in such behavior? Amazing how much a person really forsakes for the this thing called "love".
Author daisy love Posted May 6, 2011 Author Posted May 6, 2011 Waaa, everyone doesn't entirely agree with every word I utter so I'm taking my toys and going home! Immature and childish. JMHO. thomasb, I am happy for you that you adore your wife!! I adore my sweetypie and he adores me too. It's a wonderful feeling!! I can be happy for you. Too bad you can't get past yourself to be happy for me to. My lunch hour is over and I can't post anymore now. I wanted to reiterate my thanks to some of you, ok ((THANKS))
Author daisy love Posted May 6, 2011 Author Posted May 6, 2011 Clearly by being with somebody who can't walk out the front door. He does the best he can. I know you don't believe it.
Author daisy love Posted May 6, 2011 Author Posted May 6, 2011 Why do you help the man you love lie? I don't get it. It's a two way street, yet people seem to taylor principles to what suits them. You seem to be ok with your love lying to others in his life. His participation in lying doesn't bother you, since you don't indulge in such behavior? Amazing how much a person really forsakes for the this thing called "love". I don't feel like I am helping him lie. I really have to go now. I will be in bigger trouble if I'm late to work!!
Mimolicious Posted May 6, 2011 Posted May 6, 2011 If this was FB, I would LIKE your comment! If this was FB, I would def go into the laundromat business, 24 hr ones. All over the world. I highly doubt anyone would have the b@lls to post the things they say here.
Mimolicious Posted May 6, 2011 Posted May 6, 2011 Why do you have to be so mean? I got some news today and I need some insight, but I'll be damned if I am going to post it here now. Sorry if I offended you ok. You don't have to kick a person when they are down. I figured it out! YOU ARE WITH THE DONALD! (as in Trump) and he's called you to tell you that he is not running for president! Pftt! Thank God! jk!
bentnotbroken Posted May 6, 2011 Posted May 6, 2011 He does the best he can. I know you don't believe it. Actually I do believe you. I think that it takes an adult willing to act and think like an adult to handle things maturely. That doesn't mean that they never make mistakes, but they don't plan to do the wrong thing over and over and over..while not allowing the person they married the opportunity to make decisions for their own life. So sadly, I do believe you.
Quiet Storm Posted May 6, 2011 Posted May 6, 2011 (edited) Daisy, what you should try to understand is that most people do not feel that affairs are something to be celebrated. Even happy OW usually understand that what they are doing has the potential to cause hurt, pain and drama for others. They may feel loved in their relationship with MM, but they do not expect validation from others. It's kind of like a situation with a pregnant teen. Do you celebrate the new life and throw her a baby shower? If you've ever been to a baby shower thrown for a pregnant teen, you will notice the phony smiles on everyone's faces...most people know this is a bad situation but go through the motions anyway, keeping their disappointment inside. On a message board, there is no reason for phony smiles. There are no consequences to being real and expressing your true feelings on a matter. So many people here have been hurt by a married man, or been betrayed by a husband. These same relationships began with romance, love, giddiness and high expectations. These same women were so confident in their man's love. And yet they were hurt, lied to, and disappointed. When judging a person, it is not beneficial to base those judgments soley on the way he treats you, especially if they have an agenda. You have to look at the big picture. The choices they make in their life. The way they deal with conflicts and crisis. The true character of a person is revealed not when they are happy or at ease, but when they are faced with difficulty. Most affairs end in heartache and pain. Not because the love wasn't real, but because the other woman eventually realizes that MM's love is not valuable or beneficial to them. You are choosing to see the good parts of MM and the way he makes you feel loved and special. He loves the way you make him feel, too. For MM, it feels great to be admired, loved and accepted. Especially if he is married to someone that has seen his true colors and no longer admires or respects him. You are fulfilling certain needs for him, and it makes sense to consider why the wife chooses to no longer meet those needs. Usually it is not because she is mean or wrong for him, but because she has seen his flaws and no longer sees him as someone to be admired. The simple fact that he is married and cheating shows that he is dishonest. He handles conflict in an unhealthy way. As long as you play the role you have been assigned in his life, he will shower you with love. But if you step out of that box, and (in his mind) change from being a benefit to a liability, you will see what role you really play in the grand scheme of his life. If you are confident in your relationship with him, than it really shouldn't matter what any of us think. But we are going to keep it real. And the reality is that many times, love just isn't enough. Our mind is a funny thing. It has a built in protection mechanism called denial. It kicks in when we aren't ready to deal with the truth. It protects us from the pain of reality. But ever so slowly, our logical mind lets the truth back in, little by little. And only as much as we are ready for at that particular point in time. I am not denying your love for OM or his love for you, I am only asking you to consider why a MM's love is so valuable to you. Edited May 6, 2011 by Quiet Storm
Mimolicious Posted May 6, 2011 Posted May 6, 2011 Quiet, you are.... I have no words. *groupie status* (Stop rolling your eyes ova there. Yeah you!)
BB07 Posted May 6, 2011 Posted May 6, 2011 Quiet, you are.... I have no words. *groupie status* (Stop rolling your eyes ova there. Yeah you!) Count me in. Awesome post QS! Wish I had written it.
Mimolicious Posted May 6, 2011 Posted May 6, 2011 Count me in. Awesome post QS! Wish I had written it. Ain't it!? What really gets me is that look at us... This is what sisterhood and girlpower comes down to? We are our own enemies. Get angry! But get angry at the person that is really hurting you with their actions not at a bunch of 1x1 avatars that go away with the press of CTL+ALT+DEL. If everything IRL was this executable. It's been such a disappointment growing up. I want to be a kid again. Where is the love?
thomasb Posted May 6, 2011 Posted May 6, 2011 Quiet, I quite agree that you wrote a very heartfelt and truthful post. And Daisy, it is not myself I can't get past. It is the fact that he is his wifes sweetpie... not yours.
Silly_Girl Posted May 7, 2011 Posted May 7, 2011 Daisy has had a LOT of wary and cautious warnings given to her by well-meaning posters. If she still wants to celebrate that's up to her. It's her thread Loving watching you lot get a thrill out of ganging up on someone who doesn't meet your approval. Its quite clear Daisy isn't up to up sticks and pitch her tent in your camp, so why not leave her to it?!
Kismetly Posted May 7, 2011 Posted May 7, 2011 Wow - some great posts here. Daisygirl ... you know I'll bet you are gorgeous. I'll bet you are beautiful and sassy. I reckon you are a pocket rocket - and you don't even know how hot you are ... See the thing is sister-girl, you deserve better. You deserve a man who loves you and can give you ALL OF HIMSELF. You deserve that. Daisy - there are 3.5 billion men on earth. Given you obviously live in a developed country in an affluent place, you have your pick of the top 5% of those men. That's nearly 20 million men !!!!! Lots of them are not married gorgeous girl. Lots of them are single and they are available to adore you like you deserve to be adored. I get that you love him. God knows I get that ... but there are better quality men to love.
whichwayisup Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 I don't feel like I am helping him lie. I really have to go now. I will be in bigger trouble if I'm late to work!! Wow - some great posts here. Daisygirl ... you know I'll bet you are gorgeous. I'll bet you are beautiful and sassy. I reckon you are a pocket rocket - and you don't even know how hot you are ... See the thing is sister-girl, you deserve better. You deserve a man who loves you and can give you ALL OF HIMSELF. You deserve that. Daisy - there are 3.5 billion men on earth. Given you obviously live in a developed country in an affluent place, you have your pick of the top 5% of those men. That's nearly 20 million men !!!!! Lots of them are not married gorgeous girl. Lots of them are single and they are available to adore you like you deserve to be adored. I get that you love him. God knows I get that ... but there are better quality men to love. Fantastic post! Just fantastic.. Sadly it's going to fall on deaf ears because this young girl only has eyes for her MM, the blinders are on, and she is okay with how things are, she's not unhappy one bit. Seems she's accepted being a side dish for a MM who doesn't even live in the same City as her, she trusts him completely, he's told her he doesn't have sex with his wife (and I think he's even told her that he and his wife sleep in separate bedrooms too), he's got her wound up around his finger, so tighly.. So, until she gets a reality check, this is it for her. She believes this is 'true love' and inside her heart it just may be.. But, this MM is NOT 'hers' and isn't available to share all of himself with her, and she is missing out on tons of good stuff because he's married and has a life built with someone else (in a different City).. Daisy, I am sorry that in the past I came at you harshly, just know that it's because of those blinders you have on, you can't see what's around the corner, what is more than likely going to happen. Do you want to be his OW for another 3-5 years? 10 years? How long do you plan on waiting for him to divorce his wife? Or, are totally okay with your role as the OW, to stay in the affair. Is that enough for you?
vweb1218 Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 That is great !! Have had a problem in another forum where everyone is so negative.. I love my MM, and no matter what happens I am happy that I met him and excited and optimistic about our journey. Great to see someone who thinks anything is possible when it comes to love.. God bless sweetie !
crazy love Posted May 11, 2011 Posted May 11, 2011 What a pity. There truley is no room in this forum for positivity. It is a shame that OW can not post in their own forum without getting attacked from all sides. Very sad. I rarely post here for this reason. Who wants to post anything positive just to get bashed? It makes no sense to me and I find it completely ridiculous. Daisy I have a place that I go to. This place is overrun by negativity. I frequent another online forum, it is actually a positive community of people who do not get off on slamming anybody who might be the least bit happy in their situation. I'd be happy to share the info with you but I cannot PM in here and I would seriously not want to ruin that forum by having any of these bitter mean spirited posters show up there. If you can PM me I'll gladly give you the address, it has been a great source of support for me. Every A is not the same, just as in other relationships, no 2 relationships are xactly the same. Like OWoman stated, you don't ever know what will come of a R until you ride it out and get to a point where you grow or you move on. My relationship is a very happy one, I have found my soul mate and best friend I don't usually come here, seems to be breeding ground for UN happy bitter people. I am sorry that your original post was so rudely hi jacked, I was delighted to see a happy post for once. I hope the best for you in your Relationship sweety. Remember only you know what you've got.
Author daisy love Posted May 11, 2011 Author Posted May 11, 2011 What a pity. There truley is no room in this forum for positivity. It is a shame that OW can not post in their own forum without getting attacked from all sides. Very sad. I rarely post here for this reason. Who wants to post anything positive just to get bashed? It makes no sense to me and I find it completely ridiculous. Daisy I have a place that I go to. This place is overrun by negativity. I frequent another online forum, it is actually a positive community of people who do not get off on slamming anybody who might be the least bit happy in their situation. I'd be happy to share the info with you but I cannot PM in here and I would seriously not want to ruin that forum by having any of these bitter mean spirited posters show up there. If you can PM me I'll gladly give you the address, it has been a great source of support for me. Every A is not the same, just as in other relationships, no 2 relationships are xactly the same. Like OWoman stated, you don't ever know what will come of a R until you ride it out and get to a point where you grow or you move on. My relationship is a very happy one, I have found my soul mate and best friend I don't usually come here, seems to be breeding ground for UN happy bitter people. I am sorry that your original post was so rudely hi jacked, I was delighted to see a happy post for once. I hope the best for you in your Relationship sweety. Remember only you know what you've got.OMIGOSH!! I SO know what you mean!! I posted on another forum, and someone who HAD to be from HERE posted stuff over there that I had only posted here!! HOW RUDE!! I tried to pm you, but couldn't
26pointblue Posted May 11, 2011 Posted May 11, 2011 What a pity. There truley is no room in this forum for positivity. It is a shame that OW can not post in their own forum without getting attacked from all sides. Very sad. I rarely post here for this reason. Who wants to post anything positive just to get bashed? It makes no sense to me and I find it completely ridiculous. Daisy I have a place that I go to. This place is overrun by negativity. I frequent another online forum, it is actually a positive community of people who do not get off on slamming anybody who might be the least bit happy in their situation. I'd be happy to share the info with you but I cannot PM in here and I would seriously not want to ruin that forum by having any of these bitter mean spirited posters show up there. If you can PM me I'll gladly give you the address, it has been a great source of support for me. Every A is not the same, just as in other relationships, no 2 relationships are xactly the same. Like OWoman stated, you don't ever know what will come of a R until you ride it out and get to a point where you grow or you move on. My relationship is a very happy one, I have found my soul mate and best friend I don't usually come here, seems to be breeding ground for UN happy bitter people. I am sorry that your original post was so rudely hi jacked, I was delighted to see a happy post for once. I hope the best for you in your Relationship sweety. Remember only you know what you've got. I so don't agree that this place is overrun by bitter people who can't be happy for anyone else. That's ridiculous. I am happy that you have found your soulmate & best friend. But I think you are wrong about LS. Yes there are some bitter people here to throw stones but overall everyone, including me, is well-intentioned & just trying to help share our opinions based on our experiences & what we read in the posts.
whichwayisup Posted May 11, 2011 Posted May 11, 2011 I so don't agree that this place is overrun by bitter people who can't be happy for anyone else. That's ridiculous. I am happy that you have found your soulmate & best friend. But I think you are wrong about LS. Yes there are some bitter people here to throw stones but overall everyone, including me, is well-intentioned & just trying to help share our opinions based on our experiences & what we read in the posts. If one walks into a room full of 200 people, and she told her story to strangers, the reaction would be no different IRL than it is here. And yes, there are some bitter people on here, rightfully so due to their situations, but they still give good advice..May not be delivered in the way the OP wants it to be, but it's still good and helpful. I've always been told by some, harsh and reality advice may not be heard right away, but it's that type of advice that goes a long way and sinks in later. Many OW in the past and present have thanked me, and other harsh posters when they come out of the fog, they realize the advice given back then was actually more helpful than the hand holding and coddling advice.
Mme. Chaucer Posted May 11, 2011 Posted May 11, 2011 Why is it that anybody who is not oozing with joy over somebody's sex life with a person who is married to someone else automatically "bitter"?
jwi71 Posted May 11, 2011 Posted May 11, 2011 I so don't agree that this place is overrun by bitter people who can't be happy for anyone else. That's ridiculous. I am happy that you have found your soulmate & best friend. But I think you are wrong about LS. Yes there are some bitter people here to throw stones but overall everyone, including me, is well-intentioned & just trying to help share our opinions based on our experiences & what we read in the posts. I agree. I too have perused the other affair based boards and I question the integrity of the posters and their unequivocal support. Its mind-boggling to me. But I do understand that their are people who "need" yes men (or women) to validate themselves and their actions. I'm not sure they offer any real support at all though. While no one has ever claimed that LS is perfect, I have found that it offers a good cross-section of support, challenges, cheer-leading, bitter/angry posters and the odd (and sometimes entertaining) troll. I have found LS to be MOSTLY supportive. I further find it the MOST supportive of the boards I am aware of. And support, to me, isn't simply "Rah rah, you go girl". Its asking questions and challenging posters. I guess its more about what you need. Daisy, you have posted on this theme before and OWL's response was, if you don't like it, leave. Take CRAZY LOVE. She decided LS wasn't to her liking so she left. I would say its her loss for leaving as MOST posters here DO offer support. But that may be your best course of action Daisy...leave. But to complain that the LS community doesn't meet your needs and expect everyone to change to suit you - absurd.
crazy love Posted May 11, 2011 Posted May 11, 2011 OKay..well let me clarify to those who wonder why I found the responses bitter and negative. If you read the fist actual post, Daisy was not asking for advise, she made a simple statement. She is happy, that is what it looked like to me and just wanted to share a little sunshine which this place definitely needs:rolleyes: IMO the same thing IRL as walking into a big room with a smile on your face and sharing some happy news with anyone who cares to listen. I did not read anywhere that she asked for advice and or judgment, and that was majority of the responses that I read. I felt compelled to say something just because if somebody comes too me in good spirits I'm not about to tell them how wrong they are and that they should not be happy in their situation. Yes we are have our own opinions however, I think there is a fine line between good natured discussion and out right judgement . Majority of these responses are just plain negative and very judgmental..and yes, bitter.
26pointblue Posted May 11, 2011 Posted May 11, 2011 If one walks into a room full of 200 people, and she told her story to strangers, the reaction would be no different IRL than it is here. And yes, there are some bitter people on here, rightfully so due to their situations, but they still give good advice..May not be delivered in the way the OP wants it to be, but it's still good and helpful. I've always been told by some, harsh and reality advice may not be heard right away, but it's that type of advice that goes a long way and sinks in later. Many OW in the past and present have thanked me, and other harsh posters when they come out of the fog, they realize the advice given back then was actually more helpful than the hand holding and coddling advice. I do think there are some posters who just want to throw stones at OWs & be mean & judgmental. I don't think they should be welcome here at the OW/OM forum. Other than that I think all opinions should be welcome & most are here to help. Yes some have agendas & you have to think about where they're coming from . . . there are definitely posters who think that an OW should always get out & never believe or hope & I don't think they are trying to be mean but I think that an OW who is happy in her situation & thinks she has a reason to have hope & wait should just realize where that person is coming from with their advice & take it or leave it. I had to do that when I was a happy OW. And I appreciated the hard questions & realistic warnings & advice [from you WWIU & other posters]. I think anyone involved in an affair needs to keep a cold dose of reality handy & not fool themselves into living in fairy-tale world or their real life will slip right on by them with so many missed opportunities. But if they are truly happy in what they are doing I think they will be able to field the hard questions, answer honestly & truthfully, & take what they need & disregard the rest. This is not what Daisy is doing - she is saying she is uncomfortable answering hard questions, she is whining about people not cheerleading her affair, she is totally ignoring or just whining more about any posts that ask her hard questions or try to show her that things may notbe as they appear. To me this shows me Daisy is not truly happy & just wants validation because she knows somewhere deep inside that she is not getting what she truly wants & may never get that from this MM. I don't knock anyone's situation or relationship. If someone says they are truly happy, then I am happy for them. But if someone comes here whining that everyone should be happy for them & then is not able to stick around to answer hard questions & be honest with themselves & others, then I am not happy for that person because they are in denial & sadly the bubble is going to pop eventually & I feel bad for that person. Not because they are an OW or involved in an affair but because they can't admit & accept what is truly going on.
26pointblue Posted May 11, 2011 Posted May 11, 2011 I have found LS to be MOSTLY supportive. I further find it the MOST supportive of the boards I am aware of. And support, to me, isn't simply "Rah rah, you go girl". Its asking questions and challenging posters. Exactly! I would expect any of my good friends or family members to challenge me about why I'm doing something they know may not work out for me, & that is what I found here. I am not bitter. I am just trying to help as I have been helped. And yes I am quite frustrated by Daisy's whining at anything that isn't total cheerleading.
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